What is HOME to you?

Originally posted by ottobot
Yes, it is incredibly difficult for me to allow myself to be vulnerable.

I have many problems with trusting others, and learned quite young to shield myself to avoid being hurt by the actions of others. In attempting not to hurt others with my actions, I hurt myself. In attempting not to hurt others with my words, I hurt myself. I essentially became very submissive and meek so that people would have no reason to hurt me.

Except that this gave them more reason to want to hurt me. And I started to think that I deserved to be hurt anyway, because it must have been my fault that they wanted to hurt me in the first place.

In this endless loop of self-hate, self-rejection, and pain I have been stuck for 95% of my life.

Realistically, I am the only one that hurts me.

When I do not follow my intuition or feelings, I end up hurting myself in the past, present, and future.

When I think badly of myself, I end up hurting myself in the past, present, and future.

So, I am learning to think differently and see the world differently.

In this process. I will eventually be able to trust and love myself and (by extension) others.

Yes, vulnerablility is compromised with intelligence though. I wrote a couple posts about it and had some good replies thanks to ATS. Understanding love comes with very large variables - facing fear, mindfulness, emotions. Love comes down to a self expression, so it is something that we cannot intelligently deny. In my stage now I am trying to learn how to explain real life emotion with being calm like a poker player, so the only way is to practice.

Trust is an issue with the world. They used to say, "who can you trust?" You can "trust nobody." In attempting not to break the rules of fear I hurt myself, I have no sheild either but again it comes down to intelligence and stepping up to fear that we can feel better later, we can give that time.

Self-hate doesn't have to do with the outer-world. It has to do with your personality, if you got with the wrong crowd when you were growing up. If you feel that you found the wrong crowd remake yourself to what you like, there has to be a group in the world for everybody because it's so diverse. There is no reason to hate ourselves unless we make the wrong decisions, so like me let's make the right ones today right now. It is only actions, so when you do that it is a mixture of thoughts and actions. Simply a translation of sitting down or standing up.

Originally posted by greyer
Self-hate doesn't have to do with the outer-world. It has to do with your personality, if you got with the wrong crowd when you were growing up. If you feel that you found the wrong crowd remake yourself to what you like, there has to be a group in the world for everybody because it's so diverse. There is no reason to hate ourselves unless we make the wrong decisions, so like me let's make the right ones today right now. It is only actions, so when you do that it is a mixture of thoughts and actions. Simply a translation of sitting down or standing up.

Can the family you are born into be "the wrong crowd"? Because, that's where all my self-hate problems stem from... that life I was born into.

I definitely realize that I theoretically have no reason to hate myself. I do the right thing in my current life and have tried to do that right thing all along. Unfortunately, I didn't realize when I was young that doing the right thing means it must also be the right thing for me, not just other people. :-/

So, in my present I am dealing with the repercussions of "right things for others" I did in my past, and trying to figure out how to do the "right thing for myself and my family" so as not to completely screw up my future. I'm at a loss.

Not hating myself is much easier said then done. I've hated myself as long as I can remember, and my first memory is from when I was about 15 months old. (It is a memory of my younger sister coming home and me thinking, "She's so ugly." Then immediately feeling like a bad girl for thinking that.)

So. Yeah. It's a slow process for me.

Just when I feel like I've got that evil self-talk beat, it sneaks in when I let my guard down. So irritating.

But, I'll get it eventually.

Originally posted by ottobot
Can the family you are born into be "the wrong crowd"? Because, that's where all my self-hate problems stem from... that life I was born into.

No I don't think so, because finding yourself in society demands going out to see the world when you are young. Even babies have their eyes open very wide to see what fits better to him or her.

Originally posted by ottobot
I definitely realize that I theoretically have no reason to hate myself. I do the right thing in my current life and have tried to do that right thing all along. Unfortunately, I didn't realize when I was young that doing the right thing means it must also be the right thing for me, not just other people. :-/

So, in my present I am dealing with the repercussions of "right things for others" I did in my past, and trying to figure out how to do the "right thing for myself and my family" so as not to completely screw up my future. I'm at a loss.

Surely I struggle to do wrong and right. I struggly so much, so very much, to make a right choice. Opportunities happen to quickly and go by so very fast, we are the ones making them. So today I have to learn that there is no more time, it just has to happen. I do not have love in my life, I just displayed my knowledge of what love is. In order to have it we need to break all these psychological barriers of fear and not give in any more.

