reply to post by angryamerican
Listening to the sound of your heart breaking
INFINITELY BETTER THAN
if you had
And being alive in this dimension is infinitely better than being alive in a hot dark and greatly more painful dimension.
Yeah . . . some paths our existential thrownness compells us to trod are excruciating.
No doubt about that.
As Merlin said to King Arthur at the end of the Movie CAMELOT,
"The only thing for being sad, is to learn something."
My suggestions for the day/week/month:
Perhaps you could make a list of what you've been learning out of all of this.
I'd suggest two lists.
ONE: STRICTLY POSITIVE.
TWO: ONLY IF YOU MUST to get the stuff out at arm's length and flush it--a bitterness, negative list. Then, repent for such, and let such go. Flush
each item on that list as beneath your quality of person to entertain.
And, as soon as you can at all manage it . . . brace yourself . . .
DETERMINE to forgive your wife.
Even if she is 99.9999999999999999999999999999999999999% in the wrong.
DETERMINE to forgive her.
Not a feeling. A choice.
Not for her, FOR YOU.
You cannot get on with your life sufficiently well without forgiveness.
You cannot sleep sufficiently well without forgiveness.
You cannot be at peace within yourself without forgiveness.
You cannot be whole, yourself, without forgiveness.
You cannot grow without forgiveness.
You cannot be healthy without forgiveness.
You cannot overcome without forgiveness.
Everytime the thoughts of any hurt or hurtful memory or any such comes up--and you are tempted to entertain vengeful thoughts; self-pity thoughts . .
. bitter thoughts . . .
Say, "No! I choose to let it go. I choose to forgive her fully."
"I will not punish her nor wish her punishment."
"I choose to cut the chain. I will not be tied to her and her junk any longer by any unforgiveness. I choose to release her to whatever disciplines
life, God, the universe deliver to her and I want no part of that cycle or connection."
Forgiveness is not about excusing the other person's wrongs or evils. It is about detaching yourself from their junk and all connected to their
It is also taking yourself out of the position of judge, jury, prosecutor & executioner. You aren't perfect enough for those roles.
As often as the hurts and negative stuff come up--just repeat with as much conviction as you can muster:
"No! I choose to forgive her. period."
Besides, if you want forgiven by God or whomever, you'd better plant forgiveness if that's what you want to harvest.
It does not mean that there are no consequences for her junk, her evil. And, if it's fitting . . . such as economically or whatever--if it's fitting
and honorable to insure that she doesn't punish, steal from, further hurt you--you may NEED to take actions that essentially punish her but it must
not be your goal.
Your goal needs to be to protect yourself fittingly, not to punish her. AND YOU DO NEED TO PROTECT YOURSELF FROM FURTHER DAMAGE FROM HER.
But that's quite different from the forgiveness issue.
Some may cry--oh, it's too soon to ask him to forgive the gritch.
No. It's not. I emphasize, FORGIVENESS IS FOREMOST A DECISION. Tenacious disciplined persistent forgiveness will result in FEELINGS of forgiveness.
And the feelings are nice when they transition to peace and acceptance. HOWEVER, it IS important to move in that direction decisively immediately.
Otherwise, roots of bitterness take root in your soul, spirit, mind, heart . . . and deliver a horrific harvest of further pain and destruction.
You do NOT need that on top of all the pain you've already had.
Growing up and moving on REQUIRES FORGIVENESS
as does a good night's redemptive, restorative sleep.
Anyway--Pulling for you.
You remain loved, cared for, prayed for.
edit on 10/2/2012 by BO XIAN because: forgot color parameters
edit on 10/2/2012 by BO XIAN because: spelling . . . I think .
. . lol