I am dropping off the face of the earth - any advice is welcome

I fully agree with Quauhtli's post.

If you have to GO, then GO. BUT DO NOT break contact with your girls. Do NOT disappear. It will be very traumatic for them. Think of their hearts and feelings.

Go elsewhere and pull your life together, if you must. But keep in contact with your children.

Originally posted by AwakeinNM
All the support is appreciated, and no worries to the flamers - I expected it. I don't expect you to understand why I would do this, just that this is my way of dealing with it while it may not be yours. I have been more than responsible and caring to this point, and it has gotten me nothing but rejection. My being responsible doesn't work in this situation. So I am removing myself from my wife's life and must do the same with my kids as well. I will not like it, and I will regret it, but it will be for the best.

You think you are taking the easy way out. But let me tell you..... abandoning your children will haunt you forever.

An aunt, uncle, grandparent can NOT make the pain of abandonment better for those girls. No one can replace you.

Tell me, why does a man make a baby, then turn his back on it later when the chips are down?

Are you doing this to run from child support?

No respect from me. Hope you WAKE UP before it's too late.

As for her, she may be suffering from "post-partum depression." It happens to some women after giving birth.

On the other hand, figure that she is probably as wrung-out as you even if she doesn't suffer from PPD. She has her way of handling things as you have yours.

Unfortunately, it takes two to make a marriage but only one to ruin it. We do not know what you have done to give her a reason for a divorce, But you discount what to her might be an ample reason. Do a serious self-exam looking at all of your warts from her point of view. You portray youself as the victim. Maybe she feels victimized. Possibly you both are mere victims of the times. These day many times the problem is chiefly about money or the lack of it.

I'm sure why others, besides myself, wonders why you had another child when you have been out of work, etc. for a couple of years?

I've got some advice for ya pal but a brief history of my recent life. I was engaged with a daughter, fiancé 6 months preggers with our son and she up and left me. I admit I made mistakes but I acknowledged them, she didn't acknowledge hers. We spent the next 12 months on and off until I figured out she was using me for various reasons. I felt like you do now but with a massive difference.
There is no way I could have left my kids behind. It's heartbreaking not being able to kiss them goodnight every night but far better than leaving them behind entirely. My ex moved on with a friend of mine, I'm still single and it still hurts it always will. This initial feeling you have only gets worse but....

You need to man up buddy, have some guts cause your kids need and love you. If you leave now you don't deserve to ever be a part of their lives again. You'll be a coward and you will regret it for the rest of your days.

Like I said it gets worse before it gets better. Chances are you'll never fully recover cause its a devestating experience with lasting effects but you will always have your girls. They will always bring you happiness. If you leave you'll never forgive yourself. Don't be a dead beat, do it for them!!!!

reply to post by AwakeinNM

My wife wants a divorce for much less of a reason than she should, and she just had our second daughter 10 weeks ago.

[color=dodgerblue]If it's only been ten weeks since the birth, she could be experiencing postpartum depression. Combine that with the rest of the situation, the foreclosure and your unemployment, and things are probably seeming pretty hopeless for her right now. But the postpartum passes in time and she may feel differently when it does.

I don't think you should walk away just yet.

About the divorce... or potential for one...

If she isn't happy, why should she have to stay? Same would go for you if the tables were turned. You have the right to your pursuit of happiness (provided that you aren't harming anyone in that pursuit), but so does your wife.

I don't think that 'dropping off the face of the earth' isn't very responsible on your part. I hope that you reconsider. For your daughters. Seriously.

If your planning on leaving any way, how about this.
look on the internet, papers, all job/employment sources, etc and move to where work is.
if there isn't any factories employing near you, look in another state.
if you get a job elsewhere (which i'm sure you will if you look everywhere in your country) you'll be in a better situation than you might end up in if you live off grid.
with a job behind you i'm fairly sure you'll find it easier to not give up on you wife and kids.
whatever you choose i wish you luck.

Move to Asia and teach English, simple well paid and with a degree you'll be making 1500 dollars your first month, do it, do it now!

reply to post by AwakeinNM


Your best option is to head for Canada and start all over again. Your chances for a job are good, Americans are accepted. You can always find a place wehere americans gather if you feel alone. And above all, it is still close enough to visit your daughter in the future or for her coming saying hello to you.

My family is the only thing that defines me. It is all I want in my life. It is all I have left. My wife is taking it from me, so I have no identity now. I have nothing to look forward to. If I had the cajones, I'd put a bullet in my head, but I don't. So this.

First of all your wife can never take your kids away from you if you actually want to be in their lives unless you do sumfin stupid. What you propose on doing is actually you yourself shutting your kids out so you can't blame that on your wife.
As far as blowing your brain to goo, believe me if you up and leave now the guilt you will one day feel for doing so and ultimately abandoning your daughters, will drive you to do just that but not before you hurt many more people in the process. Wise up mate, listen to the majority of these replies and ignore the ones that are supporting a life for you without your kids in it. They are wrong! Listen to your heart which beats for your kids, my kids helped me through my dark days purely just by thinking of them, yours can help you!!!