Originally posted by ottobot
Not hating myself is much easier said then done. I've hated myself as long as I can remember, and my first memory is from when I was about 15 months old. (It is a memory of my younger sister coming home and me thinking, "She's so ugly." Then immediately feeling like a bad girl for thinking that.)

Ok, in that term of hate I hate myself all the time, in your case you can learn to be a nice person. I was lucky to grow up and 'love' other races, I didn't ever think negative and you have a very good point. Again in love and hate we are talking about the fine line between them both, right there by the middle so close that people can't even see it. The point is that we are hating ourselves for our actions, and our actions are a result of fear.

Originally posted by ottobot
So. Yeah. It's a slow process for me.

Just when I feel like I've got that evil self-talk beat, it sneaks in when I let my guard down. So irritating.

But, I'll get it eventually.

At your stage I would suggest a few things.

When you become aware of people in your surroundings, don't look down to the ground and don't look at them for too long, just forget about them and look forward, keep on going. Be ready to converse with them, in you knowing that you want to converse with a person means that you have power, because the other may not know what to say, or they don't what to say anything, but this is reality and words are power, and you all are aware of each other.

Any time you feel that way of thought creeps up on you do something out of the ordinary.

reply to post by greyer


Thank you for the suggestions and for taking the time to help me, it is much appreciated.

I have definitely been learning to use self-compassion. It's very strange to me, but I do realize that I need to feel empathy for myself instead of disgust when I am feeling low.

Each day is better than the day before.

Originally posted by ottobot
reply to post by greyer

 

Thank you for the suggestions and for taking the time to help me, it is much appreciated.

I have definitely been learning to use self-compassion. It's very strange to me, but I do realize that I need to feel empathy for myself instead of disgust when I am feeling low.

Each day is better than the day before.

Thanks ATS has helped me a lot so I owe plenty more. Remember we are both in the same place, we lost because of our actions, and we have not figured out life yet. But we do have understanding. So there are many virtues we are going over in our short correspondence.

Originally posted by greyer
Thanks ATS has helped me a lot so I owe plenty more. Remember we are both in the same place, we lost because of our actions, and we have not figured out life yet. But we do have understanding. So there are many virtues we are going over in our short correspondence.

Yes, understanding is key to growth.

I am a sapling growing into an oak.

I am feeling like I have a lot more understanding about the essence of home, and by extension - Self, than I have ever had before, thanks to this thread.

Originally posted by ottobot
Yes, understanding is key to growth.

I am a sapling growing into an oak.

I am feeling like I have a lot more understanding about the essence of home, and by extension - Self, than I have ever had before, thanks to this thread.

I am an example of what everybody else thought was impossible. I have seen what everybody thought was impossible. It doesn't do anything for me, but open up my soul like the friendly skies at night. I need this thread. We are lost and cannot find our way home.

Originally posted by greyer

I am an example of what everybody else thought was impossible. I have seen what everybody thought was impossible. It doesn't do anything for me, but open up my soul like the friendly skies at night. I need this thread. We are lost and cannot find our way home.

What have you seen?

If there's one thing that I have learned in life, it is that what everybody else thinks is impossible doesn't matter.

It is only what you think is possible that will get you where you want to go.

Originally posted by ottobot
What have you seen?

If there's one thing that I have learned in life, it is that what everybody else thinks is impossible doesn't matter.

It is only what you think is possible that will get you where you want to go.

Hey ottobot, what I have come to learn is a powerful thing, indeed I saw something that coincides with the truth of the world. It was a sequence of events over a period of years that self-proves reality in the world, reality of the impossible. This reality takes me out my body so I really want to learn this thread, not knowing how to go back into my body.

Yesterday I took a step backward like ten miles.

You know how earlier I was saying that my soul can be invaded from unwanted vibrational frequencies based on longing thoughts of my mind, yesterday an event that normally would create an experience for this to be put into works occured, so in my ego I am thinking to avoid the chance of interaction between my mind and my soul. I did avoid it but in this case I missed an opportunity to heal my soul through friendship and happiness tenfold.

The only conclusion to that is to make my soul vulnerable, as we discussed earlier. So the conclusion to that is to exceed psychologically, because everything begins with a picture in our minds. And I think that all these conlusions are a small piece of finding home, there are probably over 20 conclusions which will have to be interwoven together.

Originally posted by greyer
Hey ottobot, what I have come to learn is a powerful thing, indeed I saw something that coincides with the truth of the world. It was a sequence of events over a period of years that self-proves reality in the world, reality of the impossible. This reality takes me out my body so I really want to learn this thread, not knowing how to go back into my body.

