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Parenting 101: how to instill respect for others.

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posted on Feb, 12 2012 @ 04:43 PM
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S+F
Thats a lesson that will not be forgotten.




posted on Feb, 12 2012 @ 04:45 PM
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Originally posted by Hannagan
The daughter was not taught the right life skills and the father over reacted. They both failed really. Kids like that are in for a rude shock when they have to work.


I guarantee you this daughter will someday appreciate that her father cared enough to do what he did.

May take a few years and some maturity - - but she will remember and love him for it.



posted on Feb, 12 2012 @ 05:26 PM
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reply to post by SoymilkAlaska
 


Don't care if you believe me or not, it is absolutely the truth. I have better things to do with my time than make up stories. Basically, my daughter grew up. Since 18, she has been supporting herself, and has come to see that her behavior when she was younger was way out of control. It is called taking responsibility for one's actions.

I was surprised that she supported the father's actions, but as I said, she did. She didn't hit her head, but thanks for the rude snippet. I'll bet your kids are real polite, huh?



posted on Feb, 12 2012 @ 05:27 PM
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reply to post by Destinyone
 


Thanks, Des...you ROCK. As always.



posted on Feb, 12 2012 @ 05:29 PM
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reply to post by TheRedneck
 





I have never dealt with many subjects, such as veterinary medicine. Would I inject a supposed 'expert' opinion on the subject? No... I would listen to those who have experience in the field and try to learn. My opinions would be anecdotal and very subjective.

So when it comes to parenting issues, who would have the most informed opinions? Someone who has never raised a child, or someone who has raised a child? And in the same vein of thought, among those who have raised a child, who would have the most reliable experience: those who have young children or those who have grown children? And among those who who have grown children, whose opinions would be more trustworthy: those who had successful children or those who did not?


Certainly again you make very stable horse sense.


However . . . in behalf of folks like me . . .

--some men are great gynecologists.

--and some counselors/psychologists like me . . . who've never raised kids year after year in our own homes . . .

yet who HAVE STUDIED LOTS of thousands of man hours worth of condensed EXPERIENTIAL AND EMPIRICAL wisdom from many thousands of actual front lines parents and THEIR experiences . . . and thereby . . . we

know a LOT more about some aspects of childrearing than some idiots with a dozen kids who seem to pay no more attention to them than they do their pet rock.



posted on Feb, 12 2012 @ 05:48 PM
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I think this guy handled his situation immaturely he should have found another means of discipline he is not setting a good example.



posted on Feb, 12 2012 @ 05:51 PM
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Originally posted by CaptainNemo

The man said he previously grounded his daughter for 3 months, she messed up again so he demonstrated that what he gave to her he can just as easily take back/destroy. If he would've shot the computer the 1st time she disrespected him THAT would be overreacting. He followed an increasing system of punishment. Fair play

And I don't get why people are calling this guy angry. He never raised his voice once. When I disrespected my dad I got kicked out the house. I was 16 and it was the middle of winter. When I acted up in school my dad came up to the school and found me. This girls got it easy and she should be thankful

Sometimes you try your hardest with a kid, try to teach them all the right things and they turn out to be the opposite. Parents aren't perfect and from the video I can get a sense of his style of discipline. He gave her some freedom, tried to be nice to her and in return she abused it and disrespected him.


Good points.

I am interested in teen parents responding to this issue . . .

GROUNDING. Personally, I'm skeptical that grounding works well with teens beyond 3-6 weeks.

However, it seems often with teens as with 2 year olds . . . if they've never learned DELAYED GRATIFICATION--then there will be serious problems until they do.

This article is great about that:

online.wsj.com...

Most teens, particularly without quality bonding and training by a quality Dad . . . it seems to me . . . live very much for TODAY'S EMOTIONAL HIGHS . . . particularly confirmation from PEERS that they are cool, with it, etc.

Anticipating the consequences of their actions is not exactly the forefront of their . . . uhhhh immature frontal lobes.

One of the best books I know with lots of practical effective ideas is this one:

www.amazon.com...=sr_1_3?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1329090002&sr=1-3

RAISING A THINKING CHILD: HELP FOR YOUR YOUNG CHILD TO RESOLVE EVERYDAY CONFLICTS AND GET ALONG WITH OTHERS.

Children as young as 3 can be taught the basic principles. Those who learn them end up doing much better in school and in relationships over the whole of their lives.

IIRC, the plan starts out even with 2 year olds . . . and makes a big deal of vocabulary in toddler dramatic ways.

e.g.

Welllllll, Johnny, we are going to learn a little better a couple of words today: SAME and DIFFERENT.

Is this red ball the SAME as this green leaf or DIFFERENT.
Right. DIFFERENT.

etc. etc.

