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My Struggle. Please Read, Only Short. Comments Very Welcome. Flame, Help, All You Can.

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posted on Jan, 7 2012 @ 06:15 PM
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(First MODS if this is in the wrong section please move. Thanks Kindly.)

Gpoing out on a limb here guys and gals., be kind, if possible.

Dear the casual (And Experienced/Avid)ATS reader,

If you have five minutes I would like to give some insight and kindly respect some feedback on my life if I may.

You know I come on here often and read about how people debunk this and debunk that and people work for NASA, and people use Photoshop for a living and it’s all interesting but it disheartens me.

I am a highly intelligent and highly frustrated member of society (Aren’t we all), I have an IQ of 144
but never had any idea what I wanted to do (Nor do I today) and ended up with a business degree
which has got me above award wages working as a customer service Team Leader for a (No Offence
because I am as open mined as they come) lesbian who “Got Lucky” (Her Own Admission) and has
no idea how to treat staff other than to micromanage to the point of going to the toilet being an
Issue. (I mention the lesbian part not because I am a homophobe, far from it, but out of my managers team of nine, there are two males and we are treated like dogs compared to the women, go figure).

There are a million things about this useless job that I could point out (Like due to four redundancies I am doing five jobs with the same expectations as when doing one and no understanding why there might be a slip in performance, or desire to understand, but I digress)

Now I have soul searched and I am no loser to moving to pastures new.

On top of that I have little tile to research (I have three beautiful; kids and a wife who I am pushing away due to my lethargy and malaise here regarding this), and try to spend as much time with them as possible (Which in itself is getting harder and harder the more depressed I get about this. My youngest is only 18 mths and she breaks my heart with a smile but unfortunately unlike the movies it changes northing)

I have little money as you can imagine supporting a stay at home wife and three kids on a relatively underwhelming salary so it not like I can quit, save my sanity and start over again.

I have been diagnosed depressed but not taken the medication (Please don’t let this become and antidepressant thread, I know there are benefits, I have been through the bad side also with PAXIL, and bad means BAD so I am hesitant and they don’t work anyway.)

TOMORROW, after a long break of achieving absolutely nothing except realising that TPTB have me right where I want them I go back to work after the break and the thought of it makes me want to jump of a bridge. That or buiy a mobile home, get in, hit drive and go. I would get 30 mins away from my children before I turned back and came a running once more.

I don’t know why I write, desperation maybe, fresh ides hopefully. Do not worry I am not suicidal. Seems kind of permanent and what does a man have left except hope, hope and his children. I am certainly not a coward. I get that from my mother, a person who with a louder voice would be very well known worldwide (personal perspective).

I don’t mean to bore but before I gouge my eyes out, or eat myself to death until Brad Pitt comes to save me just too late,

I wondered if anyone could sympathise and throw me a bone. Or mock me, just throw me a bone anyway.

Peace out and may 2012 bring joy to all of us and let the cleansing begin.

One way or another August is my last stand as things are. If we could get things moving quicker I would sure like that.

Enjoy one and all and to all keep on keeping on.

Guidance from people who know the system better than the system knows itself. That is all I require.




posted on Jan, 7 2012 @ 06:22 PM
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Do you have any skills that would allow you to break away from the horrible job and start freelancing? You have a biz degree and there really are so many opportunities in freelance/consulting.



posted on Jan, 7 2012 @ 06:23 PM
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There is a lot of info to digest...I'll be back later to post...

I did leave you a Star and Flag to get you started....

Des



posted on Jan, 7 2012 @ 06:23 PM
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reply to post by kaptabs316
 


I recommend looking into Choice Theory by Dr, Glasser. It may not help, but from that I began to ask Myself why I was choosing to depress.

Most times I had no answer, but I stopped being depressed. [shrug]

When I get an answer, I ask Myself if there are better choices I could make...and I find them. I stop being depressed. In fact...

I haven't had a full-blown case of depression since I started that over a decade ago.

Also... Have You spent any time - say 10 minutes a day - posting applications to online job services (Monster, Dice, etc.)? It may not bring results, but the best job I ever had I got that way. (Too bad 9/11 happened - it ended the contract and I lost the job.)

Anyway, best of luck to You. I do care.



posted on Jan, 7 2012 @ 06:24 PM
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so is all this about money dood? tell your wife to get a job, that house wife non sense doesn't fly now a days. That or make some necessary cuts, you may say you're not suicidal now but, WHAT IF you lose your job? you'll be pushed over the edge, I've seen it happen before.



posted on Jan, 7 2012 @ 06:26 PM
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if your looking for excitement i can suggest a multitude of things that will make you money and potentially land you in prison, but sounds like youve got the no-community blues and you might be a little too smart for the hierarchy at your current occupation.just accept it, some of us are too smart to waste our energy working towards nothing for peanuts that barely get us by. with that in mind my advice is find a place to work where you get the respect your looking for, too many employers have no clue what it means to have a happy well-treated staff working for you.



posted on Jan, 7 2012 @ 06:27 PM
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Sorry about your situation,I can relate,as I have been there done that.

