Any advice on how to be less socially awkward?

Originally posted by getreadyalready
reply to post by mossme89

 

If you don't have a problem with confidence, then why would you let that girl comment on how you sit in your chair? DId you tell her to mind her own f.ing business and concentrate on the project, or did you adjust the way you were sitting? When you said, "you people," and they called you out on it, did you fire back, or did you worry that you had said something offensive?

She's the type of person where if I said something back, it would turn into a back and forth argument. I could have said something back but chose to ignore it because I don't like tense situations. Plus, the teacher is on this girl's side with the pettyness and the last thing I want to do is get kicked out of class or get a bad grade. Maybe next time I will say something, but I'm not sure if it would be worth it.

And with the "you people" comment, it was neither. I was more curious and was asking questions to try and figure out how this was offensive.

reply to post by LesMisanthrope

If I pretend to be someone else, then I'm no better than them.

reply to post by mossme89


You People. They are playing you. If you don't have a lot of inter-cultural experience, you will ooze naivety, and they will take advantage of you just for giggles.

Check this out about 1:15 into the clip.

Ignorance = fear = hate

it has been my experience that many ignorant people take sociology classes. it is usually a requirement for every major, and people often assume it will be easy so they take it early.

the only advice that comes to mind is that you should not be ignorant of the ignorance of other people.
never assume anyone understands how to live life or act like a human being, better than you do.

reply to post by mossme89


if you have lots of people disliking you, then most often it is a probelm with you. You may not realize that you are being annoying or sending different vibes to other people. I have a brother in law like that. He cant figure out why he never keeps friends or why he makes a lot of enemies. He thinks it is everyone else. It is not everyone else. Sometimes you need to really look at yourself or ask people their honest opinion of why they do not like you . you cant please everyone but it sounds like you need to work on some people skills

reply to post by BohemianBrim


I've taken women's studies classes, and urban sociology type classes, and I enjoyed the hell out of them. But then again, I enjoy confrontation, LOL! Actually, I thought the women's studies class would be a good place to meet girls. That was a mistake, but the daily arguments were still a great time! Turns out my Mythology Class, and my Chemistry and Engineering classes were much better places to meet women, although the choices were fewer.

Anyhow, I agree, Sociology groups are odd. The dynamics are odd, the people are odd, and the professors are odd. But, it can be very entertaining if you don't take it too seriously.

reply to post by HODOSKE


It's not that people don't like me, this girl is one of few that genuinely dislikes me for whatever reason. It's moreso that people find my behavior odd or something. People don't have very much an issue with me in particular, just my behavior, the socially awkward things.

reply to post by mossme89


Then you have answered the question yourself many times over xD

They don't understand you.

The greatest people in history were usually the most misunderstood.

reply to post by getreadyalready


They weren't playing a joke on me, they were genuinely offended.

F-it

who cares what they think......make sure it's not you....

speak freely, speak often, and speak to as many people as possible...

eventually it goes away....worked for me.

Just lose control....stop trying to govern each "cool" or accepted thing you want to do.

free fall into oblivion. Rise as the phoenix of your identity.

Listen to yourself, not others.

What do you want to change?
is that something you don't like, or is it others don't like that about you?
make sure you know the difference. One is possible to change because you wish it, the other is not because you never believe in it.

believe in yourself. You lack nothing as you are but the wisdom to see that.

I have dealt with this allot. Basically it all sums up to that.

F-it
what do you have to lose?

reply to post by getreadyalready

My brother and I took the same course in college: Communication and Gender which is triple-listed under the Speech, Sociology and Women's Studies diversity req.

He failed the class and I got an A. Turns out, he doesn't play nice with Liberal Feminist Professors.

I think, he just doesn't know when to keep his mouth closed.

Originally posted by mossme89
reply to post by getreadyalready

 

They weren't playing a joke on me, they were genuinely offended.

No they weren't.

They weren't playing a joke, they were taking advantage of you. I guarantee I could call the same group, much worse names, and they would laugh it off, and probably like me and want to hang out with me.

They were taking advantage of your sensitivities, they were not offended. As you say yourself, who could be offended by the term, "you people," and what does it mean anyway.

