Daughter has a New Laptop with Webcam.....Help!!!!

Originally posted by Rekrul
why is it that every american family has to destroy knowledge and wisdom for their children. i think its high time we let them learn, stop shielding them, and let them grow to become better than us. you want your child to grow up stupid? then block those websites, and hide information from her. do you still tell her that santa clause is real?

I take it you don't have teens....

I'm sorry, but this is just crazy. Our family got a pc when I was quite young (around 10 I think) and I was given my account and had complete, 100% access to the internet by my technology impaired parents.

I'm 16 now, and honestly having unlimited access to the internet was nothing but a good thing. I was able to search awkward questions I didn't want to ask my parents and find out about puberty and such, and ease any concerns I had while growing up.

My parents always discouraged me from watching anything "bad" and warned me not to and they did keep the pc in their room (though they were often downstairs)

I never started watching porn or any of that stuff until I hit puberty and got interested in it, though prior to that I did search a lot of phrases and things that I didn't know about.

I have my own pc in my room now and apart from the occassional porn I mainly use it as everyother teen does, Facebook, youtube, Twitter and games.

I would never have forgiven my parents for spying on me and they earned my respect by trusting me.

Well this is sad.... ask a fairly simple question for some advice and you get beat up about your parenting skills. This is probably why I don't come around here very much anymore. So many negative opinions....

To answer the original question...

I use McGruff Safeguard to monitor my children. They all know it's there, I show them the results from time to time so they are aware of what it does, and I have no problems.

www.gomcgruff.com...

When I want to look at any of the computers on my network, I use RealVNC. They know it's there as well.

www.realvnc.com...

Rule # 1: be upfront about it and you won't have any problems about trust.

Rule # 2: if they have a problem with it, then there's a problem

You can also monitor their texts, but that's a whole different story.

Originally posted by pointr97
Okay, first and foremost, I am not that Dad.....Seriously, I am not that Dad, I am pretty straight laced and by the book, but don't expect the kid to be perfect, or any far cry from that....However, Grandma just got the 14 year old daughter a laptop with ALL the bells and whistles.....This has been the day I have dreaded, knew it was coming, but terrified it came so soon....Okay...so here is the point.

She has this new found freedom.....everything has gone right out the window....bedtimes...right,.......chores, yeah, whatever.....social tact and dignity.....that is the crux.....Okay,

So...again, I am not the 'destroy all children's privacy' guy.....However, it would be nice to flip to her desktop and check in now and again.....We have a package at work (gives me the heebies and a real good case of the geebies) that allows the powers at be to remote view.......I had one when I had my security company, but it informed the target pc that they were being viewed......the one we have at work now does not.....Sooooo

Computer geeks come forth....once more onto the breech dear friends, once more......We go to battle yet again the teenage angst and hormone rage.....We go to fight for everyone over the age of 19....for 19 is not old, and will not die tomorrow....Nor does being over the age of 19 mean you have a negative value in knowledge (still trying to do the math on that, last insult she gave me, of course, I was told that I need to go to school to get learned, ~shrug~ your guess is as good as mine).....OK.....

Point, She has a laptop on my network.....fill in the blanks, any good discrete software out there that can just pull up a remote view or activity log....This is out of my experience on the security side, I was more perimeter and visual....Thanks, all input is welcome, even the flamers.

I would just disable the webcam permanently then monitor history and what not every now and then. To do this just create a user level account for her and and admin account for you. Uninstall the webcam driver, this will automatically disable it. Then set her user account privileges below the mark required to install system level software and drivers.

It is possible to circumvent this btw but it takes some digging and knowledge + a few key hacker programs to get your password and re-enable privileges all of which you would find out about pretty quickly with a few quick looks at you admin activity logs. Of course you can do this and be very stealthy also but if your 14year old daughter is smart enough to figure that out on her own then I wouldn't worry to much about her making mistakes on a webcam to much.

A few google searches on how to do this will get you a step one to finished guide.

