have you ever known a psychopath?

Yes. Now that I think about it, I've known so many that I'm wondering if maybe I am one and that's why I keep buddying up with them.

Originally posted by Parksie
reply to post by needlenight

 

Psychotic people do not care what other people think and feel. If you care enough to make a post on ATS and expect people to feel enough about caring you are already dismissed. You are not a psycho.

edit on 11-1-2012 by Parksie because: (no reason given)

Originally posted by Parksie
reply to post by needlenight

 

Psychotic people do not care what other people think and feel. If you care enough to make a post on ATS and expect people to feel enough about caring you are already dismissed. You are not a psycho.

edit on 11-1-2012 by Parksie because: (no reason given)

As I said, I am not a psycho, but a sociopath. I should have emotions, but they are locked away and I am not able to feel them.
I do not expect anyone here to feel anything about what I am writing. I have never talked about this subject with anyone else but my psychologist. And "regular" peoples opinion on this would interrest me. Which is why I posted.
I consider this an experiment. To see what other people have to say about this.
As I said in an earlier post, I am interrested in humans and what makes us tick and react as we do. This is a chance for me to learn how you will react towards someone like me stepping forward.

Originally posted by needlenight
Something else you may want to know.
Lets talk about morales and conscience.

While I dont feel any difference between doing something good or doing something bad. I choose to do things, that I know is good and helpfull towards other people. Why I do it? Because that is the best way to hide. If people think highly of you and consider you a good guy, or in my case, silent and wierd by helpfull and rather friendly. You get to hide the fact, that you are someone others should watch out for, or keep in check.

My conscience was "destroyed" years ago, when a did something considered bad. I lived with the shame of it for some years before the feeling of shame went away completely, which according to my psychologist was probably what started, or "unlocked" this side of me, that I am now. My mind eventually had to drop all emotion for me to function. This started when I was around 8-10 years old.

If you were to look at my other posts here on ATS, you would see that I talk highly about peace and being good to others, helping each other and showing respect and instead of fighting about things, agreeing to disagree.
This is the "mask" that I have chosen to be the "real me" outwards towards other people. It is the "mask", I have figured would give me the easiest life and minimal problems. I show alot of concern about how to treat the planet, how we treat each other, because I know that the best way to hide amongst others.

wow. that's what he does. his "facade" is very much like you describe what you've chosen. however, anyone that gets close to him sees another side. i think he learned at a young age that if you pretend to be so peace loving people can't fathom that he's capable of some of the things he's done. if i told some of the people he knows about some of the things i know.... they would think i was the crazy one. however, i have other witnesses. it would take me convincing several other people to come forward but they are all afraid of him. everyone he harms knows perfectly well that he has his "friends" so convinced of his peace and love that they'd never believe them. even his ex wife took off and left the state. she talked to me a bit but she spent so long trying to recover that she just doesn't want to talk anymore.

reply to post by pasiphae


I can somewhat relate. Of course I do have a side of me, that I do not wish to be out in the open. I dont wish to go into detail, but it is not a violent one. As I said before, I would rather run from danger, then face it or put myself in a situation that is dangerous. This other side of mine, would be seen as illegal, which is why I do not listen to it.
I am smart enough to stay on the right side of the law, not because I want to, but because I know it is easier for me to do so, and wont get me in any trouble. This often makes me think of the following words: "Is an evil man who chooses to be good, evil or good?"

That is big part of me staying "normal", being smart enough to stay out of illegal activities or any other situation that would be looked down upon or considered inhumane.
This is probably due to my parents raising me well, and teaching me that every action has its consequences. And unless you are willing to face the consequences of your actions, you should not do them.
I constantly think everything through, before I do something. I think long and hard about what would happen down the road. This have given me a great fascination of the butterfly effect.

Originally posted by needlenight
reply to post by Norro

 

No, I never experience anxiety, shame, or sadness over anything. The time I felt shame was many years ago. I believe that shame, harboring it and never letting it go was what "locked" my emotions far away. So that I could function and survive.
I did not feel relieved either when my psychologist diagnosed me. She explained to me what it was, that lead her to the diagnosis and I could see that it made sense. There was nothing more than me agreeing with her diagnosis. I did not feel anything about it either way.

