reply to post by mossme89
Okay I agree with ANOK and I think you should listen to what he is saying!
The post you have made here is really off the topic of this forum and shows you like to elicit feedback from others and that you don't mind doing
socially awkward things to get it. So I wonder if your problem really isn't attention seeking?
Knowing when to join in the activity at hand without attracting attention to yourself is rule one in being socially adept. If your body language is
attracting attention and annoying people, the simplest thing to do would be modify it in the way people are asking you to (and it is better if you can
take non verbal hints with this long before a person has to say something to you) and get yourself focused on the teacher, class and conversation and
not yourself and other people's reactions to you.
The other thing I wonder is if you tilt you head back slightly? Because if you do this will make people very uncomfortable, especially when you are a
part of the group but not contributing. Whether you are guilty of putting your chin in the air or not - not contributing can be a way of drawing
attention to yourself (as you mention it has already) and can make people feel you are judging them. It's usually pretty easy to know when the group
feels it's your turn to say something as they will simply give you a questioning look. Not answering at this point stops the whole flow and again
brings attention to yourself and not the conversation.
You also mention that you often stare when your mind drifts off. Personally I dislike people using my face as a screen for their inner day dreaming
projections. If you are not listening to someone, don't pretend you are by looking at them -- if you really can't concentrate, have the courtesy to
make your daydreaming less obvious.
If people give you feedback that you are making them uncomfortable I think it is very important you learn to modify your behavior in the moment and
not use this as an excuse to overanalyze people. We are wired to watch people and pick up cues as to whether we are boring them or maybe they find us
intimidating etc. Adjusting to the feedback we get happens at many levels and is what respectful communication is all about.
It is also important that you know when you are being tested - a person may make a slightly intimidating remark to see if you are emotionally balanced
or over reactive. If you over react they will judge you as someone they probably do not want to be friends with - if you are cool however and say yeah
whatever??? and laugh or something confident like that - they will more likely think - 'He's okay'.
If you are making people uncomfortable however, the faster you adjust to the feedback and the less fuss you make about it the better. By the time
someone has to come out and say you are bothering them - you can bet you have already crossed their boundaries by a long mile.
ANOK gave you a good straight and honest response to your question and coped a lot of flack for it too - but your answer seems slightly argumentative
and like you didn't really want an answer to your initial question but really want all the focus on you. That is not sensitive on your part. ANOK was
courageous in saying what he did and took the time to answer your question (even when your question itself was socially awkward). You would have done
much better to say "Thank you" and consider it and let the conversation move on.
You might also want to check out the subject of circles of communication with babies. You can practice these circles with people of any age - if you
are intimate with them - learning the natural flow of these may help you become more natural and less focused on yourself and able to allow a
conversation to flow.
I hope this helps and all good to you!