About the dark side, how to work with it.

I would like to share with you what I learnt about the dark side in my research.

From when we are very small we are told:"Don't be nasty, don't be angry, don't be lazy, don't be deceptive, don't be silly." According to Debbie Ford, author of 'The Dark Side of the Light Chasers' the fundemantal and remaining message hidden in these commands are: 'Dont Be'.

From early we learn that in order to be liked, loved and accepted we need to hide/eliminate/disguise the dark side. So, we start to lie. Can you remember when you were small and Mommy asked you if you ate the last cookie, and you answered in the line of: "no, it was Sammy, it was not me" even though you did eat that last cookie. Sadly, we learn very quick that this is the way the world works.

On this basis, we learn to lie. Eventually we don't only lie to the outside world, but we also lie to ourselves about who we really are. And as such, the Persona is born. We build a persona out of all the good things we believe is acceptable and totally disregard any negative aspects about ourselves in order to be accepted. However, this is only a front, and not truly who you are.

Carl Jung has done extensive work on the dark side. Just as there is an up and a down, a black and white, empty and full in order to fulfill the natural law of duality in this world so does the human also have a positive or good side and a negative or bad side.

However, he states this about the dark side:

"It is the "dark side" of the ego, and the evil that we are capable of that is often stored there. Actually, the shadow is amoral -- neither good nor bad, just like animals. An animal is capable of tender care for its young and vicious killing for food, but it doesn't choose to do either. It just does what it does. It is "innocent." But from our human perspective, the animal world looks rather brutal, inhuman, so the shadow becomes something of a garbage can for the parts of ourselves that we can't quite admit to."

It is a big mistake to try and discard the dark side, as it is impossible. So we suppress it. If it is suppressed to severely it will find expression by attracting people into our lives that give expression to these parts of ourselves that we deny. This is how we repeatedly fall into relationships that are destructive and or undesireable. He goes so far as to state that this may (in extreme cases) drive the person to create within himself another personality, the dissociative identity disorder.

Jung further states that he would rather be whole, than good.

According to Ford the way to work with the dark side is not through supperssion. All it needs, is acknowladgement. If you experience within yourself thoughts of jelousy or whatever, acknowledge them by at least saying to yourself: boy! that makes me feel jelous!

It does not mean that you must give yourself permission to give wings to your negative tendencies, and live them out to the fullest! You will simply land in jail, be ostrasized, and become someone nobody likes.

Ford goes on to say that the negative aspects of the ego has hidden treasures in it. For instance: A man that is very greedy will organise his life in such a way that his family is well looked after in the material sense. The man who is angry will not be a placid person, but someone of great passion. By acknowledging that passion is an aspect of anger, one can learn to choose to live out the passion and give only acknowledment to the anger.

If we all accept that it is ok to acknowledge our dark sides, then mankind can start becoming whole and above all: real.

We live behind a fascade. The great pretenders! Lets drop it!

Many people act out of what you call the dark side and then deny that action ever happened or refuse to confront it, lest it force them to re-evaluate themselves. The sickest people are usually the ones who pretend to be pure and faultless.
Nice post, hopefully many will acknowledge themselves in every sense, even if they believe it to be bad or unacceptable. Self knowledge was the original goal of religious practice.

reply to post by UnlimitedSky


Ahhh, I really did feel a refreshing sense after reading this. So exhausted am I of reading all these naive "be good, don't be bad" threads when they are both two sides of the same coin! To reject the perceived bad inside of you would be to reject the whole coin (e.i yourself).

Love yourself, all of the bad included. Then you can truly love others no matter how they are judged by society.

Thank you for this tall drink of water to my thirsty interests, OP.

Great post

I hope that all the new agers get to read this because I feel they're the ones that would benefit from this the most. Most of them only focus on the love and light aspect while refusing to acknowledge the darkness. The dark side plays a role in this dualistic world we find ourselves in and offers us a chance for real growth but only if we fully acknowledge our complete selves.

reply to post by UnlimitedSky


Dear UnlimitedSky,

Ford goes on to say that the negative aspects of the ego has hidden treasures in it. For instance: A man that is very greedy will organise his life in such a way that his family is well looked after in the material sense. The man who is angry will not be a placid person, but someone of great passion. By acknowledging that passion is an aspect of anger, one can learn to choose to live out the passion and give only acknowledment to the anger.

I don't know about you but I have learned a lot about right and wrong and my opinions and feelings have changed about many things. I think we are capable of accepting our weaknesses and actually learning and changing. I think we are more than simply pleasure machines, I think we have minds also. My opinion, peace.

