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posted on Feb, 4 2012 @ 10:49 PM
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Originally posted by mcamp2011
reply to post by angryamerican
 


Keep fighting Man, I had seizures also, lost my job and wife, took me a whole year to get another job after getting on two meds that stopped the seizures. I still have my two children, 12 and 16 and they still look up to their old man for everything and that's great, they are my life. I still prep for them and myself and will be there for them if and when the SHTF, and that's if it ever does, if it doesn't we have a bunch of great camping gear and a lot of fun at the range.

like I said, turn a negative into a positive man, look for something to live for like yourself and your son and keep going because the world will keep turning no matter what you do, and your son needs you.


WHAT A WONDERFUL EXAMPLE OF OVERCOMING RESILIENCE.

YEA! THANKS FOR SHARING THAT ENCOURAGING NARRATIVE.

Good on ya. Your children are blessed to have you as a father.!

Congrats.




posted on Feb, 4 2012 @ 10:59 PM
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reply to post by angryamerican
 


Been prayerfully pondering all the above . . .

I don't, of course, know what else was in your letter to your wife.

I do know that in my case, the more I demonstrated my willingness to make things work whatever it took, the faster she ran away.

It was as though at a deep level, she'd already made up her mind to do her own thing and hang the details.

And the more I showed my willingness to do whatever it took to make it work, the less her rationalizations seemed reasonable--compelling her to up the ante and just split--regardless.

It MAY WELL HAVE BEEN that your good hearted, well worded, heart-felt, super constructive letter scared her because she just did NOT WANT to work things out--regardless of your half.

Which . . . would come back to . . . she has tons of daddy issues that are not worked through and have little to nothing to do with you except that in some key ways, you are likely a carbon copy of daddy's jangly traits to her . . . or even your positive traits remind her of daddy in some jangly ways.

TO REPEAT--THE BULK OF IT IS NOT LIKELY TO BE YOUR STUFF.

NO NEED TO KICK YOURSELF FOR HER JUNK.

When you can manage . . . pick yourself up and put one foot doggedly in front of the other and go on.

You are worth it. Showing your kids you can and will--is worth it.

And those of us hereon are pulling for you.



posted on Feb, 5 2012 @ 09:19 AM
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reply to post by BO XIAN
 


Like I've said before, I don't his wife but, I think the major issue here is that she has not had to take much responsibility in her life. In a previous post he mentioned that she could not handle their son's out of control behavior.

I believe the major issue is that there has always been someone to take care of her and handle all the problems, be it daddy or hubby.

Now she is expected to step up and be an adult. She doesn't have the skills to cope so she runs.

The daughter and her husband dropped out of college. I'm not sure how that can be laid back on angryamerican. If he was paying for college, then I can understand it caused some issues but they are grown and married and need to take up their own slack.

I feel like he is being blamed for A LOT that should not be on his plate.

AngryAmerican, please come back and update us. You are not alone here.



posted on Feb, 5 2012 @ 10:30 AM
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Well Friends There Is not much to say. I have sunk in to a dark depressive void. My mind in in a a cave of razor sharp knives and my heart is in a stat of pure pain from witch there can never again be healing. that is my update.

I have been beat Physically I will exists but I am no longer alive. the heart beat the breath comes but the pain never leaves. I Am A beaten broke shell of a man. My son has gone to a place ware not even I can reach him. Until he reaches Rock bottom nobody can reach him. I will continue to read come back and the read the post and at least try to implement the advise so many of you good folks care enough to give but I am so depressed Now Ime not cearten of the good it will do, nor what the future holds for me. Ive spent the last three days in bed mostly crying and feeling like a little girl. My self esteem is shot and I don't see it coming back soon. Thanks friends for being here. This most ceirntly is a personal real sit X.

I wish at this point I wasn't so old so I could Re-enlist. But I already checked they wont take me even with my flawless record. its not just my age its the Asam issue. Maybe if I can break the Depression I will charge people to teach them long range sniping. Trouble is we have no thousand yard ranges in my area. I don't know of any In Michigan.



posted on Feb, 5 2012 @ 01:25 PM
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reply to post by angryamerican
 


You have to pull yourself back to the world, hard as it may seem to be. Your son will need you when he does hit rock bottom - but you have to be able to let him do that on his own. There comes a time when you cannot save them. You can only let them go to realize where they are and what they've given up. You have to be there when he gets to that point.

