Suffering from some sort of mental illness.

Hi all. For the last few years, I have been suffering from depression, and recently it has got alot worse! I really need help but cant seem to find any. My GP referred me to a mental health team, which I found useless. I loose my temper alot, take things out on loved ones and hurt them. I hate who I am, but really want to change for my families sake. Sometimes I dont feel real and it scares the hell outta me. Anybody else felt like this, its a million times worse than depression in my opinion. Im just not me anymore.

Originally posted by ZombiePatriot
Hi all. For the last few years, I have been suffering from depression, and recently it has got alot worse! I really need help but cant seem to find any. My GP referred me to a mental health team, which I found useless. I loose my temper alot, take things out on loved ones and hurt them. I hate who I am, but really want to change for my families sake. Sometimes I dont feel real and it scares the hell outta me. Anybody else felt like this, its a million times worse than depression in my opinion. Im just not me anymore.

Have you ever heard of derealization/depersonalization disorders? They're caused by anxiety. Fits a lot of what you're describing. It can controlled with anti anxiety medications.

reply to post by ofNight

No, but I will read up on them, thanks. The not feeling real part is something I can kinda handle, had alot of practice!

reply to post by ZombiePatriot


Start here ! change your diet , to something totally different then what your used to . Try that for a few months consistant , to see if you see changes , if not then you go to phase two. Their are other steps.

Anger is a part of depression, been there, done it and still have to deal with it. I understand how it makes you feel, it consumes you when it rears its ugly head and theres nothing that can cool it, you just feel that it has to dissipate on its own.

You say that your mental health team did nothing for you. Did you let them know this, did you go back to your GP? If you havent been back to your GP please go back and let him know how you feel and how things arent getting any better. If your GP is unwilling to help you then you need to either see someone else in the practice that will listen and help or just change your GP altogether. This isnt something that you should have to deal with on your own.

I know a lot of people dont like the idea of meds, but meds do their part as long as theyre used sensibly. Maybe used as a crux along with talk therapy? Maybe even trying cognitive behavioral therapy could help. Theres no one right course of action and it can take a while before you find the right thing. But you obviously need help to deal with life atm and I hope that you get it and get it fast.

Give the MH team another chance okay? Everyone and everything seems "useless" in some frames of mind.
You must answer many, many questions, and maybe take a little test or two, but it's necessary for them to determine what's wrong so they can then assist you. Give it another try.

Hey, Zombie. I wasn't diagnosed until I was 24. Until then, anybody could see the rise and fall of my emotional and mental stability in my schoolwork. It didn't help having a mother that was half mad, alcoholic, and strung out on xanax when she wasn't working like a demon. Changing your diet will help, so will physical activity, be it running, swimming, something that will send you into a trancelike state and regulate the hormones in your brain. Medication will be your best friend, when you find what works. Until you do, though, have a damned good doctor and support network of friends and or family to let you know how you are acting. sometimes, we don't see how we are, but a different perspective makes all the difference. Do not give up on yourself or anything else! Don't even let this become an option. You'll make it through. I know you will.

Did you really give the mental health team a chance? Sometimes patients don't like the diagnosis and take it out on the providers. I'm not saying that's what happened here....was just making a statement. I know the first thing that comes to mind when I hear this story. And I wouldn't like the diagnosis either.

And medicines will probably be needed also. I know people often don't like to take meds either. But have you given them a chance if they were prescribed?

Dude gonna take a stab here
Are you a vet ? Have you seen war ?

reply to post by ZombiePatriot


Hi, I had/have depression just like yours but am now managing it.

A friend of mine (who was similarly depressed) said "depression is anger, without enthusiasm". I think it really sums up a lot.

My doctor put me on SSRI's which worked (at first) but they were more like a cap over things and eventually all that stuff underneath began to build up and boil over. This led to insomnia, extreme mood swings and one of the only times in my life where I considered suicide (which is just NOT me).

So I went cold turkey (which the doctors all advise against) and eventually straightened myself out. It was hard but worth it to get off the drugs.

I did go to counseling sessions but by that time I had already started to overcome the issues.

One of the things that I think helped was that I actually 'objectified' the depression. I vented my anger on this @#$% condition which was screwing up my life! It had no right of control over me! This, I think, gave me some form of psychological power over it and from that stand point I could take positive action.

Please don't think that I am totally denying the efficacy of SSRIs. They definitely helped me at the start, and may have no side effects for you, but they are addictive and I don't think that doctors are adequately trained in helping patients wean themselves off them, or in dealing with side effects.

Physical exertion can help you too, as you get fitter, it improves your mood and energy. I found that a looonng walk (with appropriate & comfortable gear) was a good way to deal with mood swings. I found I usually walked about the same distance each time too (8 kilometers) so a 4km journey out and a 4km journey back did the trick (might be further if you are younger & fitter). Leave a few hours free to completely "get things off your chest". Also, if you do it regularly, you create a habit that makes keeping healthy easy.

