Just a true story from A to the B.

O.k. I have been a wreck for the last year, but i'll try to get this story in as much order as possible... I wasn't a christian before these events. Anyway, last year I meet a girl from work and moved in with her. One day I'm walking with her son Christian, and he finds a little red hackey sac with a blue cross on it. Whatever cool. A few weeks later Chistian and I are going for a walk and some creepy looking guy was looking at us. First I was thinking goofy judgemental things about him, but then I was like oh forgive me, he might be alright, just kind of creepy looking. At the same moment I thought that, Christian stoops over, draws a cross in the snow, and continues walking like nothing happened. The cross points went between me, the guy, Christian, and the long point pointed home... I'm only a block away from home, but I freaked out and we went home. After getting home, I lay down in my bedroom, talk to my girlfriend for a minuet, then start to think... God if your trying to tell me something, what the hay? Just that minuet, the three year old comes in all happy. He stops, gets a stern face, walks up to me, puts a cross on my chest, closes my eyes with his fingers, and makes a grunting sound while 'air stabbing me. Then his face went back to normal and he walks away. So I start freaking out, the girlfriend doesn't think it's a big deal, even though she doesn't know where he learned it. So that plus the other thing, I called my mom and made her pick me up. The last thing I said to Girlfriend is "I can't stop what's coming," and have no idea why I said it, it just came out. So she says don't worry we can do this together, I will help you.
So, I freaked out and left any way, only to come back days later after calming down. O.k. now I'm chilling on the bed when I get this feeling in my chest, turn around and there's a bible behind me. I open it on impulse and land in a gospel where it's talking about, if you marry a woman who's divorced, it's adultry. So, I flip a bunch of pages and flip a few books in to the exact same verse, freak out, close the book, and burn one to chill out and forget about it. Shouldn't be a problem for me she's been divorced for years and hates the man. Anyway this stuff is interesting me cause i'm a spiritual person and try to do right thru all my flaws, so I start reading the good book a little. A few weeks later, I'm at work one day, and I keep getting a phrase that goes thru my head, "If your right eye offends you, tear it out and toss it in the field." Now I know what attracted me to the woman was lust, but I was begining to see her as a beautiful creature. So the thought get louder thru out the day until it's almost a voice, and then I feel something's going to happen at lunch. Just then the boss walks up, "Wanna take your lunch early?" Of course I did, I'm going crazy hearing voices and stuff... so I go to the store, run into a friend, and drink some wine to chill out. Had a glass with my friend. On the walk back to work, here comes my woman with her friends in a car, they pull into a parking lot so we can chat. This verse are still runs through my head, a few times while were talking and then when she wants a kiss before our departure it's almost like the 'voice' said don't do it. Now there was a little dog in the car that bit my hand during the conversation, so I was like no way that dogs gonna bite me. Now she says, "Don't worry I got him, I won't let him get you." This immediatly reminds me of the last thing she said the night I left, but I still went against everything in my bones and trusted her. When I kissed her luckily my 'eyes were closed', because the girl beside her took the dog and let it go and it ripped my right eyelid in half. I get pissed off and leave before they even realize my eve is dripping blood everywhere. So, I get mad for trusting her and stay at my Mom's that night. I realize it's not her fault, but I feel like these signs are directing me for a reason.
So eventually, I go back to her because well it wasn't her fault. Now, I start reading the bible more often, and I keep getting these bouts paranoia because of all these strange signs. Lots of other things happened while I first began to read it, but I got to leave it out for times sake. Anyway, I get this feeling in my chest again to pick up the bible and read, but when I turned around it's gone. Now the same feeling in my chest that directs me to read 'tells me to go to Michael'(one of the kids). I put that in quotes 'cause it's not really audible in my ears more like a thought and feeling. So I say nicely to Michael, "Do you know where the book with the gold pages is?" He starts to freak out, and say not what I would expect a child to say like it's mine and you can't have it. No he says in an angry way, "You'll never get the book, I'll never give it to you!" I'm like what the hay! Start to think even crazier when the voice/thought comes back, 'in his room.' So I go to look on his dresser, it says 'turn around.' Then I'm directed too a little blue box, where I find the bible right on top after unzipping. Now when I get it back there's pages missing. My girlfriend says they were probably already missing, I don't remember, but that's not really important. Anyways, I'm hearing almost voices that are directing me away, from one of the sweetest, strongest girls I've ever met, so I start talking to pastors in the area, to see if I'm schizophrenic, or if this is normal stuff. They pretty much tell me get away from the girl, but I feel guilty doing that, because she's never done me any wrong... on the contrary I've wronged her, and she's stuck through my rough times and forgiven me.
But, over time, especially while reading the bible, I kept getting crazy urges to leave, out of fear, so I would bounce back and forth from her to my Ma's house. The day before father's day I was at a bonfire with her and the kids and I couldn't get them(kids) to connect with me at all, but another one was talking with me and actually getting encouregment from our interaction. Anyway not really important, so while I was throwing a football around with this kid his cross caught my eye and I realized i had to pee at the same time... whatever. So I go to the bathroom, and right above the toilet is a qoute from psalms, says, "Today is the day you choose whether you will walk with the lord or not." Oh, yeah earlier in the day, (so the girlfriend said, I thought this happened on fathers day) before I got home I said to God, please what do you want me to do? Is it too much too ask one more sign? So when I walked in the three year old, who everything is about him,(Daddy I go Grandma's...I go store?...I go walk?) grabs my hand and walks me out to the back alley in silence where he points in the right direction and says, "You go grandma's house now," turns around and walks inside. Still I refused to make the decision, because the woman has already convinced me that it's the devil trying to tear us apart.
I still didn't listen. When I did go to ma's I looked up the pages that were missing, and there I found all kinds of phrases that agreed with the voices in my head. I didn't want to judge her, but i'd think she's loud and stubborn, but I love her subtil heart. On the first page it was in proverbs, "she is loud stubborn, with a subtil heart." Things like, don't go into the field of the fatherless boys, and on and on.