Originally posted by Realm52
Are you for real?

My wife wants a divorce for much less of a reason than she should, and she just had our second daughter 10 weeks ago.

I have been going guano loco without her and my daughters

So you're gonna disappear and leave them all? anyone else thinks sounds a bit cowardly?

how many daughters do you have?

If your wife wants to leave you for a much less of a reason than she should, how hard can it be to fix the situation?

It's a woman, bro. You can't fix anything a woman doesn't want fixed. She'll either break it again or find a new one and leave the fixed one on the roadside.

Sounds like she just isn't "into you" anymore.

If you are hell bent on playing *poof*, out of everyone's lives. Make sure to wait until after the divorce, so you don't leave your wife and poor Daughters stuck with the debt you incur by maxing out credit cards.

If you are still married, she and they, will be stuck with your debt. Plus, think about her credit rating. Sure you don't have to think of yourself...after all you've decided to duck, and run. That's your choice. But, it's not your choice to leave your family on the hook for your debts. As a single mom, you wife will be left as the sole person responsible to provide a roof, food, medical needs, education...everything for your Daughters.

Just because you decide to go *poof* doesn't mean those needs go *poof* too. Do you really want to punish them that much.

You can't, while still married, file for bankruptcy without your wife signing the papers too. It would be very selfish if you were to grab the cash and run. JMOHO.

My suggestion? Spend some of that cash on psychedelics, they will lead you to an answer that none of us here can provide. Follow your heart regardless of what the outcome may be, it will always lead you in the right direction in the end.

Above all else, no matter how bad your life may seem to be, know that we are all here for a purpose regardless of the path we take. Keep your head high, and know that as long as it doesn't kill you, it will only make you stronger in the end. You WILL get out of this rut, just remember to learn from whatever you experience from here on out. Pain is necessary for growth, I can assure you of that now, as I too have been through very very rough times, possibly worse than what you are experiencing now.

Good luck my friend.

reply to post by AwakeinNM


Dude, do not give up man, everything will fall into place eventually. I know it must be hard where your wife has taken your daughters but a similar situation happened to my uncle and he just moved closer to his daughters. I was just curious, if you do not mind me asking, what actually happened with you and your wife if there was no infidelity, cheating, or anything was involved? Did it have anything to do with financial issues? I know it hurts, but you have to be there for your daughters, your daughters will realize one day that you were there for them rather than bailing on them.

reply to post by Thunder heart woman

You think you are taking the easy way out. But let me tell you..... abandoning your children will haunt you forever.

An aunt, uncle, grandparent can NOT make the pain of abandonment better for those girls. No one can replace you.

Tell me, why does a man make a baby, then turn his back on it later when the chips are down?

Are you doing this to run from child support?

No respect from me. Hope you WAKE UP before it's too late.

Perhaps you should talk to this woman who is apparently senselessly divorcing him...instead of berating him because he is caught between a rock and a hard place with no way out. It's the animal instinct to run if it cannot fight.

Don't curse him for feeling helpless and miserable.

Don't run from your problems. You gotta take them head on. I know your situation is grim but you have to fight thru it. You know how many bad days I've had? I've had a lot and sure some days you just gotta get away. Main thing is you gotta stay for the kids. My advice...go to church. I'm not a big religious guy or anything but I know if it comes down to the worse I will go to church and pray. It's proven that this helps people heal whether your believe or not.

Here is some very good advice I got once.

"Do not run away from your problems. They in some way or other will follow you."
"Never run away from anything...always run towards SOMETHING."

And lastly? "By running away...you'll just run smack dab into yourself...coming from the other way."

Think of the kids. Marriages sometimes fail...it happens. But dont let FATHERHOOD fail.

Good luck, God Bless and time heals.

reply to post by Starchild23

Perhaps you should talk to this woman who is apparently senselessly divorcing him...instead of berating him because he is caught between a rock and a hard place with no way out. It's the animal instinct to run if it cannot fight.

Don't curse him for feeling helpless and miserable.

[color=dodgerblue]Running away and abandoning your children, is not the right thing to do. Period.

There are two sides to every story. Just because he doesn't understand her reasons, doesn't mean they aren't perfectly good reasons to her. Sometimes, invalidating someone's feelings can be reason enough.

reply to post by AwakeinNM

I am dropping off the face of the earth - any advice welcome

Turn off your anti-gravity belt, for starters.

reply to post by AwakeinNM


My advice...pack up and move to the state where your children are. Do not abandon them...find a job there...and let your children know you love them.

Be kind and tolerant towards your wife...but mainly focus on your children.

Man up...don't run away.

Question, have you tried to fix your relationship with your wife? Have you thought of instead packing your truck and dissapearing just go to your wife and try to fix the problem? show her that you love her etc etc, she might change her mind and even if she doesn't it doesn't mean you have to give up on them. Fight for them.

Don't give up, not yet ... you have far too much to give up! You just can't give up, seriously. It's up to you, even if you aren't living with your children and wife, you can still show them love and show them that you are there dad, it's your right.

just don't give up, go get your wife and family back.