Your childhood and how your parents influenced who you are today..

reply to post by sugarcookie1


Interesting thread. Like many other posters I must confess that my parents played an important part to who I am today. Later in life, as a teen, I relativized to my friends and became a part of me.

When my dad died I took time to think about who he really was and the answers I found did contribute to understand some parts of myself.

I often hear about fathers who abuse their children and that the chance exist that their behaviour will be passed on to their children. What make some children take that sad behaviour with them and why do some children do not and become a caring and loving parent?

Anyways, it is not only my parents who have contributed to the wonderful, sparkling and content personality I have. In my teens I relativized much to my friends and I am sure they became a part of me too.

Originally posted by richierich931
The only words that come to mind on the subject of my parents raising me would be feral child. From the time I was very little, 3 - 6, i simply roamed the few acres my parents had pretending to to talk with the trees, playing in the dirt and staying out from dawn until dusk. We moved when i was 6 to a larger property which bordered a national forest and the same thing happened, I was left alone to explore.

I never had any friends, my parents were never there. My father was a radiologist and worked all the time. My mother didn't have to work but did, leaving me alone to get ready for school. I was always in an empty house that never felt like my home. It wasn't until I was an adult before i realized how strange my childhood was. My father was so cold, emotionless and judgmental. My mother was always so distant, and it always felt like she had something else to do, something that she hadn't finished yet, leaving me on the back burner trying to figure out what I had done wrong.

I heard my father say once that their first child was pretty dependent, but the second was very independent and pretty much took care of herself. This leaves me drawing the conclusion that they figured the third would be totally independent with no need for parental supervision or guidance, and they gave me neither.

I came home from a deployment to Iraq and had to find a ride home with a friend, because my parents had planned a vacation to far in advance to change or cancel.

It's sad to say, but today my parents to me are just people i know, and my wife's mother has been more of a parent to me showing me what emotions parents should show their children. I never understood my friends amazing relationships with their parents, and they never understood mine. I could never just sit down and talk with my parents, the only time they spoke to me was when i had done something wrong, and it was a 'family discussion' where i never said anything more than, "yes sir", and tried to look past the condemning stares and hurtful words they used.

BUT, would I be who I am today if they were different? If they were real parents would I act the same, or think the same? I don't know, but my life's experiences have made me who I am today. I would rather be who I am, questioning everyone and everything searching for... well I still don't know. They are sheep, eternal consumers unquestioning with one word in their minds, OBEY...

One day I will find what I'm looking for, and i hope that whatever I find has been looking for me too.

I have to wonder if parents think a child is considered sensible and responsible enough to be alone at such a young age i don't think a child should ever be left alone at age 3 - 6 and in the woods is even worse anything could have happened that just scary..You had an angel watching over you no child should ever be without parental supervision or guidance as you know..
I never knew other kids had amazing relationships with their parents i always thought all kids went to there grandparents to have fun and talk about things till i got older then realized just how different i really am..
Also thank you and much heartfelt gratitude to you for protecting our freedoms hear at home and im glad you came home safely!
I just have a feeling your going to find what your looking for
Thank you for posting..sugarcookie1

My mother was a flighty drug addict and I never knew my father. I went back and forth from my mother to my religiously strict, emotionally cold grandparents who loved to remind me what a burden I was and how unfair it was of my mother to force them to take care of me. Yes, it screwed me up pretty bad, but it also drove me to become a better person and to be the kind of parent I wished I would have had.
I think the back and forth between the to different worlds allowed to me to see life from many different angles.
While I am still learning to deal with some of the issue I dealt with growing up, I am thankful for some of the things my childhood taught me. If I had grown up in a "normal" home would the person I am now like the person I would have been? Would I have become a mindless, glued to the t.v., processed food eating consumer? I wonder.

Originally posted by Dark Ghost
There is no doubt that your parents' influence on you during your childhood has long-lasting effects on the way you turn out as an adult. Negative behaviour is likely to be ingrained deeply into your psych and you are likely to display or repackage this behaviour as an adult when you have kids of your own. It can become a viscous chain of pain and misery that continues from generation to generation.

However, there are many positive examples of people with horrible childhoods being able to turn their lives around and raise kids in a healthy and loving environment. "Breaking the cycle" is a challenging task, but it can be done. I strongly admire those who can overcome tough childhoods to become good loving parents.

I agree with your post 100% ..I know someone right now that had an unbeliveable childhood and she turned everything that ever happened to her into a learning experience and i don't think ive ever seen such a loving family as this one i sure admire her everything is so positive and loving..peace,sugarcookie1

Originally posted by Forevever

Originally posted by Dark Ghost
"Breaking the cycle" is a challenging task, but it can be done. I strongly admire those who can overcome tough childhoods to become good loving parents.

