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can i rant about my ex and child support?

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posted on Jan, 5 2012 @ 05:43 PM
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Originally posted by pasiphae
and... i'm not really looking for advice. it's just a rant.


You know what they say....its cheaper to keep'em


no but seriously child support is a biatch for guys...its not easy living off of $250 and pay gas and food so you can live as well...


i hope you were able to pay for that new mercedes benz, while he payed


poor guy
edit on 5-1-2012 by k1k1to because: (no reason given)




posted on Jan, 5 2012 @ 05:53 PM
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and the whole thing of him saying i'm using the kids as pawns..... i have never ever ever ever EVER in any way done that. i have asked him to utilize his visitation and he has never done more than every other weekend. summer break? all me. spring break? all me. winter break? all me (last two xmas's he saw them for 2 day).



posted on Jan, 5 2012 @ 05:56 PM
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Originally posted by k1k1to

Originally posted by pasiphae
and... i'm not really looking for advice. it's just a rant.


You know what they say....its cheaper to keep'em


no but seriously child support is a biatch for guys...its not easy living off of $250 and pay gas and food so you can live as well...


i hope you were able to pay for that new mercedes benz, while he payed




poor guy
edit on 5-1-2012 by k1k1to because: (no reason given)


he's the one who makes a lot of money. he's certainly not living off $250

it's the other way around. he wasn't ever hurting for money other than the few months he lived with his brother and wasn't employed.



posted on Jan, 5 2012 @ 06:03 PM
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If I may add to the discussion, don't do that. Child support and parental contact should never ever be tied together. One should not be used as leverage for the other, this can only damage the children and cannot resolve anything.

Be a better person than that, as it seems you have been all along.

If he wants contact, you are right, it's up to him to make the effort, if he can't be arsed it is him the children will learn to resent through his own actions over time, if he wants a relationship, HE must take the steps necessary to nurture one, if he he doesn't he only has himself to blame.

However correct or righteous your position, if you take active steps o prevent contact it could damage your children emotionally and could seriously damage you future relationship with them, lever let the actions of a schmuck do that to you.

Similarly, as hard as it may be, try not to slag off their father in their earshot as tis too undermines a child's own sense of well being as they always love their parents and something like this can tear them apart inside.

I cannot advise you on ways to get a working child support arrangement in place as I only know how the UK system works but do you have an organisation in the USA like this one linked below to speak to?

www.cmoptions.org...



posted on Jan, 5 2012 @ 06:33 PM
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My ex pays exactly $250 per month for two children. He lives in a posh part of town, drives a nice car, and sees the kids every two weeks. It's not enough money for those two at all. I work my butt of making up for it too.
I have taken him to court 4 times. Each time I am denied more money because he starts crying like a baby. He had cancer nearly 10 years ago, which did not give him a handicap, but he uses it as an excuse every time. I should be getting around $700 for both kids based on his income, but some how he weasels his way out of paying by crying about bills, and his cancer and so on....I mean literally crys, just short of getting on his knees. He also uses the "her parents are rich" bit, but my mother is not and my father does not help me at all.

A friend of mine had the custody right removed from her child's father because he never made CS payments. He is currently spending 1 year in jail. You said they asked you if you want him to be jail, and I think the answer to that is YES, scare him into compliance. Also, him not paying is just showing his kids that he is a dead beat, he obviously doesn't care enough about them.

I know how you feel. My ex drives me to the brink sometimes. I cannot wait till the kids are 18 and I can end ALL communication with that idiot forever.



posted on Jan, 5 2012 @ 06:54 PM
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Originally posted by waynos
If I may add to the discussion, don't do that. Child support and parental contact should never ever be tied together. One should not be used as leverage for the other, this can only damage the children and cannot resolve anything.





right. i have never and will never deny him visitation. all i ask is that he make the effort.



posted on Jan, 5 2012 @ 06:58 PM
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Originally posted by LittleVoice731
My ex pays exactly $250 per month for two children. He lives in a posh part of town, drives a nice car, and sees the kids every two weeks. It's not enough money for those two at all. I work my butt of making up for it too.
I have taken him to court 4 times. Each time I am denied more money because he starts crying like a baby. He had cancer nearly 10 years ago, which did not give him a handicap, but he uses it as an excuse every time. I should be getting around $700 for both kids based on his income, but some how he weasels his way out of paying by crying about bills, and his cancer and so on....I mean literally crys, just short of getting on his knees. He also uses the "her parents are rich" bit, but my mother is not and my father does not help me at all.

A friend of mine had the custody right removed from her child's father because he never made CS payments. He is currently spending 1 year in jail. You said they asked you if you want him to be jail, and I think the answer to that is YES, scare him into compliance. Also, him not paying is just showing his kids that he is a dead beat, he obviously doesn't care enough about them.