You are being manipulated by the people in your class, because you are easily manipulable. Stand up for yourself, who cares if it results in a stupid back and forth. If you are on ATS, then you are far more intelligent than the people in your class. Say something bold, and then say something profound and intelligent when they try to manipulate you.

reply to post by LadySkadi


I got an A, but I flirted a lot.

Feminists are playing the "fake it til you make it" game too! They are still women, and they still like to feel pretty, even if they get pissed off at the moment, they go look in the mirror to verify what you have said. Nothing better than commenting on a 40 year old feminists nice ass.

ETA!! Just kidding of course! Kind of! Don't try this if you are an amateur, it could be considered sexual harassment, or violate any number of Student Conduct Codes!

Everyone done kissin this guy's rear end yet?
Yes, "You People is offensive" the connotation being" you blacks"
You also stated that there were people there that you would not associate
with in another situation.

Are you so selfcentered as to think people cannot feel that in your attitude
without a word being said.
I think you feel like you are more intelligent , as well as entitled
You make alot of excuses for your behavior,didn't you say this was sociology
class........
try to put yourself in someone else's shoes, rather than thinking yours
are better and know more.

People FEEL attitudes and no matter what you say....it hangs in your aura.
Start checking yourself , and try being kind.
Dag!

I've been an introvert type of person my whole life. I agree that you do not have to change your personality to please people but I would suggest to get around more social situations as a learning experience because later in life sometimes it can affect you in a career. How you get along with people in a work setting can affect advancement, and sometimes that means talking in a way that doesn't offend people. Sometimes there are important interviews, meetings or formal dinners where what you say and how you act can mean a lot. There are some people who get upset about everything, but pay attention and sort that out from genuine constructive criticism that might hurt your feelings when people say something to you, but might end up helping you later on if you listen to it.

Originally posted by Ex
Everyone done kissin this guy's rear end yet?
Yes, "You People is offensive" the connotation being" you blacks"
You also stated that there were people there that you would not associate
with in another situation.

Are you so selfcentered as to think people cannot feel that in your attitude
without a word being said.
I think you feel like you are more intelligent , as well as entitled
You make alot of excuses for your behavior,didn't you say this was sociology
class........
try to put yourself in someone else's shoes, rather than thinking yours
are better and know more.

People FEEL attitudes and no matter what you say....it hangs in your aura.
Start checking yourself , and try being kind.
Dag!

edit on 2/17/2012 by Ex because: (no reason given)

Um, I said "you people" not as an offensive thing. I didn't even know it was offensive until it was explained to me.

And I don't see myself as better than other people, I just don't like ignorant people.

Way to look for the worst in people

reply to post by mossme89


Ok, I read the OP and to be frank, I have to agree with the posters that state you are internalizing and making this a problem.

Group projects are a fact of life. It's not a Sociology course-thing, this is the real world. You have to work with people, you have to interact and some of that will be with "people you wouldn't otherwise choose to do so" with.

I have to also agree with the poster that wrote that YOUR projections and formed opinions of others in your class have put you in this spot, as well. You said that many are "shady" do you not think that they feel this vibe around you?

reply to post by LadySkadi


It doesn't change how I treat them. And the things they've had issues with are things they've told me.

Originally posted by mossme89
reply to post by LadySkadi

 

It doesn't change how I treat them.

Yes it does. Non-verbal cues. Something like 85-90% of someone's communication. If you don't see this then it's understandable that you don't "get" why they are reacting to you as they are. You need to realize that you have some responsibility here.

reply to post by mossme89


He's full of it. It is only offensive if someone is intentionally looking for a reason to be offended. "You People" could be referring to "You classmates," or "you people on that side of the room," or "you idiots that disagree with me."

There is nothing racist about "you people," and even if there were, it might be appropriate depending on the circumstance. Calling out stereotypes does not have to be racist, it can be pure observational. "Why do you people use different shampoo?" Honest question, racial in nature, product of naivety, and easy to answer. Why would anyone be offended?

"Why do you people sit in the back of the class?"

Now, what did I mean by that? Did I mean back of class sitters? Did I mean black folks? Did I mean stoners? Frat boys? What exactly am I asking? Is it offensive? Maybe. Maybe it is supposed to be offensive? Maybe I'm calling all the people in the back slackers! In fact, I did use that phrase, as an instructor, at a work meeting, and I meant they were not participating, and I made them move to the front!