reply to post by needlenight
Hey OP Bud,
Went through the exact same thing as you. Started questioning this reality/world/life at the age of 5 seeing it all isn't right and that I don't
belong here. That never left me. In my early 20's had spiritual awakenings and was sooo ready to go into a Monastery.
Did the research, interviewed with a few of them. They asked me if I had been around the block a few times and really lived life. Because that is
important prior to "going in" that way you know your not missing anything "in the world"
I never went cause I had so much family around me needing help, cousins needing prayers and Bible studies, friends needing wisdom, mother needing
financial help with rent/food, people just needing help in general that kept me out of the monastery.
Although I still would like to join one and focus completely on the Spiritual side, and I just may do so in m later years. I've dated and almost
gotten married once and that was a complete disaster, don't want to bring kids into this world because it feels like a prison to me, and yet I make a
corner of my place like a solitary rest area where I can meditate, pray, etc.
For me joining the Monastery was all about reaching Union w/ God (Enlightenment). I had seen from early experiences on how to get "there." Although
at the end there is no "you" to get "there", and when that's seen, then Union is realized.
Just like throughout the years I would randomly for vacation go off into the woods solo solitary style, and in this kind of atmosphere with no tv,
radio, books, people, you become stripped off all your mental programming and start getting closer to the core you that exists and existed prior to
all off the BS mental brainwashing that we take on from the world.
Eventually though, it was sitting home with a few days off and wrestling with the inevitable question, "Who am !" and that the thought of something
is not the same as the actual physical something that led into a HUGE insight and a glimpse of God or Union w/ God. Its been these glimpses (not in a
monastery) that have led me to understand that this Final Union and permanent Ego death I have always hoped for can happen anywhere when there is
enough investigation, readiness, and Grace with the frameworks of one's life.
Another thing is, all your psychological deformities (trust me on this one, all of mankind has these) and all your vices/virtues are taken with you
into the Monastery. Its not as much wanting to get away just from the world, but also to get away from yourself. ANd we all have a part of ourselves
that has been artificially created by the world. Well this all goes with you into the Monastery and is there faced head on. Oh and its an UGLY battle.
Are you ready for that?
ALso many monasteries are different/ Some bust you asss all day long with something to do every hour or so on the hour. Others are more lax. And also
the same egotistical BS games that people play in the world are also played in the Monasteries.
I would recommend first staying with them for a week or two and then reconsidering and really thinking about it. Try differenyt monasterieis as well.
Not just benedictine, but also Trappists, also try Zen, also try whatever else is out there.....