My advice,which worked great for me,is to go find yourself another job.
Anything,get out of that hell hole you call work.



posted on Jan, 7 2012 @ 06:28 PM
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Short replies eh?

long story short, you must be the dumbest smart guy I know (IQ 144 eh)

Quit and do something else. you might experience a period of discomfort, but you'll like yourself better in the end.



posted on Jan, 7 2012 @ 06:30 PM
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reply to post by kaptabs316
 


With my experiences most of my working life with call center employment and with depression medications I can relate quite well to your problems.

I live in one of the call center capitals of the USA and jobs there come a dime a dozen. If you don't like working there pack up and find another one to work for.

Peace



posted on Jan, 7 2012 @ 06:30 PM
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I understand exactly where you're coming from, my friend.

I, a 17 year old high school senior, know what that feels like. It's like you're trapped in this system and there's no way out - TPTB have you locked on the path they want you to be on. Cruel stuff.

What is your faith or spiritual status? Don't worry, I'm not a hardcore missionary lol; just doing my best to help.



posted on Jan, 7 2012 @ 06:30 PM
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I don't know if this is any help but let me give you an idea of what I did. If you deal with customers then somewhere along the line you will also deal with male customers who like to brag or like to talk business. Whenever you get on the conversation of business with someone find out what they do, and see how your ideas can merge into theirs and maybe what they have is what you want and you can share these things to both of your benefit. For instance for me, I'm 20 years old and went from a 10k a year job to a 60k a year job just by talking to people and increasing my contacts. In this world it is no longer what you know and only who you know. IDK if this is any help but I tried
. And good luck man, I hope the best for ya.

Just never stop looking because it's a constant pursuit, once you find something use that to meet more people and keep climbing the ladder.
edit on 7-1-2012 by Pelvi because: (no reason given)



posted on Jan, 7 2012 @ 06:33 PM
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This is just my own opinion, but it appears like you have lived your life according to some script that wasn't written for you. It feels empty and has no meaning to you. Certainly you love your wife and children, but plugging away at some sucky, pathetic job just to survive, not thrive, has you feeling hollow and lifeless.

The trick is to find meaning in your life. That requires lots of soul-searching, and everybody arrives at it in their own way. In the mean time, find another job. That will give you a sense of some control over your circumstances. Get out in nature more, and do not push loved ones away, draw them closer, because without them, your life would go from depressing to unbearable.

I hope you find peace.



posted on Jan, 7 2012 @ 06:45 PM
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Originally posted by Glargod
Short replies eh?

long story short, you must be the dumbest smart guy I know (IQ 144 eh)

Quit and do something else. you might experience a period of discomfort, but you'll like yourself better in the end.


I appreciate the dumbest smart guy i know thing and I understand wher you come from.

Unfortunately in the part of the world I am you either sell with self made high contacts expected, or grow, and intelligence usually helps that, but there is a concrete ceiling where I am.

My manager reports directly to the company owner so its her and my job and thats where the trail ends.

And quitting and starting again sounds easy enough in principle I guess however with my commitments that choice is simply impractical. My workplace knows it also and acts accordingly

For example, I had a filling fall out and had to get a weekend appointment which I couldnt for three weeks FFS. This turned into a route canal and just saved my tooth. At least you are OK now was my support.

The depression thing I can cope with, having to be somewhere 70% of my life where i feel used and abused and then get a bone chucked my way at the end of everu#y week in the form of a salary reasonable for my role is just about the best I got, and that really is not that good at all

Doing five mind numbing jobs for the price of one and being treated like that because my manager got hurt by a male years ago no matter how nice I am??? Its just too much, and there is no talking to her.

(Plus couple with this, the HR manager is the Directors WIFE. Are you KIDDING ME??)

I SHOULD be using my intelligence, throwing ideas around with like minded people, debating, sticking to my guns, learning, being surprised. I know the jobs exist. I dont know where they are?

Thanks all for your comments though, people care at least which is nice but why do we have to fall back on places like this, wonderful as they are, just to feel some sort of relevance.

Would be great to feel reelevant in my own small world, feeding TPTB ultimately or not.