Oh, Really?
So, the next time Freddy comes over to play, would you like him to go home crying

or

would you like to have him act DIFFERENTly from your play time?

Yeah. I'd like to see it DIFFERENT, too.

So, instead of GRABBING YOUR TOY TRUCK out of Freddy's hands when he was playing with it,

What could you have done DIFFERENTly?

A) . . . . Asked politely for the truck

And what else could you have done DIFFERENTLY?

B) . . . waited until Freddy chose to play with something else

And what else could you have done DIFFERRENTLY?

C) . . . given Freddy a different truck to play with in case he was interested in trading

D) . . . Yelled at him, taken my truck and told him to not touch my toys.

etc. etc.

Which of those possible DIFFERENT choices and actions do YOU think would have

left your play time and your relationship with Freddy in a BETTER place?

etc. etc. etc.

The whole program is about teaching children to ANTICIPATE the CONSEQUENCES of their choices, tones, actions, word choices etc. Amazingly even toddlers CAN LEARN a LOT about such things with careful incremental training.

There's lots of teens AND PARENTS who'd benefit from such training. LOL.


Here's some other worthwhile titles:

www.amazon.com...=nb_sb_noss?url=search-alias%3Dstripbooks&field-keywords=HOW+TO+RAISE+THINKING+KIDS



posted on Feb, 12 2012 @ 06:02 PM
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reply to post by BO XIAN

Yes, studies do count toward knowledge... but the best practitioners in any field who rely on academic knowledge are also those who admit the importance of experience. Experience, again, is practical knowledge and thus is more in depth into certain practical areas.

The gynecology example, however, seems inappropriate to me. Just because one owns a car, to use a similar example, it does not follow that one is capable of repairing that car. it does follow that the owner would know more about the 'normal' operation condition of the car, however, and so it would behoove any practitioner of gynecology, male or female, to listen to the patient.

In the end, it is a judgment call as to who has the most trustworthy opinions. Where I find fault is when someone decides that no amount of experience can trump minor academic reading.

TheRedneck



posted on Feb, 12 2012 @ 06:14 PM
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reply to post by jadedANDcynical
 





All of these things are what my wife and I have striven for with our children, and of course haven't always succeeded. But as with everything, it's a work in progress. We do our best to learn from our mistakes and not do what doesn't work.

For those who haven't lived with children in an authoritative role, you really have no idea how you would react until you're in those situations. What you think you would do is not necessarily what will actually happen. Until you have to think in your feet day in and day out, respond to their actions (or inactions), answer their questions, endure the stress of being depended upon, and just generally live every day hoping you don't screw up too badly , you really have no idea.

This is the same sentiment behind the phrase "every battle plan only survives until contact with the enemy." some things work, some don't and the ones tht do don't always apply in every situation. Children are people too, and are unique.

They're like arrows, you can aim them in the right direction, but once they're in flight, there's not a real easy way to change their trajectory.


EXCELLENT POINTS.

Thanks for your kind reply.

Sometimes, some parents have found it useful to . . . say at the end of the month or week . . . have a family powwow and ask each other . . . what could we have done better this past week/month.

It's a great lesson to the kids to see the parents own their flaws and mistakes; learn from them; pick up and grow on.



posted on Feb, 12 2012 @ 06:22 PM
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Originally posted by Destinyone
What disturbs me, is, we have a whole generation of children being raised in an environment of apathy.
Parents have, for whatever reasons, given up on actually raising their children. Have become dependent on society to raise them for them.


Absolutely indeed.

However, that is exactly what the ruling oligarchy has been propagandizing, conditioning, coercing, demanding of parents for decades. They don't WANT the parents rearing their own kids.

The Evil bustards--may their own offspring rise up and shred them wholesale for what they've been doing to families and individuals.

In any case . . . IF the group is a closely knit harmonious tribal group--group rearing can work well enough. If it's not--chaos and aimlessness, normlessness, selfishness etc. rule.



The concept of raising children with consequences pretty much has been thrown out the window. Apathy doesn't instill values, consequences does.


Absolutely indeed.

And CONSEQUENCES WILL SET IN, sooner or later . . . life's like that. Woe to the parents and the children where parents have NOT taught their children the importance and inevitability of consequences.

My paraphrase of as Maya Angelou writes in HARVEST TIME . . . there's no planting cacti and harvesting peaches with ice cream.



I applaud the father in his following through on the lesson of consequences with his daughter. What he did, he had warned her of should she not take to heart his previous lesson, that was given verbally. He followed through with the exact consequences, she apparently didn't listen to. Good for him, I say.


I agree that once he'd said what he'd do--he had to follow through.



