Grandmother yelling "Please help me!" Any thoughts, ATS?

Friends, would you please help if you have any knowledge of this issue or any suggestions?

My fiance's grandmother, who is 91, is on her deathbed. She's dying from multiple natural causes. Her body is simply shutting down. Hospice expected her to pass a few days ago -- she showed all the signs -- but she's still hanging on. She's been drifting in and out of consciousness, on and off morphine.

Over the last 24 hours, she started sitting up in bed periodically, raising her arms or gripping the bed and yelling, "Help me!" It's heart-rending. When the family tries to comfort her and asks what she needs (sometimes making suggestions, sometimes just holding her hand) she doesn't answer them.

I'm praying for her, and going to see her soon. Does anyone have any experience with this, or advice for me or for the family? If you don't have advice, would you please send some good vibes her way? She was a Rosie the Riveter back in the day, and she's a spunky, precious lady. Thanks.

She sounds like a very spirited, strong person.
Good for you and your family to make her as comfortable as possible.
I couldn't even imagine the confusion that shes going through.
Good vibes are out for her, you and your family.

reply to post by graceunderpressure

I’m not trying to be mean but..
All I can say is euthanasia should be legal.
We shouldn’t fear death and we shouldn’t be driving people past the point of natural selection if it’s going to be painful as in this situation. I hope she goes peacefully and wish you the best.

reply to post by graceunderpressure


I do not have experience in this situation but it seems to me that just being there is the thing to do. Just keep telling her that you are there and that you love her and make her as comfortable as possible. It must be terribly hard for you and your family seeing her this way. My prayers are with you.

After thinking about this for a bit, Id like to make a friendly suggestion.
When you visit her, open the window.
She may be slipping in and out, in great confusion.
When she comes to, it may be comparable to being born, over and over again.
When my mother worked in a hospital, she would tell me stories of this sort.
She would open the window as not so much as a spiritual, but as a psycological
method for them to leave in peace. Take it which ever way you want, but she
said it helped.

This link explains the pre-active and active phases of dying:

www.hospicepatients.org...

I think what your fiance's grandmother is suffering is the second item listed on the 'active phases' list.

I hope she can have a peaceful end and that what is happening now will only be for a short time.

reply to post by graceunderpressure


It is a scary thing but the best thing you can do is be there, be comforting and loving.

So sorry about your fiance's Grandmother. I
think the Hospice link would be beneficial in
knowing what to expect at the end. I believe
at these times we can only love and be close
to the one that is departing. Blessings to you,
your fiance, Grandmother and family.

reply to post by berenike


Thanks for the link, Berenike, and to all of you for your good wishes and thoughts. After reading the list, I agree that she's in the "active phase" of dying, or at least, she's exhibiting many of the symptoms.

The suggestion to open a window was a good one. We'll try that. Luckily, it's beautiful weather here in San Francisco. Will also let her know we're there and we love her.

Poor old thing, she requested three clocks to be kept in her bedroom. But, they were ticking loudly and my fiance removed them as a mercy to her. I hope that was the right thing to do.

All the trolls and hacks on this site aside, ATS once again proves itself to be a place with a heart. Thank you so much!

reply to post by graceunderpressure


My stepfather was 72 and just passed away from pancreotic cancer. He asked of my mother ,knowing he will die soon to let him pass naturally and with hospice at their home. My mother and I took turns every 2 hours giving him morphine orally from a dropper ,we had to increase the dose and begin giving every hour ,so much pain he had to endore. From the time he was diagnosed the cancer was already level 4 ,so his passing was very quick.

This was my step dad and we weren't too close , so when mom and dad pass its going to be so hard.

My consolence to you is to just realize something that Ive began to notice the older I get. This life we have here , I truely beleive is just a speck, of the unfathomable beauty of what we have waiting for us .

Why on earth would the creator of this world (and there has to be one ,how could there not ) design everything so perfectly balanced , calculated ,and beutful ( including a person that can live 90+ years) and not have such a grand purpose for a human life .

Just because the flesh passes means nothing . I beleive the reason its soo hard for most people(including myself) to trust in the fact our soul and spirt lifes on is because God ,with his purpose in mind , only allowed for us to see what He wanted. I desperately want to know all of our purpose here, but that miracle is second to our birth,,our death from this place.

He made us pretty awsome so He's got a million times awsome just waiting for us.

Im a Christian and the hardest thing is truely trusting in faith. But again Gods bigger than anything that can be comprehended , so isn't it ironic that he reveals himself to us with such a natural human emotion as faith.

reply to post by graceunderpressure


OP, If it was me, I would ask for God to intercede and intervene, in Jesus name, I would ask for him to grant this soul mercy and to protect her and not let her depart unless it is to make it to Heaven with him. You got nothing to lose if you do.

Here is a video of what this man experienced when he left his body at the hospital and what his personal experience was and what he did when he encountered some bad stuff.




Also, if it was me, and I got a moment to be alone with the person, in the same room, I would whisper in her ear and tell her to say " Jesus forgive all my sins, take my life into your hands, and save me". In the end you got nothing to lose.

That was very beautifully stated, Overanocean. And Pocky, I agree. No one knows what's deep down in someone else's heart, so it's better to cover the bases.

Your thread touched me deeply because of my own grandmother being 92, although her health is failing it is pretty remarkable for her age. I lit a candle and I am sending my most peaceful thoughts your way. I think that if she wanted the clocks in there, she should have them. Maybe three that are quieter would be an acceptable compromise. The open window sounds like a good idea. I haven't watched the link yet but plan to as soon as I finish posting this. I know I need to start preparing myselffor when it is my grandmother's time. She is the only parental figure I have left so it is scary for me even though I am old enough that I should have grown up a long time ago. Peace and Loving Thoughts your way. I am glad you are there for her. Sometimes that is the best and only thing you can do.

reply to post by gypsycat


Update: Our "Rosie" passed away peacefully last night. The way it happened was very beautiful and humbling.

She hung on all week. I was originally supposed to visit her a few days ago, but was pulled away by some urgent work matters and a round-the-clock deadline. Last night, I finally told my bosses to shove the schedule, and that I really must go. I bought some beautiful yellow and orange tinged roses and hurried over to her house. We put the flowers to her cheek and her breathing slightly changed as if she were drinking in the aroma. My fiance told her that he loved her, and, unable to speak, she responded with a single tear.

The other family members left the room, and I said the Lord's Prayer over her.

She died ten minutes later.

Thank you, all for your support and prayers. I'm feeling rather awful about letting workplace demands take over more important matters. 'Learned a lesson here.

My condolences. I am glad her suffering is over.
I;m glad you got to spend a bit of time with her right before she passed over.

reply to post by graceunderpressure


how tragic! In the hospice will they allow you to play some of her favorite music? Music might help?

Just recently, we went through the same thing and he wanted his fav music and we could have it going. Helped him to 'think' about that rather than the moment.

xx

reply to post by graceunderpressure


disregard the above post, just read that she is no longer suffering.

hugs

Rest in Peace Dear Rosie

reply to post by graceunderpressure


Thank You for that update. The smell of roses is wonderful. I am glad that her suffering is over and that you and her family were there for her.

I'm glad Rosie passed on in the sort of way you were hoping for.

Don't feel awful about fulfilling your working commitments. You were there when it mattered, providing her with a beautiful last memory.