can i rant about my ex and child support?

i'm not sure if it goes against rules but i think i can since he's not a member?

anyway, i feel the need to express my extreme irritation regarding his actions.... and non actions. i'd love to rant about it if anyone cares to listen.

Let is loose.....

I see you may be new here. There is a relationship forum here on ATS....you might find some like minded people there to rant with you....

www.abovetopsecret.com...

i don't see how it would be a problem, rant away

Someone's always listening. Rant away.

I have a few bones to pick about my ex as well. Rant away and lets see how they compare! LOL

Let's hear it.

Just remember you will and will not be judged, and if you don't want to hear it negative/positive don't post.

Funny how people want advice or support, but when it's not what they want to hear, their quick to defense and get their unmentionables in a knot. Lol

Yes, would love to hear, I need the advice from any source, I'm still single because of what I see in everyone of my friends marriages and the battle over the kids.

Wish you the best friend.

i forgot about the relationship forum but i'm not in a relationship anymore so.... it's more of a rant.

give me a minute to type it out and THANKS!!

so, i've been divorced for 8 years (i think it was 8 this past november). we have 2 kids and when he asked for the divorce my son was barely a year old and still nursing. at that point i kind of saw it coming so i knew i had the support of my parents and wouldn't be completely screwed. i told him i wanted him to see the kids every weekend and he agreed. they didn't spend the night with him for the first 6-8 months or so after he moved out but then started spending one night at a time.

at some point shortly after the divorce was final i realized that my CS payments didn't seem right. we didn't use lawyers since we were both broke and there wasn't really any dispute over anything. he gave me the house and i gave him one of the cars (both were mine). anyway, i confronted him about the $ amount and he insisted it was right. i went over and over with him about it and he showed me the math. the math was right.... the starting number was WRONG. after he knew i had caught him in a lie he filed papers to have the amount changed. i signed them. his boss started taking out the right amount from his check.

at some point shortly after he moved out (sorry i'm skipping around here) i asked him to get a credit card in his name and transfer half of our outstanding balance into his name and i would do the same. then i asked him to give me the card (which was in my name but he was an authorized user). he replied "i don't keep it on me. i'm not going to use it". i figured it wasn't a big deal since he hadn't at that point ever really done anything #ty to me. about 2 months after he made that statement he started using the card (i had already taken my half of the debt off). he was using it for EVERYTHING. gas, groceries, electronics, restaurants... you name it. i wasn't getting the bill because he had the address changed. i had forgotten all about it (kind of had my hands full with the little kids).

at the point that i found out what he'd done he had jacked the damn thing up to $11K. and he wasn't paying the bill. when i found out i made him try to fix it and he went to some sort of credit counseling place. they were in contact with me too and he would tell me he had called them but they'd tell me there was no record of it. essentially he never did anything. i wound up having to grovel at my mothers feet and she paid it off and made him sign a contract saying he'd pay her back within 3 years. i bet you can guess... he didn't.

that's part one. working on part 2.

so in his dire financial mess he created he decided to quit his job and move in with his brother and sister in law who lived 4 hours away. he spent about 6-8 months there and in that time didn't pay a DIME of child support. his sister in law finally got sick of him being jobless so she kicked him out.

during his jobless time i found out from the attny gen office that he never had turned in the paperwork from messing up the payments so according to them he had been overpaying me. he wound up coming out even during the time of not paying support due to that so didn't owe anything to me.

when he came back he found a new job. a really good one. head designer at a firm. so i asked him to give me his financial status so i could fill out the paperwork for child support. he said he'd fill it out. i said "no, the last time you did it didn't work out for me so well." i asked him 2 more time and said if i had to ask one more time i was calling an attorney.

wound up spending $5K on an attny and found out he was making quite a bit more than he ever had. his pay was more than double. when my attny told him what he needed to pay per month HE THREW A FIT. told her he would have to move (he lived in a fancy highrise in a one room fancy modern apartment). he told her that i had rich parents that could take care of me (totally false. my parents have never ever been rich). seriously??

that worked out for about a year. then he and his co worker decided they wanted to form their own company on the side. that was about the time the economy started to crash. he CLAIMS his boss was cutting people back and told him he had to quit or take a pay cut (personally i think his boss found out about his side work) so he quit. he's been self employed for the past 3 years.

he now owes me $19K in back support. he just doesn't pay. every now and then when he feels like it he'll make a deposit in to the account but last year.... he paid twice. the year before that 4 times. the year before that 3 times. ARGGGGGGG!!!

so.... we live in separate cities. 3 hours apart. the deal is i drive the kids every other friday to him and he drives them back. he has NEVER EVER EVER utilized his full visitation and has NEVER had them for more than 4 days. when he does have them he goes to his brothers house (now living in the same city... bro moved a few yrs ago).

since he owes so much i decided to really put my foot down (i had been trying to be nice about him starting a biz since he kept telling me about all these big jobs he was going to get) and told him he was going to have to do all the driving from now on.

he said it was UNFAIR and that i was pathetic because i was using the kids as a pawn. all i said is "if you want to visit the kids come get them and bring them back". simple. he doesn't pay child support to cover my gas or anything else for that matter so WHY is it unfair that i ask him to do the driving??? it's an extra 6 hours in the car every other week. what part of that is unfair??? i have done 100% of the raising of these two kids (both of whom NEVER get in trouble at school, are popular, and make good grades). how is it too much to ask that he does SOMETHING for me?????

