Any advice on how to be less socially awkward?

In all honestly its all about perception - just act yourself and don't worry about the ones who don't like you.

I should add that my teacher is somewhat petty with this as well. When I was sitting crooked in my seat, with my seat facing forward and sitting sideways on it to face my group, she said I should turn around to face the group. I mean wtf? Why does that even matter? And what should I do, because she IS the teacher?

Originally posted by Drezden
That doesn't sound like the environment that you want to work on social awkwardness in, it's too negative and aggressive to be conducive to this. People in the high functioning autism spectrum, whatever you want to call it, have social awkwardness like you describe, saying things that other people think are offensive without realizing it.. or moving around while listening to people talk..etc..

edit on 2/17/2012 by Drezden because: (no reason given)

We went down that route. I don't have autism or aspergers, but I have "traits" of it. At least, that's what multiple doctors told me.

Originally posted by Teriq
i just have one question after you said "you people" to the African American people did they beat you up just wondering since you live in Baltimore...

PS - and to help you with your problems do the opposite of what your instincts tells you to do

Haha no

Originally posted by aboutface
I don't know if you have difficulties with boundaries but my relative has, such as discussing with his friends many aspects of my life that I consider private, such as my mail and some of my conversations. He didn't realize at the time that his brief tidbits of revelation were offensive to me nor did he understand why I should object. My actions and habits, my salary and finances, my beliefs and his weird interpretation of them, everything was exposed to them without mercy until I felt so violated that I simply had to cut ties with him. He just could not understand that there are mutual social boundaries I expect him to respect. I love him dearly, but I reached the end of my rope, no longer able to deal with him. I'm just telling you this in case it might ring a bell somewhere and if so it will give you something to work on. No insult to you is intended. Wishing you all the best.

Actually that does remind me that sometimes I have an issue with boundaries. Sometimes I get in people's face or come on too strong and it weirds people out. Oh well, I'm working on it.

reply to post by TupacShakur


I LOVE socially awkward penguin!!!!

Originally posted by stormson
reply to post by mossme89

 

p.s. as an adult, learn the language of sports. pick a popular one in your area. then you can go almost anywhere and start a conversation. i dont like most sports (especially basketball; if you can score 50x in one game the game is too easy), but i follow just enough to bs my way through a conversation. think of it as learning a new language.

edit on 18-2-2012 by stormson because: (no reason given)

Thanks! And I love football, always talking about that with friends. I play too, every few days at school we get a game going.

reply to post by jewdiful


Thank you! Great advice!

Originally posted by ufos8mycow
I think we should ask the OP before we go any further 'Do you often fantasize about Jodie Foster?'

OMG... I dreamed about her last night. AGH!!! I'm so done for. Anyone want to start planning my funeral?

Originally posted by mossme89
I'm somewhat socially awkward. Nothing too bad, but lots of little things that end up offending people or making them dislike me. I'm not sure how to fix these things. What do you think?

you need to take some drugs like paxil,ritalin and prozac and become liberated.

they will loosen you up.become extroverted.

drink a lot of alcohol so you become drunk and uninhibited.try taking some other drugs too.

also try to talk about random things and behave like an Ahole.

try to be self opinionated and put down other peope and insult them.


pick some minority group like and make fun of them.other people will laugh at them and this will make you popular.

pick fights in a crowded place.wear street smart clothes.

people love aholes and they are very popular with girls and you end up with a girl.


try to come across as bigoted thick and prejudiced.be argumentative and obnoxious.

always be aggressive and in people faces.remember nobody like nice people nowadays and they are ignored and forgotten.

look at all the celebrities.how all the Aholes celebrities are always in the news and getting big bucks.



remember nice guys finish last.


nice guys finish last.


nice guys finish last.




nice guys finish last.

reply to post by mossme89


Part of being 'socially awkward' can sometimes be a simple lack of respect. Unfortunately, human social behavior is not as advanced as many would like to think; humans are primates. Intelligent primates, but very similar socially to our closest relatives on the evolutionary tree.

This means that if others percieve you as trying to hard to be friendly, they will lose respect for you. No matter how hard you try, those who sense a weakness in you will always reject your contributions and the result is that you will feel awkward.

Without knowing you, it is hard to say how to respond. Starting over in a new social group is a blessing for many and is why so many people think college is better than high school, since they get a chance to put lessons of their youth to practice with a fresh start.