I second this but it got me thinking.... we all have horror stories about our parents... what if we do become good, loving parents - will we give birth the zombies the OP speaks of?

on the other hand, even good parents produce monsters, I've seen it

Then I also wonder if some horror stories people tell are just misinterpreted by a young mind - for example - I grew up believing I was a scapegoat because it seemed like I would get punished for things that all the kids were involved in, and I always felt like my punishment was more severe than theirs - if they were punished at all - but in hindsight, now that I'm a parent, its not always easy to know who was at fault for a situation - and when all the other kids tell one story, and you're the only one telling the truth.... you see where I'm going with this? It was the kids around me that were the problem in that situation - not necessarily the adults.


But its easy to say your negative experiences shaped and molded who you became. What about the good stuff?

I'm pretty sure it was inevitable that I would end up on this website. Almost predestined. My mother told me all my life that flouride was rat poison, that they were putting it in the water to slowly kill us. We've always had bottled water, even when it wasn't fashionable. She bought me Time-Life books about aliens and ufo's and mysterious places and phenomenon. I even found the commercial on youtube

I still have some of them - I keep meaning to reread them.


So yeah, I can fill my post with horror stories - instead, I'm gonna thank my mother for having an open mind

I won't fill the post with videos either, but here's more I found if you're interested
Youtube - Time Life: Enchanted Worlds
Youtube - Time Life: Ghosts and the Supernatural
Time Life: Mystic Places

Thanks for posting Forevever..I agree even good parents produce monsters ive see it myself..I see were your going with your post for sure and i think in some cases that is the way it is its not always the adults sometimes its over imagined but ive learned in most cases it not sadly..
I think sometimes the bad memorys out weigh the good in some people ..I rember some good times they very few and inbetween but they always bring a smile to my face
peace,sugarcookie1 PS thank you for the links im going to look at them later tonight

Originally posted by hhcore
reply to post by Forevever

 

I have to say, that my childhood has been very much like you describe. Right down to the time life books. Of course, I have been punished as a child, but for the most part my brother and I were loved by our parents. They did many things for us, so I can't complain. I almost didn't reply to this thread because I felt bad for most of the respondents, and didn't want to sound like I was trying to one up everyone else.

Thank you for posting peace,sugarcookie1

Originally posted by zatara
reply to post by sugarcookie1

 

Interesting thread. Like many other posters I must confess that my parents played an important part to who I am today. Later in life, as a teen, I relativized to my friends and became a part of me.

When my dad died I took time to think about who he really was and the answers I found did contribute to understand some parts of myself.

I often hear about fathers who abuse their children and that the chance exist that their behaviour will be passed on to their children. What make some children take that sad behaviour with them and why do some children do not and become a caring and loving parent?

Anyways, it is not only my parents who have contributed to the wonderful, sparkling and content personality I have. In my teens I relativized much to my friends and I am sure they became a part of me too.

I wish i had the answers to why some children take that sad behavior with them and why some children do not and become a caring and loving parents ..
adult survivors of emotional child abuse have only two life-choices: learn to self-reference or remain a victim i believe everyone deserves to be loved and respected ..peace,sugarcookie1

Originally posted by calstorm
My mother was a flighty drug addict and I never knew my father. I went back and forth from my mother to my religiously strict, emotionally cold grandparents who loved to remind me what a burden I was and how unfair it was of my mother to force them to take care of me. Yes, it screwed me up pretty bad, but it also drove me to become a better person and to be the kind of parent I wished I would have had.
I think the back and forth between the to different worlds allowed to me to see life from many different angles.
While I am still learning to deal with some of the issue I dealt with growing up, I am thankful for some of the things my childhood taught me. If I had grown up in a "normal" home would the person I am now like the person I would have been? Would I have become a mindless, glued to the t.v., processed food eating consumer? I wonder.

I was brought up in those 2 different worlds also and it was hard but like you i also wonder what it would have been like to grow up in a normal home what ever that is..
I was a mindless, glued to the TV kinda girl there was nothing else to do as a kid thats how i entertained my day i thought thats what all kids did growing up my life was far from normal but hey i learned as an adult if i ever had kids id never bring then up like i was ..Every kid needs love and adults also a hug goes a long way in my book..peace,sugarcookie1

Originally posted by 43LEO729
We are products of our eviornment.
Love,forgive, and move on.
We are only passing through one time.
Make the best of it.

Hiya Leo What you said is true ..We have talked about that Love,forgive, and move on thing peace,sugarcookie1

Originally posted by curious7
Well I didn't get my intelligence and creativity from anyone else in my family so...

Also learned how not to be a parent even though I hate kids and would never have any myself.

Don't think my parents influenced anything in my life, it's all been my own doing.

