What is love???

So my gf and i just split a couple days ago. It was just our time. No real issues. We have just learned what we were meant to learn from one another. This has been the most awesome breakup ever...

What is love? Love is just a feeling...it is not the basis for a relationship (although it is a requirement for one). I love many friends! Does that mean that i can't have sex with anyone else? NO. So then...if love is felt between all...what makes a relationship a relationship? It's a verbal agreement. Words are just the physical manifestation of the contract between souls, so as to set boundaries here within this dimension. If you don't say that you're "together" or "in a relationship"...well then...there is no agreement to not sleep with anyone. You have to label it...put words to it...in order for it to physically manifest and create an agreement.

So then what is the point to a relationship? A lesson. While this has been the calmest, most loving and caring break up i have ever heard of...it still does hurt. We are going to remain living together. We get along great. We compliment each other well...and quite honestly...we both like where we live. Just because we are physically out of this relationship doesn't mean we can't still love each other!!! I mean....i think that ideally...if two people really loved each other...the ending of their "relationship" could very well be the beginning of a much deeper relationship. I will always love this woman and think fondly of our time together...and not think "god i'm glad that's over" or "man...what a BLEEP she was".

Now i know that here lately i have been known to make some inflammatory and ill-intending statements...this breakup has taught me more than i can put into words. We are both here to help the other heal. We're talking through things calmly...and as we do...things are making sense! We're seeing the beauty in our past together...and still looking forward to our future as friends. Yes...it still hurts...but something tells me that this is how break ups should go. We are focusing on the lessons we've learned with each other (we were together a little over 2 years). It's sooo much more meaningful like this. Focusing on the love and lessons instead of the hurt and pain. It's really powerful to be a part of this. I'm not saying we're the first to do this...but i've never heard of this. Our bond will be sooo much deeper now. It's just like death...on a less grandiose scale. "we" "died" but just like in physical death...death is merely the next birth! there is no separation...so there is no real "breaking up"...just an end to a verbal contract between her and i. there is no her nor is there a me...there only is. there is no separation. these words and terms and labels we put on things create the separation necessary to enforce the contract between 2 souls. now that "we" are over...our future together has just begun, only in a new light!

we broke up monday. last night...we cooked dinner together...sat down and ate and just talked. spent over 2 hours last night...just talking. well...plenty of crying but we spent the night bonding as friends now. cycled between talking about things in our past, present and future. it was a very healing night. we both got things off of our chests...both cried our eyes out to one another...both were their to help each other heal. it was beautiful...i feel so blessed to have been a part of her life...blessed to be a part of such a positive and healing "death"...and pray that our relationship matures into something so much more and so much deeper than ever before.

So again i ask? What is love? Love is a constant, if it's real. I still love her and always will. I've learned so much from her. I teach with words...so she can tell you what she's learned from me. She teaches by doing...by feeling...so i simply cannot put into words what i've learned from her...i simply hope that what i've learned from her begins to reflect through my words and actions from here out.

so here is to one of the best and biggest lessons of my life! looking forward to what we can learn from each other now! such an amazing experience.

thank you

love is a many splendorous thing with loads of sayings and descriptions that'll never describe it in a whole ...
heres some lyrics that describe it well ...

They say it's a river, that circles the earth
A beam of light shining to the edge of the universe
it conquers all, it changes everything

They say it's a blessing, they say it's a gift
they say it's a miracle
and I believe that it is
it conquers all, but it's a mystery

Love breaks your heart
Love takes no less than everything
Love makes it hard
and it fades away so easily

In this world we've created
in this place that we live
in the blink of an eye the darkness slips in
love lights the world
unites the lovers for eternity

Love breaks the chains
Love aches for everyone of us
Love takes the tears and the pain, and it turns it in-
to the beauty that remains

Look at this place
it was paradise, but now it's dying
I'll pray forlove
I'll take my chances that it's not too late

Love breaks your heart
Love takes no less than everything
Love makes it hard
and fades away so easily


Love breaks the chains
Love aches for everyone of us
Love takes the tears and the pain, and it turns it in-
to the beauty that remains


better to have loved and lost ...than to have never loved at all, friend

Originally posted by MaximinusThrax

better to have loved and lost ...than to have never loved at all, friend

that's the thing...no love has been lost! it's matured.

reply to post by ICEKOHLD


wow ice! you sure have a way with words.

thank you for sharing this. this was very touching. it seems that this has touched you on a very deep level. beautiful.

you're a lucky man!

Originally posted by ICEKOHLD

Originally posted by MaximinusThrax

better to have loved and lost ...than to have never loved at all, friend

that's the thing...no love has been lost! it's matured.

i was stating a popular saying , your new direction is a harder to achieve level of love, something i've tried and failed on . soul mates are hard to find (mate as in the friend term not the action), just as hard as finding love at all

reply to post by MaximinusThrax


yeah...this is the first time i've been able to effectively practice this. lord knows i can have quite the acidic tongue at times. in the past...i wanted to displace my hurt upon the other person. not this time! i tried to remind myself of the love between us instead of the hurt...and it's empowered me to be very kind through all of this and the same for her.

reply to post by ICEKOHLD


its really hard to keep your burning desire to rage and vent under control if something hurts to your soul, its good that its being enhanced and nurtured from both sides . you are a lucky guy

Originally posted by ICEKOHLD
What is love?

Baby don't hurt me, don't hurt me, no more...