Well, impossible is entirely subjective. So, if you are able to accomplish what you have accomplished, it is possible in reality and only impossible in critical thought.

What do you mean, like you can travel in your soul and sometimes forget how to get back to your body?

Or are you speaking metaphorically... where your waking consciousness is "reality" and the ethereal home is "body"?

I've never had a planned out of body experience, but I do know that I can send part of my essence other places. I cannot explain this other than emotion and thought projected to another place. What some people would consider a "ghost", but of a living person. It sounds downright crazy, but I don't care. I do this sometimes to comfort loved ones.

Yesterday I took a step backward like ten miles.

You know how earlier I was saying that my soul can be invaded from unwanted vibrational frequencies based on longing thoughts of my mind, yesterday an event that normally would create an experience for this to be put into works occured, so in my ego I am thinking to avoid the chance of interaction between my mind and my soul. I did avoid it but in this case I missed an opportunity to heal my soul through friendship and happiness tenfold.

I am sorry to hear you feel like you missed an opportunity; it is always so difficult to see these until they've already passed. Now you know, though, and you will recognize that particular type of opportunity next time it comes along.

The only conclusion to that is to make my soul vulnerable, as we discussed earlier. So the conclusion to that is to exceed psychologically, because everything begins with a picture in our minds. And I think that all these conlusions are a small piece of finding home, there are probably over 20 conclusions which will have to be interwoven together.

I agree with you on this point, there are many different facets to "home", peace, whatever you want to call that place of perfection. I am learning them, just as you are.

Have you ever heard the term, "Fake it 'til you make it"? You tell yourself what you want to be and make that who you strive to be... eventually you start to believe that is who you are.

I'm kind of using that as a loose basis for some aspects of my growth, mainly those associated with self-esteem. When I start to think badly, I turn on myself and tell myself the objective truth. And then I go forward with that objective truth as the thought I am supposed to think, not the innately painful thought.

I am having a day of scrambled emotion, but I hope I made some sense to you, greyer.

the entire planet is my home. I really consider it mine in its entirety. Our nomadic ancestors were from everywhere and no where originally. So, logically our whole world is ours.

Originally posted by BIHOTZ
the entire planet is my home. I really consider it mine in its entirety. Our nomadic ancestors were from everywhere and no where originally. So, logically our whole world is ours.

Well, this is true in logic.

But, how do you feel in emotion? Do you think you are welcome on the entire planet?

Originally posted by ottobot
I am sorry to hear you feel like you missed an opportunity; it is always so difficult to see these until they've already passed. Now you know, though, and you will recognize that particular type of opportunity next time it comes along.

Or, I may forget the situation and solutions. I am so happy that a human's memory is not spot on like glass. I am so happy that I can forget what I see. Those opportunities come back to haunt me in my life in the day. When I go out there it is a jungle. What is missing is if we think memory is not going to be spotless like glass. Those pieces of the puzzle sprout great motivation.

Originally posted by ottobot
Well, impossible is entirely subjective. So, if you are able to accomplish what you have accomplished, it is possible in reality and only impossible in critical thought.

This doesn't have anything to do with thought, I may as well print it on my signature - I have Seen the connection between magic, aliens, and the occult in reality.

Originally posted by ottobot
I agree with you on this point, there are many different facets to "home", peace, whatever you want to call that place of perfection. I am learning them, just as you are.

Sorry I've been speaking of many terms, but home is still only one thing to me - love in my soul.

Originally posted by ottobot
Have you ever heard the term, "Fake it 'til you make it"? You tell yourself what you want to be and make that who you strive to be... eventually you start to believe that is who you are.

This is a psychological method that brings a fake confidence which will always make you lose. The faker does not know what is going on, the humble person is aware of everything and when he or she acts it will be calm and precise.

the problem is what u keep meaning or thinking home as a source or as a relative result of ones wills or realisations, while if u see the issue objectively the truth is there, home is a right

then u can start talking how it became an issue when yes it is obvious we should not mean any home, home of wat or wat for

then u can start to confirm that truth by seeing the points u defined home through in better light

home is peace bc wars is the rule which is absurd

home is what one do while one is nothing free sense, bc nothing is absolutely abused by one which is absurd too

so i suggest kicking one from the home he constructed and then forget about it all

Originally posted by greyer
This doesn't have anything to do with thought, I may as well print it on my signature - I have Seen the connection between magic, aliens, and the occult in reality.

I disagree. You stated:

I am an example of what everybody else thought was impossible. I have seen what everybody thought was impossible.