Apathy from a parent leaves no line drawn in the sand, of what is acceptable, and what is not. Hence we have a generation of half-baked kids with no concept of boundaries and consequences. I fear for our future, I really do.
Des


INDEED.

Yeah, there's millions of kids that are going to be shredded by looming events . . . partly because they are caught catatonic like deer in the headlights

because they never made the connection between behavior and choices and consequences.

Sigh.



posted on Feb, 12 2012 @ 06:23 PM
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reply to post by BO XIAN

Grounding...

I have tried it and never had much success. Why? Because it isn't really punishment. My son has his own PC, laptop, cell phone, mp3 player, etc., etc., etc. in his room. He typically spends most of the day in that room. he is at that age (18) where he enjoys entertaining himself (and he has shown me he can be trusted alone... that helps a lot). So what good does it do to tell him to go to his room? None. That's where he wants to go. If I ground him, take away his internet connection and cell phone, he will simply amuse himself another way. It's not the toys that he craves; it is the solitude. The toys are just that: toys; take one away and another will suffice.

What is worse than grounding is to embarrass... or I should say, to let a child embarrass themselves.

Wanna know how much those toys really mean?

I remember the worst punishment I ever received. I was 13, and I had asked my Dad for a motorcycle. he calmly suggested I might prefer a car instead (what a way to keep a stupid kid off a two-wheeled death trap!). Then, a few months later, we found a car he thought might suit me: an old 1967 Volkswagon Beetle in serious need of some serious TLC. One Saturday morning as we were getting ready to go mend some fences, he said he thought today would be a good day to go get my car.

I was the happiest boy on the mountain!

I worked like a dog to get those fences finished... I could not wait! Finally, about noon, we were done and tossed the tools into the back of his pickup. He tossed me the keys and told me to drive the truck home (it was just field roads). At the last gate, the road swings sharp left, and I was going too fast... I was in a hurry... and the truck couldn't make the turn. I hit the gate post.

I could not believe how stupid I had been. I just sat there, dumbfounded, waiting to hear how I didn't deserve a car now.

Instead my Dad just said, "Looks like we have to fix this fence before we go now."

That hurt. I was tired, exhausted really, ashamed of what I had done, but instead of simply being able to get mad and complain about how unfair life was... I had to fix another fence post... and a gate post at that. I wanted to cry.

We got my car that evening. Dad didn't take it away, although I doubt I would have blamed him after a week of sulking if he had. And I learned a valuable lesson.

TheRedneck



posted on Feb, 12 2012 @ 06:25 PM
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reply to post by Hannagan
 





He said "They kept just giving me all this crap to do all the time"........I said "That's a job.....they get you to do things.........all the time, in fact...the whole time".


INCREDIBLE.

Yeah . . . go sit on the beach and the boss will bring you peeled grapes.

Sheesh. Some people seem to have flushed the only brains God gave them to start with.



posted on Feb, 12 2012 @ 06:30 PM
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reply to post by TheRedneck
 





The father chose to use a .45 to destroy the laptop. Fine. It does not matter how he destroyed it, but why he destroyed it. He did so because that laptop was being used by his daughter to hurt herself, no different than if he took away a knife she was trying to cut herself with.

That's the issue. Not your fear of firearms.


AGREED.

I think it was very telling that Mom wanted a bullet for her. LOL.

I'm fairly certain that with each bullet into that laptop . . . when the daughter watched it as she undoubtedly did . . .

the daughter would feel a certain wincing pain in her gut. Well earned.

Could dad have done better . . . probably . . . undoubtedly . . . starting years ago. AT this point . . . it was a starkly clear consequence that won't be soon forgotten.



posted on Feb, 12 2012 @ 06:34 PM
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reply to post by TheRedneck
 





In a perfect world, he would have disciplined her when she was younger, and this would not be necessary. But in my perfect world, the old biddy that likes to jump in parents' faces when they spat a misbehaving child in the store would be slapped up side her jaws every time she did it and the police wouldn't care.


I knew you were my kinda guy. LOL. I've often told my students that if I caught them in Walmart misbehaving outrageously to a family member, I'd make a big scene. They all knew or believed that I meant it. LOL.



There is nothing more important to a parent than their children. Nothing, not life itself.

As I said once to my daughter: "I really would like to be your friend, but I have no choice but to be your daddy."


AMEN! AMEN! AMEN!

I didn't think much of the Kennedys . . . however one of Jacqualine's quotes has always impressed me.

My paraphrase from memory:

'If you mess up rearing your kids, nothing else matters.'



posted on Feb, 12 2012 @ 06:38 PM
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reply to post by TheRedneck
 



I agree with you.

And, I've always been one to lean heavily on experience.

