can i rant about my ex and child support?

reply to post by EspyderMan


No, not every man......I'm well aware there are many fathers who do have full custody of their children and some who pay the correct amount.

Show me a non-custodial self employed father who does pay decent child support!

It's obvious this woman's ex husband is not declaring all his income.

reply to post by EspyderMan


Firstly, it costs money for any man, woman or child to put a roof over one's head to survive in this world unless they're living under a bridge in cardboard boxes or out in the forest living in a cave picking berries and catching insects to survive on.

This woman is not taking access away from her children's father. She said quite clearly if he wants access he will have to do it on his own initiative at his own expense, not hers.

Perhaps you need to read her posts carefully because I know alot of non-custodial fathers turn blue in the face with anger at the thought of having to pay some child support.

reply to post by fisheye


That would be her best bet and she should follow through with the child support agency. Lawyers are costly when that money is better spent on the kids.

reply to post by mamabeth


Same for me, I'd get a phone call about every 5 years or so and last time I heard from him I told him we should have a family meeting - if he could round up his extended family while I round up mine for one big happy family reunion at my place or his! I don't know what his problem was with it; a majority of my family are only Military and Police who just wanted to have a little chat with him about his "parental" skills and explain to him what it memans to be a real man, so it's not like anything bad would happen.

Have'nt heard from him since and that was 7 years ago!

reply to post by EspyderMan


actually i did point out that he has never utilized his visitation. he sees them every other weekend. period.

at this point my daughter would rather never go there and my son is indifferent. that's his fault because when he does have them he doesn't really pay any attention to them.

my rant was mostly directed at the money issue because it's most currently what i'm mad about because he said i was being unfair. time spent with the kids is an entirely different rant which i have been ticked off about and said to him on MANY occasions.

edited to add that just because that separate issue wasn't included doesn't mean i don't care about it. it's been a MAJOR source of contention. it deserves it's own rant.

it has been reported and is under investigation. i can't afford an attorney. i had to do that once and it cost $5,000. i'm trying to avoid that by having the state handle it but it will take a lot longer.

the house he lives in currently is owned by his brother and sister in law. they just bought it. he "rents" a room from them (i guess).

and yes, since he works for himself he can fix the numbers. i've asked for all his tax info which he says he will give me and that he hasn't fixed the numbers. i find that hard to believe since he's never been upfront with me regarding money.

as for the credit card.... yes, i realize what my mistake was but we were happily married when i had him as an authorized user. he had NEVER used it when i wasn't there and at the time had no reason not to trust him to do the right thing. yes, i screwed up in trusting him. i fault myself for that but i can only beat myself up for being nice for so long. i don't want to become a big meanie. i never have been one and it's just not my nature. i do consider what he did to have been very wrong. it wasn't illegal and i couldn't sue him for it but that doesn't make it okay.

as for him not repaying my mother.... she only told me over this christmas that he never finished paying her back. she said it was probably a couple thousand he still owed. i wish she had told me and i wish she had taken him to court but there's nothing i can do about that. it was just a point i was making about his irresponsibility.

believe me... i AM taking him to court. i'm just mad about having to deal with it and listen to him say i'm the one who is unfair. that to me is just nuts.

and in the 8 yrs of divorce he's not been able to keep a girlfriend. he has one now but it hasn't been long and she's recently divorced and over 10 yrs younger than him. i don't see it lasting. once she figures out he's not what he claims she'll probably walk away. it's a lot harder to hide is irresponsibility now than it was when he was younger.

reply to post by pasiphae


Of course he has fixed the numbers but you'll never know for sure unless he hands over all his receipts for in and outgoings. Although it's easy for me to pick up any discrepancies because I know what to look for since I've been doing it along time, it's better to request an audit by the family court and they can order their own auditors which are usually veteran tax auditors.

There is no shame in any woman requesting reasonable child support no matter how some men want to make you feel guilty. Real men take care of their kids whether they are married or divorced !

Children, like everything else in life, cost money and thats the reality. Men who think they should only pay what they want when they want or not at all should go back to the iron age and live in caves.

Originally posted by bluemirage5
reply to post by pasiphae

 

There is no shame in any woman requesting reasonable child support no matter how some men want to make you feel guilty. Real men take care of their kids whether they are married or divorced !

Children, like everything else in life, cost money and thats the reality. Men who think they should only pay what they want when they want or not at all should go back to the iron age and live in caves.

yes.

i think the way judges work is that if you quit your job and have a significant decrease in pay they consider it to be on purpose and say you are underemployed. i can't imagine that he has been making LESS than what he was making when we first divorced and he was able to pay his 25% share. i can't imagine that he went to a job that paid twice that, quit, then for 3 years be satisfied with less pay than he made 10 years ago. he could have been paying SOMETHING each month. instead he only pays a partial payment very few times a year.

he actually agreed to fork over his tax info. i'm kind of surprised. i think he realizes he could face possible jail time.

edited to add: then he consistently tells me he's "working his ass off". uh... okay.

reply to post by pasiphae


Proof of his income tax returns means absolutely nothing other than what he declared. It's just a piece of paper. You want a full tax audit and that means he hands over all his business legders which include his business income/expenditures and bank statements for the past 5 years plus receipts and invoices. Don't settle for anything less.

Originally posted by bluemirage5
reply to post by pasiphae

 

Proof of his income tax returns means absolutely nothing other than what he declared. It's just a piece of paper. You want a full tax audit and that means he hands over all his business legders which include his business income/expenditures and bank statements for the past 5 years plus receipts and invoices. Don't settle for anything less.

yep. i've thought of that. it sure was easy to get him to bring those to me (should have them today). i don't think i can personally request everything but i do think the court can and will. they DID take his 401K last year (i hadn't even opened the case). they took that and he STILL owes a buttload of money because after that (which didn't repay what he owed then) he only made about 5 payments from then to now.