Thats being strait forward and honest ,your the frist person ive ever heard say there parents didn't influence anything in there life..And if you don't like kids its probley best you don't have any but maybe that will change someday..peace,sugarcookie1

Now that I look back on it,I had a great childhood.
My family was like the Beaver Cleaver family from the tv show in the 50's.
As a teen,I was bored to death and very rebellious.
I got to run outside around the neighborhood and woods all day.
Then,when I was about 13 I got uprooted and we moved to a farm because of the economy in the 70's.
It was hard work and I hated every minute of it but it taught me good working ethics which has made me successful today.
I had always hated my mother and father until I had kids ,then I understood what it meant to be a parent.
I apologized to them for the way I had been and respected them.

Kind of like that dad who shot up his daughters computer.

One day,she will come to understand.

Parents are very overrated!!! (I kid,no pun intended)

I have seen many with great parents, turn into complete monsters. I have seen kids with NO parents turn into good parents themselves. Its strange actually. I think human nature drives us to try and become the best,at whatever life throws our way. There are the exceptions,but heck,I became a decent dad (my kids tell me),and being a single father,raising my children by myself,makes life just a little bit more interesting. I really think interaction with children,when you are a child helps mold you also. From playing with the brothers and sisters,to playing with the neighbors. Parents also help mold you. Guiding you with morals and principles.....


S&F

My parents have had a massive influence on my life. They were both airline cabin crew when they met and my mum gave that up when she had my older brother and my dad continued flying. So growing up, my dad was away about 50% of the time and when he was around he was alway a little grouchy as he always had jet lag.

So 50% of the time I was able to get away with things and play up. The other 50% when dad was back I was not really allowed to sit around doing nothing. He would always find chores for me and my brother to do.

My mum is extremely caring and was possibly a little too soft on me and my brother, but that is just her way. My dad has always been very fair, but firm at the same time. They both made sure me and my brother were polite and generally well rounded individuals.

My dad also made the most of the benefits that came with his job, which meant he could take us away with him, so I was lucky to do a lot of travelling from a young age and got to do things, I could only dream of doing now I'm an adult. Travelling either first class or business class and once sat in the cockpit of a 747 from London to LA. My dad would take us away when there was ever an opportunity.

I actually live now at home with my retired parents. Circumstances have forced this upon me, but we all seem to get on pretty well, they respect my privacy and don't cause me too many headaches.

They have both lived a very healthy happy life full of love which has been an enormous influence on me.

reply to post by sugarcookie1


I'm like you in the way I can't imagine why I would choose my 'family' through karma, I had a very rough childhood was bullied quite a bit my grandmother had complained but they didn't do too much of anything then either (but not the way they do today with these poor outcasts) but enough where I never really gained any confidence after I got out.. (i had 9 bad years after my mother died when I was 9, My father had died previously, and was raised by a grandmother. I guess that's what made me a target for the kids in elementary. Got a little better in high school, unfortunate though alot of those same kids went to my high school had about two friends the time I was in the public school system .

Originally posted by kdog1982
Now that I look back on it,I had a great childhood.
My family was like the Beaver Cleaver family from the tv show in the 50's.
As a teen,I was bored to death and very rebellious.
I got to run outside around the neighborhood and woods all day.
Then,when I was about 13 I got uprooted and we moved to a farm because of the economy in the 70's.
It was hard work and I hated every minute of it but it taught me good working ethics which has made me successful today.
I had always hated my mother and father until I had kids ,then I understood what it meant to be a parent.
I apologized to them for the way I had been and respected them.

Kind of like that dad who shot up his daughters computer.

One day,she will come to understand.

Hi kdog1982..I know all about the farm life i spent my whole childhood on a farm and now own one also and yes its hard work i remember feeding the chickens and cleaning out the pens and hated it..
I raise cattle for a living now but i have a hired hand to do the work i cant do the farm work anymore for medical reasons but i cant think of a better place to raise kids ..Lots of room to run and learn responsibility ..

The dad who shot up his daughters computer your right she will understand why he did what he did to bad there isnt a rule book on how to raise kids ..peace,sugarcookie1

My Mum and Dad were and still are simply amazing!!

I couldn't ask for better, they brought me up with an almost stand-off-ish way, in that they'd tell me the rules and how I supposed to behave but let me make my own mistakes and disciplined me if I stepped out of line.

There was a lot of unspoken love, we all knew we loved each other more than we could ever express so we neever needed to.

They brought me up so that I could make my own decisions about stuff. My Mum is catholic but never insisted I followed or believed, my Dad was spiritual, coming from a Native American family. I guess I chose to follow the spiritual side.