Getting immediate response probably requires the difficult commitment to treating yourself with more respect and refusing to treat their hostility with anxious kindness. But upsetting the established social order by refusing to play the suboordinate may get you into a fight. The good news is that by standing up for yourself eventually shoes others you are a harder target than they thought, and it does get better after it initially gets worse. Don't taunt your transgressors but do not stand and take their crap. Stand and fight, or move on to greener pastures and start over.

Respect has to be earned. In tough social environments, it is of paramount importance. I've seen people brutalize one another over respect or the loss of it. Deciding how much respect you demand, and how to go about getting it, is one of most difficult choices we all make every day, consciously or subconsciously. I don't advocate violence, but at times in my life, I've been forced to use it. Other times I decided that I wasn't vested enough and simply moved on.

It gets better when you are free to choose who you have to associate with. But if you can't wait, you will need to change your behavior and make some tough decisions.

Good luck, be careful, but be strong and respect yourself.

Originally posted by TheAnswerTo1984
reply to post by mossme89

 

Do yourself a favor and stop taking the meds. All of them. Now. Seriously. You're like what? 20 years old? You're supposed to be hyper. You're supposed to have tons of energy and walk around while you're talking to people. It's normal.

I stopped them about a year ago and have just used exercise in their place. I've felt much more creative and open since then, but I also have a lot more energy.

Originally posted by acmpnsfal
Reply to post by mossme89

 

I have a question. How many people are in your class? I mean the few individuals you mentioned will always be somewhere. Somebody will always have a problem with something you do. They you people thing should be obvious is all over pop culture mostly comedies where a white person will say you people to a minority group or vice versa and an awkward silence follows. Just steer clear of the phrase to save yourself headaches. The other stuff is not a problem. If you say something people dont like and they challenge you stand your ground if you are wrong then you learned something new. Really what this boils down to is you need to be comfortable with you. You have a choice. If you dont like who you are work towards changing it. If you like who you are but feel like others dont grow thicker skin. Personally my sociology classes were my favorite because it picks apart society and says whats wrong with it. Some of the discussions we had in those classes got heated at times but it was soooo worth it. Lol. Hope this helped in some way.

 

Posted Via ATS Mobile: m.abovetopsecret.com

 

There are about 25 or so people, mostly minorities now that I think about it.

reply to post by getreadyalready


Quite possibly the most ridiculous thing I've read all week. This kind of thinking is what has got our society in the place that we're in. Conform! Be like everyone else! Drink your Kool-aid! Are you kidding me? This kind of bs is exactly what we need to get rid of. I understand that you're trying to help, and you believe in what you've said. I'm not trolling... I just HIGHLY disagree with perpetuating behaviors that are socially acceptable versus the betterment of society as a whole.

The last thing we need is more FAKE people in this world...

reply to post by SilverStarGazer


Agreed. You know I can choose to like or dislike someone based on who they are, but when I see someone that's just obviously so fake that they will say anything that they think you want to hear... it makes me want to puke. For God's sake grow a spine and have an opinion!

Originally posted by TheAnswerTo1984
reply to post by SilverStarGazer

 

Agreed. You know I can choose to like or dislike someone based on who they are, but when I see someone that's just obviously so fake that they will say anything that they think you want to hear... it makes me want to puke. For God's sake grow a spine and have an opinion!

*Cough* Mitt Romney *Cough*

reply to post by mossme89


As some others have said, I'd suggest not caring at all what other people think of you. You're there to learn primarily, not make friends. If you feel you have some faults, they by all means work on them. But if not, then forget everyone else.

Sounds like a lot of the people you listed really need to get a life. The 'you people' group were oversensitive, that teacher would probably give you a hard time if you spent the whole time staring into space too and your group, especially that girl, need to pull their heads out their backsides. Standing up or sitting down too much? Next time says that, you should either stand up or sit down even more, really annoy her.

None of those complaints are valid at all. Too bad if someone is intimidated by something that is not intimidating in nature and too bad if they don't like how you sit, talk or act - don't let that bring you down. You're never gonna make everyone happy and not everyone you meet is going to like you. Life's too short to spend trying to please everyone, you'll become just another face in the brain-dead crowd if you do. If someone's worth your friendship, I'm sure you'll know. Not nagging would be a good sign, for starters!

