Any advice on how to be less socially awkward?

reply to post by mossme89


Most of the people you know are poor brainwashed fools who are programmed to self-police each other to conform and uphold the Elite's social engineering standards for what is normal. Those standards have nothing to do with your true value as a human being, but more to do with the promulgation of a discordian society, eugenics, and highly-technocratic godless police state.

The other day I opened an Elementary Schooler's notebook with a sticker that said" No Ugly People Allowed"

I think trying to be less socially awkward for those people is a lose-lose situation.

Anyways, Here is a true story that you might enjoy reading that might enlighten you on what kind of world you are really living in. I hope you read it and enjoy it:

gordonwatts.com...

Originally posted by andersensrm
Nope you've just perceived it that way. As nothing to do with him, everything to do with you.

Actually it's both of us. It's human nature to make opinions of people based on first impressions. I was putting myself in the shoes of those he was talking about, not my own personal reaction, from personal experience of reactions to myself.

I was trying to explain why saying 'you people' would be taken badly by a 'group', especially African Americans, who would already have their own bias of the OP, without being specific.

By saying 'you people' to a perceived group, 'African Americans', within a group, 'the class', is separating the African Americans from the group as a class. They already feel this outside of the class in society, so they would be very sensitive to it in a class where they just really want to be treated as just another student in the class.

The OP, and many other posters, are obvioulsy unaware of the negative consultations of saying 'you people', and if any of you want to improve your social skills you'll stop saying it lol, but also you should understand why it's not a socially good term to use...

Willie Clark, president of the N.A.A.C.P. branch in San Bernadino, Calif., said the overall tone of Mr. Perot's remarks and particularly his use of the phrase "your people" reflected how culturally out of touch he was with his audience.

"When he said 'you people' or 'your people,' it was like waving a red flag in front of a bull," he said. "It's something white folks have used when they don't want to call you 'n-word', but they don't want to treat you like an equal."

-- New York Times: July 12, 1992

reply to post by mossme89

I think your first response to think "how do i fix it?" is admirable, but not very healthy.
In a perfect world all people would think like that, but unfortunately we don't live in that world.

You have to realize that your social environment will change anyways. Today I "know" only two guys from back in school. So don't waste your time thinking about how that one stupid girl perceives you today, she is very likely irrelevant to your life later on.

Also, always be yourself. Unless you can be Batman... then better be Batman.

reply to post by mossme89


First treat people the way you want to be treated.

Admittedly I've not read all the posts, but, you can change a few things. Like, don't say "you people". It comes across as condescending.

Don't stare at people. It makes them uncomfortable. I hate it when people stare at me.

Also, don't stand when everyone else is sitting, unless it's appropriate. I had a man in my office one day, and he said "do you mind if I stand?". I did. I asked him to sit down. In situations like that towering over someone who is sitting can come across as aggressive.

Just a few little minor adjustments, perhaps? Social niceties don't hurt.

Okay. You asked.

reply to post by ColCurious


So people who are criminals should just be themselves and ignore society trying to change them for the better?

I just don't get that reasoning. It's never really good to say 'you people' in that context no matter what, it's just rude and shows ignorance of the context of that term imo. Continuing to be rude is not being yourself, it's being an ass.
Other people should not be expected to put up with your asshatedness because you think you're free to 'be yourself' regardless of your effect on others.

The whole idea of etiquette and consideration of others has been turned on it's head, to where now you're the bad guy if you don't accept other peoples rude behavior. Freedom comes with a price, that price is you have to consider your actions on other people before you act, otherwise you can take away others freedom by your actions. You all want to blame everything on the government, but take government away tomorrow and you still wouldn't be free. You're all prisoners of your own doing.

reply to post by ANOK


When he said "you people", not the class, he was addressing his group, the group however perceived it as alienation. Thats not his fault but their's. The fact that anyone would respond to "you people" as some kind of alienation shows that they have some issues of their own.

Originally posted by andersensrm
reply to post by ANOK

 

When he said "you people", not the class, he was addressing his group, the group however perceived it as alienation. Thats not his fault but their's. The fact that anyone would respond to "you people" as some kind of alienation shows that they have some issues of their own.

Hmm that's not what I got from this...

-Today I was working in a group with a few african american people and I said "so what do you people want to do?" They found me saying "you people" offensive.

African Americans, 'you people'?

Of course they're going to get offended. If you don't understand why it's because you're not African American.

As I said the OP obvioulsy didn't understand why it was a bad choice of words. In fact 'you people' is kinda rude in any situation. Like BellaSabre said, it's condescending.

reply to post by mossme89


I've been (pseudo) diagnosed with Asberger's. Yeah, I know how you feel. If you're the same, break it down binary/and-or, nand-nor gates. Hang in there. I got lucky and married a nurse.