I know how you feel. My ex drives me to the brink sometimes. I cannot wait till the kids are 18 and I can end ALL communication with that idiot forever.


oh wow. the crying thing would make me nuts. at least he pays SOMETHING. mine just doesn't pay. he claims $100K jobs then says "oh, that's next year". sigh.... my kids know because i'm with them so much. kind of hard to hide things from them and we do have a very honest relationship. my kids don't really care about visitation. my son would be fine if he never saw his dad again. my daughter would like to see him sometimes but not spend the night ever.



posted on Jan, 5 2012 @ 08:32 PM
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reply to post by pasiphae
 


I think you just found your answer. Challenge custody, if he fights then he cares, if not, life will be sweeter without. Money or not.

I do sometimes think it would be easier if he gave me nothing at all, then I could at least get public assistance, with his amount I am just shy. Since I am getting married with in the next year or two that all will change, and I am sure he will go crying about that too, lol! Men are some weird creatures no doubt. I am sorry you're going threw all this, I can feel the frustration even through here. Hang in there and listen to what your heart tells you to do.



posted on Jan, 5 2012 @ 08:47 PM
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My child was born in 1975 and I didn't get my first child support
check until she was 25.The check amount was a dollar,no kidding.
I even thought about getting it framed so I had proof that I did get
a support check.
I found out that another ex of my ex filed for back child support
and I got the money



posted on Jan, 5 2012 @ 08:49 PM
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reply to post by LittleVoice731
 


my daughter is at the age where she can talk to the judge and say she doesn't want to go to his "house". she feels guilty about that and says "daddy scares me". that translates to "i'm afraid daddy won't love me anymore or will be mad at me if i say i don't want to go there". a sucky position for a kid to be in but we've discussed it. i'm considering asking the judge (when it finally gets to court - i still need to move it to my county) to reduce visitation to once a month. even if he never sees them he will still owe child support.

i think what bugs me most is just his lying and that he calls me unfair. he tends to lash out at other people when he does something wrong. i never understood that behavior.



posted on Jan, 5 2012 @ 08:57 PM
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Originally posted by mamabeth
My child was born in 1975 and I didn't get my first child support
check until she was 25.The check amount was a dollar,no kidding.
I even thought about getting it framed so I had proof that I did get
a support check.
I found out that another ex of my ex filed for back child support
and I got the money


sorry to laugh but that is so awful it's funny. wow.

there's a big part of me that would like him to just go away and never be heard from again. having to deal with him twice a month is just not fun. the kids never have a good time when they go either. he could at least DO something with them when he has them since it's only 4 days a month but nope.



posted on Jan, 5 2012 @ 09:06 PM
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reply to post by pasiphae
 


That was something that I liked about my ex,he was rarely
around.He would show up about every 5 years just to remind
me that I couldn't escape from him.There is a story to explain
my last line but I don't know if I will ever tell it.



posted on Jan, 5 2012 @ 09:16 PM
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reply to post by mamabeth
 


ugggg.... well at least it was only every 5 years but i hate to think what the story behind that might be. i did date a psychopath for a few months and i have a feeling he'll always keep track of me. at least i got out of that quick. he fooled me for a while but his temper blew his cover.



posted on Jan, 6 2012 @ 09:43 AM
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reply to post by pasiphae
 


Your first mistake was making your ex an authorized holder of your credit card; the bank had no right to change the address in the first place if you are the general credit card holder.

Your 2nd mistake is not getting the child support agency and family court to deal with the child support in the first place.

Let me make it very clear to you; once a separation and/or divorce takes place and you are the general child carer.....at some point there is going to be problems with child support payments. Once a man cuts ties with his wife.....you can no longer trust him. Eventually he will go his own way and make a new life - you know the saying "out of sight out of mind"....well, that includes the kids. He will move to greener pastures with a new woman, new family, new life.

When the ex husband becomes self employed, you can guarantee he is not going to declare all his earnings and will show non-existant expenses/purchases to off set the sales/gross income. Those iPhones? Business purchases! I'd advise you to have him audited by the family court judge or child support agency and they will hand over his file to the Tax Dept.

My guess is your ex owns the house his brother and wife lives in with him or are partial owners. You can do a trace through his local state council or by your lawyer as to who the true owners are. There's a chance the house may be set up in a "family" trust.

You are quite right; if your ex wants to see the kids.....continue to allow him access.....at his own expense!

If your mother paid a debt belonging to him and he signed a piece of paper acknowledging the loan from your parents, then it is up to them to take him to the small claims court. And I suggest they do that quickly as there is a time limit.



posted on Jan, 6 2012 @ 09:49 AM
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reply to post by pasiphae
 


All you seem to complain about is money and his non-payment of owed monies yet the children are where in this story? Where is the complaints of him not spending enough time with his kids? Why is money the central issue for two parents with two tiny human beings seeking help, support, advice and examples to live by?

On one side they get to see a bum and on the other a greedy person who's only focus is what she has in her bank account.

Society has become quite self centered hasn't it? When are the children first in a parents mind?

