Some days I wake up and think I have all the answers, and other days I wake up and realize how little I know. I like to think that everyone is at the
same level in the big picture, but often I find myself guilty of talking down or up to people.
This post is an awesome reminder to me to stop doing that. It's hard to see through the confusion of everything I am experiencing and not take it out
on other people sometimes. We talk about "waking up" people, but nobody can define what "waking up" really is. It's just a general blanket term used
by someone about "their" reality IMO. I struggle all the time because my belief system is not being challenged for the first time, but moment to
moment now. What I thought just yesterday is drastically different from what it is today. Tomorrow will be much different from what it is today
also. It's not fun at all to be honest.
When I first started waking up (only from one dream into another), I have had to try and figure this mess out through every type of walk of life
possible. Often folks become mean, threatening, rude, obnoxious, and even stalking at times. When trying to figure out this mess, I can turn on
myself in a heartbeat because I am a product of my environment. The way others have treated me (which I didn't like), I resort to treating others the
same at times...go figure.
I like to think that I know what I am talking about at times, because that is where my reality is, but truth is, I am as newb as they come. Not only
as I am newb as they come, but I am probably as nuts as they come too. What right do I have to treat others in the same regards for which I hated?
Most of the time I do it out of frustration because I don't really know where I am anymore. I wouldn't call this "reality" at all! What I use to
think is real is completely gone, and now all I am doing is trying to find something to replace its void. It becomes even more difficult when you
have no other source to trust but yourself, and often that misleads me. I often even find people that have been around a long time don't want to be
helpful at all. This isn't just an ATS problem, but a widespread problem. I can't tell you how many PM's I have sent or questions I have asked
openly that just go completely unanswered. If you can't tell by now that I am not the enemy (what that enemy is I have no idea) and just a clueless
donkey, then shame on you. There are times I even don't get responses back from mods as to what went wrong or why a thread was closed. What kind of
an example is that setting in general? If mods can't take the time out to explain what happened, how are we suppose to trust anyone for reliable
information and not repeat our mistakes?
This site has not only attracted people from all over the world, but all walks of life literally. The disagents, the mentally ill, the extremists,
the drama queens (which I probably fall into), the scientists, and the people who "just like to watch the world burn," etc... Most of those who have
walked in my shoes before me seem to have gone quiet, disappeared, or don't trust anyone themselves for whatever reason, so I am left to figure it all
out by myself. The things I trusted for advice at one time are all gone. That leads me to aggravation and hostility at times towards myself, my own
thinking, and sadly, you all at times. If I have to listen to "the truth is inside you..." one more time I am going to throw up. What is worse is
that I now say this to others, and I don't even know what it means.
As for the search thing...not sure why it would bother anyone at all if someone starts a new thread that has already been talked about. Often these
topics are yesterday's news and things change almost moment by moment at times. They could start a new thread to get new ideas, and not have to worry
about someone coming in and reading yesterdays news of 12 pages that might now not apply anymore. Often people will only read the first few pages to
gauge what it is about and choose to continue or move on. Would hate to lose those folks that might have something interesting to add, but move on
because the cover of the book isn't what is in the back. Is it really that much of a bother to you to see an extra thread pop up that you can
"choose" to participate in or not? Just move on instead of not being helpful. The way people learn things aren't the same way you do. Sometimes I
do a search on a topic and "too much" information comes up. Maybe one doesn't want their opinion as to where they are at to be clouded by what has
already been said. Sometimes re-inventing the wheel isn't such a bad thing. It can take on new life, a new direction, and show up on someone's radar
with new ideas that they have formulated since the last time it was discussed. Don't really see what the problem is here at all. Move on if it isn't
something you can add to at the moment and let the other one have their experience.
edit on 29-12-2011 by Awoken4Ever because: (no reason