All you need to do is log onto your router, setup her computer with a dedicated IP Address then enable logging. You will see what her usage is and where she is going without invading her privacy by being tempted to read her emails and what knots. You will know by the logging information if she is doing web cam interactions with others and how long. You can also, limit the amount of time she is permitted on the internet via the router. Say you don't want her on after 10PM set up usage rights to the IP Address you give her computer and she will not be permitted on the internet after 10.

Originally posted by SlinkyDFW
I use McGruff Safeguard to monitor my children. They all know it's there, I show them the results from time to time so they are aware of what it does, and I have no problems.

Good for you. It is called Parenting. You are not your child's friend.

My granddaughter also knows we monitor both her computer and her phone. It is no secret. We also retain the right to search her room if we felt the need.

I raised my kids during the Dr. Spock craze. I've learned a lot over the years. You are NOT your child's friend. Invasion of privacy for a 14 year old? There is no such thing (unless she's getting dressed).

Originally posted by SaltireWarrior
I would never have forgiven my parents for spying on me and they earned my respect by trusting me.

HA HA HA LOL - - - this is so funny.

My daughter told me the same thing. But now she is the parent of a 10 year old pre-teen.

Under her roof - - - under her rules.

She reserves the right to know anything and everything her daughter is doing - - including monitoring both her computer and her phone - - - and the right to search her room if she felt the need.

Parents are Parents - - they are not your friend.

No, If i ever have a kid they will be treated with the same respect I was. My family value privacy quite highly and they let me get on with my own life.

Wheras my friends parents who are incredibly strict and forced him to go to private school and such can't even do many of the things I do because he is so dependant on his parents.

Originally posted by Annee
You are NOT your child's friend. Invasion of privacy for a 14 year old? There is no such thing (unless she's getting dressed).

That was my point exactly considering the computer has a webcam and most remote software gives the remote user the ability to use such components without the user knowing about it. That's why I would, wait....I did take that approach with my daughter who is now 19 and fully respects me for protecting her as she expected me to do as her father. Not only did I protect her from others, I protected her from her temptations during the school week by limiting her use with a timed schedule. On the weekends she had unlimited time limits for accessing the internet.

Spying no, parenting with her having full knowledge I was keeping an eye on her internet usage, yes and she didn't feel a bit uneasy about it. The nice thing was, she hit a few sites that were inappropriate, but because she knew I was monitoring her usage, she always beat me to the punch and told me she went there. Then I would block the site on the router and nothing else was said about it. When she turned 18, I removed all limitations.

reply to post by pointr97


Tell her you are going to check it, if you get caught snooping on her and she's done nothing wrong she may hate you and not understand why you did it. Kids today are tricky, but being honest with them is the way to go. 99.9% chance you have nothing to worry about, but I understand that.01% is very scary.

Yikes. Best thing would be to find a program that disables the camera until such times when you decide to temporarily allow it (i.e. skyping with gma)...because that camera is going to be the biggest risk.

Being familiar with the Internet and camchats (and having run into more than one perv in convos) I know how people are going to be very interested to see a 14 year old on camera. That is your biggest worry.

peripherals.about.com...

This one may help. It's always best to simply prevent the problem, instead of watching and waiting until it actually happens. If she gets mad...well, show her a few programs on child abusers.

Hope this helps.

no need for spy programs.. its all increadibly simple if it event logs etc you want to see...

set up a domain in your house... its that easy, then you can on any pc with your admin account remote view or remote mange any system, so you can see the event logs, you can access my document etc....

would be the simplest and cheapest solution... like get a real old server off the internet which has an OEM copy of live server 2000 it'll cost you about $80 but you'll have an actual running networkin your house....