I'm an asshole. And while some people complain, most of the close ones around me are very grateful that I am. Sometimes beating around the bush just ain't worth it.

reply to post by AQuestion


I think that we should go further than accepting our dark sides. We should embrace and love that side, give it tenderness as it is a part of society that has been totally abused, deprived, and rejected for eons..

I wanted to add this to the original post:
I have seen first hand what a massive difference working with the dark side makes in children. When one child is hitting the other, both screaming, I pulled them apart and to their surprise bent down and spoke to the child that was doing the hitting. I said to him in a very tender voice:"Wow, Elan, you look very very angry to me. I have never seen you so angry! Are you feeling angry?" The child could not believe his eyes, and immideately started telling me why he was so angry and we solved the problem superfast. Within 5 minutes they ran back out on the playground, best friends again.

I gave love to his anger and it worked like a bomb.

The worst thing we can do is shout:" Stop hitting him! Dont be angry!"

It truly works like magiv.

reply to post by UnlimitedSky


Dear UnlimitedSky,

I am familiar with the belief, I merely disagree. I think we should recognize that kids and people get angry and learn to manage our emotions.

I think that we should go further than accepting our dark sides. We should embrace and love that side, give it tenderness as it is a part of society that has been totally abused, deprived, and rejected for eons..

I don't want to remain a child forever. I don't want to never grow or learn, not lie, learn and change overtime. Evolution. We are capable of evolving. Peace.

Originally posted by boncho
I'm an asshole. And while some people complain, most of the close ones around me are very grateful that I am. Sometimes beating around the bush just ain't worth it.

Beating around the bush, pretending and putting up a persona is extremely exhausting! We could save so much energy by just being real.

But, there is a fine line between kindness and giving yourself the freedom to disregard decency. I personally try to respond to people without ANY judgement. Do you know, that as soon as you say anything in the line of: "That thing, or what you just said, is just crap/stupid/beautifyul/sweet you are judging it. It feels much better to say things from your own point of being, and thus being more real about it. Like this: you know man, what you just said, makes me feel really angry/crap/beauriful etc.

We tend to want to make things good or bad, while they just are. Staying real is about talking about how that thing makes you feel, cause actually, that is all you got!

reply to post by UnlimitedSky


I have met and worked with a group of people (of whom I cannot mention or the nature of their work) who work closely with what you are saying. They need a perfect equilibrium between their shadow and light sides for things to be in balance within them and for them to operate at a fully functional level.

because of this you are forced to do things you do not want to do in order to find out the true nature of yourself which is why I did not continue my path with them (at this point)


The only other way to do this is through meditation rather than action and as you say acknowledgement.
As well as taking yourself beyond the realm of good and bad in order to be in harmony with all things.
(Which is a very difficult task)

I hope to follow in the path of a Shaolin Protection Monk later on in my life and to start a martial Arts academy, and this is a great thing I will need to teach.


Namaste

Originally posted by ChimeraLOL
reply to post by UnlimitedSky

 

because of this you are forced to do things you do not want to do in order to find out the true nature of yourself which is why I did not continue my path with them (at this point)




Namaste

This is definately not the same thing. This is not a cult or a group, but refers to the intense research and study that was done by phsycolgist Carl Jung many years ago.

There is not need to go and do bad stuff. That is not what it is about. Please read the OP again, maybe you misunderstood. Nobody should do anything bad, not to even mention bad stuff they don't want to do!

Totally differnt thing.

Originally posted by AQuestion
reply to post by UnlimitedSky

 

Dear UnlimitedSky,

I am familiar with the belief, I merely disagree. I think we should recognize that kids and people get angry and learn to manage our emotions.

I think that we should go further than accepting our dark sides. We should embrace and love that side, give it tenderness as it is a part of society that has been totally abused, deprived, and rejected for eons..

I don't want to remain a child forever. I don't want to never grow or learn, not lie, learn and change overtime. Evolution. We are capable of evolving. Peace.

I think that we are arguing the same point! The key is in the recognising. How else will you manage and control something? How is that different from giving it your love?

Why do you bring ' I don't want to remain a child forever' into this? A bit off topic.

Originally posted by AQuestion
reply to post by UnlimitedSky

 

Dear UnlimitedSky,

I am familiar with the belief, I merely disagree. I think we should recognize that kids and people get angry and learn to manage our emotions.

I think that we should go further than accepting our dark sides. We should embrace and love that side, give it tenderness as it is a part of society that has been totally abused, deprived, and rejected for eons..

I don't want to remain a child forever. I don't want to never grow or learn, not lie, learn and change overtime. Evolution. We are capable of evolving. Peace.