argggg. i just want to scream everyday about this. it makes me SOOOOOO mad.

and yes, the case is being looked into by the attny general but it takes time because sadly they are so back logged. i'm hoping the judge will ask me if i want to give him jail time. i think it's the only thing that will make a difference.

i KNOW he doesn't tell his friends and he's recently started dating a 28 yr old (he's 41). she's got to be clueless. i can't imagine he's told her how much he owes and that he doesn't pay. his sob story is always "i'm working my ass off" and "i don't have any money". hmm... how do you pay for the iphone 4 you have and the one you bought your daughter? how do you pay for your satellite radio in your car?? the gas in your SUV? rent in your fancy building? (he's now moved in with his brother and sis in law though. they just bought a big house and gave him the extra room).

and... i'm not really looking for advice. it's just a rant.

reply to post by pasiphae


Stop dealing with him....he's a schmuck.

Sounds like he's gotten into the habit of lying to you when it comes to money, (8 years now right?), and he continues to do it because you continue to believe him.

I don't have much time to read part 2 right now, but chances are that it's only gotten worse. I'm not one of those guys, but I've heard enough about them to know that they seem to be in the majority in cases like this.

The fact that you have a couple of kids together makes him even more of an a-hole. The only reason I was "lenient" in any child support payments with my first wife was because I knew it would've gone straight to the crack pipe and not our daughter. Whatever our daughter got, it came straight from me, not the courts. I dealt with them later.

Simplify your life and start doing your finances without him in the equation. Assume that he won't pony up any dough at all, scale back on some things and live within your means. If he does own up to any financial obligations he has with you, it'll be a pleasent surprise for you that you can put in savings.

You'll thank yourself later.

Good luck hun.

Originally posted by pasiphae
and... i'm not really looking for advice. it's just a rant.

You posted this while I was writing mine.

Sorry....you got advice.

not the disney fairytale happy ever after story you probably dreamt about as a kid
your story sadly is the normal chit that most people have to deal with

Originally posted by Taupin Desciple

Originally posted by pasiphae
and... i'm not really looking for advice. it's just a rant.

You posted this while I was writing mine.

Sorry....you got advice.

haha! that's okay.

i'd love to stop dealing with him. unfortunately i can't. i'm wondering how pissy he'll get tomorrow when i text him to see what time he's picking up the kids... and to bring his tax forms LOL! i'm legally entitled to them but i'm betting he won't willingly hand them over.

and i just remembered that during the first year he actually asked me if he could claim the kids as dependents on his taxes which would not allow me to do so. he got mad when i said no. LOL!

Originally posted by three1zero
not the disney fairytale happy ever after story you probably dreamt about as a kid
your story sadly is the normal chit that most people have to deal with

what else is sad is that i know quite a few divorced parents and NONE of them have had the issues i've had. the one thing i'm thankful for is that he never fought for custody. i know people who had to go through that. not fun. everyone i know who is divorced... the dad actually makes use of their visitation.

he's got a nice car, he always lives well, has had very nice and cute girlfriends (i've liked all of them). no one knows he shirks all responsibility except me and my family (and his family. they know but are all weirdly codependent)

Originally posted by pasiphae

Originally posted by three1zero
not the disney fairytale happy ever after story you probably dreamt about as a kid
your story sadly is the normal chit that most people have to deal with

what else is sad is that i know quite a few divorced parents and NONE of them have had the issues i've had. the one thing i'm thankful for is that he never fought for custody. i know people who had to go through that. not fun. everyone i know who is divorced... the dad actually makes use of their visitation.

he's got a nice car, he always lives well, has had very nice and cute girlfriends (i've liked all of them). no one knows he shirks all responsibility except me and my family (and his family. they know but are all weirdly codependent)

as Taupin Desciple said correctly he is a schmuck
maybe you should let everyone know just how big of a schmuck he really is,,,get tough with him he is walking all over you

reply to post by pasiphae


i know people like this and it may seem drastic but its the only thing thats gonna work out for the kids you and sort of your ex you need to tell him than since he wont pay child support he has no right to see the children and if he brings that to court his child support payments will come into question faster and you win if he just pays you still win and if he cares at all about his kids he will pay
hope that helps :-)

you have prompted me to put my first post up on this site pasiphae, your story touches me because your ex almost sounds a lot like my father. I guess perhaps you could say i know what it's like dealing with that kind of personality, only through the eyes of the child though (im the oldest of 3 in my family). I was old enough at the time though however to know what was going on, and lend my mom a helping hand, your story makes me wish i was able to help you out as well. All i can say though is that even though times are tough right now, they will improve, you seem like a smart and strong person.

Originally posted by tetriswoooo
reply to post by pasiphae

 

i know people like this and it may seem drastic but its the only thing thats gonna work out for the kids you and sort of your ex you need to tell him than since he wont pay child support he has no right to see the children and if he brings that to court his child support payments will come into question faster and you win if he just pays you still win and if he cares at all about his kids he will pay
hope that helps :-)

yes, that's my thoughts exactly. i'm not withholding visitation by saying he has to come get them and bring them back so i'm not even violating anything. if he told that to a judge with all the support he hasn't paid in 3 years the judge would roll his eyes and/or laugh. he also hasn't insured them since he quit his good paying job. a judge would probably want to hit him in the head. it's illegal not to pay and it does get jail time.