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Chuck Norris jokes

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posted on Dec, 31 2011 @ 09:07 AM
I'm just biding my time while waiting for the new year to come. I once read Chuck Norris jokes and they made me chuckle. So to make our mood jolly, I would like everyone who knows Chuck Norris jokes to contribute some jokes that you still remember.

Here are some that I still remember:

1. Chuck Norris was so smart that he was able to count up to infinity. Twice!
2. Chuck Norris once was able to slam a revolving door!
3. Chuck Norris once drank a bottle of sleeping pills. It made him wink.

posted on Dec, 31 2011 @ 09:13 AM
When Chuck Norris crosses the Road he doesn't look both ways, the cars do.
Chuck Norris is so hard he eats Diamonds for breakfast.
Chuck Norris wake's his Alarm clock up.
Even Black holes can't escape Chuck Norris.

He is the best dude on the planet.......Edit no second after The Dude.

posted on Dec, 31 2011 @ 09:17 AM
chuck doesn't have a chin under his beard... it's just another fist

posted on Dec, 31 2011 @ 09:18 AM
Before the boogeyman goes to sleep, he checks his closet for chuck norris.

posted on Dec, 31 2011 @ 09:36 AM
If Godzilla battled King Kong, who would win? Chuck Norris.
2nd l.

posted on Dec, 31 2011 @ 09:38 AM
reply to post by boymonkey74

In the beginning, there was Nothing. Then Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked Nothing in the face and told it to get a job. Thus, the Universe began.

As for Chuck Norris being the 2nd Most Awesome Dude Alive: what about the TechnoViking?


posted on Dec, 31 2011 @ 09:39 AM
1. Chuck Norris doesn't Google, Google does Chuck Norris
2. Chuck Norris doesn't move, the world moves beneath him.
3. Chuck Norris doesn't talk, The World talks for him.
4. Chuck Norris doesn't post Chuck Norris Jokes, The World will do for him.
5. Chuck Norris doesn't play games, games play Chuck Norris.
6. Chuck Norris was the first person on Earth, but he was hiding from God when Eva and Adam were created.

posted on Dec, 31 2011 @ 09:40 AM
reply to post by wavemaker

As a child Chuck Norris was quite the prodigy...he learned the Element Table both backwards and however the only element that Chuck Norris recognizes is the Element of Surprise !

posted on Dec, 31 2011 @ 09:53 AM
What happens when an entire nation rises up against Chuck Norris?

Ask Atlantis

posted on Dec, 31 2011 @ 09:55 AM
1. People say "Every living thing feels fear", I say....have you seen Chuck Norris?

2. There can be only...ONE CHUCK!

3. Chuck once said "Come at me, Bro!" We're still waiting on Bro....

4. Once upon a time God said Chuck Norris is the alpha and the Omega. True Story!

5. The Mayans predicted 2012...but they couldn't predict Chuck Norris.

posted on Dec, 31 2011 @ 10:00 AM
Unlike "Superman", Chuck Norris doesn't have to fly round the world to stop time...a simple round house kick will suffice
edit on 31-12-2011 by TheUnusualSuspect because: (no reason given)

posted on Dec, 31 2011 @ 10:41 AM
Super man and chuck Norris had a fight
the looser had to wear his pants on the outside

There's no theory of evolution
Just the animals chuck allows to live

Chucks tears are the cure for cancer
Problem is he never cries

Chucks daughter lost her virginity
Chuck went got it back

Chuck thinks brokeback mountain is the pile of dead ninjas in his yard

There was no such thing as giraffes till chuck gave a horse an upper cut

Chuck doesn't do pushups
He pushes the earth away

lol too much time in stans portaloo

posted on Dec, 31 2011 @ 03:00 PM
reply to post by Neocrusader

lmao, I just love these. The dosekes guy is also cool.

Chuck thinks brokeback mountain is the pile of dead ninjas in his yard
Good one!

-Chuck Norris is the reason Waldo hides.

-Chuck Norris has already been to Mars; that's why there are no signs of life there.

-Chuck Norris sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks and unparalleled martial arts ability. Shortly after the transaction was finalized, Chuck roundhouse kicked the devil in the face and took his soul back. The devil, who appreciates irony, couldn't stay mad and admitted he should have seen it coming. They now play poker every second Wednesday of the month.

-They once made a Chuck Norris toilet paper, but it wouldn't take crap from anybody.

posted on Dec, 31 2011 @ 04:36 PM
Guns carry Chuck Norris for protection.

posted on Dec, 31 2011 @ 05:48 PM
God said:"Let there be light" and Chuck Norris answered:"say please"

Ozzy bit the head of a bat,Chuck Norris bit the head of Batman

The next movie "Friday, the 13th" was cancelled. Jason Vorhees met Chuck Norris on Thursday, the 12th.

Kryptonite is translated to ancient greek as Chuckius Norrisimus

The chemical formula for the highly toxic cyanide ion is CN-. These are also Chuck Norris' initials. This is not a coincidence.

posted on Jan, 1 2012 @ 02:34 AM
When Chuck Norris goes to bed, he has to use a night light. Not because Chuck Norris is afraid if the dark, the dark is afraid of HIM.

Fear of spiders is arachnophobia, fear of tight spaces is claustrophobia, fear of Chuck Norris is called Logic

posted on Jan, 1 2012 @ 05:56 AM
Ghosts sit around the campfire and tell Chuck Norris stories.

posted on Jan, 1 2012 @ 08:01 PM
reply to post by wavemaker

BTW, OP they are not called Chuck Norris jokes, they are Chuck Norris FACTS.

Every one has been verified by the crack team of investigators at this highly reputable website.

posted on Jan, 7 2012 @ 07:25 PM
Ok ok ok
I think it's gone a bit far now fellas
He's just a man
I mean really if he's really that powerfull , godlike even. I challenge him to come to my place and smash my head into my keyboagyhjuy

posted on Jan, 10 2012 @ 02:55 AM
reply to post by wavemaker

Hey those are actually pretty good :-D...

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