I am dropping off the face of the earth - any advice is welcome

reply to post by caladonea


I agree, I cannot even fathom the idea of him giving his children up. Life is so precious, especially at that age.

Some people are happily married and have a child and life is great. Then the child gets cancer and dies.
Some people have a beautiful house and lots of nice things, then their house catches on fire, and they lose everything.
Some people lose their job, and become homeless.

What I am getting at, is life is extremely difficult and we all go through rough periods. I am sorry your wife wants a divorce and you are having a hard time finding a job. But your children are healthy, right? Yeah, she might meet someone new and your children will have a step-dad. But you might meet someone and realize that she was the one you have been missing out on. You might get that great job you have been wanting and realize that going to college wasn't wasted. You might work it out with your wife.

If you run away from your problems, your possibilities are out the door. Your children will find you one day and ask you why you abandoned them? And you better not tell them it's their mom's fault, because you are the one that decided to check out when times got tough. I'm not flaming you.

I can tell you are depressed and it's easy for someone to tell you to get over it. I have been there. Take a weekend to yourself and think about everything you need to do to get your life in order. I'm not an expert but I can tell you that you will regret running away. Your kids deserve better than that. They didn't ask for this. Take a step back and realize that what you are doing is extremely selfish. If you run away, you are not thinking about them at all. You are wallowing in your own sorrow. Pick yourself up, keep looking for a job, spend time with your kids, and if your wife really wants that divorce, give it to her. You don't want to be with someone who doesn't want to be with you. You will find someone who will love you and your children.
I went to college and I am a waitress right now. I have a beautiful 7 year old and his father died 4 years ago. I met a wonderful man and we have a 2 year old together. He loves my son like his own. I am telling you...YOU CAN WORK IT OUT. DON'T RUN AWAY

Originally posted by AwakeinNM

Originally posted by chr0naut
reply to post by AwakeinNM

 

May I suggest you grab a towel and a good stiff drink.

Can't really drink - chronic condition that gets worse with alcohol.

Oh, I was actually quoting from "The Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy", attempting to be lighthearted.

I think it's all about laughing at our misfortunes, which gives us power over them.

I can't truly speak to your situation as I have never experienced what you are going through, but there is always a way to overcome!

Take heart, there are some good people out there and on ATS who wish you the best.

reply to post by AwakeinNM

My wife will not go to counseling or even try to work on our marriage

That right there would tell me she's already found a replacement for you, or doing some other guy. Women get guilty and do things like this or become a royal bitch when theyre boning another dude.

Move east if you want to find work. Way out there in the desert theres not much to be had. I'd start preparing yourself and start building a wall around your heart so when she does decide to break it you don't go suicidal. I'd also submit to Jesus if you haven't yet, when you have nothing left and he's all you got left then you have everything you will ever need. Time for you to walk in faith. Youre being brought low for a reason, don't be afraid. No better person to serve than the King of kings

reply to post by AwakeinNM


Seriously....

Your first step in disappearing was posting an "I am going to disappear" thread on ATS of all places?

I do not know how old you are but it appears that no matter how old you may be you have your mind set on bugging out and doing The Great Houdini irl.

It takes money to do this right and maxing out a credit line is not going to cut it...that is unless you plan on living in the jungles of the Congo or something. I wish the best for you man, but disappearing on your family is just something non-conceivable to me being that I am from the Mid-Western United States where family comes first and we have an old saying up here, "If you need it I WILL get it".

The human will is one of the great five forces of the universe. It moves mountains and in cases that are against all odds makes miracles happen.

I know as a man you have Pride, but I was raised on the principles that false Pride can kill as well.

As one poster has previously expressed life is a test, and so is marriage with children. DO NOT BE A COWARD and live up to your obligations in life and do not do what my old man did when I was just a little shaver and just dip from the scene for WHATEVER REASON. Even though I will give my old man the credit that he plushly took care of his family's financial obligations while physically gone from the home. There is no substitute for the Father's place in the house.

Stay steadfast and stick it out, for your absence from your home removes the mortar from the bricks of your family's foundation!

You don't need to run away to start a new life?

If you want to run away.. then you might as well just file for divorce with your wife. You running = not being in their lives anyway.

If things really aren't all your fault and she is partly to blame then you have a chance in court for fairness.. but if you do what you are planning on doing.. your wife will get full custody of your children.

Seriously man. It's really not that hard to find a job (if you aren't aiming high). I got a job after looking only 2 weeks. Go to the mall and put in an application at every store even if they aren't hiring. Hit up grocery stores which are more resistant to this recession. Craigslist..etc.

reply to post by Whateva69


Interesting stuff. This guy is in ABQ where I am. I should look him up.

Everything he suggests doing in this video costs money. I am assuming people who disappear amass a small fortune first. Unfortunately I am broke.

Originally posted by daryllyn
reply to post by Starchild23

 

Perhaps you should talk to this woman who is apparently senselessly divorcing him...instead of berating him because he is caught between a rock and a hard place with no way out. It's the animal instinct to run if it cannot fight.

Don't curse him for feeling helpless and miserable.

[color=dodgerblue]Running away and abandoning your children, is not the right thing to do. Period.

There are two sides to every story. Just because he doesn't understand her reasons, doesn't mean they aren't perfectly good reasons to her. Sometimes, invalidating someone's feelings can be reason enough.

edit on 16-1-2012 by daryllyn because: (no reason given)

edit on 16-1-2012 by daryllyn because: (no reason given)

It is not me who doesn't understand.

Texas has jobs, surprisingly so. I know of some where the laborers travel as far as Houston (from Abilene and Lubbock) They start off at about 9 bucks an hour plus overtime. Not too far from you I believe.