Dye your hair green, paint your face white with dark eyes and a red Glasgow smile, and then walk into your sociology class. When people start to pick on you for your ADHD, simply look at them with wide eyes and ask them, "Why so serious?"

Originally posted by arollingstone
reply to post by mossme89

 

Sounds like a lot of the people you listed really need to get a life. The 'you people' group were oversensitive, that teacher would probably give you a hard time if you spent the whole time staring into space too and your group, especially that girl, need to pull their heads out their backsides. Standing up or sitting down too much? Next time says that, you should either stand up or sit down even more, really annoy her.

Maybe, but the thing is, the teacher has an issue with me standing up during group work also (even though she's just sitting down at her computer) -__-

Lifes complicated,

Be yourself, and eventually you will find some middle ground for when your in social situations.

Its one thing to be yourself and its another to be an outsider.

takes time to cultivate. don't force anything it will come in time.

Sometimes its better to say nothing.

keep your chin up and remember that your awesome.

There are many people in your social situation. Have you been to www.wrongplanet.net... ?
Sorry if this has already been posted.

Aww, I feel sorry for the OP. I'm betting that the "you people" incident is just one example of dozens of things he's said "wrong" to people that left him feeling side-lined, and it's not just about that class he's in.

I live my life like that - foot in mouth- syndrome I call it. I always mean well but usually leave conversations thinking "I shouldn't have said this/that". And the thing is, at the time I think I'm saying the correct thing.

I used to think I'd been hexxed.

Just enjoy being different and don't worry about it OP. People love eccentrics and you'll find your niche.

Originally posted by mossme89
I should add that my teacher is somewhat petty with this as well. When I was sitting crooked in my seat, with my seat facing forward and sitting sideways on it to face my group, she said I should turn around to face the group. I mean wtf? Why does that even matter? And what should I do, because she IS the teacher?

sounds pretty fascist to me. Drop that class and dont care about it. No one needs sociology especially if the teacher is a nazi.

reply to post by mossme89


Are you in a really small town or something?...I might have missed that through the pages of discussion...

Me personally...I have learned how to deal with being an "outsider/outcast"...it's really not that hard to deal with unless you are in a really small community and there are no avenues of expression...which happens alot actually....the midwest is terrible for making people feel "ok" when they are different from the "norm"...

Just be you...never try to be what you are not...that has big fail all over it...been there done that...

Thanks to the WWW, we can find kindred spirits no matter where we are...and that is a good thing....and I am glad to see it is growing each and every day...

reply to post by Damrod


Thanks for the reply. And nope, I'm in the suburbs between DC and Baltimore.

reply to post by mossme89


"you people" isn't offensive, although I suppose that it could be if used in the wrong context, but I don't think that is the case here. Some people, of all different races, look for any reason to be offended, and there is nothing that you or anyone else can do about that, so who cares. As far as your social awkwardness, you are who you are and for that you have nothing to be ashamed of or apologize for. If people don't like it then screw em'. You will find that most people act like that towards you because they feel threatened by you, because of your opinions, intelligence, or whatever. Life is too short to worry about such trivial things, so live your life, be who you are, and let the chips fall where they may.

Originally posted by SilverStarGazer
reply to post by getreadyalready

 

Quite possibly the most ridiculous thing I've read all week. This kind of thinking is what has got our society in the place that we're in. Conform! Be like everyone else! Drink your Kool-aid! Are you kidding me? This kind of bs is exactly what we need to get rid of. I understand that you're trying to help, and you believe in what you've said. I'm not trolling... I just HIGHLY disagree with perpetuating behaviors that are socially acceptable versus the betterment of society as a whole.

The last thing we need is more FAKE people in this world...

I didn't say to conform. I told him to portray the image that "HE WANTED TO BE."

I didn't tell him to act fake in order to conform. Quite the opposite actually, if you read all my posts, I was encouraging him to stand up for himself and be more assertive and stop trying to avoid confrontation.

"Fake it til you make it" is something internalized. It isn't being a "fake" person, it is overcoming your own insecurities and acting out the persona that you see yourself as. It is actually the act of overcoming one's programming and indoctrination and instead portraying the image of their self that they create.

It isn't that hard to do, it is very therapeutic, it often leads to more success in life, and it almost never involves "conforming" to anything except your own will power.