Or man up and realise she's gonna do what shes gonna do and realistically you would much rather not catch her doing anything

Originally posted by KnightFire
All you need to do is log onto your router, setup her computer with a dedicated IP Address then enable logging. You will see what her usage is and where she is going without invading her privacy by being tempted to read her emails and what knots. You will know by the logging information if she is doing web cam interactions with others and how long. You can also, limit the amount of time she is permitted on the internet via the router. Say you don't want her on after 10PM set up usage rights to the IP Address you give her computer and she will not be permitted on the internet after 10.

oooh and this too

Originally posted by Annee

Originally posted by SlinkyDFW
I use McGruff Safeguard to monitor my children. They all know it's there, I show them the results from time to time so they are aware of what it does, and I have no problems.

Good for you. It is called Parenting. You are not your child's friend.

My granddaughter also knows we monitor both her computer and her phone. It is no secret. We also retain the right to search her room if we felt the need.

I raised my kids during the Dr. Spock craze. I've learned a lot over the years. You are NOT your child's friend. Invasion of privacy for a 14 year old? There is no such thing (unless she's getting dressed).

Excuse me, but I believe being your child's friend is just as important as being a parent. How else are you supposed to maintain that bond? She won't trust you as much if you're just a friend...and being friends supports that "Daddy will save me" or "Mommy will do anything" viewpoint...which is by far the best way for your child to look at you. Secrets have been kept for years because children saw their parents as towering monarchs, not as someone they could talk to and be close with.

That's how I wish my parents would have treated me (and no, my personal experiences do NOT sway my opinion).

We have 3 kids, all with their own computer and all three know that with the click of a magic button we can remote view on their computers. None have webcams but we can see live real screens displayed and it keeps them from the temptations of internet porn and other unsavory areas we would prefer they avoid at their age. We have done it for fun, just a quick move of the mouse (actually logged on to fix a problem on their system) and we dont hide it from them. We use a VNC viewer to do it. Now, yeah no one likes a snoop, blah blah. I prefer to be thought of as a parent. While all our parents had to do was look under our beds or in our closets, it's a much differnt world and we need to use the right resources to help guide our kids as well as protect them.

Originally posted by Starchild23

Excuse me, but I believe being your child's friend is just as important as being a parent. How else are you supposed to maintain that bond? She won't trust you as much if you're just a friend...and being friends supports that "Daddy will save me" or "Mommy will do anything" viewpoint...which is by far the best way for your child to look at you. Secrets have been kept for years because children saw their parents as towering monarchs, not as someone they could talk to and be close with.

That's how I wish my parents would have treated me (and no, my personal experiences do NOT sway my opinion).

I'm on my 3rd generation of raising kids. I raised mine who are now in their 40s. I helped raise the first grandson who is now 18. And now I am helping raise a pre-teen girl and a pre-school boy.

I made a lot of mistakes and I've learned a lot along the way. And one of those things is: You are the Parent - - you are not their friend.

Of course having a relationship with your child is important - - - but you are not their friend. You are not one of their peers - - you are Parent.

Prisonlifeeee.... Monitoring your children, remote viewing... Room searches?! ROOM SEARCHES?!

and if your teen child is watching internet pron, what do you do? Do you really want to know that, and do you seriously want to have an conversation with your children about internet pron?!

-awkward-

reply to post by pointr97


wow bud you are stepping well over the line. She is turning into a young lady leave her have her freedom...

reply to post by purplemer





The operative word there is TURNING into a young woman! So she's not quite there yet, and

she's still in need of guidance and protection.

I have 3 kids. Until they are old enough, all computers in the house will have software to limit how they interact on the web, and they will be told that the network is monitored by me. I won't actually monitor the network unless I truly feel the need to, but until they are 18 they are minors, and their activity on the internet needs to be moderated or they will develop unhealthy browsing habits straight through to adulthood.

Keep in mind that your daughter is a minor, and anyone viewing her webcam if she takes of her clothes is guilty of a crime. You have the right to protect your children. Just be sure to be up front about it; if you lie to her and then later tell her you've been snooping she will see it as a huge breach of trust, and rightly so.

In the days of the internet, parents are now needing to rethink a lot of things and come up with new solutions to problems that our parents didn't have. Personally, I think honesty and the knowledge that their activity may be viewed by you should be enough of a deterrent that you won't have to constantly monitor her traffic.