I can not cry to a song or a movie. However I am able to understand why someone acts the way they do in movies, why they feel pain they do or even why they are happy. I am perfectly able to understand that one situation and a certain chain of events can lead to some emotional outcome. I understand emotions, I just dont feel them.

The absence of happiness does not lead me to depression or unhappiness. You could say that I am stuck somewhere in between the two. Perhaps indifference is the best word to describe it here. I do however fake happiness. At my grandfathers funeral i faked sadness aswell. I have become good at faking certain deeper emotions, but only because I have observed them up close.

There are times where I wish that I could experience love or even true sadness. But only out of curiosity. You see, I am very interrested in what makes us humans tick and why we do what we do in certain situations. I would like to experience these myself to have a better understanding of them.

I have sexual desires, but I have not had sex in over a year now and I dont feel the urge for it as such. I think sex is pleasurable, but it is not something I feel is vital. I also masturbate sometimes like everyone else. I get the same release as any other guy.

Yes I listen to music. I like music alot. Currently I am listening to Owl City, Coldplay and The Fray.

you are not a psychopath nor a sociopath. why you are trying so hard to paint yourself as one is beyond me. but you are not based on what you are typing. you may have some issues you need to deal with (dont we all)....but you have EMPATHY and other things that pscyopaths and sociopaths do not. you may be bipolar or have severe depression or something like that....but from what ive read, i do not see you as a psychopath or sociopath. your writings here are way to personal and filled with deep feelings and obvious shame for what you have done.....


JMO...

reply to post by greeneyedleo


I second that as someone who worked in the field years ago.

Be careful of an self fulfilling prophecy and suggestion the "white coat/Scientist/Expert Syndrome"

As mentioned by Green Eyed Leo your writings would not suggest this to a large degree.

Personally I feel you might be ever so slightly Aspergic on the far end of the scale just on it.

Consider this from your history, it might fit in to your experiences more than you know.

Love

Elf

reply to post by greeneyedleo

I welcome your opinion, it is surprising to see someone think different of me. But I am afraid I trust the word of my psychologist over yours.
Please explain to me where these deeper feelings are in my posts. I am interrested in hearing it.

Do not think of all sociopaths of being downright evil as such. As I have said before, I probably do have emotions locked away deep down inside, the problem is that I can not feel them, nor remember how they felt. And I can not get them to surface again. Which is something me and my psychologist is working on. There are many like me out there, some functioning, some not, others never really knowing what it is that makes them what they are.
What is different in my case, is that my situation comes from a psychopathic trait and something I did at a young age. That is of course what am not willing to go into detail or share here.

Originally posted by MischeviousElf
reply to post by greeneyedleo

 

Personally I feel you might be ever so slightly Aspergic on the far end of the scale just on it.
Elf

Please elaborate, it is something that me and my psychologist discussed way back in the start of our talks.

Yes, I was acquainted with one. He was the boyfriend of a friend of mine. I was only around him a few times, but he was one scary dude. It's hard to explain, but he just seemed like a ticking time bomb ready to explode into a wave of violence and death. He just looked and acted like he had no concern with trivial issues like morality or the value of life. Being around him felt like like having a gun pointed at your head with a finger on the trigger, that's the only way I can think of to describe it. Like something really bad was going to happen any second. He just oozed evil vibes. I heard a lot of stories about him from my friend, he was extremely abusive and violent and was a pathological liar on top of everything else. That was over 20 years ago, but once you meet someone like that your mind draws a picture of them right under "psychopath" in your mind's dictionary.

As a side note, that friend is not the only woman I've known that stayed in an abusive relationship knowing full well that it was stupid and could very well result in her death. It is really frustrating trying to get through to people like that.

Originally posted by needlenight
reply to post by greeneyedleo

 

I welcome your opinion, it is surprising to see someone think different of me. But I am afraid I trust the word of my psychologist over yours.
Please explain to me where these deeper feelings are in my posts. I am interrested in hearing it.