Best wishes for you!



Just noticed that you are in the Scottish Highlands. Must be some brilliant places to walk there! Just keep warm & let someone know where you are going.

reply to post by ZombiePatriot


Don’t take pharmaceuticals as they will just hide the problem and not actually fix it allowing it to silently get worse over time. It’s also important to note that pharmaceuticals will probably increase feelings like you described as not feeling real, emptiness or lack of motivation + A lot of other horrible side effects that will probably do more damage in the long run then the problems your facing now ever could.
Keep drugs as a last resort.
Before you get to that point try meditation, keeping a strict healthy diet and getting some exercise; and keep it up for a good half a year.
It wont be as easy as hiding it with pharmaceuticals, but it should actually fix the problem.

Thank you all for your comments. I am on citaloprem and have been for a week and a half, so they aint really working just yet. Theres times when im really happy, but others where I just lose all control and become suicidal sometimes, to the point of writing a note and going for a walk with a blade from a Stanley knife. Im terrified that one day it will all just get too much for me. I have been back to my GP, and I have another appointment with the mental health team on March 6th.

Originally posted by ZombiePatriot
Thank you all for your comments. I am on citaloprem and have been for a week and a half, so they aint really working just yet. Theres times when im really happy, but others where I just lose all control and become suicidal sometimes, to the point of writing a note and going for a walk with a blade from a Stanley knife. Im terrified that one day it will all just get too much for me. I have been back to my GP, and I have another appointment with the mental health team on March 6th.

Seriously mate you wont solve a damn thing by taking that poison.
Read my post above and please try it before taking drugs as a last resort.
Its worth a try.
It will be a bit of hard work but it will quickly become easy and ask yourself do you want to hide the problem or fix the problem???

reply to post by ZombiePatriot


I too have been suffering. You are not alone. I have hard time speaking to the general public about my deep concern. America is becoming a harsh dictatorship day by day. Yet when bringing these topics into the open I am deemed a nut job.

I have suffered great mental anguish. I tear my hair out literally as a stress coping mechanism. I have been diagnosed with schizophrenia with only one doctors visit.

It saddens me that we can't accept mental illness as a condition created based on the conventions of society. We must blame ourself yet we should not hate ourself because we as individuals are not directly responsible for the actions of the millions of other people.

I suggest coping with the mental illness with healthy hobbies. Good eating habits, outdoor exposure to sunlight and nature hikes. It would be in your absolute best interest to seek an orthomolecular approach to depression. There is no mainstream protocol for orthomlecular treatment of mental disorder but the documented proof is there.

Good luck.

1) If you smoke, drink or practice recreational drugs, stop.
2) Switch your diet to raw organic food.
3) Start a full contact martial art such as Muay Thai, Boxing or Mixed Martial Arts. The chosen art will give you purpose and stability.
4) Find a free counselling service. You mainly need someone who will listen to you and extract your thoughts in a methodical process. Your own mind needs to become apparent to you. If you can't find anyone locally, I'm here for you remotely.

If you're considering suicide, you're missing the point of your existence. Your purpose is to right the many wrongs of this world. You've known this all your life. You just need to finally commit to it. Until then, you must endure your current suffering. All pains are indicators.

reply to post by ZombiePatriot


I know how you feel, for what it's worth. Five years ago we bought a pub, nice and small, easy to manage so we ran it as a family of three plus one temp person every now and again during holiday season. We tried to keep our overheads as low as possible so we did absolutely everything ourselves which meant having almost zero free time and most of the time when I had free time I caught up on some sleep so it was literally work and sleep up until December of last year. I just couldn't take it anymore, I also started feeling like I didn't really exist which was mostly due to the fact that you work with people always having a good time, or at least from my point of view it looked that way. but you can never really join in because if you do you probably end up drunk, giving booze away for free and that's bad for business. Like I said, last December after one of many uncalled for rage attacks on my family I told them enough is enough, either we sell the place or I start bashing peoples heads in, so luckily we sold the place. Anyway, I still felt like crap, mostly sleeping all the time, not having any drive what so ever, not eating properly or ever feeling hungry for that matter so I went to see a Doctor. Unfortunately for me not being on some sort of medical scheme I had to go to a clinic which was a big mistake because those Doctors, obviously also hating their jobs, getting crappy government salaries, not being able to drive a fancy car and play golf all the time, couldn't care less so ten minutes later he told me. your depressed, have some pills and don't kill yourself. Only good the pills did is they made me calm and relaxed which was good but when I did get upset it was almost as if the drugs made me "block out" emotions so it made me edgy again so the Doctor in all his wisdom gave me stronger pills which literally turned me into a zombie.