I am not looking for a response either, just ranting about your rant.

It's sad that Father's get excluded from their children's lives due to financial troubles. It's not fair to any party.
Yes you should pay your debts and be responsible but you should not have to loose your blood over it.
edit on 6-1-2012 by EspyderMan because: (no reason given)



posted on Jan, 6 2012 @ 09:53 AM
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Originally posted by bluemirage5
reply to post by pasiphae
 


Your first mistake was making your ex an authorized holder of your credit card; the bank had no right to change the address in the first place if you are the general credit card holder.

Your 2nd mistake is not getting the child support agency and family court to deal with the child support in the first place.

Let me make it very clear to you; once a separation and/or divorce takes place and you are the general child carer.....at some point there is going to be problems with child support payments. Once a man cuts ties with his wife.....you can no longer trust him. Eventually he will go his own way and make a new life - you know the saying "out of sight out of mind"....well, that includes the kids. He will move to greener pastures with a new woman, new family, new life.

When the ex husband becomes self employed, you can guarantee he is not going to declare all his earnings and will show non-existant expenses/purchases to off set the sales/gross income. Those iPhones? Business purchases! I'd advise you to have him audited by the family court judge or child support agency and they will hand over his file to the Tax Dept.

My guess is your ex owns the house his brother and wife lives in with him or are partial owners. You can do a trace through his local state council or by your lawyer as to who the true owners are. There's a chance the house may be set up in a "family" trust.

You are quite right; if your ex wants to see the kids.....continue to allow him access.....at his own expense!

If your mother paid a debt belonging to him and he signed a piece of paper acknowledging the loan from your parents, then it is up to them to take him to the small claims court. And I suggest they do that quickly as there is a time limit.


My Goodness how generalizing can you be? "When the ex husband becomes self employed, you can guarantee he is not going to declare all his earnings "

So many women are so scarred they just lump every man into the bad category.



posted on Jan, 6 2012 @ 09:55 AM
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Originally posted by mamabeth
reply to post by pasiphae
 


That was something that I liked about my ex,he was rarely
around.He would show up about every 5 years just to remind
me that I couldn't escape from him.There is a story to explain
my last line but I don't know if I will ever tell it.


Sounds like mine.



posted on Jan, 6 2012 @ 09:56 AM
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Originally posted by LittleVoice731
My ex pays exactly $250 per month for two children. He lives in a posh part of town, drives a nice car, and sees the kids every two weeks. It's not enough money for those two at all. I work my butt of making up for it too.
I have taken him to court 4 times. Each time I am denied more money because he starts crying like a baby. He had cancer nearly 10 years ago, which did not give him a handicap, but he uses it as an excuse every time. I should be getting around $700 for both kids based on his income, but some how he weasels his way out of paying by crying about bills, and his cancer and so on....I mean literally crys, just short of getting on his knees. He also uses the "her parents are rich" bit, but my mother is not and my father does not help me at all.

A friend of mine had the custody right removed from her child's father because he never made CS payments. He is currently spending 1 year in jail. You said they asked you if you want him to be jail, and I think the answer to that is YES, scare him into compliance. Also, him not paying is just showing his kids that he is a dead beat, he obviously doesn't care enough about them.

I know how you feel. My ex drives me to the brink sometimes. I cannot wait till the kids are 18 and I can end ALL communication with that idiot forever.


Maybe you should ask the courts to allocate more time to him with the kids alleviating your expenses and increasing his instead of looking for a bigger end of the month check.
The money is not important, him being there and taking care of them is. Thats why the courts deny you, you fail to see the purpose of the family responsibilities laws created. So they just tally you in the "greed" column and say no.



posted on Jan, 6 2012 @ 09:57 AM
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reply to post by pasiphae
 


You have a lot here to follow; I’m trying to keep up.

Have you gone to Child Support services in your area and got a court order for support? Child Services will handle the payment problems and handle judgments against payments. This is a free service but they can’t work with any client that has a lawyer (conflict of interest). You don’t need a lawyer to file for Child Support and they can manage most of these problems. Sounds to me as if your ex wants lawyers involved so he can scr## you. I work in CS and can attest that things can work in your favor if you used their service instead of a lawyer. They will fille judgment for payment based on his pay and can file contempt for you if he doesn’t follow court defined payments. They also can garnishee his wages, file for contempt and assist in other ways to get this “dead beat” in line.



posted on Jan, 6 2012 @ 09:58 AM
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Originally posted by pasiphae
and the whole thing of him saying i'm using the kids as pawns..... i have never ever ever ever EVER in any way done that. i have asked him to utilize his visitation and he has never done more than every other weekend. summer break? all me. spring break? all me. winter break? all me (last two xmas's he saw them for 2 day).


With that being said, cutting him off entirely and not accepting financial support is best for the kids instead of forcing him into this problem and screwing it up.

It's best for the children. The money isn't important to the kids and you will survive regardless, the scars he creates are not worth the checks, or are they?



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