reply to post by GreenEyedVixen
Oh and another thing regarding my upbringing that may be strange. I was adorned with butterflies my entire life, or fairies. Basically, I didn't leave
the house without my butterfly rings, necklaces, clothes, etc. She'd also always buy me butterfly and fairy picture books/drawing books for Christmas,
Birthdays, etc.
All of the gifts I recieved from boyfriends growing up also were butterflies, butterfly earrings, necklaces etc.
To this day, I do not leave the house without my silver butterfly ring my mother gave me and have kept all of my jewelry.
Another thing - when my baby sister had passed away, she was wearing a butterfly onesie that day... I didn't even think of any of this as strange
until I had read online about the "Monarch program"
My biological father also abused me for as long as I can remember, in every way shape or form you can imagine(yes, any way) thus turning me into a
pacifist for most of my life until I ran away when I was 15. It took me awhile to break free of those habits, but I am now my own independent person.
But, I'm sure it goes without saying, the type of abuse I recieved made me act a certain way towards men and be submissive as all hell.
Currently, I have forgiven my father even though he has done truly evil things to me. I sweep it under the rug as "He was too young to raise a child
properly, he let his anger and stress get the best of him" I feel as his daughter, it is my duty to forgive him... We still aren't as close as I'd
like to be, but I guess it's too awkward for him anymore. I guess he can't look past what he's done, or maybe he just hasn't changed at all because to
this day I can't stay around him for long because he gets really loud and starts verbally abusing me again until I have to leave the house. He ruins
many family events in doing this, but I forgive him for that too. He cannot help but be himself as I cannot help but be myself...
Probably still not that strange, but it could be?
I'd like to believe this is all my imagination running completely wild, but is it really? Am I just that crazy?
Is everyone else who's posted similar things, not limited to this website, completely crazy? I wish I could believe that, but it doesn't feel right to
call it "crazy" in my heart. So, I won't.
I'd like to believe life is as simple as me waking up ----> eating breakfast ----> going to work ----> having lunch ----> coming home ----> watching
TV/relaxing/spending time with friends etc ----> going to bed -----> repeat
....but it's never just been that simple for me. It's event after event after, strange event, after weird event. Like a damn movie or
something.
edit on 9-3-2012 by GreenEyedVixen because: (no reason given)
edit on 9-3-2012 by GreenEyedVixen because: (no reason
given)