How are you going to feel if you aren't there for him when he hits bottom. It sounds like he is a lot like you so he will wait until the bitter end to ask for help. I'll bet it will be you to whom he turns.

Are there any gun ranges near you? Perhaps you do non-sniper training, although I wish I was close. I would love some sniper training.

My mother used to have a saying when we felt bad or were down. "Get up and work it off". It has always worked for me. You cannot re-build self esteem if you never do anything that makes you feel worthwhile. Get up and find it. If you lay in bed crying like a little girl the depression will only deepen.

I know its easy for me to say and hard for you to do. But a little personal information, I have a tendency when overwhelmed to get in the floor between the commode and the wall and cry (freaks my husband out when he finds me). Right now we have a lot of problems going on but I refuse to give up. I am worth more than that and so are you.

They can't beat you. Only you can do that. You are the one that controls how you feel. No one else can make you, angry, sad, happy, whatever. Only you.

Get up, get pissed off and start fixing yourself. You cannot save anyone else until you fix yourself. Show them all that you can make it inspite of them. The best revenge is to live well.
edit on 2/5/2012 by TXTriker because: (no reason given)



posted on Feb, 5 2012 @ 08:35 PM
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reply to post by TXTriker
 


I thoroughly agree.

Excellent analysis and points, imho.

Thx.

My heart goes out to the guy.

All of us . . . too soon old, too late smart.

I read an article yesterday about how the French are more successful at raising their even toddlers to delay gratification and to wait for a fitting time to interrupt adults etc. . . .. to play happily on their own when adults are having their time . . . to be quiet and polite at restaurants etc.

Sometimes it seems like even the somewhat better parents in the USA are dreadfully incompetent. . . . because their parents were dreadfully incompetent or worse.

Certainly we are all still responsible for our own choices . . . however . . . there are reasons folks are idiots . . . and it usually goes back to idiot parents to SOME degree.



posted on Feb, 5 2012 @ 08:47 PM
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reply to post by angryamerican
 


Wellllllllllllllllll, Dear Heart . . . Been there and done that.

When catatonia sets in . . . that's the reality.

I used to suggest a psychiatrist and asking for an evaluation for meds. However, even the modern anti-depressants have hazardous side effects . . . and some suicide potential. NO THANKS.

COGNITIVE BEHAVIORAL THERAPY IS BEST for depression and more lastingly effective than meds . . . but takes work.

When one is super depressed, just getting dressed and putting one foot in front of the other can be a huge mountain of a task.

WHEN you can manage to force yourself . . . you might try this:

Maybe initially--it would be carve out 5 min or 3 min of every hour and force yourself to AVOID THINKING ANY NEGATIVE THOUGHTS FOR THAT 3-5 MINUTES. Or 5 min in 4 hours.

Then gradually expand the POSITIVE ONLY THOUGHT TIME.

Certainly you could force yourself to think only positive thoughts for one minute.

POSITIVE MENTAL EXERCISES AND SPACES TO 'GO' . . .

--Nature places you've been
--music you like
--flowers you enjoy
--dream vacations with your son in a healthy state . . . dreaming may only be fantasy but sometimes we need fantasies to hitch our motivation to. Then some fantasies can slowly become real.
--hobbies you'd like to learn
--artistic skills you'd like to learn
--a dream home to design the floor plan and construction of.
--an aquarium to landscape
--a garden to landscape
--an adventure to lead in a foreign land or a distant planet

Reality may not matter. The issue is to force your mind to dwell on something positive.

The depression is a vortex to suck you down and stick you there.

Slowly you CAN begin to think of THE DEPRESSION as a conscious enemy and fight it.

UNTIL THEN . . .

in addition to the above . . .

you can also carve out say 3-5 min of every hour and just FOCUS ON THE DEPRESSION--wallow in it--but in a . . . sort of abstract, detached analytical, intelelctual sort of way alternating with emotionally wallowing in it and experiment with switching back and forth between the two say every 15-30 seconds.

Then when the egg timer goes off . . . get up and change body posture and location even if only for 10 minutes . . . walk around the room or the block . . . empty the trash . . .