Do not think of all sociopaths of being downright evil as such. As I have said before, I probably do have emotions locked away deep down inside, the problem is that I can not feel them, nor remember how they felt. And I can not get them to surface again. Which is something me and my psychologist is working on. There are many like me out there, some functioning, some not, others never really knowing what it is that makes them what they are.
What is different in my case, is that my situation comes from a psychopathic trait and something I did at a young age. That is of course what am not willing to go into detail or share here.

Without going into your ATS post history, which I could do, I will just point out some comments you made on this thread. However, your post history on ATS does not show a psyco or sociopath.....it just does not.

I do understand that this post may come across as a cry for attention and "uh look at me, im dark and dangerous".

I do have some sense of connection to my family

I dont get mad

I constantly think everything through, before I do something. I think long and hard about what would happen down the road.

I choose to do things, that I know is good and helpfull towards other people.

The bad thing I did, is not something I am willing to share, not even here

I believe I would be a good father

just a sampling of things that point more towards other issues but not a socio or psychopathic personality.....

again, JMO....

Originally posted by needlenight
reply to post by greeneyedleo

 

I welcome your opinion, it is surprising to see someone think different of me. But I am afraid I trust the word of my psychologist over yours.
Please explain to me where these deeper feelings are in my posts. I am interrested in hearing it.

Do not think of all sociopaths of being downright evil as such. As I have said before, I probably do have emotions locked away deep down inside, the problem is that I can not feel them, nor remember how they felt. And I can not get them to surface again. Which is something me and my psychologist is working on. There are many like me out there, some functioning, some not, others never really knowing what it is that makes them what they are.
What is different in my case, is that my situation comes from a psychopathic trait and something I did at a young age. That is of course what am not willing to go into detail or share here.

i've done a LOT of research. there are conflicting opinions on the matter but i for one believe you and didn't read any emotion at all in your post. due to the mysterious nature of the psychopath... the fact that most of them "hide" there isn't a TON of information out there regarding it but i have read most of it and feel that i know more than most. i have a psychologist myself. actually 2 of them. they both agree i know what i'm talking about as does my long time friend who has a PhD in psychology and my sister in law who is a social worker.

there are functioning psychopaths.

as far as the comment saying that you "cared" enough to post a response automatically discounts you.... i think people are capable of responding to something with out "caring" about doing so. interested in the reactions of others is a perfectly valid reason to respond to a post without "caring".

i'm sure you don't care that i'm happy you responded. i'm truly fascinated because it gives me some more insight. exactly what i was looking for with my op.

reply to post by greeneyedleo


When taken out of context it does sound like good guy yes. But you are forgetting, that I am doing what I do, because I choose to, because it is the least troublesome road for me, I am doing it for myself, not for others. All I do is selfish.
And of course I have a connection to my family, they have been around me all my life, raised me and taught me vital lessons. Even an animal would have this connection.
If I did what I wanted to, what my urges tells me to do, you would be talking to a very different person.

reply to post by pasiphae


No I would not say that I care about you being happy that I responded. But it is good that we are able to respond to each other and learn interresting things. I have learned that some here would not consider me a sociopath, which is interresting and surprising. I have learned that others such as yourself, are able to communicate open mindedly with someone who claims to be a sociopath. So far I have learned much.

reply to post by greeneyedleo


i honestly don't think it is that simple. it's so easy to have information missing from a few paragraphs. it could take weeks or months to diagnose someone. he has said as a functioning psychopath in therapy he has a persona. the psychopath i was involved with.... you couldn't detect him in some posts on the internet. his co-workers have been around him for years and don't know what he's done.

i think it would be very dumb for him to divulge too much on a public forum. especially what he did as a child. there are psychopaths who have connection to their family. mostly due to familiarity. he didn't say he LOVES his family.

the lack of anger does sort of throw me off though. as does the lack of sexual desire. most psychopaths have temper issues and are hypersexual. the one i was involved with is a sex addict and severely narcissistic.

i couldn't say with 100% confidence i think needle is a psychopath. i'd need more information over a decent amount of time. aspergers does fit too. whichever... i'm interested in his story anyway.

