posted on Dec, 14 2011 @ 07:56 PM
I always saw myself as the same as everyone around me, generally speaking. In fact, until the last decade or so, I was probably less aware of anything
than most of the people around me. In 2003, at age 47, I had to finally own up to the fact that my way of handling life in general was chaotic and -
in many instances - absolutely dangerous, for me and for those around me. If not, then I was probably going to spin out for good. After all, you can
only be a blind high-wire act for a limited time. There's no retiring from that kind of life style. A wild and treacherous middle age man isn't like
a wild and treacherous young man. There's nothing sexy about being old and animal-crazy.
I was encouraged to look into counseling, and when I say "encouraged", what I mean is it was an ultimatum and nothing less. So, I allowed it, and we
(me and the shrink) discovered a couple physical mental disorders that - when combined - was causing a unique blend of behavioral tendencies, due to
how my own mind is structured. The two disorders were OCD (heavy on the compulsion and light on the obsession) and ADD (inattentive, not ADHD) and the
impact was a near complete disconnect with the world around me and any concern about anyone else in my life.
I was referred to a Psychiatrist for a deeper examination, and he immediately saw the same thing that the therapist saw. He prescribed Adderall for
the ADD and Luvox for the OCD, and that was when the big change started for me. It's been a completely different life ever since.
Now, it seems as if this meds cocktail has launched extreme mental activity that I would never have expected. Not only that, but the transformation
seems to have caught the attention of someone or something (either actual or possibly latent within my own sub-conscious) that sees a value in
leveraging this hyper-activity by working to focus it in what I have to admit is a very unexpected direction. In fact, it's been a bit unnerving at
So, I know how completely unexceptional I am, but I also know that the Adderall and the Luvox have had a bitch of an impact on how my mind works and
what it sees as overwhelmingly important. Ten years ago, I was wrapping up a respectable music career and looking into writing short stories - maybe a
novel. After writing 3 books and getting some traction in that direction, what were once tiny itches about the obvious shortcomings inherent in the
traditional secular and nonsecular narratives progressively erupted into something that's full blown and witheringly comprehensive. And I can't even
feel as if I have any connection with its authorship. Hell, I have no background in any of this, beyond using decades of experience with Tarot Cards
to get laid from time to time.
I don't think I'm different than anyone. The people that have known me for years think I'm very different than I was, and most everyone can't
really make heads or tails out of any of this. And when the paranormal sh*t fires off around me - as it does a bit too often lately - those closest to
me have to really wonder what's going on.