This thread indeed contains very much great advice, and much great wisdom. These past few days, I've discovered who I really am. While I can't maintain that connection consistently just yet, I feel it very strongly for what seems like a nice fraction of each day.

I lose that connection when others come around, I once read that it's most difficult for most to keep in the presence of others.

It seems I was brought that low to call out for help, and help is exactly what I got. I cried out to you guys, and through you I was led to.. well, me, us - what and who we all really are. I don't want to preach, I don't want to brag, that's not the purpose of this post. I just honestly want to share my experience with the people who may be having, or will be having a similar experience. I know this might seem absolutely insane, I know.. but whether or not you believe what I feel is ultimately your choice.

As for the whole relationship issue, my worry has disappeared. I now feel nothing but love for her, regardless of the situation that we're in. I realize that she's still in my life, and I'm beyond grateful for that - words cannot even express it. I see it from a higher understanding, and that I'm grateful for as I feel it has saved our relationship, even if we are never romantically or intimately involved, the pain has almost completely disappeared and I'm able to be appreciative that she is in my life. The feeling of oneness that I feel (specifically with her) sometimes reaches a level beyond what I've thought possible. I could provide examples, but I have no desire to prove anything, and no reason to. I don't know if she'll be here forever, if we'll be separated, or what but I do know that I trust what is going on and have no worries or fears anymore about the state of our relationship.

Through this darkness, I've found "myself", I've regained quite a lot of power (bare with me, I know it may not make sense, but I don't know how else to verbalize it) and it feels extraordinary. It's almost magic, but I've realized that nothing is quite "magic".

I believe that I understand why they recommend meditation. Meditation gives you an opportunity to put your free will on hold so that you're open to your higher self, and I now understand what "higher self" means, and why it is called "higher self", I'm not sure I can quite explain it, but I just understand. It truly is impossible to explain certain things. If you don't allow something to come through, then it won't. This gives me chills thinking about how easy (yet how difficult) it truly is to access.

I feel a love beyond comprehension. I have a higher understanding of my situation, and I feel as though I'm at least 60% open to the divine self within me. It's absolutely beautiful. I know it seems like nothing positive could come this soon after I posted a thread about being in absolute despair, but it was the start of that post that allowed me to receive the big finale. I do want to say that the Illuminati insider document with Hidden_Hand had helped me obtain a higher understanding. It came at exactly the right time, as any sooner and I'd have written that document off because of my lack of understanding, my limiting beliefs, and my skepticism. I'm thankful that the information had been sent my way, and I also of the synchronicities as I read the document over the span of a day that had manifested into my physical awareness and correlated with the document in a way which made sense to me.

I have an entirely new understanding of the universe, and of myself and the life that I've been given and created for myself. I want to thank you all, and though I'm not going to go around preaching of the creator and raving about him/her at all times, and verbalize my appreciate after every meal and paragraph, I want to take this opportunity as I feel it's appropriate, to thank the creator for providing me with what I've been searching so desperately for over these past years.

Thank you all so much. You've all been absolutely loving, and have truly impacted my life in an amazing way.

I was you at one point when I was younger. I delved deep into the 'spiritual' journey, but I found it seriously lacking for myself. Eventually I gave up on the 'spirituality' hoopla and just took a serious look at my issues without all the metaphysical/religious BS tacked onto it. That's when doors started to open and light started to shine in my life again. Frankly, from my own experience, and in my -own- opinion, a lot people that get wrapped up in that stuff never find real happiness.. they are always confused and wandering and wondering why they still never seem to be able to pull themselves up in life, or they are happy temporarily until something else happens in their lives to confuse them and then they are seeking desperately for answers all over again.

What lost souls need to understand is, life isn't a movie. There are no guarentees of love and a happy life and happy endings are the fodder of dreamers. That girl you love so desperately? She's gone. Get over it. That's life. You're depressed. Do you do anything to help your condition (exersize, diet, lifestyle..etc) or do you just sit there and cry in your milk and take the pills that will never heal you that the doctor gives you? Either you're going to be proactive in your life and find out what you need to be happy, or you're going to be one of those people who cries about wanting to change yet never lifts a finger to actually try (they are comfortable being miserable, but like alcoholics they will never, ever admit to it, in fact they will deny it forever).

Some people can find real happiness and peace in themselves thru spirituality/religion. I've found a few good souls who are happy with their belief systems. But I see many more that aren't. For example, this website is full of them... you can see how insecure so many of them are in their belief systems by how offended they get by discussing anything that is in opposition to theirs. Not exactly 'enlightened', are they? You'll notice most of them eventually end up disclosing that they do indeed suffer from depression, a trait most spiritual/religious people seem to share.

You have to find a belief system that works for you. If it works, great. If it doesn't, stop trying to find solace where there is none. It won't ever happen. Only YOU can find this for yourself. Stop looking for happiness in other people. If you don't work thru your own issues, you'll never find real love with anyone of the opposite sex.