They've brought me up to respect everyone and everything (living and non-living) Respect for nature, animals etc etc, so I suppose I'm a modern day hippy

I think I came here because I hate to see injustice on any level and like to think of myself as a modern day Robin Hood.
I'm mostly interested in the political madness type threads and religious threads (not because I'm religious, because I'm not) but I guess I have a rebellious streak and always question what I'm told, I want to know everything there is about a subject before I make a decision or form my beliefs.

Originally posted by sonnny1
Parents are very overrated!!! (I kid,no pun intended)

I have seen many with great parents, turn into complete monsters. I have seen kids with NO parents turn into good parents themselves. Its strange actually. I think human nature drives us to try and become the best,at whatever life throws our way. There are the exceptions,but heck,I became a decent dad (my kids tell me),and being a single father,raising my children by myself,makes life just a little bit more interesting. I really think interaction with children,when you are a child helps mold you also. From playing with the brothers and sisters,to playing with the neighbors. Parents also help mold you. Guiding you with morals and principles.....


S&F

Hiya sonnny1 Thanks for posting ..I have no doubt your a wonderful dad and bringing up your children as a single dad im sure has many rewards ..I was brought up a only child and the only ones around to mold me were my mom and dad and grandparents it was a very isolated childhood ..
There is allot involved with the reason i was raised this way but i wont get into it im sure it will be boring to many I will say this they did bring me up to have allot of morals and principles..peace,sugarcookie1

Originally posted by woodwardjnr
My parents have had a massive influence on my life. They were both airline cabin crew when they met and my mum gave that up when she had my older brother and my dad continued flying. So growing up, my dad was away about 50% of the time and when he was around he was alway a little grouchy as he always had jet lag.

So 50% of the time I was able to get away with things and play up. The other 50% when dad was back I was not really allowed to sit around doing nothing. He would always find chores for me and my brother to do.

My mum is extremely caring and was possibly a little too soft on me and my brother, but that is just her way. My dad has always been very fair, but firm at the same time. They both made sure me and my brother were polite and generally well rounded individuals.

My dad also made the most of the benefits that came with his job, which meant he could take us away with him, so I was lucky to do a lot of travelling from a young age and got to do things, I could only dream of doing now I'm an adult. Travelling either first class or business class and once sat in the cockpit of a 747 from London to LA. My dad would take us away when there was ever an opportunity.

I actually live now at home with my retired parents. Circumstances have forced this upon me, but we all seem to get on pretty well, they respect my privacy and don't cause me too many headaches.

They have both lived a very healthy happy life full of love which has been an enormous influence on me. [/quote

]
woodwardjnr..It sounds like you had a wonderful childhood and being able to travel must have been very special i envey you

peace,sugarcookie1

Originally posted by 1loserel2
reply to post by sugarcookie1

 

I'm like you in the way I can't imagine why I would choose my 'family' through karma, I had a very rough childhood was bullied quite a bit my grandmother had complained but they didn't do too much of anything then either (but not the way they do today with these poor outcasts) but enough where I never really gained any confidence after I got out.. (i had 9 bad years after my mother died when I was 9, My father had died previously, and was raised by a grandmother. I guess that's what made me a target for the kids in elementary. Got a little better in high school, unfortunate though alot of those same kids went to my high school had about two friends the time I was in the public school system .

Thanks for posting 1loserel2, Being bullied is horrible and the worse part is alot of parents let there kids do it and it takes away your confidence as a kid ..Im not sure what parents should do about it except confront the parents of the kids that are doing it but i think that would probley make the problem worse..But hey you made through it and i bet your a wonderful person! peace,sugarcookie1

Originally posted by Mister_Bit
My Mum and Dad were and still are simply amazing!!

I couldn't ask for better, they brought me up with an almost stand-off-ish way, in that they'd tell me the rules and how I supposed to behave but let me make my own mistakes and disciplined me if I stepped out of line.

There was a lot of unspoken love, we all knew we loved each other more than we could ever express so we neever needed to.

They brought me up so that I could make my own decisions about stuff. My Mum is catholic but never insisted I followed or believed, my Dad was spiritual, coming from a Native American family. I guess I chose to follow the spiritual side.

They've brought me up to respect everyone and everything (living and non-living) Respect for nature, animals etc etc, so I suppose I'm a modern day hippy

I think I came here because I hate to see injustice on any level and like to think of myself as a modern day Robin Hood.
I'm mostly interested in the political madness type threads and religious threads (not because I'm religious, because I'm not) but I guess I have a rebellious streak and always question what I'm told, I want to know everything there is about a subject before I make a decision or form my beliefs.

I stay away from the political madness type threads and religious threads they get mean in there i don't like being called names its hurtful..
It sounds like you had a wonderful normal childhood ..My parents brought me up also to respect everyone and everything i never questioned them i was a very shy child..Thank you for posting ,peace,sugarcookie1