Forgotten birthday and the consequences

Hello ATS,
we (my wife and me) "forgot" the birthday of a good friend last year. Tomorrow is his birthday (Feb 3rd), last year my wife marked the wrong date on the calendar (Feb 6th). So last year he was a little bit mad because nobody gratuated him, even not his parents (as he said).

Now, looking on the date, you will notice that his birthday is tomorrow. So I called him today if he has something planned or if he would like to come to us tomorrow (because he has no girlfriend and lives alone, my wife would cook something special just for him). So when I called him an hour ago, he said that he will not do anything this day, will work overhours and after that he will work on some bodys car (he is carpainter) and then will stay alone at home.

So I was pretty irritated and said to him "well, its your choice but I will call anyways tomorrow." Then he said, I wont succeed doing that because he will shut down his mobile.

Well, now we are asking us how to behave.
We allready bought the presents, although mine will not arrive at time, my wife bought it weeks ago.

So if we think about it, there are several ways how we could handle this.

1.) Give him the presents when we see us next time, but after this "slap in the face" we think he doesnt deserve them or he would not take them (wich would be another slap in the face for us)

2.) Because he wants to be alone, we thought about writing another birthdaycard and hang the presents on the doorhandle for him.

3.) No gifts for him, because if he does not want to celebrate and tells us this one day before, while knowing we surly bought presents, is a little bit sneaky. By that chance I will tell him that we can forget the whole birthday present # forever and that he should not bother about the presents because I will have use for that high fidelity earphones and the sweater my wife bought.

Be aware, its not because he does not want to celebrate (we would do that at our house anyways, as it was for years this way) its because he says he does not want to see anybody nor come to us (he´s every friday with us).

How would you behave? :-/

Be an adult about it. Stop by, drop the presents at his door step, along with a birthday card, leave him a message on his phone, and he'll see that you really are sorry for messing up last year.

If he doesn't shape up after that, then just leave it be, because it means he doesn't really care what you have to say anymore.

No use forcing the issue after that.

But as I said, deliver everything quietly, and just wait. Generally, people tend to relax a bit after something really nice happens to them, especially if it covers what happened to them before.

Namaste

Wow, who gets mad about that sort of thing. To me that is VERY immature. I forget my own birthday, and unless Facebook tells me I don't remember anyone else's. After a certain age, 16...maybe 21 if you HAVE to party, birthdays really don't hold much significance.

40, maybe.... 100, yes!..... in between... requires only a Happy Birthday, and maybe a card.
Being butt hurt over someone missing a birthday is just silly.

I think he is throwing a pity party for himself. I also think he is being rude to you, and your wife. He's holding a grudge from last year, and punishing you for making an honest mistake, and marking your calendar on the wrong date.

He is acting like a self-centered, self-entitled spoiled brat.

I would put the gifts in a closet, the next time he comes over, you can give them to him then. jmoho.

I think it is very sweet and thoughtful of you and your wife to buy him gifts, and invite him over to a special Birthday dinner at your home. He just pissed on your generosity. Maybe he'll grow up some day, and be a decent friend in return.

I'd hang the present on his door, or in a waterproof box on his doorstep, along with a card telling him that even though he's being an a-hole about his birthday, you love him anyways. Ring his doorbell or knock, then walk away.

Then the ball is in his court, he can do with it what he wants.

If he's angry about his birthday being forgotten last year, he's being very immature. I don't even remember my own birthday sometimes.

First, thanks for all the replies, they all sound good. The last option was determined because my wife brought up the thought that maybe he would not wear her sweater or throw it away etc. I do not think he´s this way but he could be ashamed after all and this could be a reason to not wear it.

I think we will go with the doorhandle and the card. Normaly I would not do that because I tend to give my presents personaly. The other side, I really tend to walk up to the distribution shop and give the damn sweater to someone who has bigger problems.

Update, we went to him yesterday evening.
We ringed the bell until he opened the door (he was sleeping on his couch).
So after all it was a nice evening

I see I'm late to this, but this was solid advice

Be an adult about it. Stop by, drop the presents at his door step, along with a birthday card, leave him a message on his phone, and he'll see that you really are sorry for messing up last year.

If he doesn't shape up after that, then just leave it be, because it means he doesn't really care what you have to say anymore.

We did the same thing for one of our friends (she was mad for a different reason though), and she felt bad for being that way, and then since, we've patched things up.