You will forever be held back if you do not embrace and at least recognize you dark side, no human can it is a part of our nature. Without acknowledging it you are not excepting your whole being.

Embracing your dark side DOES NOT MEAN YOU HAVE TO ACT UPON IT, it does mean that you need to recognize it and under stand it though.

reply to post by UnlimitedSky


Thanks for the good read. I find it weird that all people have all the emotions to some degree and most try and keep the "negative" ones pushed down. All emotions are healthy, it's what you do with them that matters.

Originally posted by UnlimitedSky

Originally posted by boncho
I'm an asshole. And while some people complain, most of the close ones around me are very grateful that I am. Sometimes beating around the bush just ain't worth it.

Beating around the bush, pretending and putting up a persona is extremely exhausting! We could save so much energy by just being real.

But, there is a fine line between kindness and giving yourself the freedom to disregard decency. I personally try to respond to people without ANY judgement. Do you know, that as soon as you say anything in the line of: "That thing, or what you just said, is just crap/stupid/beautifyul/sweet you are judging it. It feels much better to say things from your own point of being, and thus being more real about it. Like this: you know man, what you just said, makes me feel really angry/crap/beauriful etc.

We tend to want to make things good or bad, while they just are. Staying real is about talking about how that thing makes you feel, cause actually, that is all you got!

Most of the time the best "kindness"...is being honest.

reply to post by UnlimitedSky


Dear UnlimitedSky,

I think that we are arguing the same point! The key is in the recognising. How else will you manage and control something? How is that different from giving it your love? Why do you bring ' I don't want to remain a child forever' into this? A bit off topic.

We agree absolutely on recognizing what we feel rather than lying to ourselves. My point is that we don't have to embrace it, we can choose who we become and change those feelings as we gain greater understanding of the consequences. We can all evolve and our emotional responses can change as we gain greater understanding of situations. Peace.

reply to post by mileysubet


Dear mileysubet,

You will forever be held back if you do not embrace and at least recognize you dark side, no human can it is a part of our nature. Without acknowledging it you are not excepting your whole being. Embracing your dark side DOES NOT MEAN YOU HAVE TO ACT UPON IT, it does mean that you need to recognize it and under stand it though.

Embracing and recognizing are two different things. When I was two I may have disliked my younger sister, does that mean I can never accept and love her? I think we are capable of learning and growing in many ways.

reply to post by UnlimitedSky


Next thing we will all be told is that paedophillia is natural to us all and we should accept that this is part of our dark side. Sorry i have to disagree with all of your statements, i have never heard so much crap in all my life!. When i do something for someone else, it makes me feel good,however if i were to do something bad to someone else, this really would not make me feel good.

No, i am not scared of letting my dark side go or afraid of feeling good if i were to say run someone through with a blade for example, i know that i would not. Basically because i care about other people and feel good when i help someone else, stranger or not, this in turn makes me feel good inside, not because i have been programmed to do that, but because i believe as human beings we give and receive emotions and we are interested in each others welfare.

The reason none of this is rarely seen is that we have different groups of people around the world with their own agendas, which turn each of us against each other. I have heard it said numerous times by different people that mans natural state is to be fighting or at war with each other, again what a load of utter crap. The truth of that statement is that politics, religion and other factors are prevelent in all of our lives and we react to them, we are not taught how to think anymore, but what to think, this is why the world is the way it is, someone tells us what we should be thinking, the message is reinforced by society, problem solved.

Devide and conquer every time and only a very few ever see it. I am no better or worse than you or anyone else, and i understand that each of us has different motivations that drive us, also i accept that for you, this may be your answer to life as well as some others here,but this does not make it so for everyone. Can you really imagine a world or universe that reacted the way you state? I would go as far as to say that you would not want it if it was so, because there is always someone bigger or stronger than you to impose what they want. Pretty much like our elites are trying to do at the moment.

food for thought.

reply to post by UnlimitedSky

Nice post interesting subject, I remember seeing some graffiti years back and it said 'do good even what you do that is bad'. Its a very strange subject, as it can be seen in many different ways. The moment you put things in to words, confusion sets in. For me I find the biggest darkness is created by fear, once we dare to look in to fear we become liberated by it.But how hard is that?...........the show goes on.................

As with everything, the more you understand it the better your capabilities. Studying history does help in coming to terms with this messed up world. From the age of dinosaurs and savage nature of the jungle, rise of tribes, regional conflicts, religious wars and ongoing battle for resources. Now with secret services utilising every deceptive technique they can it does get hard to know which way is up at times.

It is a good connection you make that in trying to understand yourself helps in understanding the world.