My former crush just broke up with her boyfriend. How can I help her?

reply to post by MollyATS


Thanks! And I'll try to stay myself and not stress myself while other people are having problems. Those are their problems. Not mine. But a part of me feels sympathy for her so if there is any way I can help make her feel better as a friend I'll do it (no, again, I don't mean it like that).

I DO NOT WANT TO DATE HER!!!

absolute, 100%, complete #ing lie.

unless you've recently become a gay or a mental, i'd bet my last hours wage that you'd jump into bed with her in an instance if she asked.

in fact, the only reason you made this post at all, is cause you're still a bit obsessed

and for that reason, the last thing she needs around her right now is her ex-stalker; if it's a long relationship, she probably wants to go out and have a few one night stands and you'll just slow her down whilst also getting yourself hurt, *sorry*

ok ok ok, i could be wrong, she might be passionately in love with you too, but in my experience, lifes never the fairy tale. facing up to the above now is probably for the best

p.s. she'll probably be back with him next week. don't make a cock of yourself and ruin any future ties by slagging him off. try and stay cool and ....just listen....if she's ever going to be interested, she'll come to you.

reply to post by MollyATS


Hey, thats great advice, and welcome to ATS Molly

On the contrary there are tons of books on these types of things that the OP would do well to read up on. They are all about building up your confidence and learning how to play the courtship game between women and men. This dance, like any other is best danced when you know what you are doing. When a person is good at what they are doing, then all others around them are attracted to them because they have something good to offer. We all want to be around people that everyone is attracted to.

To the OP, best not to come around here looking for this type of advice because what you will get will bring you nothing but more heartache buddy. Google "how to get my girlfriend back" or something like it, and you will find better sources. If you want my advice... Next time you talk to her, pretend like you forgot all about her, with a wink of course, and just be as confident as you can, have as much fun as you can and stop LIKING girls. Have girl friends, and lots of them. The more you have the better. The key is to be comfortable at all times. It will help you in all things. Lighten up! You'll thank me later.

To Molly,

Ah, Molly, such a beautiful name.

I named my first goldfish Molly...

Took her everywhere I went for 15 years, she moved out with me, went to college with me, and was my roommate in the first apartment. We lived together in four different states. My best friend and the only one who loved me just for who I was... Cherished every moment I had with that silvery plump little angel. Sad to see her go in the end...

Anyways, I would like to personally welcome you here to this crazy place they call ATS, and I hope your stay is as eye opening and exciting as a roller coaster ride.

reply to post by Beavers


There is someone else that I like right now, I don't know how much more clear I can make myself. Plus the girl I like currently lives closer to me so we are going to be hanging out in the summer even after school is out.

But yes, you are probably right. If I had a chance I would do it but there is someone else I like more now.

reply to post by Frankidealist35


lol bro if your the "friend" then your most likely the last option, or the in-between guy...I would suggest you get as far away from that girl as you can...And I would not worry about her she no doubt has moved on long ago, and also has more options in her line of sight or she would not have broke up with her current boyfriend.

But ya if your the friend, that says it all right there.

Trust me she is in no need of help whatsoever, this is usually just a process that females go trough as they move from one boyfriend to the next, etc etc, of which the "nice guy", or the "friend" is just the in-between guy and a form of energy siphon for them. Or as the rest of the world calls it and them, the ones who finish last.

But lets be serious here because I know what you really want. It just sounds like you want to hit that, while she is in her transitions period...And to tell the truth she to will probably be looking for a little of that....But ultimately it will lead nowhere me thinks, but I think both you and her know that.

And so, do as you will.

Ok... I do have some good news. I've taken everyone's advice into account. I cannot predict the future. I don't think it'll lead into a relationship (since I don't like her that way anymore).

But, she talked to me on FB chat yesterday night after 1 AM and we had a pretty good conversation. I found out that she really liked video games. I had no idea she really liked video games from the entire time we've been hanging out. I knew she liked them but not that she was serious about them. I just thought that she was the type of girl that liked games in general.

So, I think we might end up staying good friends and we could end up being pretty good friends after all. I'll probably ask her to hang out with me at the game room at my school sometime (her leg has been recovering from an injury so she can't walk all the way to my apartment to play games, no that's not an excuse, that's a fact, it's on the other end of campus from her).

I'm happy about it all now!

Also, I don't think I need to worry about her ex. I'll talk to her about it in person. But, as far as I am concerned about the two of us I think just being her friend right now is probably the right thing to do.

Okay now I have a question for you guys. The girl in question has been messaging me not non-stop but she's been messaging me a lot on either FB or via text for the past few days like one or two days after she broke up with her ex. I want to make her feel like she can trust other people (I know that after breaking up or something really dramatic like that it can be hard to)... and that she has someone to talk to. But like with texting now, FB chat has been down for us so we can't use FB chat so we've been texting a lot.

Should I try to control the pace of the conversations so I am not overwhelmed with texts? She's usually pretty good at replying to texts but other times I have stuff to do... and I know she won't think I'm putting her off. It's just that I don't want to be stuck in constantly replying to texts all the time and always on the phone about it.

That being said, I do plan on responding to her texts. I don't have to do it immediately do I?

I want to make her feel like she has someone else she can talk to. Just to comfort her through this... and she's having some trouble with her friends and their relationships so I've been talking to her about it.

Since she usually is reliable I shouldn't worry about that should I? It's just weird considering how much she's been messaging me since she's broken up.

Ok wow haha. I'm just looking back at this thread. It's really funny. Ever since she's been talking to me again things have been way better. I actually do still like her. I just had a video chat with her Tuesday and she was moving one of her dogs at me at the cam and blowing kisses at me. I know that doesn't necessarily mean anything. But she's never done anything like that before. I've been getting more physical with my touching with her and she doesn't mind it. She also is aware that I'm doing it. We've eaten together several times and we've hung out with each other a lot. We've even gone to the movies (well we have in the past) and I've invited her over to my apartment a few times (usually we go to her place at the college). I haven't asked her out yet because I want to take it slow, but, I feel like I'm making the right steps. Haha, it's funny how all you guys knew that I still liked her, yet I just didn't want to admit it.

I also see why you guys were giving me such a hard time.

Me: I just want to comfort her
You: OH SURE YOU DO, IT IS OBVIOUS TO EVERYONE YOU STILL LIKE HER
Me: No I don't! *goes to hide in a corner*

Edit: I'm hopeless aren't I?

Lol.

reply to post by Beavers


Lol and no. They're just friends now. I have no problems with that. I've seen them talk on Facebook. She said that their last kiss lost a passion that they had when they were dating. So. Eh.

Also, I am somewhat guilty of Facebook stalking, but I don't do that much anymore. It's not like I only did that to her. I used to do Facebook stalking to everyone. I've gotten better about it now.

Lol. It's not like I stalk people in real life. I'm actually mild mannered and a normal person.