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i wrote something , i'd love to hear your opinions .

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posted on Dec, 10 2011 @ 03:30 AM
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narcoleptic skeptic ,
narcotically perceptive ,
pat thee , hack # , bless thee ,
in the light of the tree of wisdom ,
been dumb , been wrong , been strong
swingin thru yo rabid world , in the desert ,
where the heart barely shines ,
bob barely bares ,
henry hardly hears ,
who's the one who stares but never glares away ?
fool , that's how we'll be doing that oldskool , non-cool , milky stewin'
groovin' on that ruby nudist poultry ,
understandin' who be rulin' the skoolin' of the foolin' ,
the caring for the cruel thing ,
we be whooping on that skool thing ,
sending some subliminal subversiveness substrate speedin straight right into yo' dome
aint a ruler aint a throne
all these suckahs them just clowns ,
brainwashed zombies with a gat ...
...
Misfit , punk kid , mosh pit , row skid , dead bid , grow fit , here's one more free kid .
the final solution is far yet near , the end is almost here , let's celebrate , full of tears but free of any fears

peace
edit on 10-12-2011 by BoB420 because: (no reason given)
edit on 10-12-2011 by BoB420 because: (no reason given)




posted on Dec, 10 2011 @ 03:38 AM
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once hope now destruction
frustration seems to stop my function
daily blues with battle troops
fighting to remove the truth
sitting in the photo booth
captured image destroy the youth
corporate leaders run the coup
money holds their only roots

lol tried to be creative
yours sounded great tho, keep it up


edit on 10-12-2011 by ThrowCatsAtCacti because: (no reason given)



posted on Dec, 10 2011 @ 03:50 AM
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reply to post by ThrowCatsAtCacti
 


thanks , i appreciate it
i liked your poetry as well , as long as i feel your emotions you had while writing it its good art to me . it don't matter how many people read it or stuff like that , yaknowamsaaan?
if i may give you some advice about creative work , don't worry if you make mistakes or if it sounds weird , if you don't compare yourself to others while writing but only focus on your inner self everything flows a lot smoother

peace bro



posted on Dec, 10 2011 @ 04:10 AM
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I wouldn't put the word narcoleptic two times within the first two sentences, makes the flow rough



posted on Dec, 10 2011 @ 04:12 AM
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I think its awesome, almost every line has something cool,

You know how to tool the rules to induce the drools!



posted on Dec, 10 2011 @ 04:20 AM
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reply to post by Never Despise
 


hahaha thanks i really loved that last line
its amazing to see half the people here speak in poems quite often , what a cool place lol





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