Dealing with death.

Greetings fellow members.

I was not sure where to post this, but i assumed here, any mod may move if needed.

I know this is something of which, I'm quite certain, all members have succumbed to;death. Death in ones family or circle of freinds, is a fragile time, a time where ones true self can sometimes glow, or when one can lose site of all faith. Death is something which I have experienced as a child, an experience i was too young to comprehend;ignorance is bliss, as they would say, i wish i was young, i wish i could be ignorant to death.

One of my grandparents commited suicide on monday, and another as i was told today, is about to part in a couple of days. They were/are both old. The one who commited suicide was actually my a cousin of my grandfathers, nonetheless, he was close. He was an honourable military man, a true Sikh, his dignity was worth more than his life. Sadly, blindness was touching his turban closer than the hairs on his head, of this he could not fathom;to have his children/grandchildren see and take care of him in such a state was a detriment to his character, he would have rather taken his own life, then let a pathetic aillness do so. So, he did. He died from his own will, but his own will. He died in honour, dignity and repsect. I can do nothing but respect his will. My other grandfather is my mothers father, he's old, vigilant and proud, proud of being a bastard, but he's damn proud of it ! He's never said happy-bday to any of this children/grandchildren, nor will he ever, it was his thing, a thing which we respected. I could go no more about it, but it would take much time and effort. Why I'm not too sad about his oncoming death ? Easy, he phoned me 3 weeks ago to ask how I was doing, he asked if I was alright, and need some food. My parents had gone away and I was homealone. He was the last person one would accept to show that sort of compassion. I knew right away, his time had come. So i've come to accept it.

Is it right for me to accept it, or do i accept it becuase it's the only way i feel like i can cope with this situation, i'm confused. Though i feel hurt, i feel as if i am obligated to feel this hurt, i don't want to hurt, so do i shade it with a stern character ? I may sound like a hyopcrite now, sorry, i guess i'm still a kid.

Thanks.

: )

Deep

We are more than our bodies. Intelligence does not come from the bodies we wear. Life is more than just the animation of gooey chemical digestion.

The part of us that is truly alive is the spirit. It is the seed of intellect, the germ of individuality, and the source of the power that we call thought. That part of us cannot die. The flesh that it rides on can decay, get disease, and can suffer all sorts of things.

That should be a lesson enough to you that the flesh is not the life at all, but rather the container for it. If you are a Sikh, then please explain to me what your faith teaches about life after death.

Why worry about death? The only ones who worry about the destruction of the body are those that require it for their strength. When their bodies die, so does the rest of them. Those with spirit don't ever die at all, they just move higher and higher into the spheres of heaven.

Death should never be a cause for sadness by relatives, but I know it always is. When my grandfather died, I was not sad at all, His spirit was so strong in me that I never felt his absense. God bless his soul! He even communicated to me after he died - I will tell you a funny story.

I was in the bathroom one day, and my ear really started to itch. I was thinking about my grandfather all day, and because I knew that sometimes spirits could speak, I asked him quite plainly to look in my ear and tell me what he saw.

To my amazment, I received a very clear telepathic response - It was my grandfather's voice, and he said matter-of-factly "You have a chunk of wax 'this' big." And I then had a vision of his fingers showing me how big it was.

Amazed, I found it a few moments later, exactly as he described. Such was my confmirmation of the continuation fo intelligence after we quit the body. What need for sadness and dispair is there?

Arkaleus

Thanks,

Though i would not ask of my grandfathers to examine my ear, nor could a i surmise what to ask them exactly, i am going through this well. I had posted this last night, and of since, due to some good freinds, whom don't know of the situation, have oddly apeared at my doorstep for no good reasons, ones on his way over right now.

Death in Sikhism, is either, a) One is thrown back into the continual cycle of birth-death, or b) One merges with the creator. This is far as my knowledge goes, i'm not a practicing Sikh, moreorless, my character leans towards partical Buddhism.

Deep

No matter how hard we convince ourselves that death is another step in the journey of life, or that someone's time has come, or that the person is in a "better place," we will still feel sorrow.

You are still just a kid, no one will reach the point of maturation until their own lives end. Because we will always feel sorrow, even if something is right.

Much love ZeroDeep

[Edited on 9-11-04 by Scat]

I wish people in my familly and friends would understand me when I'll chose to leave, but I doubt they will.

There always comes a point where you just accept death as a part of life.

I think you are just showing a lot of maturity, and maybe a deeper understanding of life than many people. Much respect bro.

First of all you have the right to feel all kind of things right now and let the hurt come out, you also have the right to morn for your family member that are not longer with you.

Bringing these feelings out and here in this post is a good way to deal with your lost.

Like others had said death is just another stage in our lives depending of your religious beliefs.

Death should not be something to fear but to be accepted.

I can see you are very mature and you will be fine.

Sorry about your loss.

I just lost my father last Febuary at age 63 to Cancer.

His death didn't crush me like I thought it would. Part of me has felt guilty for this. But, I can't find a reason to feel the guilt. I loved the guy with all my heart. He was a good father to my brother, sister, and I and an exellent husband to my Mother. I feel fortuniate to have been born his son and known him.

His death was expected but still falls in the "sudden" catagory. He was diagnosed with cancer the day after Thanksgiving and was gone by Feb 18. When he was diagnosed he was given only a cpl months at the most. His health declined fast and he lost all but 85 lbs weeks before the end.

His death was on my mind constantly. I wondered how life would be without this man I looked up to my whole existance. I worried about my Mother and how she was going to cope with the upcomming change. I felt depressed and sad all the time.

A few weeks before his death my mother had a stroke because of all that was going on. Her health started to decline also. I guess she was worrying her self to death.

My fathers health declined even more after he knew my mom was recovering from her stroke. He maintained the same health for about two weeks after the stroke to give her a chance to recover. Three days before he died things took a turn for the worse and we believe he suffered a stroke shortly after taking morphine for the excrusiating pain he was feeling.

I sat with him pretty much nonstop from that point on. I could tell when he was paying attention and when he was sleeping, but other than that he was non-responsive. I felt like he was willing himself to die. Infact, I know he did. He knew the toll he was having on my mother and he hated that.

I started to get a little nervous knowing that the time drew near, maybe even a little panicish. I didn't sleep or eat much and became exhausted. I slept in the chair next to his bed when my sister woke me up and told me to go sleep in a bed at about 3am. I went upstairs and passed out.

I woke up around 9:30 to my sister walking in the hall. I asked her what was going on with my father and she said that "he is bairly hanging on".
I quickly dressed myself and went down the stairs. My mother was sitting on the couch with red eyes from crying. My brother was sitting with him and I relieved him.

His breathing grew shorter and farther between. I told him "I loved him" and that "it was ok to let go" as I held his hand. He was gone within minuits. Grief and panic overcame my family, but, I remained calm. I said a prayer and hugged my mother. I felt a peace during that time. I knew his pain was over. I was happy for that.

I still feel his guidence in my life. I also believe I see him from time to time in my dreams and out of the corner of my eye. Not a ghost, but a spirit.
These feelings tell me that everything is as it should be.

My advice to you is, keep and remember the good memories. Remember the love and guidence. Grow from it and pass it on.

You may loose the body but, you will never loose the love. That will remain with you thru your life.

I posted about it right after it happend, and, once again, THANK YOU to all those that offered comfort.
My fathers passing

baked,

That post is very beatiful, you will do great as a health care provider, sometimes caring for other is something that people are born to do.

Your grandparents are honourable people. They have lived for many years with those beliefs. No matter what we think, it is their choice and if you accept that, you will be able to accept their deaths. It is, as so many people have said, what they wanted.