posted on Feb, 19 2012 @ 10:48 PM
Originally posted by ZombiePatriot
Thank you all for your comments. I am on citaloprem and have been for a week and a half, so they aint really working just yet. Theres times when im
really happy, but others where I just lose all control and become suicidal sometimes, to the point of writing a note and going for a walk with a blade
from a Stanley knife. Im terrified that one day it will all just get too much for me. I have been back to my GP, and I have another appointment with
the mental health team on March 6th.
First of all, don't listen to the unqualified idiots telling you to not take medication. Listen to your Mental Health Doctor, they have spent at
least 9 years studying the subject at the highest level, what they say is a lot more in your interests than what anybody on here says. Secondly I have
just started Citalopram 3 weeks ago and it really works for me, I had very similar symptoms to you where I lash out uncontrollably at my close family
and have a constant low mood with lots of mood swings and a complete lack of interest in anything apart from drinking or other things that remove
yourself temporartily. I thought I had Bi-Polar but after a lot of sessions with the Mental Health Specialists I have come to realise that I do not
have it by my lack of ecstatic highs.
I too like you have not felt like the NHS Mental Health teams have been actually treating the problem, more like controlling it and monitoring me just
to see if I am likely to harm myself or others, thats all they ever seem interested in. My advice is persivere with them and make it clear to them
upon your visits that you do not feel like you are being treated and that without the meds the condition is not actually getting better. Eventually
they will refer you to a real Psycologist (you might think you have seen one already but its likely you have only seen psyciatric nurses or General
Practicioner Mental Health Specialists). After 9 months I have just been refered to one of these and have my first session at the end of the month.
I am guessing you have external pressures making things worse like money? housing? or Family? and your condition is inflamed by this. My personal
demon is money. Let me just say that I know what you are going through, in my case I thought my life was finished and my condition means that I cannot
see the posatives or the light at the end of the tunnel. I thought about it all and after taking meds for a long time (previously on Sertraline and
Olanzapine) I started to change my mindset and started to believe that my situation isn't the end of the world. I have started an IVA to get my money
in order and have shared my problems with close friends and family. That is another huge problem with these conditions, you do not wish to tell people
either out of embarrasment or shame at showing personal weakness. Forget that #, speak to people you really trust and share your problems, you will be
suprised at how they will help you and actually how much relief it gives you just telling people about it.
As to your dark thoughts, I found the way to stop me hurting myself was to focus on somebody I love more than anything in the world (my 2 daughters)
every time I have those thoughts I think of them and most importantly think of how I will ruin their lives if I selfishly take my own life.
Just remember, you are not the only person to have ever gone through this and people come out the other side unscathed. If you want to talk to me
privatly about your experience please send me a U2U, I assure you I am going through something very similar to you, maybe just at a different stage.
It helps to talk to people who understand your feelings.