Long story short, I knew I had to summon up what strength I could summon up and really take matters into my own hands so I said to myself "I know who I was before and I want that back more than anything and I also know no-one can really save me except myself" so I took some personal responsibility by trying to eat as healthy as possible, very little read meat, lots of fish, almost no coffee and no more candies. I also made a promise to myself that I will run at least once a day and even if I feel like crap, I put on my running shoes and I run. I started off slowly, maybe jogging around the block but I soon realized it's not good enough, I had to run, like really really run as fast as I can for as long as I can, till I can feel my heart pounding throughout my whole body, I'd sometimes get mad and when I do I just run harder. In the end, instead of bottling up emotions by ignoring them do physical exercise till you're tired and then do some more till you reach the limit of exhaustion.

In conclusion, if you can afford professional counseling, take it, but remember, those people are like tools, they get paid to listen so tell them, tell them everything, just let it out, cry if you have to, raise your voice if you have to but make sure you let it out. Also, remember, and this is very important, you are not insignificant, you have already changed the face of the universe, setting things in motion so vast that no-one can ever comprehend the difference one individual makes just by living and keep on living. Everything you touch, every time you exhale, every word you speak and every person you see you leave an imprint, a small part of you influencing everything around you from the tiny atom to the stars above. Meditate on this and realize, the universe will not be the same without you and it is your responsibility as a the marvelous, multidimensional, thinking creature that you are to stick around and do what you always, inching your way towards the unconscious goal we all set out at the moment we enter this realm. You cannot go wrong and you cannot fail, you cannot cease to go forward it's just so much easier for yourself if you realize that you are a part of the divine. Even the most mundane of things you do spiral into something so big it's beyond our comprehension. See this, know this and live it every day. We need YOU to be nothing else but YOU.

We all start off as a little seed, a tiny spark of the divine and even though we may not notice it we end spanning the whole of the universe through our actions, good or bad.

I wish only peace for you and for everyone everywhere, even seemingly soulless politicians, they all do what they're supposed to to and that is to impose a sense of slavery upon us all so that we can eventually break free and true freedom can prevail, it's all just a matter of time. Just remember, it's a game and we all win unless we choose not to play in which case we gain nothing

reply to post by TheCommentator


OK....I'm not saying that the other things can't help and shouldn't be tried. But the medicine he has been prescribed is a type of SSRI. That mean the doctors suspect there are chemical agents which help carry nerve impulses through the nerve spaces.

You can not meditate serotonin, norepinepherine, dopamine, or any of the other nerve gap chemicals. What you are suggesting might help.

But this sounds like more than just feeling down. This sounds like a serious medical condition. Just like you can't treat an acute heart attack with meditation, neither can you treat a severe mood disorder. Meditation can certainly help. But please..OP don't just try to rely on "homeopathic" remedies alone. Trust me. I know from personal, and medical experience.

Mental health professional here. I've seen amazing results in folks like you with Lexapro. It addresses both anxiety and depression. I actually take it myself after developing an anxiety disorder from work stress (imagine that - my job at mental health has made me crazy!). After only a week or two on the Lexapro, I felt like my old self again! The knots in my stomach and generally bad mood and attitude were gone. While a good diet & exercise is important, don't rely on those things alone. I've seen a lot of people refuse meds and try herbs, supplements, etc. but always end up back in our crisis unit.

I would also suggest counseling. A good therapist is worth their weight in gold. You may have to try a few until you find one that is helpful to you.

Originally posted by Rockerchic4God
Mental health professional here. I've seen amazing results in folks like you with Lexapro. It addresses both anxiety and depression. I actually take it myself after developing an anxiety disorder from work stress (imagine that - my job at mental health has made me crazy!). After only a week or two on the Lexapro, I felt like my old self again! The knots in my stomach and generally bad mood and attitude were gone. While a good diet & exercise is important, don't rely on those things alone. I've seen a lot of people refuse meds and try herbs, supplements, etc. but always end up back in our crisis unit.

I would also suggest counseling. A good therapist is worth their weight in gold. You may have to try a few until you find one that is helpful to you.

Would you agree they only hide the problem tho and not fix it like a good lifestyle often does

reply to post by ZombiePatriot


That sounds like bipolar disorder, not depression.

Many times an anti depressant makes bipolar disorder much worse in about 30% of case. So much so that now psychiatrists are using it as a diagnostic tool. If someone is suffereing from depression but goes on a bender on an anti depressant, then its actually bipolar disorder. Depression doesn't tend to flip flop, that is a sign of another condition.

The best thing you can do for yourself and the best information you can give to your doctor is to start an emotional diary. How you feel, when you feel it, what caused these feelings, and the intensity of them. You might start seeing a pattern. If your really ambitious, keep a food journal. Your eating habits are also indicative of problems. The diary is your most valuable tool!

don't be ashamed of anything. There are millions of people dealing with this. Even if you think something is unrelated, tell them.

Go to a reputable psychiatrist,, not general physician. General physicians are not full trained or understand the intricacies of mental illness.

Go to therapy. A combination of meds and therapy have the highest success rates.

If you feel you need meds. Take them! But they may not all work, so it is going to be trial and error for awhile. But there is one or two out there that will work for you.