U2U me if you've got issues you don't want to discuss.

Say whats on your mind, say it with gusto, and say it without regret. All of the most socially extroverted people hold to the belief that they must live without regrets, you only live once so enjoy it. They don't stop to think what they are about to say, they just say it. They are confident and not shaken to the core everytime they speak. You will find that confident people can say controversial things and it just sounds like common sense.

reply to post by ANOK

No wait what? Did I miss the part where he committed a crime?
I just wanted to cheer this kid up a little and tell him not to overthink the peer pressure BS.
What if he's totaly fine the way he is and the other kids just suck?
And the "you people" part sounds completely acceptable, at least in my native language.
I can't really assess that part to be honest.

reply to post by ANOK


Ok, there were 2 african american people in the group. the rest were white or asian. I put that in there for context in hindsight. and the thought didn't cross my mind. I mean, i call my friends "peeps". The way I said it, I said it the same way as if I said "so what do you guys want to do?"

Originally posted by mossme89
reply to post by ANOK

 

Ok, there were 2 african american people in the group. the rest were white or asian. I put that in there for context in hindsight. and the thought didn't cross my mind. I mean, i call my friends "peeps". The way I said it, I said it the same way as if I said "so what do you guys want to do?"

Yea I see no problem with it, and thats because I don't see it as offensive, because Im not looking for it. You had no intentions of alienating anyone, you just sat down and basically said "so what do you guys want to do" but you really said, "so what do you people want to do" and theres no difference behind it, other than people are looking for alienation, so they take the you people out, and then pull out the race card. Its all about power and control, and people will stop at nothing when they see they're chance to use it any way they can.

stay awkward

conformity is for the birds

just keep your eyes out for other awkward folks and bask in each others glow

Originally posted by ColCurious
reply to post by ANOK

 

No wait what? Did I miss the part where he committed a crime?

Oh jeez, I knew you'd misunderstand. I didn't say he committed a crime, I was just extending the logic of 'be yourself' to make a point.

I just wanted to cheer this kid up a little and tell him not to overthink the peer pressure BS.

OK fine I thought he was looking for advice, which I gave but was then questioned.

What if he's totaly fine the way he is and the other kids just suck?

That is a possibly, and my reply did not miss that. I was just commenting why the use of 'you people' could be taken badly.

And the "you people" part sounds completely acceptable, at least in my native language.
I can't really assess that part to be honest.

Well I'm not sure how old you are but 'you people' has always been a condescending term from my experience.
I said the OP was obvioulsy unaware of that, so I wasn't blaming him for anything, and I pointed out with a quote how especially in the African American community that term is considered condescending (to put it nicely). Whether they are right to feel offended, or whether it's just a grab for power is irrelevant to my point.

Hopefully the OP will learn from that, and not use the term 'you people', it's that simple. It's how we all get along, or how we used to at least. It seems these days people don't want to improve their social etiquette, but just find excuses for having none.

My advice would be log off ATS and never return.

You're one of those crazy "conspiracy theorists" of course you feel awkward around people that are asleep...

reply to post by mossme89


At least you can actually talk to people. society has got me to say hardly anything to strangers in classes or everyday life. Trying to fit in with the norm has brought a ton of anxiety my way.

I have ADHD as well. I suggest you get on meds if it is affecting you this much. It is a night and day difference. I take Adderal, and I have no side effects what so ever. The only thing you will get is a small crash about 8-12 hours later, but in about 30 minutes you are back to your usual boring self.

ADHD can make you socially awkward. However, I have not had this problem personally.

People telling you to be yourself are right and wrong. You need to analyze what they are saying and why they are saying it. Is it something that can be helped or is it just you?

Saying, "you" people alienates you from the group, this can be interrupted as being rude that you are "better" and do not belong with this "group."

Saying, "So, what do you guys have in mind?" It is including a relation to the individuals you are around and are not addressing them as an entirely separated Kingdom of individuals. Guy is a personal word (in used terminology) to address those individuals you are with or near.

Saying, "So what do you people want to do"? It should be common sense you are alienating yourself from the group and also letting them know you are not very interested in what is going on. You gave the work load to them by putting an emphasis on You and People suggesting you are just "there".

A lot of this should be interpreted sub consciously.

This is also what makes the human language one of the most difficult languages , because the tone of your voice and the circumstance can change the intended meaning of a sentence or word.

reply to post by getreadyalready


I also have a hard copy.

But with some people, even $5.00 is beyond their budget.

That's another thread though and one I do not wish to get involved in right now.

We have a lot more important matters at hand than piracy of art at the moment.

reply to post by getreadyalready


Thank you for making me see a different perspective.

Never thought about it that way before.