Sorry about your loss.
I just lost my father last Febuary at age 63 to Cancer.
His death didn't crush me like I thought it would. Part of me has felt guilty for this. But, I can't find a reason to feel the guilt. I loved the
guy with all my heart. He was a good father to my brother, sister, and I and an exellent husband to my Mother. I feel fortuniate to have been born
his son and known him.
His death was expected but still falls in the "sudden" catagory. He was diagnosed with cancer the day after Thanksgiving and was gone by Feb 18.
When he was diagnosed he was given only a cpl months at the most. His health declined fast and he lost all but 85 lbs weeks before the end.
His death was on my mind constantly. I wondered how life would be without this man I looked up to my whole existance. I worried about my Mother and
how she was going to cope with the upcomming change. I felt depressed and sad all the time.
A few weeks before his death my mother had a stroke because of all that was going on. Her health started to decline also. I guess she was worrying her
self to death.
My fathers health declined even more after he knew my mom was recovering from her stroke. He maintained the same health for about two weeks after the
stroke to give her a chance to recover. Three days before he died things took a turn for the worse and we believe he suffered a stroke shortly after
taking morphine for the excrusiating pain he was feeling.
I sat with him pretty much nonstop from that point on. I could tell when he was paying attention and when he was sleeping, but other than that he was
non-responsive. I felt like he was willing himself to die. Infact, I know he did. He knew the toll he was having on my mother and he hated that.
I started to get a little nervous knowing that the time drew near, maybe even a little panicish. I didn't sleep or eat much and became exhausted. I
slept in the chair next to his bed when my sister woke me up and told me to go sleep in a bed at about 3am. I went upstairs and passed out.
I woke up around 9:30 to my sister walking in the hall. I asked her what was going on with my father and she said that "he is bairly hanging on".
I quickly dressed myself and went down the stairs. My mother was sitting on the couch with red eyes from crying. My brother was sitting with him and I
His breathing grew shorter and farther between. I told him "I loved him" and that "it was ok to let go" as I held his hand. He was gone within
minuits. Grief and panic overcame my family, but, I remained calm. I said a prayer and hugged my mother. I felt a peace during that time. I knew his
pain was over. I was happy for that.
I still feel his guidence in my life. I also believe I see him from time to time in my dreams and out of the corner of my eye. Not a ghost, but a
These feelings tell me that everything is as it should be.
My advice to you is, keep and remember the good memories. Remember the love and guidence. Grow from it and pass it on.
You may loose the body but, you will never loose the love. That will remain with you thru your life.
I posted about it right after it happend, and, once again, THANK YOU to all those that offered comfort.
My fathers passing