Inspired by another thread here, I've decided to compile a comprehensive list of things women should know about men. Disclaimer: I did not come up
with these. I also don't agree with all of them. Note: they are all labeled #1 on purpose!
1 - If you think you are fat, you probably are. Do not ask us, we refuse to answer.
1 - Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down.
1 - Do not cut your hair. Ever. Long hair is always more attractive than short hair. One of the big reasons guys fear getting married is that married
women always cut their hair, and by then, you are stuck with her.
1 - Birthdays, Valentines, and Anniversaries are not quests to see if we can find the perfect present yet again!
1 - If you ask a question you don't want an answer to; expect an answer you do not want to hear.
1 - Sometimes, we are not thinking about you. Live with it.
1 - Do not ask us what we are thinking unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as naval lint, the shotgun formation, and monster trucks.
1 - Sunday = Sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.
1 - Shopping is not a sport. And no, we are never going to think of it that way.
1 - When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine. Really.
1 - You have enough clothes. You have too many shoes.
1 - Crying is blackmail.
1 - Your ex-boyfriend is an idiot.
1 - Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints do not work. Strong hints do not work. Obvious hints do not work. Please just
come out and say it!
1 - No, we do not know what day it is. We never will. Mark anniversaries on a calendar. Reminds us frequently beforehand.
1 - Most guys own three pairs of shoes - tops. What makes you think we`d be any good at choosing which pair, out of thirty, would look good with your
1 - Yes and No are both perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.
1 - Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.
1 - A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.
1 - Foreign films are best left to foreigners.
1 - Check your oil. Please. The red light is not supposed to come on. It is not a reminder light. It is a $5000 IDIOT Light.
1 - Do not fake it. We would rather be ineffective than deceived.
1 - Anything said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days.
1 - If you won't dress like Victoria's Secret girls, don't expect us to act like soap opera guys.
1 - If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of those ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.
1 - Let us ogle. We are going to look anyways; it's genetic.
1 - Don't rub the lamp if you don't want the genie to come out.
1 - You can either ask us to do something OR tell us how you want it done - not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.
1 - Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.
1 - Christopher Columbus didn't need directions, and neither do we.
1 - Women wearing Wonderbras and low-cut blouses lose their right to complain about having their boobs stared at. More women should wear Wonderbras
and low-cut blouses. We like staring at boobs.
1 - The relationship is never going to be like it was in the first two months we were going out. Get over it. And quit whining to your girlfriends -
like THEIR relationship is SO MUCH better.
1 - All men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a color. Pumpkin is also a fruit, We have no
idea what mauve is.
1 - If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.
1 - If it is OUR house, I do not understand why MY stuff gets thrown in the closet, attic, basement or worse, the garbage.
1 - We are not mind readers and we never will be. Our lack of mind-reading ability is not proof of how little we care about you.
1 - If we ask what is wrong and you say *nothing*, we will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it's just not worth the hassle.
1 - What the hell is a doily?
edit on 21-12-2011 by KnightwhosaysNi because: typo - where ware were and wear oi!