But seriously, you appear to have a solid grasp of what love really means. Love is a strong emotional bond between people. It hurts now because you are drawing apart, straining the bond, the reactionary force of the strain putting stresses upon your heart. Given time, this will strengthen the bond, especially since you are both taking this in a very positive way.

Most of my breakups were sudden. The bonds of love, strained beyond their ability to resist, were quickly severed, leaving me feeling broken...

But I'm happy for you

What I don't get is, if you both love each other, will live with each other and will be in a "relationship" with each, how exactly have you two "broken up"? Sex is just an epic bonus no?

I realized that "relationship" was just a word after my first love, the problem is that too many people are in relationships because they rely on the other person to feel good about themselves. Sure that can be part of it but in my current relationship it isn't and I made sure it wouldn't ever be. People should rely on other people to calm their insecurities.

I remained friends with all of my ex girlfriends, except for one, and that's not really her fault but rather of her jealous boyfriend's. It's been over 10 years now, she has a kid, I have a kid and it's just really ridiculous from my perspective but that's the thing, it's just my perspective not everyone else's and no matter how much they might differ from mine I will tolerate their views and won't criticize them.

So I get what you're saying since I have a relationship with all my ex-girlfriends and my current girlfriend is more than cool with that. I mean, it goes beyond friendship too and it did evolve but it's not passionate, it's not amorous; it's friendly. There is the same level of respect but the flame is gone the one that I currently share with the person that I chose to live with today.

I think what I don't get is that no matter your views, there are still expectations. I'm looking to buy a new home for my family, wouldn't make much sense if I invited one of my ex girlfriends to live with us, at least that's my perspective. I have a kid, he's the most important thing for me and this relationship that I have with my girlfriend has changed since he was born, it evolved into something so beautiful that I can't even put it into words. There's also a reason why I chose to have a kid with her, that's the reason why I love her like no one else. Sex is sex, we're open minded when it comes to that and jealousy really isn't a problem but else than that, we're friends who are passionately in love with each other, we're not bounded by words but by how we feel with each other.

what cmon no ones done this?



shame on you all

reply to post by ICEKOHLD


actually I like to hear things like this but the road your on isn't as easy as you think which i think you know. I have been there as well after four 4 years with my ex. I hope her the best wouldn't be angry or mad at her about anything.

In the end maybe one of you or both will decide to start dating again and while both of you might be fine with everything it will not instill trust for your new partners to know that you or her still have a close friendship with your exs and that your still living with them.

Sooner or later someone will give in leaving the other person hurt thinking they had a friend. Then you will understand that nobody will destroy a new relationship to keep an old friendship and no matter how sorry the other person feels about it, its only logical. I really hope you the best and also hope I'm wrong about it good luck with everything. I hope it turns into a great friendship and not just pushing the hurt farther down the road.

reply to post by pcrobotwolf


we've already thoroughly talked about this. told her that if some guy comes along and tickles her fancy....to chase her heart! hell...i am expecting to be the one who kinda coaches her through the beginning stages of her next relationship. i told her that if some woman comes along that interests me....i will do what i want to.

now...when that time comes...we might very well have to stop living together so that it's not too awkward...but we'll cross that bridge when it comes but it is agreed that her and i are not meant to be together anymore and that we will eventually find others to be with and learn from. this is mmmuuuccchhh deeper of an understanding that i can put into words. while i understand what you're saying and admit that you could end up being right, i honestly feel like this is a different story. we're turning into more like brother and sister than ex-lovers!

i am the master. ANANGA RANGA is the marriage
manual. KAMA SUTRA is the courtship manual. to find out why you split up you will only need the marriage manual. look under reasons for a women to be cheating. I personally would say this...licorice will get her up to par. asparagus will cast your seed to preference. chocolate will induce love. 528hz solfeggios will produce

love.

reply to post by ICEKOHLD


Not recognized as so, but love is something that we need to be happy. It is a natural emotional feeling that makes us happy. Trust me I know because I was able to see love taken away from me, so I was able to understand it for what it really is, I saw it from the inside and from the outside. Love is the most meaningful thing in life to me.

Too many people get love confused with infatuation. Real love will put the other person's wellbeing ahead of yours. It is not a transient emotional high, or what you gain out of it, it is seeking the wellbeing of your partner. Without a mutual understanding and commitment toward caring and nurturing one another's best interests, the relationship will fail. The relationship will likely fall even harder in the midst of fantasy based emotions and feelings that have little basis in reality, and are essentially selfish, and in which is what characterises infatuation..

reply to post by ICEKOHLD


Plato put it the best way, Love is a serious mental disease hahahahahhaha

reply to post by ICEKOHLD


Sounds to me like you didn't so much break up as you simply took the relationship to a whole other level. Basically, one where you can sleep with other people. We all appreciate that you put everything on the table here like you did, you sound very insightful, but at the same time you and your lady friend sound like very emotional people. It sounds like what you both got really choked up about is that you both came to realize that a relationship that isn't exclusive isn't one that will grow deeper with time. Is that about right?

It's as if you took one definition of love out of the relationship and replaced it with another. With one that will always keep you two in the "friend zone."

All in all though, you two sound very lucky to have found each other. And I mean that in all the best of possible ways.

reply to post by Taupin Desciple


no...not at all. there is nothing like that between us. it's not anything sexual. you couldn't be more wrong in fact...i'm staying to myself for now...there's a lot going on and i need to conserve my energy for myself, so it's nothing sexual. we are through...yet remain friends and roommates still. and things are fine.

only time will tell how things play out but i assure you this is nothing of the likes of your thoughts...