posted on Feb, 5 2012 @ 09:32 PM
I want to say something, but am afraid it will sound callous. It isn't meant to be.
You think your husband may only have a couple of months or so left to live. If that is the case, I think you are strong enough to stay and handle it.
In some ways that is the easy option.
But what if he, miraculously, gets the help he needs and starts on a very long road to recovery? Can you deal with that? Because that's the rest of
your life together - which could be decades. And all the while you would worry that if you, for whatever reason, wanted to leave him and have your
life to yourself, he'd go back to drinking.
He's always had that stick to beat you with. And he carries on the way he does because he knows that you've stuck with him no matter what he did.
And he'll keep expecting you to do that.
Please, don't make any threats unless you intend to carry them out. Never threaten or give him ultimatums. If you don't follow through and do what
you threatened, then he'll never have any reason to take your threats seriously.
Best thing would be to make your decision privately and then tell him what it is - and don't change your mind. Either tell him you're staying and
stay. Or tell him you're going and go. No conditions, no negotiations.
If you say you're staying on condition of this or condition of that you're just giving him a chance to (deliberately or not) break the condition.
You don't want that, it will just add to your stress. You'll end up having the same old arguments.
Really, since the change can only come from him and he doesn't seem able to change, you have to face dealing with life as it is now for how ever long
he survives or until he has some major change in attitude. How likely is that? He's dying and that's not been enough incentive to change up until
So there you are - life as it is now in the short term or life as it is now in the long term? And all you can do is change your own coping
If it were me, I'd grit my teeth and cope short term. If I only had the long term to look forward to, that's not so easy to answer.