I've begun a spiritual journey mid-2011 and ever since then my life has been in complete shambles. My ex-girlfriend and I have broken up after 2.5
years, I've lost all of my desire to socialize and make friends, and quite frankly I've been contemplating suicide (Save it, this isn't a pity thread)
more and more as time goes on.
I'm confused about what to believe about life and reality. I read that we create our reality, I read that life is an illusion, I read that I/we am/are
god and can do whatever the hell we want, I read that there are higher forces guiding us, and so many different things. It's incredibly frustrating
and I just want to go back to being happy again. What's standing in the way? My life contemplation. The fact that I'm still massively in love with my
ex-girlfriend whom I live with and is seeing somebody else, the fact that I have no job or passion, no friends, no desire to make friends.. basically
- everything is in shambles.
I read all of this about "Ascension", but what if that's just a crock of crap? Everybody has different beliefs about everything and nothing is ever
certain. Am I "Ascending"? If so, why the hell does it have to suck so bad if it's supposed to be so good?
"Hey, you're ascending. Time to lose the woman you love, your job/career, all of your friends and desire to socialize, and you're going to be
miserable for a year and counting! Oh yeah, we're also going to add the stress of you wanting to kill yourself on a daily basis, but you won't do it.
Seriously, I'm confused, and quite frankly just fed up with everything. I tried getting into numerology for a while and that gave me an incredible
amount of hope, but then I started wondering if my life was being guided by something higher or if it's just my own belief in numerology thats
manifesting into my life. Just when I decide on one belief system, all of this comes back around and stresses me out.
I've been having a lot of synchronicity lately, and certain things I can't tell whether I've manifested or if I'm just having psychic experiences
(Such as me wanting to get a knife pulled on me, then weeks later it happening which I explained at another thread I made:
I'm not here to try to make anybody feel bad for me, I'm here because I'm hoping that somebody who is on this road or has been on this road can help
me pull it together.
edit on 22-1-2012 by OhNoItsCritical because: Clarification and title fix.