The stories a little longer so hang on.

O.k so one day I offer to meet the family at the pond, because I got these thoughts in my head like "What if it's the devil trying to tear us apart, and he's getting in because we're not married" and "If we got married that would make up for her awful past and be able to enjoy a new life." All day these were my thoughts. So when we get home I pick up the bible to compare the old test. with the new to show her that Jesus and God are one in the same person, but what do I land on... Something like, "Divers weights are an abomination to the lord, and an enequally yoked couple is not good..." Directly what I read after that, "Do not recompense evil, wait on the lord..." So I freaked out and flipped back some pages still looking for random things to support my Jesus/God theory and land on a passage saying something like, stay away from the fatherless boys and the something about whores blah, blah. Now I don't want to see her as a whore so I disregard that stuff and decide to give up on my explanation to her. I wasn't even going to bring up what it said because I didn't want to argue, but my reaction was, "Oh my God" and I closed the book. Now just because I said that she started freaking out, because she thought I was gonna freak out again. And blew up calling me crazy, so I left. Alot of other things happened since then, but what do you guys think?

Could it have been the devil that tore us apart? Leading me to distrust the one peson who I've ever trusted 100% outside my family? They say that he will use Gods own words against us. And I have played the bad guy always running away in the relationship, tearing her familys mind apart in the process, and other things i'm not proud of, nor willing to discuss. Am I the Devil, or just schizophrenic. The pastors say I'm not crazy, but they also directed me away from her. Nobody told me what to do but they did insinuate it.

If you're hearing voices I would see a specialist.

Good luck.

reply to post by atotheb


It's hard for me to read your post without correct punctuation, grammar and sentence structure in your story. You might at least consider adding paragraphs to your opening post so that others will have a easier time reading your story.

reply to post by I Want To Believe


I did have it in paragraphs, but it didn't transfer to the thread.

Then tried to edit, but my four hours are up...

reply to post by atotheb

The part about your girlfriend tearing out pages from the Bible that had verses that would indicate against your relationship is interesting.
That would seem to prove what she said as being a lie.
Having a relationship out of a concern for a child not having a father does not work out well from my experience. She could have another future boyfriend to fill that role unless she is really ugly or something, which I doubt considering the drawing power she seems to have on you.

Then tried to edit, but my four hours are up...

I can read your post fine.

reply to post by atotheb


Actually, everytime there's an indent on the right it's a new paragraph. I didn't know that would happen, I'm used to writting with font lined on the left.

And when these thoughts came, reality agreed. There's witnesses for most events, and I have a scar on my eyelid from the dog. This stuff happened. Not just in my head.

"She could have another future boyfriend to fill that role"

Exactly, I've come to the conclusion that I'm not the person to fit this role. Another thing from the missing pages was something like "I'll take care of the widow and fatherless," another thing that was going through my head. Along with a whole lot of other things.

Thing is, she's super attached, and wants to convince me I'm strong enough. Her life experience is too heavy, and the kids are too much for my young soul. That's what I'm getting out of it. Maybe there's more to it... but "A man's step are directed by the Lord. How then can anyone understand his own way." Sirach, don't remember where.

I think I have much learning to do about myself, and don't think I can do that in that situation.. Another thing from the missing pages was Something about the fool... far from his path... there are ways that seem right to man, but in the end are the ways of death...