Perhaps then schedule the positive minutes above

pet a pet. Phone someone.

The rest of the hour--just be however it falls to be for now.

Just DOGGEDLY push the positive minutes to longer and longer even if it's only by 30 seconds each day or every 3 days.

The above assignment does a number of things that are more powerful if not explained.

Pulling for you.

Praying for you.

Caring for you.

If you need my phone number I'm willing to U2U you.



posted on Feb, 5 2012 @ 08:51 PM
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reply to post by TXTriker
 





"Get up and work it off". It has always worked for me. You cannot re-build self esteem if you never do anything that makes you feel worthwhile. Get up and find it. If you lay in bed crying like a little girl the depression will only deepen.


ABSOLUTELY WISE INPUT.

THX.

However, we can do all manner of things to help us feel better.

Sometimes, in my great depressed period, I'd go windowshopping as poor as I was . . . and try and brighten a shohpkeeper's day.

It's also useful to visit an old folks' home and just listen and touch them. Rub their shoulders, their hands, their necks.

Sometimes, just spending 5 minutes cleaning something in one's house is helpful. Then the next day maybe another 5 minutes.

A week later maybe 10 minutes.



posted on Feb, 5 2012 @ 08:56 PM
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reply to post by OldCorp
 


Sounds tough, hang in there.

Maybe this is just another growth aspect you need to go through after you defeat this (your on the right track, changing from a miserable person to one like you were before the medical stuff). I hope you can get your family back.



posted on Feb, 5 2012 @ 11:51 PM
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reply to post by calnorak
 



I have a bias, a preference for him putting his family back, too.

I don't see it happening.

And, personally, in spite of my bias, I THINK HE'S BETTER than the wife and could do better for himself than to return to that lop-sided whatever it was.

Sadly, the one who 'needs' the relationship least is functionally in charge of the relationship. Sounds like she used him for petty, surface junk then when it got down to the real work of working a relationship through based on commitment and dogged work . . . she was outta there. Sad for both of them.

In the long run, I suspect it may well be saddest for her. Finding patient, tolerant dutiful men is not easy in this day and age.


She doesn't sound mature enough to . . . tie her emotional shoe laces.

Men need a woman for a wife. Not a little girl who likely has great degrees of her own attachment disorder problems from her daddy.



posted on Feb, 7 2012 @ 09:37 AM
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Angry American - you need to post to let us know how you are at least once a day. We can't come physically check on you so you have to keep us updated.

Don't give up. We are trying to help you but we need to hear from you.

Telling us what's going on can be helpful to you too.

Please let us hear from you.



posted on Feb, 7 2012 @ 04:23 PM
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reply to post by TXTriker
 


Its a chore just to get out of bed a chor I have no want to do. I have my lap top in bed with me right now with the tears riking does that tell ou how ime doing. Survival no longer matters to me and prepping is a distence memory but I thank you all again for caiing



posted on Feb, 7 2012 @ 04:55 PM
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reply to post by angryamerican
 


i never write on this board but i read every now and then. your story is so real and that is why you need to stop this and get busy doing something besides thinking of what could have been. it will get better but only if you work towards looking at the future... not the past.

i have been through several tough relationships 9 years, 12, years and now 5 years... staying busy with other things is one of the most important ways to cope.

i am saying this in the nicest way possible. you don't know me, i know.. and i feel your pain. just don't let it take you down further. it isn't worth the emotion your giving it. please pull yourself together.

i would like to offer a free website to you if you would like to try and sell your jewelry. i own www.healinggemsjewelry.com and my friend had it for a while and she stopped making jewelry. I accidentally renewed the name and now it just sits there for another year. i was supposed to sell it but i haven't. Maybe there was a reason????

seriously. i design sites for a living and i would be happy to help you get focused on something else besides... that stuff....

send me a message or email me tedraortega@gmail.com
i am totally serious. website is yours... if you want it.



posted on Feb, 7 2012 @ 07:18 PM
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reply to post by angryamerican
 


This is going to sound harsh. Why are you giving her so much power? You spent your time together taking care of her and at the first sign of difficulty she bailed on you. That is not your fault. She is a weak person. I can guarantee you that had none of this happened she would have eventually went her own way because she didn't get something else she wanted. She wasn't in it for the long haul or she would still be there.