If they are thinking it is impossible and chiding you for your real (therefore, possible) experiences, then it has everything to do with thought. Granted, it is not your thoughts that are in question, but the thoughts of others.

I am interested in knowing what you have learned? You can send me a private message if you don't want to type it out in the public area.

I think that there are types of what would appear to be "magic" to our limited human brains, but that are actually forces we cannot fully understand. When we accidentally stumble upon ways to access these forces, it is then called "occult" because it scares people who do not understand it. Aliens who have technology to travel here have technology and knowledge that would seem like "magic" to us, and may or may not be influencing the evolution of humans by introducing new types of brain functionality through biological/genetic manipulation of [purported] abductees.

But, again, I am interested in the perspective you have gained through your experiences.

Sorry I've been speaking of many terms, but home is still only one thing to me - love in my soul.

Ok, thanks for clearing that up.

I will state here that I believe "home" is a deeply seated love that is immeasurable and rooted in the soul. It is, for me, also a sense of peace and contentment which I have rarely felt in my life.

This is a psychological method that brings a fake confidence which will always make you lose. The faker does not know what is going on, the humble person is aware of everything and when he or she acts it will be calm and precise.

Not necessarily. The humble person cannot act in a calm or precise manner if s/he does not realize his/her potential, ability, and right to act in a calm and precise manner. Like I said, it makes sense to me to use it as a guideline only - one must be able to step outside of one's natural thought processes to be able to learn a new way of thinking.

I think we are speaking of two slightly different sets of circumstances. I am referring to the incessant internal dialogue of the human mind; for some people this is a completely negative dialogue.

If you've put on the positive mindset "I am confident in my abilities", each time you think, "I'm not good at anything." the positive mindset will step in and speak for all the things you really are good at, thus defeating the negative thoughts. In that respect, one learns to think positively, and therefore, react positively to his/her own internal emotions as well as external stimuli. This is what I mean.

Originally posted by absolutely
the problem is what u keep meaning or thinking home as a source or as a relative result of ones wills or realisations, while if u see the issue objectively the truth is there, home is a right

then u can start talking how it became an issue when yes it is obvious we should not mean any home, home of wat or wat for

For me, as a child, home was never a right nor a feeling.

For me, as an adult, I long to be or "feel at" home anywhere I am.

I just don't know how to be. I have no basis for comparison, and no way to understand how "home" came to be for other people. I was curious about this, so I started the thread.

then u can start to confirm that truth by seeing the points u defined home through in better light

home is peace bc wars is the rule which is absurd

home is what one do while one is nothing free sense, bc nothing is absolutely abused by one which is absurd too

so i suggest kicking one from the home he constructed and then forget about it all

Yes, I agree with you here - I do feel most at home when I am free. This is what I want to feel at all times; with no preset conditions as to what can or cannot be "home".

And, yes, I would like to get away from feeling like it "has to be" something; I would like to feel that love and contentment without any thought or belief.

Again, to me, love is an innate feeling which is not based on anything in particular... it just IS.

reply to post by ottobot


yes, home is where your heart is,
my own words are my comfort zone
so somehow bend the two and thats
MY HOME

Originally posted by ottobot
I am interested in knowing what you have learned? You can send me a private message if you don't want to type it out in the public area.

I think that there are types of what would appear to be "magic" to our limited human brains, but that are actually forces we cannot fully understand. When we accidentally stumble upon ways to access these forces, it is then called "occult" because it scares people who do not understand it. Aliens who have technology to travel here have technology and knowledge that would seem like "magic" to us, and may or may not be influencing the evolution of humans by introducing new types of brain functionality through biological/genetic manipulation of [purported] abductees.

But, again, I am interested in the perspective you have gained through your experiences.

I don't mind because logical conclusions are logical for reasons, arguements of thought without foundations of wisdom and experiences are common in the world.

I met a girl from a magician and she told me things about my past, and had dreams of my real life, so we thought we were soulmates. I then had a dream that aliens brought her to me. A darn book was written about me before I even knew of it because this has happened to other people.

reply to post by greyer


What happened to the girl?

If you thought you were soulmates, why would aliens being involved matter? Just because your dream said they brought her to you doesn't mean that you weren't meant to be brought together anyway. How can you be certain that the two of you wouldn't have met up at some point, regardless?

And, what is the book? I am very interested in reading more about this type of experience.

reply to post by ottobot


Do not try to be positive, do not put any desire on anything, let everything be as it is. It is the trying that makes life hard. Life does itself much better if we stop expecting anything from it. It happens quite naturally. And it is easy then and when life is easy it is easy to be happy.