reply to post by eletheia
My first child has ADHD. He is now mature and responsible but getting through his teen years was one big battle.
It costs us $150,000 (second mortgage) just to keep him in a private institution for several years with daily therapy to save him from himself and his
We were lucky we had the money as insurance only pays for the first 2-3 weeks at most. Our therapist also knew how to get funding from the state that
is now sadly no longer available.
Both my husband and I were excellent parents and are currently excellent grandparents.
I also have always lived a healthy lifestyle (no drugs, alcohol, junk food, good prenatal care, etc).
If you have "normal" children (not ADHD or Autistic) you have no idea the challenges these parents face on a daily basis.
I have taken care of "normal" children, even teenagers and compared to my oldest (ADHD) son, they were a walk in the park.
Most people think, "I succeeded all on my own because I stayed on top of everything". Yes to some extent you are most correct BUT some of it is also
Who your child happens to run into and you do not, if they are in a public school, have 100% control of who they mingle with can affect them.
The junk on all TV stations, movies, our music, violent video games, our entire culture makes it difficult for parents.
You sound like while being a excellent parent you also had good genes and a lot of luck on your side as well.
We are still in the dark ages when it comes to the human brain.
With ADHD one of the main problems is the brain does not hook up action with consequence as well as a need for thrill.
Again, if you were drowning, my oldest son, now mature and productive would be the first to jump in and save you vs. everyone standing around
But from toddler hood through his teen years and even into his early 20's my oldest ADHD son was literally the child from hell.
But getting him from where he was while his hormones raged and his brain just couldn't make the connection between dangerous choices vs consequence
was very rough going.
Please do not judge other people until you have literally gone through what they have.
It took my husband and I a second mortgage and 25 years of dedicated parenting to achieve a highly successful, productive and decent person.
One last thought..............girls differ from boys drastically.
Girls, at least the experiences I have had are more logical, and you can reason with most of them.
My grand daughter (the child from hell's daughter has also been diagnosed with ADHD) is still more "reachable" than her father ever was. We talk, and
I can reason with her. She is a lot better to deal with than her father was.
My best friend and one of my sister in laws are both special ed teachers (30+ years) and both say that ADHD affects boys more so than girls and even
girls that have been diagnosed with ADHD are still easier to deal with because the majority of girls mature faster mentally than boys.
Now, with all that being said, you could be right and I could be wrong. I am simply stating my own experiences that span 35 years.
Each of us can only relate to what we, ourselves have experienced.
I am thankful our sons are all well adjusted, productive and decent men (now approaching middle age) but when I was younger I thought, before having
to go through all this that I knew it all and simply remaining on top of and being a good parent was enough to ensure my children would turn out
My oldest son was a nightmare to raise. But I kept telling him, you play, you pay so you better be very very careful.
If your children turn out happy and well adjusted, I am happy for you and sure that you made a big positive difference in their favor.
But again, genes, brain chemistry and function, plus who they come into contact with (you cannot shelter them 100% - 24/7) will play a large part in
how they turn out.
Again, it is vitally important that we instill within all of our children that parenting before one is mature, stable and ready is not a good
Bringing a innocent life into this mad and crazy world requires fortitude, a lot of love and maturity.
Having a society that promotes open sexuality at a young age and all the garbage readily out there do not make the job of parenting any easier and
it's nice to hear from someone that takes their parenting so seriously.
But again, some of how your child(ren) turn out is out of your hands.
I know of several really good, decent people that worked very hard at trying to raise their children to have one here and there that made poor choices
Good luck and safe journey.
edit on 12-2-2012 by ofhumandescent because: punctuation & grammar