Confessions of a Cult Leader's Son

reply to post by Never Despise


This is great reading, and history too. Please continue.

Many of us have a story, but few have the willingness or writing ability to tell it. You seem to have all three and I think it will reach some of us.

I am thoroughly enjoying reading about this. Anything you are willing to share would be a great contribution to the thread, I find this subject matter fascinating as I am sure plenty of other members on the forum do as well. It is inspiring to see someone share their story so openly, I have some stories myself that I have been hesitant to share with anyone really and you have really motivated me to get on that and share my experiences with this board.

Much appreciation to you for such an interesting thread, can't wait for more. S+F OP for reigniting my interest in this subject, and moving me to continue my research on such topics.

Very enjoyable, but Whew! I hope this isn't headed to your Dad was Charlie Manson!! J/K

This thread is awesome please keep sharing! I want to know more about how things like this work!

Very good indeed. The first post I couldn't understand too much but the others I could understand. Still don't know what is so bad about this that you should be afraid.

Well done for being brave enough too post this and thank you very much for this interesting story

Definitely sounds like a textbook cult, thank you for sharing. I've been reading this really interesting book called Cults In Our Midst and what you are describing fits perfectly. A friend of mine told me to read it to understand what her own brother was going through. He got pulled into a cult, had to marry a cult woman, and is basically trapped. The biggest concern is for the children, as you yourself were, and how to possibly save them from all the psychological damage. If you have any suggestions on this we would be grateful, or should we just let it run its course?

ok you got me hooked.... continue please!

i would love to hear how it really was, I am in my early thirties, but i remember when i was a small kid, my mom always reminded me to be careful about "cults" and not to talk at all to members on their recruiting drives in my local town.

What a brilliant story. real or not you sir have a talent. Keep em coming.

I don't mean this as an insult poster, but I don't buy this for a second. I believe this is a writing exercise, or is at the very least pre-written. The second post just ended as if in the middle of a chapter or page without any kind of closure what so ever like in the first post. You already got lazy in your segments.

Now if I am wrong I will apologize, not that being right makes me better or you worse. I don't say this because I feel the need to let everyone else know you are misrepresenting your story or anything I just want it put out what I think and why I think it.

Now having said that; Please continue this is very interesting =)

Fascinating story we are about the same age I am guessing? This brings back memories of that era. I forget how people were so different back then until now as society in turn. Also my fascination with Charles Manson, Jim Jones and the power of influence and manipulation is being fed. These dark topics a guilty pleasure Where the human condition can go from spiritual enlightenment to brain washing to murder and genocide. These practices are being used today under the gist of government, corporation, bank and even religious institutions to some degree. Then trying to put myself in your situation it must have been confusing.

Please proceed

Originally posted by sputniksteve
I don't mean this as an insult poster, but I don't buy this for a second. I believe this is a writing exercise, or is at the very least pre-written. The second post just ended as if in the middle of a chapter or page without any kind of closure what so ever like in the first post. You already got lazy in your segments.

Now if I am wrong I will apologize, not that being right makes me better or you worse. I don't say this because I feel the need to let everyone else know you are misrepresenting your story or anything I just want it put out what I think and why I think it.

Now having said that; Please continue this is very interesting =)

You think his story is fake because it might be pre-written!
So unfair -- and illogical.

The SMART thing to do would be to pre-write a story this long & complex. Write the entire story out on whatever word-processing program you have, then simply copy & paste segments of the story in individual posts. The story is too long for one post.

I'm riveted by his story. Waiting for the next installment.

reply to post by sputniksteve


Well then if this is plagiarism then goggling should prove your theory. But just because something is "too well written" or is unlike the typical post does not mean it is a work of fiction or an editorial exercise. There are many people here with a unorthodox method of posting. Lets just assume with every topic, every thread and every paragraph is for "a book" or writing exercise then. I take everything i read with a grain of salt. But it is silly to just assume the person is making it up just as much as just taking their word for it. At least try to entertain the thought. Don't be such a cynic.Besides cults are a very real reality.

just sayin

I am hooked as well. Thank you for sharing your story. Cults are interesting beasts and I think there are a lot more around then we realize. There are some here in MT but may be not well known. Mostly small but I do know they have several wives and kids but the women work jobs too. Keep sharing and thanks.

If I may, I have a question to ask.
How were births, deaths and burials handled?

love and harmony
Whateva

One big question I have is how much my dad was consciously aware he was manipulating people, and how much it was a kind of almost instinctual process. It might seem odd to think that complex manipulation of dozens of people wouldn’t be conscious, but all through the time I was growing up I had this feeling somehow. It is not rational, and yet it is strong.

There was something wolfish, wolf-like, and predatory about my dad, the way he moved, the vibes he gave off and just as a wolf hunts by instinct rather than rational thought, something was driving my dad onward that was buried deep inside him, it wasn’t necessarily like he planned all this stuff step-by-step as some moustache-twirling villain in a movie. The truth was more complex than that, although its subtle. My dad’s manipulation seemed casual, almost absent-minded or off-the-cuff at times. I’m not sure I’m conveying exactly what it was like, but when I read about “natural” sociopaths I get a chill up my spine. Born human predators, psychic and social dominators. Do they do these things without thought or plan on some level? I can’t help but think so.

