Well, I started going with a new guy and he wants me off of ATS

reply to post by Partygirl

Ah yes! the eternal love story........The controlled loves the controller.

Personally I perfer unconditional love.
and the freedom to be yourself.
It's works out fine for my wife, children and myself.
But, if you feel you need to give over control of your life that your is choice. (Did I just say that?!?)

P.S. My wife thinks my ATS participation is silly too. I don't agree with her, she lets me be, I love her and respect her opinion **I am respecting her opinion as I type this response .:
With that in mind I better get off this site and do something productive today or when my wife gets home from work she'll be P*ssed! (but still love)

reply to post by Partygirl


None of my business but you cant see the wrinting on the walls...he does not like the kind of people on these boards....your that kind of people. Best of luck.

my opinion about it being a control issue????
well after reading her posts and realizing her very very consistant values elaborated in her every post, my answer is BAH!, HARDLY!!
most people here simply do not understand one of the basics in a man/woman relationship, ESPECIALLY in a marriage, is POSESSIVENESS

It's what it is all about.
You just have to look at the popular opinion here and we get a window into why most relationships fail and marriage today is in a shambles.
It's ALL ABOUT posessiveness.
She is mine and I am hers, should be the foundation in any healthy relationship not individual liberty.

Sheesh people, this is a virtual reality message board and you guys would put this place first?
ROFLOL
No wonder 98% have failed relationship after failed relationship.
You reap what you sow.
Posessing your mate is what it is all about for a healthy relationship.
The key to it, the trick if you will is CHOICE.
yOU HAVE A RESPONSIBILITY TO YOURSELF TO CHOOSE WELL
She has better and more consistant values than anyone I've read in all of ATS and all the pundits are questioning her?
LOL, good one!
She told you what she thought of him. It sounds like she took her time and made a responsible choice and if she is to give herself to him and claim him as a posession in a right relationship I would venture to say they have a better chance that the 98% that just do not get it.
A real commitment in a monogomous relationship with the focus on marriage or making a marriage work is ALL ABOUT POSESSIVENESS. It's the way we are hardwired.

Anyways. good luck partygirl, you have a clear and sound head on your shoulders and I like that you are willing to at least sacrifice some small things to allow your new relationship to flower and grow. And boy howdy, ATS is a very small thing!!

reply to post by Partygirl


Sacrificing freedom for...?

Sounds like you need a new BF, or to stand up for what you believe. But that is just my personal opinion, and since I am adopted I have that thing about authority. But personally it sounds like you are taking a break from your beliefs to enjoy his lack thereof. I have done the same before and it was always a mistake. Will never do it again.

Hope it turns out differently for you than it did for me. Always seems like one side of the relationship leads the other one. Demanding two way these days and that is why I am single.

reply to post by Partygirl


We'll since your airing out issues here on the board I guess my opinion on the issue (even though its none of my business) is expected.

Having said that, if it isn't one thing it will be another thing, you gave an inch hopefully he doesn't take a mile expecting you to confrom more and more to his wants/needs all under the guise of "compromise".

Eventually resentment for "changing who you are" will set in and kill the relationship slowly but surely.

Its a stupid web forum yea and your priority should be on your health and well being by fostering healthy relationships, however not at the cost of selling yourself out.

This compromise could just have easily gone the other way, instead of you dealing with no ATS he could have compramised and learned to deal with ATS and your interest in it.

So why are you the only one compromising? Sounds like he didn't give up or sacrafice anything he just said let there be light and so it was done?

Imbalanced unfair relationships don't tend to be healthy ones or last long because the supressed person will eventually view the relationship as an "opression of character" instead of a "loving relationship". This is where the resentment comes in.

Im my honest opinion, be who you are don't sacrfice what you are interested in for ANYONE. If they continue to accept you for who you are then it has a chance at being a sustainable healthy relationship.

If you honestly think posting on ATS will jepordize the relationship because of his disapproval of it, chances are it wont be healthy and it wont work for long.

Again though this is from my experience and from my perspective on relationships. Some people can sacrafice themselves more than others without feeling resentment and harboring bad feelings.

If my wife told me this before we got married I'd ask her who the hell she thinks she is then I would tell her to go suck wind...I know (and she tells me this every day) that THAT is the reason she married me, because she KNOWS who I am is real and im not lost trying to appease other people's issues".

Not all people are the same though, maybe its different for you both.

reply to post by MRuss


By the way, I like you Avatar. My Father was born in Peru

I just think we need a lot more details to really give her good advice. The way this thread is going is too one sided for such little information. Especially since we are only getting her side of the story.