Originally posted by needlenight
reply to post by pasiphae

 

No I would not say that I care about you being happy that I responded. But it is good that we are able to respond to each other and learn interresting things. I have learned that some here would not consider me a sociopath, which is interresting and surprising. I have learned that others such as yourself, are able to communicate open mindedly with someone who claims to be a sociopath. So far I have learned much.

i'm not afraid of you and you've responded openly admitting your diagnosis.

sociopath and psychopath are different. you're a sociopath but that's close enough for me to be interested. i was involved with a psychopath who probably thinks about my slow painful death everyday and if he could get away with it he'd get rid of me. he took great pleasure in fooling me and was none too happy when i figured it out.

reply to post by needlenight


Well my friend what you describe is much closer to the clients I worked with with Aspergers, etc than any with Personality or the other mental health issues brought up in this thread.

Especially in relation to how you "perceive the world" and "emotions" of others body language etc....

Trust me Psychopaths and Sociopaths are EXPERTS at reading emotional cues from others.

I would go for a test, not through your Psychologist in fact ditch them get an second opinion ASAP, go to your normal doctor and demand one.

You are more likely to be suffering from "Reactive Depression" from an wrong diagnosis and having this label put on you in Mental Health terms than any organic personality disorder or Sociopathy/Pyschopathy

I saw more harm done by "professionals" in this field to clients than the issues they had originally.

Label first then Drug them, no cures so lock them up.

The entire mental health Field is 100 years behind reality, and lives on the laurels of an Cocaine Snorting Pedophile Narcisist DR Fraud (expose the pun in the spelling)

Why Trust any proffession that says it is there to help you with an illness if it has no cures, besides talking about nipple envy at the age of 3 driving your reluctance to interaction with others according to the "White Coats" after 30 years of therapy, drugs and labels you would be told you were emotionally stunted at that time as you couldn't have some "nipple" which is the Gestalt of the problem.... however there is no cure lets just cry together weekly for another 30 years.

Don't trust those who don't really know what they are on about, and accept them as true for your life, they usually wear Dr Diplomas and White Coats in Psychiatry.

Reclaim your life my friend, get some second even, third opinions and Sue the ***ing arse of the "Psycholigist" if you are found to be Aspergic.

Lots of Love

Elf

reply to post by MischeviousElf


i would certainly agree with getting another opinion and looking into aspergers. that's always a good idea since misdiagnosis is so common.

it's still hard to tell definitively from a few paragraphs.

reply to post by MischeviousElf


I have already been to 3 different psychologists. The first send me on to the next one, and that one send me on to my current one. But please dont mistake me here, I have what others would consider a good life, I do not suffer from this, I live with it and might I say, I am doing quite well for myself.
Your post however interrested me and I will ask to take a test for aspergers, the next time I see my psychologist. Also I will use our next meeting to discuss alternative diagnoses, if only for the sake of my curiosity.
But I am rather sure of my diagnosis and I am certain you would be too, if I gave you all the info about my case. But you will simply have to take my word for that. It is not something you will want to disclose, even online.

And I do not do lawsuits, that is an american trait that is beneath me.

reply to post by pasiphae


Indeed. And as I said in my previous post, there are informations that I will not talk about with anyone but my psychologist. Even though that information is vital to seeing the full picture. So once again, you will simply have to take my word for it.

there's also the issue of impulse control. psychopaths/sociopaths tend to have a big problem with that.

so moving on from diagnosing another memeber...

here's my moral dilemma with the whole thing. the advice is usually "run as fast as you can and never ever look back" if you've met a psychopath. however, how do i do that when i know lives are at stake (i can't explain that publicly) ? currently my hands are tied because i have no proof. the police won't listen (done that).

i think there is one person who can fill in some missing information but i would either have to find someone willing to contact that person for me (who couldn't be traced back to me) or figure out how i can do it myself and be COMPLETELY anonymous. i have no idea how i would do that.