When you feel at your worst its common to think of drastic measures to alleviate your situation. Been there myself.
Please take your time before deciding, to make sure its not emotionally driven.
I have some fam in Albuq. and they are having some really tough times, especially finding jobs.

I hope you make the best decision for you and your girls.

Originally posted by AwakeinNM

Originally posted by Realm52
Are you for real?

My wife wants a divorce for much less of a reason than she should, and she just had our second daughter 10 weeks ago.

I have been going guano loco without her and my daughters

So you're gonna disappear and leave them all? anyone else thinks sounds a bit cowardly?

how many daughters do you have?

If your wife wants to leave you for a much less of a reason than she should, how hard can it be to fix the situation?

I know I am going to get flamed, and I don't expect anyone to understand my mindset, but I can not watch my daughters grow up on facebook. I can not hear about all their firsts through the grapevine. I need to be there myself. I can not process any other scenario. Since my wife is not allowing that, this is the road I must take. It is not easy. I will live with regret the rest of my life, which will probably not be that long. My daughters are young - oldest is not even 3. They will grow up likely knowing someone else as their dad - another thing I can not watch happen.

My family is the only thing that defines me. It is all I want in my life. It is all I have left. My wife is taking it from me, so I have no identity now. I have nothing to look forward to. If I had the cajones, I'd put a bullet in my head, but I don't. So this.

edit on 16-1-2012 by AwakeinNM because: (no reason given)

If you had the cajones, you'd fight for those kids that you claim to love so much. As a parent, you have rights. I am not somebody that doesn't know what he is talking about. Be a man. It is not my intention to flame you. I get the impression that there is a lot more to this story.

Originally posted by AwakeinNM
reply to post by Whateva69

 

Interesting stuff. This guy is in ABQ where I am. I should look him up.

Everything he suggests doing in this video costs money. I am assuming people who disappear amass a small fortune first. Unfortunately I am broke.

Stick with your family and the life you vowed to maintain. I know I cannot tell you what to do,but you must understand something...

An Obligation is a Man's badge in life and gauges what type of Man you are!

The more fulfilled Obligations a man carries the weightier a man's trustworthiness is in life.

Your wife is leaving you not your kids. You can't fight for her, but you can fight for your kids. While dealing with getting over you wife might be heart wrenching, think about what abandoning your kids will do to them. They are young but they know you in this moment, and this moment is what's important and all we have.

My advice is follow your children and stay close to them. I would question your connection to them if you run further away from them. She can't just take them away from you. Accept what you can't control and take charge of what you can.

reply to post by AwakeinNM


Sorry to hear that man. I know you’re a small business owner, we have talked in the past about the difficulties in today’s business world. Its really hard out there for us right now. I don’t know where you live but I do hear unemployment is at 2% in North Dakota if your hell bent on packing up and leaving.

Just know you’re not the only one. There are a lot of us standing on the edge of the cliff right now. (financially speaking, maybe even literally). We are in a depression and things are only going to get worse. Do what you can to survive.

Good luck

reply to post by AwakeinNM


That sucks what you are going through...
Are you the handyman type since you listed home improvement stores? There are lots of people who dont know how to fix things around the house...be a mobile handyman or you can go into security, you wont be rich but its something.

reply to post by Whateva69
That is way over simplistic. How is he hiding from the NSA when he did a legal name change??? Fail!

Originally posted by daryllyn
reply to post by Starchild23

 

Perhaps you should talk to this woman who is apparently senselessly divorcing him...instead of berating him because he is caught between a rock and a hard place with no way out. It's the animal instinct to run if it cannot fight.

Don't curse him for feeling helpless and miserable.

[color=dodgerblue]Running away and abandoning your children, is not the right thing to do. Period.

There are two sides to every story. Just because he doesn't understand her reasons, doesn't mean they aren't perfectly good reasons to her. Sometimes, invalidating someone's feelings can be reason enough.

edit on 16-1-2012 by daryllyn because: (no reason given)

edit on 16-1-2012 by daryllyn because: (no reason given)

She has already invalidated his feelings by taking his kids and leaving. When my wife and I split, my thoughts were "No problem, if you don't want to be with me. Why are you taking my kids though? Leave us to have our lives."
OP, take some time to get yourself together whether on or off grid. Your wife leaving like that is a devastating blow, I know. In some ways, it would be "easier" if she had died(not saying kill her or anything like that), it would be easier to deal with rather than trying to understand how someone who "loved you" could desert you and then take your children away also. What a vicious attack. I cannot understand how some of these people are blaming you for her actions and then saying you didn't do enough.

Learn how to survive in the wild, building fires, cleaning water, making shelters, keeping warm, finding food, and stuff like that. Go build a shack out in the woods or mountains. Live off the land: hunt and cook your own food, grow your own vegetables and fruits, and just live life with nature. Wouldn't that just be great, to escape all of the problems of the world and just live your life in peace.

I would first go out and buy about 500 books about every topic that I'm interested in. Also a telescope and binoculars. No television, X-box, or internet to distract you, just a life of peace. You can live near a small town where you can go into to get some supplies and have a drink and meet some people to make sure you don't go insane from isolation

Talk about a walking contradiction....
You cant miss your daughters childhood
But would rather leave them feeling completely abandoned by their father after he drops off the face of the earth...
How selfish is that??

reply to post by AwakeinNM


Look man...I've been there and even though divorce is not an option to you you have to get through it no matter what..those babies need you in their life even if its every other weekend like me and mine...think abut what your doing and remember, the kids don't get to run from this, neither should you.

Don't go far my friend.