Peace and thanks again.



posted on Jan, 7 2012 @ 06:46 PM
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reply to post by kaptabs316
 


There is a great deal to be said for the practice of "Controlled Folly."

Otherwise, you might want to look at this link, after you overcome your efforts
at self defeat.

www.dhs.gov... You may be suprised.

The Winter Blues will pass. Hang in there!



posted on Jan, 7 2012 @ 06:54 PM
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Sanity Lost

Yellow

Pelvi

FissionSurplus


Please do not think I have ignored your comments I enjoyed reading them all, Just took me a while to write my last essay.

You guys are guiving me a lot to think about and I appreciate that immensely.

One of the things I DO need to wrap my head around is that you have to look after YOURSELF first.

I have a overwhelming degree of loyalty which i actually think is a good thing, both to my MOTHER and my employers,

But I am starting to hate it rather than list it as a positive of mine because the further I go in, i find certainly that we DO live in a dog eat dog world which upsets me greatly.

I know I am being chewed up an spat out on a daily basis.

Thanks again.
edit on 7-1-2012 by kaptabs316 because: (no reason given)



posted on Jan, 7 2012 @ 06:55 PM
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Originally posted by FissionSurplus
This is just my own opinion, but it appears like you have lived your life according to some script that wasn't written for you. It feels empty and has no meaning to you. Certainly you love your wife and children, but plugging away at some sucky, pathetic job just to survive, not thrive, has you feeling hollow and lifeless.

The trick is to find meaning in your life. That requires lots of soul-searching, and everybody arrives at it in their own way. In the mean time, find another job. That will give you a sense of some control over your circumstances. Get out in nature more, and do not push loved ones away, draw them closer, because without them, your life would go from depressing to unbearable.

I hope you find peace.


And this couldnt ring truer.

Help along these lines



posted on Jan, 7 2012 @ 07:02 PM
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Like the majority of posters on here, My first piece of advice to you is "Find Another Job!!!" You can look for another job and continue to work at the one you are at now. I have even heard that their are many people/companies that will not hire the jobless. So start looking now before something happens or you crack lose the one you have.

Next get into therapy for your depression if you do not have insurance that will pay for it, research the non-profit agencies in your area. I can understand your fear of trying another anti-depressant when the expirience you had with what you had turned out so badly, but there are different types of medicines out there, at least consider trying one that falls under another catagory than what failed you before.

Last but definately not least "Talk To Your Wife!" You sound like the type of man that wants to take care of and protect his wife and children, but I believe that pushing her away, and increasing the distance between you only hurts and confuses her, she may even feel that it is her, or something she is doing that is bothering you We women love to talk things out, give her a chance. You just might be happy you did



posted on Jan, 7 2012 @ 07:13 PM
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reply to post by kaptabs316
 


Do something with that business degree... or go back to school if you can... even part time or online...

Can't you find a new Job with a degree?

And i agree with another poster here... Tell the wife to get a job...





posted on Jan, 7 2012 @ 07:19 PM
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Originally posted by gypsycat
Like the majority of posters on here, My first piece of advice to you is "Find Another Job!!!" You can look for another job and continue to work at the one you are at now. I have even heard that their are many people/companies that will not hire the jobless. So start looking now before something happens or you crack lose the one you have.

Next get into therapy for your depression if you do not have insurance that will pay for it, research the non-profit agencies in your area. I can understand your fear of trying another anti-depressant when the expirience you had with what you had turned out so badly, but there are different types of medicines out there, at least consider trying one that falls under another catagory than what failed you before.

Last but definately not least "Talk To Your Wife!" You sound like the type of man that wants to take care of and protect his wife and children, but I believe that pushing her away, and increasing the distance between you only hurts and confuses her, she may even feel that it is her, or something she is doing that is bothering you We women love to talk things out, give her a chance. You just might be happy you did



Ah,

If she would only talk back rather than refuse to beiieve it is not her!! Biggest enigma for me.

And the docs wont. Its SSRI or nothing.

THEY DONT HELP .....ME!!! What is it I am not saying right??

Thaaks for the reply.



posted on Jan, 7 2012 @ 07:22 PM
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Originally posted by Akragon
reply to post by kaptabs316
 


Do something with that business degree... or go back to school if you can... even part time or online...

Can't you find a new Job with a degree?

And i agree with another poster here... Tell the wife to get a job...




My youngest is only 18 months and I dont want her shoved in day care with no respite (WE have NO family at all in our vicinity, closest is my mother 20,0000kms away. Not so easy.)

Thats my bug to bear though, probably shouldn't have mentioned it.

My wife works damn hard looking aftr three three kids and does a fabulous job also.

My fault for bringing that up. My apologies.






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