Don't let her win. Get out of that damn bed and do something. There are people here trying to help. You've been offered a website. I will give you my number via U2U. I'm not a professional but I have a pretty good shoulder.

This won't help you any probably but I will tell you what happened to me so that you can see I do have the experience to know what I'm saying. I was married for 26 years. One day my husband starts trying to pick up other women in front of me and eventually asks me to let him bring other women into the marriage. Why - because I no longer looked like I did when I was 18. Needless to say I was devastated. I didn't look like I did when I was 18 but I don't know anybody who does and he certainly didn't.

When he asked to move to another bedroom and each of us do our own thing I finally got the balls to say no. Either we're married or we're not. He left telling everyone that I threw him out. Didn't find that out for a couple of years. His family called me to help because he had been put in the hospital. I was willing to help until I found out what he had been saying and I backed away as gracefully as possible. Two years late I get the call again. He was found in his apartment where he had been laying for 3 days from a heart attack during a drinking binge. I was asked to clean the apartment as I was the only one on the list to get in and they didn't want his mother to see how bad things were. I did do that, for his mother not for him, she was a great person and I didn't want her to be hurt.

I now have a wonderful man that loves me as much as I love him. We've been together for 11 years. He picked the wedding date. It was the same as his parents 49th anniversary. He felt that would be a lucky day for us. We are having some issues now because we've both been without work for quite awhile other than what I make cleaning houses. We went from over 200K a year to about 18K a year. We are about to lose our house and pretty much everything else. BUT we are still together and working it out TOGETHER.

If she truly loved you ever then she wouldn't have run at the first sign of problems.

Please get out of that bed. Do anything. Go help a neighbor do something they need. ANYTHING BUT GET OUT OF THAT DAMN BED.



posted on Feb, 7 2012 @ 07:52 PM
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Originally posted by angryamerican
reply to post by TXTriker
 


Its a chore just to get out of bed a chor I have no want to do. I have my lap top in bed with me right now with the tears riking does that tell ou how ime doing. Survival no longer matters to me and prepping is a distence memory but I thank you all again for caiing


quite a thread you made here fella. iv'e been down that road, but thankfully i have a wife who really does love me enough to have gotten through those times. be that as it may it was me who had to start caring about myself first, then i was able to care about them again. you know what helped me the most to dig out of that hole, it was doing things for other people, giving something back to those in need. it's one of the things i enjoy the most these days and a saying i picked up years ago is true. "you can't have it, unless you give it away"

with your survival skills in this day and age, i would be willing to bet there is more than one person who could use the kind of training you have to offer. get involved with people who need help and the help you need will find you my friend.



posted on Feb, 7 2012 @ 08:09 PM
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I agree with the posters
who say your not the
one to blame.

I am not one for pointing fingers
but how is it your fault you
got sick and could not bring
in 8 grand a month?
How is it your fault when
you have taught your children
the best you could?
People who are sick are not
going to be in a great mood.
Old people get a bad wrap for being
mean and cranky. Well you are cranky
when your sick. There is a fine line difference between,
being a deliberate ass hole, and being cranky from being
sick. Also there is nothing wrong
with getting help from a dr. and getting
on anti-anxiety medication for a while.
That is what it was made for.
You can not control who drops out, or goes to
college. If your son is 18, it is out of your hands unless
they are living under your roof.
Sounds like the wife was looking
for a easy way out. I would get the papers
served to her. Good thing you lost the home!
Could you imagine how you would feel after
she screwed you over and leave you, then
takes the house and kicked you out?
Trust me, your better off without the house, money wise,
and memory wise. Now when you meet your next love
there will not be anything holding you back.
Go do something you have been wanting to do BUT
couldnt because of work and family obligation.
Being alone has its perks. Also think about
how many dead beat dads there are, no one can say
you abandoned your wife or kid's. Take pride in that.
This story will make some people re-think there situations.
It can always be worse. Think about being with your wife
in a real global SHTF scenario. Thank God you did not
get stuck with her in post-apocalyptic world would of
got you guys killed, with that chicken little, the sky is falling
crap. If she can not handle life affairs in
the world, think about a EMP blast and there is no electricity..
edit on 7-2-2012 by popsmayhem because: (no reason given)



posted on Feb, 8 2012 @ 10:34 AM
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come on... man... answer us so we know your ok.