I assume she is leaving out some of the important details. I really do think that religion might be a big factor in this. If he is also a Christian which I assume he is because she likes him a lot and appears to have strong religious beliefs.

If you have read any of the religious or even spiritual threads on ATS, people seem to really beat up on religious folks of any denomination. Knowing the character of the people involved helps in determining their motives a lot easier.

We know she is from Utah. We know she is a Christian and an Environmentalist. We know she has only been a member of ATS since April 2011. She was born 1989 and she likes this guy a lot.

The Devil is in the details.

What can we assume he might be like?

reply to post by grubblesnert

P.S. My wife thinks my ATS participation is silly too. I don't agree with her, she lets me be, I love her and respect her opinion **I am respecting her opinion as I type this response .: With that in mind I better get off this site and do something productive today or when my wife gets home from work she'll be P*ssed! (but still love)

So what you really just said is that she wears the pants in the family...... correct?

Just messing with ya

oops!.,double post

Originally posted by manna2
my opinion about it being a control issue????
well after reading her posts and realizing her very very consistant values elaborated in her every post, my answer is BAH!, HARDLY!!
most people here simply do not understand one of the basics in a man/woman relationship, ESPECIALLY in a marriage, is POSESSIVENESS

It's what it is all about.
You just have to look at the popular opinion here and we get a window into why most relationships fail and marriage today is in a shambles.
It's ALL ABOUT posessiveness.
She is mine and I am hers, should be the foundation in any healthy relationship not individual liberty.

Sheesh people, this is a virtual reality message board and you guys would put this place first?
ROFLOL
No wonder 98% have failed relationship after failed relationship.
You reap what you sow.
Posessing your mate is what it is all about for a healthy relationship.
The key to it, the trick if you will is CHOICE.
yOU HAVE A RESPONSIBILITY TO YOURSELF TO CHOOSE WELL
She has better and more consistant values than anyone I've read in all of ATS and all the pundits are questioning her?
LOL, good one!
She told you what she thought of him. It sounds like she took her time and made a responsible choice and if she is to give herself to him and claim him as a posession in a right relationship I would venture to say they have a better chance that the 98% that just do not get it.
A real commitment in a monogomous relationship with the focus on marriage or making a marriage work is ALL ABOUT POSESSIVENESS. It's the way we are hardwired.

Anyways. good luck partygirl, you have a clear and sound head on your shoulders and I like that you are willing to at least sacrifice some small things to allow your new relationship to flower and grow. And boy howdy, ATS is a very small thing!!

yea...good luck with all that.

All about possessivness eh? hmm the second I feel "possessed" I bounce, so at least for me and my marriage its not.

Our marriage is successfull and were more in love with eachother today than when we got married.

Sorry to throw the wrench in your theory about "how it all works" when it comes to relationship but there is a lot you aren't considering in regards to "how it all works".

Possessiveness works for you and your partner apparently, awesome good for you glad you found someone to live your life with that agrees.

Partygirl;

From an anthropological standpoint he's doing exactly what he's been bred to do.

Early in a relationship both parties seek to establish boundaries that signify that you both exist within stating that you are his and he is yours. Any perceived breech of those boundaries is seen as a challenge to the "owner". In short he feels challenged for your affection by the time you spend on ATS. As you both grow more secure in the relationship this will subside and he will feel more comfortable.

The real question is that ATS is a forum that allows people to exist outside those norms of societal anthropology. By allowing him to pull you away you are taking a step back towards the slumber that is our society.

My challenge to you is instead of going back to sleep - why not wake him up.

I was looking at Partygirl's posting history and the threads she started.

I found some interesting information.

This was from her introduction

www.abovetopsecret.com...

Hi people, I've been reading this site on and off for a few years, but this is my first time to have the confidence to reg lol.

I'm interested in lots of things, I think I'm pretty hard to classify (or I'd like to think so anyway lol) but I try to be honest with my feelings and opinions. I'm going to have some political and religious views that bother a lot of people I think, but I will try not to be annoying about it. One thing I really respect about this board is how you all are so polite to each other and well mannered. I can't tell you how refreshing that is. I'll try to be worthy of it myself.

About me...lets see...I'm 22, female, American. I'm not in America right now, though. I'm in Japan. This is also a big part of the reason I decided to post here. I really find the Japan threads quite useful and informative and I'm hoping I might be able to contribute something as an on-the-ground witness to events so to speak.