As the slippery slope continued, I’m sure my dad was living partly in denial about what he was doing. He repeatedly writes in his diary how he has to get money for the good of everyone, not himself; how all the others are too helpless to cope and it is up to him to provide for them, etc. He had a fear of losing money, which fueled his obsession with it. And yet his total control and manipulation cannot be explained totally by a concern for the community and by fear. Heck, maybe it can’t really be explained at all this way. It’s debatable. At any rate, alongside whatever fear and sense of stewardship he had was something uglier and more manipulative, and it came more and more to the fore as time went on. This was not a static situation, it got worse as time went on.

This might be a good point to talk about my own childhood. Up until now I have given a birds-eye view based mostly on my dad’s diaries and writings, plus my conversations with older people. But what was it like day-to-day growing up? A lot of you have conveyed well-wishes and concerns for my own safety growing up, and I thank you for your thoughtfulness. Child abuse, sexual abuse, was rampant in some other cults at the time, but I don’t think, to my knowledge, any of the children were sexually abused. We were hit and locked in closets if we misbehaved, and our every move was obsessively controlled, but this was no worse than what happens in many secular families. I suppose our minds were warped in lots of ways as kids just from growing up there, but I don’t want to give the impression it was hell for me as a kid. I was treated especially well because I was a child of the leader, and there was something very nice about growing up with so many women around, it was like I had lots of aunts and mothers! There were plenty of childhood wonders, lazy days splashing in the creek nearby or playing with bugs, lots of fun reading quietly. We didn’t have any access to the outside world, and as time went on we were taught to hate and fear it. This was warping and damaging in numerous ways, I’m quite sure.

But personally, overall, I feel like I did not suffer as much as others. I think those who suffered the most were the adults, and especially the women who were gradually forced into behavior that was distasteful to them. Although my dad did not teach that sex was sinful, he knew how to use people’s internal shame and guilt against them. Getting the victim to torture themselves was his specialty.

Some of the observant among you might have noticed I stopped using the term “commune” and started calling it a “compound” in the last post. This is because the change in words reflects the change in what the community was all about. Next I’ll talk a bit more about this change, about the increasing separation from the outside, the sense of paranoia, and other changes as the 1980s unfolded.

A very fascinating look at how people with good intentions can descend into dictatorial and domineering tendencies without even realizing it. Though it's on a lesser scale, it's an excellent microcosm of other seemingly ideal political and social systems ultimately being disastrous if followed through to their logical conclusions.

This is one reason I have long believed that humanity cannot truly be free or attain anything close to an ideal system for the entire population of the planet simply by virtue of a political or social system. It must be achieved by assuring that leaders within such systems are not prone to this kind of descent into power-lust, or it must somehow circumvent the need for individual leaders or leadership councils altogether. This is one reason the hippy “flower power" movement never succeeded ultimately. (And I say that as someone who does believe in unconditional love and so forth.)

As to the story not being true, it's possible. But at the risk of sounding conceited, I could easily write a story like this off the cuff with only a basic outline of my thoughts to work from. (Or even without one if it came down to it.) All it requires is a little proof reading and some thought. So the form his posts are in are in no way compelling evidence of fabrication in my opinion.

Originally posted by Never Despise
One big question I have is how much my dad was consciously aware he was manipulating people, and how much it was a kind of almost instinctual process. It might seem odd to think that complex manipulation of dozens of people wouldn’t be conscious, but all through the time I was growing up I had this feeling somehow. It is not rational, and yet it is strong.

It's not as irrational as it may sound at first blush. Cognitive dissonance can lead people into behaviors and thought patterns they never believed they were capable of, without them even realizing it.

Please continue, OP.

Originally posted by Whateva69
If I may, I have a question to ask.
How were births, deaths and burials handled?

love and harmony
Whateva

Thanks for your question. The first births, including my big sister and later me, were just driven to the emergency room of the nearest hospital. We had several midwives later, and there were a few country doctors that my dad would use if necessary. But we didn't send anyone outside to the hospital or call one of the doctors unless it was a bona fide emergency.

Death: Everyone there was young, at least in the 70s and 80s, and I can't remember any death, really, when I was a kid. I'll have to go back through his diary, its an interesting point. When I was a little older one of the girls died, and I can't recall how they dealt with it. I'll see if I can find some info.

reply to post by Never Despise


Great writing skills OP! I'm enjoying the insight into cult life along with everyone else!

One question, did your dad ,mum or any of the other '7' tell what the 'experience' was?

Is your mum still alive?

Thanks so much again for your openness in sharing

reply to post by Never Despise


Well,


Your posts are brilliant.

Go to Jesus and He will save you,