i thought about your last posts all night hoping for a reply and it really bothers me that your not answering us.

i understand how dark and alone it can feel when the one you thought you could count on the most isn't there for you. but you have to move forward. if you looked at yourself from the outside in, would you want to be with someone that was that depressed and sad ? especially if that person was the one that caused the pain? no.

they want the person that is fun to be around, dependable, and worthy. you don't give off that impression if you haven't bathed in a week and big black circles under your eyes and ready to cry every 2 minutes. it is all a mental game. you said that your strong and i believe you are but you have to get through this. it is almost like a death. anger, denial, bargaining, roller coaster, till you get off the ride.

it will get easier. i sure hope you read this and are still there. it is WORTH it to keep going. things happen every day. things are put in your path and there is a reason that this is all happening.

God does not put things upon you that you can not handle.

get up. go for a run, go fishing, walk around the block. ANYTHING to give your mind a break. i know looking forward is EXTREMELY difficult but it has to be.

offer still stands for that website. www.healinggemsjewelry.com



posted on Feb, 8 2012 @ 04:01 PM
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reply to post by angryamerican
 


HEY BRO,

Most of us have been in such a dark space at least once in our lives.

We understand the feeling and can identify readily with it.

Perhaps you could consider the following:

FEELINGS MAKE TOLERABLE SERVANTS

AND HORRIBLE SLAVE MASTERS.

And self-pity is a serial killer murderer.

We would love to see you show your departed wife that you can rise above her junk and all the horse biscuits she piled on you.

We would love to see you show yourself that our assessment of you as a wonderful human being to know and relate to is accurate.

It doesn't take a lot . . . THOUGH IT MAY *FEEL* LIKE A LOT.

Forcing yourself out of bed . . . to sit in a chair. . . . walk around the room . . . look out the window . . . read a constructive book . . .

Some of us have offered you our phone numbers . . . let us know if that works for you.

We care and need to hear from you as soon as you can manage it.

PLEASE avoid doing ugly things to yourself. That only helps the darker forces win. You are better than that down deep within. We are cheering for the better you to rise up over the disconfirmation junk.

Please communicate as soon as you can.



posted on Feb, 8 2012 @ 04:06 PM
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reply to post by TXTriker
 



EXCELLENT RESPONSES Y'ALL.

CONGRATS ON YOUR CARING. PLEASE KEEP IT UP.

Trying to see what can be done.



posted on Feb, 8 2012 @ 04:13 PM
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reply to post by angryamerican
 



I want to elaborate a bit on the FEELINGS MAKE TOLERABLE SERVANTS BUT HORRIBLE SLAVE MASTERS.

I lived 30 years battered about by my feelings . . . and self-pity was a horrific torturer.

One MUST treat such things as servants if they are reasonable feelings and as enemies when they are destructive feelings and thought/feeling habits.

There's no other choice. Otherwise, THEY

make YOU

the VICTIM.

And VICTIM is NO WAY TO LIVE as you found out with the female creature who walked out on you.

RESEARCH has documented--IT REALLY DOES NOT MATTER SO MUCH

WHAT HAPPENS TO US.

WHAT MATTERS, IS HOW WE RESPOND

AND

YOU HAVE A LOT OF CHOICE ABOUT THAT.

You CAN wallow in the pain and reap from that wallowing. I don't recommend it. Did it for years.

You CAN FORCE yourself to move your body in whatever ways you can manage that are constructive and functional. A little more every hour or every 4 hours or every day.

You CAN FORCE yourself to think on positive things for 5 min and hour then 6 then 7 then 8 etc.

You CAN FORCE yourself to cook something; do a craft or art project; write in a journal.

You CAN CHOOSE TO LIVE rather than let the female creature who walked out on you murder your heart, mind and soul.

YOU CAN FORCE YOUR BODY TO MOVE at least 5-10 minutes every 4 hours. You can walk around the block.

You can go window shopping and brighten some shop keeper's day with a smile and a joke you found on the net.

YOU CAN LIVE. AND WE WANT YOU TO.

WE CARE AND ARE PULLING FOR YOU.

PLEASE LET US HEAR FROM YOU.





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