reply to post by 74Templar
I do believe that the majority of parents try to raise their children the best they know how. But NOT ALL. I believe that parents forget that as
adults we STILL need to continue learning. As adults our goal as parents ought to be "try to become a better parent today than I was yesterday".
Just because we have reached the age of adulthood does not mean we are done with learning new and better ways of doing things.
Do I think all parents who hit are "raving psychopaths"? No, not all but definitely some of them are and I definitely think they are wrong, I think
they haven't learned to control their own emotions, I think they are ill informed and uneducated in who and what children are and can be. If the
parent can't figure this out, how in the "H" can they expect a young child to be able to?
:-) I am far more understanding of a young persons "stupidity" than I ever will be of adults that is for sure. I get angry with adults in
situations where with a child I just do not even begin to go there. Go figure, I guess I figure I did it, I am not in general "above average" (lol
though I have with sarcasm stated yep I'm superior to someone who accused those of us who do not hit with believing we are). I grew up in violence
which required me to be mean and tough and I changed and if I have done it then gosh darn it so can anyone else with half a brain as far as I am
One of the things that frustrates me is when parents refuse to stop and think themselves while demanding their child do so. I've heard parents
screaming at their children "shut up and stop yelling at your brother" and I've seen parents hit their child who just hit their sibling and then
say to them "no hitting", and I just think, uhm yeah cause they have such a great role model that teaches them healthier coping strategies? It is
as if they expect their child to be more intelligent and more in control of their emotions than the adult is.
So, my oldest is at University now on a scholarship and is a very wonderful young woman. So I obviously did some things right.
She also at one point in Elementary and then again in middle school had to deal with a bully. She learned how to deal with them without violence and
came through the situation learning how to understand her own emotions better and how to verbally handle a bully.
No physical violence required. And honestly? I suspect these days my daughter is far more understanding of her own emotions than I am of my own and
she has far more of an ability to control her own emotions than I myself do.
Do I think that a bully NEVER deserves a physical take down? I don't know, I'm on the fence, I don't like violence, I don't agree with it and I
believe that the majority of the time a non-violent solution can be found. I have been known to applaud a child for protecting themselves with
physical force when they have no other coping strategies.
My son? LOL he's pretty amazing, but I can tell you he has been a hand full from the moment of birth. At times he's been very hard to parent and
it would have been easy to just give in and hit him. But we've done it without hitting, it's working and he has become an amazing young man.
It's been an interesting experience I can say that.
To share some more of my own experience and what I see with "statistics" in regards to my own family.... I come from a very large family, all my
siblings spanked their children and I have 24 nieces and nephews.. ALL of my nieces and nephews have drug and or alcohol problems, issues with
violence, most had children of their own while still a child themselves, and most of them have been in jail or prison. Most of them have multiple
marriages and children with multiple partners. Only a few of them finished high school and none of them have gone to college. A couple of them have
children who are now having children as children, and THEY are themselves having the same problems. The cycle is continuing for them. My children
have never been in trouble with the law, they have no drug or alcohol problems, they have high IQ's and high emotional IQ's, and no children
themselves yet, and they are wonderful young adults. So I ask, WHAT is the difference?
Am I supposed to believe that from myself and my siblings that out of these 26 children I somehow just "got lucky" with my children? Why is it that
my siblings and their children get angry at me for how I raise my children and tell me I'm going to have trouble if I don't "spank" and that I've
"just been lucky so far"?
100% I believe that "luck" isn't part of the equation.
So, in conclusion, hitting to me is NEVER a reasonable thing to do to a child. I quite often feel like hitting adults who believe it's ok to hit
children. They are children, you are the adult.
and... last but not least, pick your battles.