Even my teaching is full of role playing and practical nitty gritty explorations of real life student situations right in front of the class. The students love it. I scare off those who won't the first session or 2. LOL.



posted on Feb, 12 2012 @ 06:41 PM
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reply to post by TheRedneck
 



What an incredibly wise dad.

No wonder you turned out so well.

Sometimes, GRACE is the hardest 'punishment.'

Most teens and older are harder on themselves deep down inside than their parents CAN be.



posted on Feb, 12 2012 @ 06:49 PM
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reply to post by TheRedneck
 


You working in the particular field I used in my example does not change the fact that it does not take an expert to KNOW that nuclear power can be dangerous. I know you like nuclear power and do not like green energy and now I know why. Just as with this particular subject, you will not even begin to question your own opinion. It is good to have that confirmed.

If you want the opinion of someone "experienced" then fine, you have that opinion through me. I was raised in an abusive family, I am an EXPERT on what it is like being a child raised in the atmosphere of abuse. My opinion is this man in the video you posted is being abusive to his child. Will you accept the opinion of an expert? Most likely not.

I am not the one trying to "boil things down to black and white". It is those who claim an opinion is only valid if they have experience in a certain subject ie: "if you are not a parent then your opinion is invalid" who seem to be trying to "boil things down to black and white".

You yourself agree with people who believe the way you do, I've seen you do it. In many ways their is nothing wrong with that and it is human nature. The problem is that when we refuse to look at the picture from all sides, we only get one view of it. I have seen many on this site who ONLY listen to those who have the same opinion as themselves and refuse to look at the picture from all sides. It is interesting as to me it seems that instead of looking for knowledge and information many are just looking for people who will support them in their opinions and give them pretty little stars and pats on the back.

One of the things that makes a good enough parent to me would be one who actually works towards educating themselves. A parent who takes the time to truly think about what they do and believe is one who to me, will make a better parent. A parent who is willing to look at the picture from all sides and question themselves when others share their thoughts even when the information they are given is the opposite of what they wish to believe is to me, the parent that is doing their best.

I don't see that with many people, what I see is many parents who say "it worked for mine so that's all I need to know". They seem to never look at the picture from all sides and seem to only look at the picture from one direction.

I am a parent. I have been a child. I was a child raised in an abusive family and the video you posted gives me chills as it reminds me of my own childhood. I spent many years educating myself about abuse and children and I know in my own heart and conscious that what this parent did was most likely damaging to his child.

I believe that the parent in your video was abusive, I believe it is his parenting style which is causing the problems he is having with his child.

You wish to believe he did the right thing.

We have different opinions.

*shrugs it is what it is.

Good luck!

Harm None
Peace



posted on Feb, 12 2012 @ 07:14 PM
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Originally posted by TheRedneck
reply to post by BO XIAN

Grounding...

I have tried it and never had much success. Why? Because it isn't really punishment. My son has his own PC, laptop, cell phone, mp3 player, etc., etc., etc. in his room.


When we ground - we only do it for a week. We figure that is long enough for most kids to reflect.

All electronic devices are banned. Except music.

She can read - write - spend time with family - play with her little brother - cook - do art. She's your typical girl - - all about social and fashion. (she did get an A in math though). Losing communication with friends works for her.
edit on 12-2-2012 by Annee because: (no reason given)



posted on Feb, 12 2012 @ 07:27 PM
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reply to post by BO XIAN
 



Sometimes, some parents have found it useful to . . . say at the end of the month or week . . . have a family powwow and ask each other . . . what could we have done better this past week/month.

It's a great lesson to the kids to see the parents own their flaws and mistakes; learn from them; pick up and grow on.


This is an excellent idea!

We do something similar where I work (a national restaurant chain), a monthly one on one with our supervisor and review performance of both the restaurant and personally.

When we have a trainee, one o the questions I ask their trainer is, "what did they do well on and what do they need to work on?" and then I'll ask the trainees the same question and see if they can honestly envaluate their own performance and opportunities.

It's a method I learned while training in Tae Kwon Do (which all of our kids participate in) and have always been a fan of knowledge transference and love using techniques across various disciplines.

This would provide for a means to introduce positive and negative feedback loops within family units and help pinpoint what works and what doesn't.




posted on Feb, 12 2012 @ 08:53 PM
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reply to post by amazed
 


Do you know that many children in this world do not have shoes or enough to eat? Never mind a friggin laptop. And they sure don't get to go to school - they're working. Maybe in the fields or a factory, but for sure no less than 16 hours a day. This girl had chores. Wahh.

Taking away luxuries and privileges is NOT emotional abuse - kids who have the opportunity to earn such privileges are incredibly fortunate. Hopefully, this girl will get a perspective before she ends up sleeping under a bridge because she doesn't know how to do anything else.




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