The backstory on that is that I was an LDS (Mormon) missionary here. I'm not any longer. In fact, I have formally left the church after a series of events caused me to deeply question my faith. I still am trying to find my way forward with that whole kettle of fish. Let's just say the last few months have been earth-shattering for me: First spiritually and then in actual literal fact when the earthquake hit. The other Sister who was with me (we work in pairs) returned home but for reasons I'm not fully sure of I want to stay here. I think I am called upon to help the people here. Not as a missionary but as a human being with two hands and a heart. I want to go dig ditches, wrap bandages, hand out bottled water, whatever, for the refugees, with no thought for myself or for anything. I think it is Providence that first I left the chuch and then the quake happend. The events have made me not a religious person, which was my identity before, but simply a human being who wants to respond to people in pain.

I can't go up north yet for a bunch of different reasons and actually I'm not sure I might not ever be able to. For now I am staying in Tokyo and I'm doing what little I can, which isn't much because basically I'm broke lol but I've never been happier and never felt more like a real human.

Anyway, that's what I can bring to ATS.

What else...I have strong political opinions like I said about just about everything and everyplace lol so I will need to take my mind off Japan in those kinds of threads. I also like the speculative stuff, aliens, spirituality and philosophy, all that good stuff...bring it on but be gentle lol

This could possibly change the entire scenario. If the guy is Japanese. Completely different culture and belief system.


EDIT:
This girl changes her views almost as often as I changed my sox

www.abovetopsecret.com...

Hi. I'm in Japan, like some of you. But not for much longer.

If you want to read the backstory on who I am and what I am doing here you can read it here, not that it matters very much. I'm just a human being from America who happened to be here and I am still here.

Today's quake was what did me in. I thought we had come through all those aftershocks and then suddenly there was a huge quake this morning. It's never going to end, I thought. And then It's never going to end its never going to end itsnevergoingtoenditsnevergoingtoend.... And then I was crying for the whole morning.

I don't know how you people can stand it. I tried, I really did. I'm sorry, Japan. I'm sorry I couldn't do more for you. I feel sick about the whole thing.

I know there are other people on this board in Japan but I can'T remember any names or anything so if you are here could you post in this thread just so I know which members are? Or mabye somebody else could tell me.] Because I want these people to be told how brave they are. And I'm sorry I can't be one of you anymore.

my girl rolls her eyes at this site.. but doesn't stop me from doing it.... Setting boundaries though; thats what he's doing... and at least he's being polite about it, giving you an explanation instead of "hey dont go on there"

maybe spend less time on here when he's around...

or don;'t tell him anything about it at all....

just saying.

It's him or us! Pick your boyfriend or pale strangers who live in their parents' basement. Sounds like he is very controlling. I'd be careful if I were you

to all the people calling him controlling... I'm sure the ones who have had relationships here.. Probably understand this a bit more... But think about the guys perspective... and tell me the truth.... "I have never told my gf/bf to not do something based on how I felt about it"

hmmm... first off I think we need both sides to this story again..

Why would he think the site is creepy..?? What did you communicate to him about it?

That there were some strange people with very unchristian values??.. that perhaps you were stalked online with u2u's by some members??..and you found that creepy?

Be honest.. because I think there is more to this than what you have implied..and thats not fair to him.. or to us..

If you mentioned in your conversations.. how someone may have stalked you a bit on this site..and you found it creepy..as well as mentioned some of the very anti christian radicals here..what do you expect?

If he cares about you and his faith..I can totally understand his viewpoints of not seeing this as great place to hang out..

I would really like to get his side of the story..before I go calling him a control freak..because my guess is that things were communicated to him.. that made him decide this place was "creepy"..and we are not really getting the full true picture.

[color=mediumorchid]In my opinion, it's a little bit early for him to already be asking you to make changes.

If you just 'got together' this past weekend and he is already trying to make you change, you should run. Far and fast. And never look back.

This is how abusive relationships begin.

reply to post by daryllyn


true at this point everything you do should be cute

reply to post by DrNotforhire

"I have never told my gf/bf to not do something based on how I felt about it"

How did your girlfriend feel about you having a boyfriend also?

reply to post by Partygirl


figging slave! don't ya have your own mind! the day someone told me it was 'innapropriate to do whatever would be the day i siad goodbye. and no i don't like your flower avatar either!!!!

reply to post by MathiasAndrew

I just think we need a lot more details to really give her good advice. The way this thread is going is too one sided for such little information. Especially since we are only getting her side of the story.

Hadn't read your reply before I made mine above.. and I agree with your whole post..we need more info on the details..

That being said..party girl has said she was christian and wants a christian boyfriend...which is her business and her choice. But when making the choice to be with a christian who has strong values on issues, and how he views things..(which is probably why she likes him ) ..you need to understand that they will care about what you do online.

As far as the avatar goes.. I'm thinking the latest "burka" outfit over the original turned him off for some reason..and he found it to be a mockery to muslims or a condoning of muslim beliefs.