posted on Feb, 15 2012 @ 12:09 PM
Originally posted by ottobot
Originally posted by WhiteHat
I don't feel at home nowhere on this earth; I grew up in so many places, and even as an adult my wanders continued, so I always feel out of place, a
stranger. Never lived in one place more than five years; many times as little as one year. Always finding myself asking: "what am I doing here?",
sometimes on a daily basis...
There are some people, very few, who give me a feeling similar to that of coming home.
I've read once a beautiful haiku, I"m so sorry I don't remember it exactly, but it goes something like this:
"A heart without the love
On an ocean without a shore,
It's exactly my permanent feeling....
I am sorry to hear of your extreme loneliness. I feel like this sometimes, too, as if I am alone even when surrounded by people... even people I love.
I have a question for you: What are you looking for?
Each time you move, where are you going?
And, what has happened to the people who have made you feel like home?
I don't know what I'm looking for, or what I'm missing. I wish I knew. A higher meaning, maybe, or maybe a little more than just living day by day
the same routine.
When I move I usually change cities and jobs. Most of the time it's not from my own choice. I love new places, new people, I'm filled with curiosity
and wonder for a while, and then everything slowly fades out in the same routine. But even if I stay for longer in one place, I'm gradually closing
myself in a shell, don't stay in touch with friends, socially active only at the minimum not to give the impression I'm rude, even at work I'm the
most quiet and introvert person of my team. I always prefer a good book to a meeting with friends. I don't know why, and I'm not sure if I do that
because I feel like not belonging, or I don't belong because I move a lot.
Even if I ask myself sometimes if I could choose, where in the world I would want to be, the answer is hard to find. Maybe somewhere in the
mountains, away from other people, maybe traveling around the world, not a specific place. No place to think about it like home.
People who made me feel at home, well, same story, some I left behind, some I willingly drifted away from them. Again, I wish I knew why.