That stuff, plus the freaky signs, plus one time my brother was over and one of the kids turned to me and said "you gone die dad, you gone die," then went about his business. Scary movie stuff... But i'm sure there was a reason the kids did all this freaky stuff, but they say there's a reason for everything.

reply to post by atotheb

[color=DarkSlateGray]..Here's something I use when I want to indent. I just put this in the beginning of the line and it is the same color as the background so no one notices, unless they have changed their settings from the default color.

reply to post by jmdewey60


She never said that she tore the pages out. It's just I thought that they were torn from between the time it came up missing and the time I found it. She said they were probably torn from before. Either way don't know how important it is. It's just crazy, whenever the signs came, her ex-husband would call around the same time. Shouldn't worry me 'cause she hates him, and he lives halfway across the states... but with these signs... freaky.

Alot of the thing from the missing pages was about sleeping with a married woman, I think, but why was I being directed to these things? Plus, it was a little dog that bit me, so it gave me the impression that what was coming could not be stopped no matter how little I considered the problem. Does the devil have this type of power? Does he know my mind better than me. I don't know but all of the ministers I've talked to seem to think that it's God directing me, and I need to trust it. But can't the Devil appear as an angel of light? (I had a vision where a light directed me to God which I believe is the same thing that's directing me now.) Have to share that experience in another thread.

reply to post by jmdewey60


I actually think I'm starting to get it. I think you helped me out somewhere inside. Really only wanted to post this to get people from my last thread to see my reasoning why I was falling into the Law stuff. It seemed like the problem was with her being divorced... and what Jesus said about that. And I wanted to share an experience for people who don't believe.

reply to post by atotheb

Does the devil have this type of power?

See my thread on Anankē.
There is a quote in the Gospels of Jesus saying, 'stumbling-blocks are inevitable but woe to him who causes them.'
The word translated inevitable is, Anankē.
The universe is Anankē.
What this means is God deals with what the universe is, which is something you can't do anything about because it is in its nature, except for what God specifically does within tight parameters.
Revelation shows that Satan is Anankē, when it says Michael fought the great dragon.
The point being, the world is naturally devilish and when you draw away from God, then those things have more pronounced effects in your life, where everything seems to be crawling with demons, because it really is.

reply to post by atotheb

But can't the Devil appear as an angel of light?

Things can appear like a lot of things.
Think of the universe being great, as in the fact that it even exists, and all the things involved in that existence, to where a lot of people think of it as being a living entity.
Do you have any idea of what the limitations of its abilities are?
This is why Paul says there are gods, many, and many lords and a lot of different spirits.
Seemingly random events can be nothing of the sort but determining if it is against you or for you is the more difficult thing. Jesus is the test as to if a spirit is evil or good and it has to be supporting Jesus as the true path, otherwise it is not the spirit from God.

reply to post by jmdewey60


Check out my new thread (wierd trip) to see why I believe the spirit to be good that's directing me.

But then I've even thought, what if that was going to happen anyway... and the spirit only connected itself to Jesus in my mind to lead me astray. They say test the spirits, but I'm obviously not more intelligent than Satan... this stuff is crazy. I think I'll just start to obey the voice... doesn't seem to want me to do anything really bad, for now. Just to get away from a women... or all women for now.

reply to post by atotheb


You were asking God to direct you where you should be going and what you should be doing. You were pursuing the will of the father and you believed that he would help you. You were praying for one of the things Jesus promised he would answer you.

If you truly feel that your prayers to God kept pointing you away from her than it was probably the father that was showing him what his will is for you.

Satan will use scripture against you but he is a liar. The more you know scripture the easier it will become to distinguish between messages from the Holy Spirit and the evil spirit. Satan will always contradict scripture specifically Jesus.

Try and compare the messages you were receiving to scripture. Do you think being with her is a stumbling block to your walk with Christ? Satan will try to intervene anytime someone is drawing closer to the father. The one thing that points me to it being God’s will that you not be with her, is the hiding of the bible. God would never hide the bible from you.

True story of my own, when I went to the store about 6 years ago to buy the bible on audio CD either a demon or Satan himself tried to convince me not to by it and that I should read the bible instead. I drive about 2 hours a day for work so the CDs were a great way for me to get closer to God.

I don’t know enough of what was happing in your relationship to give you any advice but if you keep reading the Holy Spirit will come and interpret the bible for you so that you may better distinguish between the truth and Satan’s lies.

Originally posted by atotheb
reply to post by jmdewey60

 

Check out my new thread (wierd trip) to see why I believe the spirit to be good that's directing me.

But then I've even thought, what if that was going to happen anyway... and the spirit only connected itself to Jesus in my mind to lead me astray. They say test the spirits, but I'm obviously not more intelligent than Satan... this stuff is crazy. I think I'll just start to obey the voice... doesn't seem to want me to do anything really bad, for now. Just to get away from a women... or all women for now.

This is not a message for everyone, but Paul said it is better to be single than married if you can control your lust for women. You can devote more time to God while single. Of course if this is not a message for you than it is better for you to marry. Just something to think about.