Well, I started going with a new guy and he wants me off of ATS

hey party girl,


how about you email me some of his details and lets see how dirty his laundry is within the digital world, i bet you every dollar and cent within the world that his habits are far more weird than what he claims yours are and as for creepy, yeah, its lemmings like them who end up paying thousands per day to creeps like us to do their digital dirty work.

but it is also refreshing to read comments like yours, being sincere and honest and listening to such requests, simply make sure its a two way deal as one hand washes the other and together they wash the face.

reply to post by Partygirl


No say it ain't so, your really leaving...

To tell the truth, I will miss you and your crazy posts, even the ones on your silly religious christian believes, but do as you want. To tell the truth I don't really know what avatar in question you boyfriend found inappropriate, or even that you have actually used your real name on this board somewhere. (which you have done before)

I am very worried!

It was only about a week ago PartyGirl posted this thread:

Is it possible to fall in love on the Internet?

There is something more to this!

And I agree with all the others who thought is was controlling.

I reckon PG has met this guy over the INTERNET ...

Originally posted by Partygirl
I met somebody new this summer but we didn't get together until this weekend. I like him a lot.

We share a lot of the same values and I have been very picky about men. This is the first BF I've had in 3 years ! I'm taking it slow but I'm happy.

One thing is, though, he thought my ATS habit was "creepy." He kept asking me "why do you spend so much time on that creepy board" and yesterday he asked me to stop posting here, because he doesnt "like the kind of people who hang out on those places." He also said my avatar was "inappropriate" and I shouldnt put my real name here (which I have done before).

Well I think its a little unreasonable but I like him a lot so I am going to try to comply with his wishes for a while. I told him he can't control what I read online, he doesn't have that right, but in the interests of compromise I will stop posting for a while. I thought about it and I think that's fair.

So I am going to take a little break for a while, ATS. You have been a lot of fun for me and i think a lot of you are my real friends. But I'm going to stop for a while and see how it goes. Later I might come back. If not, I want to thank you for a really interesting time. I learned a lot and I will miss you.

Partygirl,

Logging off and going dark for now.

It's always a good sign when you start dating someone and they immediately want to control and change you.

Good luck with that!

Cool! I'm a creep! Another entry into my big book of names for myself.

TBH though... If my other half asked me to do that her bum will scrap the kerb as quick as it takes to log on here! She did ask me once to give up football (soccer to the American folk) to which I replied "This came long before you hun". Have never heard another thing about it since.

I wish you Godspeed PG. Hope to see you back again... soon.

reply to post by Partygirl


Are you really that desperate for a boyfriend that you will allow him to control your thoughts etc, really, you are starting on a hiding to nothing. A realtionship is about supporting the other party in whatever it is they believe in, not shooting it down and saying oh that is creepie and weird.

You know yourself that you follow things outside of the norm, hence why you came here in the first place. You are different to the so called normal society out there, you have a brain and can think, you know what we are being told about the world and the reality that we live in is utter crap, why the hell would you allow someone to start telling you what you should and should not do, I take it that you are young and have not learned to value what you believe and follow?. This makes up what you are as a human being, do not let anyone try and change it, they should want you for whom you are, if someone is trying to change you already in the first few days,just let it go, you will see that what i am telling you is correct or on the other hand you will end up unhappy.

This kind of relationship only goes one way, it will not work unless you do everything the way he wants it done, and somehow i have higher hopes for you than that, hence why you are here.

OK lecture over.

If you dont come back, then so long you arenot who you thought you were.

lose the zero, and get yourself a Hero!!!!!

reply to post by cerebralassassins


I totally agree. Two things stick out in my mind about this.

#1 People are usually paranoid about what they are guilty of themselves. I.E. cheaters accuse you of cheating, thieves have great locks, and liars never believe a word anyone else says. He knows what HE has been doing on the internet, and automatically assumes you do it too.

#2 Since you JUST now got together this weekend, and he is already asking for changes in your personal life. He has oversteped a boundary he has no right to yet, and you failed to enforce that boundary. BF 1 - PG 0. Good boundaries make for good relationships, and this is already starting off on the wrong foot. Yes control freaks start small.

The proper response should have been, and still can be. "Hey John(or whatever), my personal time is just that, personal. I really don't feel comfortable with you making judgements about my choices, or inferring that you have any authority at this point to ask me to do this. I really like you, but I ask you respect my boundaries."

This would be a AWESOME test to his character if he has a problem with it you need to run. Run now, run fast, and run far. If he says "OK, I was just concerned because..... but, I will respect your boundaries." He may just be a keeper. If he can't respect your boundaries you don't have a chance.

reply to post by Partygirl


I agree with him; your avatar was inappropriate. It appeared to be, as far as I could tell, a screaming indication that you are a conceited attention addict who is more than a little stuck on herself. It was tacky. If you want the guy you're with to ever respect you, then get over yourself.

Partygirl, You will be missed by many on ATS im sad to hear your leaveing my fear for you is this man maybe controlling you and this is just the start ..The next thing will be he wont you on the net and asking you to get rid of your computers ive seen this go on before with a few other people its just plain pure control...Please tread carefully with this man and if you see any red flags please get out of this relationship...But if this is what you want ..good luck ! Peace,sugarcookie1

If your on ats alot, understandable on his side, sorta, problem im having is, you just got together and he is already trying to change you. And to add what is wrong with open minded people, your choice with him but think this out deep. He is already changing you.

This sounds very similar to the beginning of a relationship that I was in at your age, that ended up in broken facial bones. I have learned since then, to watch for the red flags so that I never end up there again. I clearly see red flags here.

Unfortunately I don't think any thing we say will make a difference. People warned me over and over, yet I defended him. These type of men have a way messing with your mind so that, if you let them, you can't see things clearly. Your whole mentality changes. People often ask why women in abusive relationships don't leave. The truth is, your mind works in a different way while you are in the relationship than when you aren't. It truly alters the way you think. A form of brainwashing or hypnotism I suppose. It happens early on.
As much as I would love to believe that what everyone has said will get through to her, I fear that it won't. I only hope I am wrong.

While difficult, I have tried to take a Zen like approach when it comes to these matters. Emotions can cause a lot of trouble.


Zen proverb: "If you want to control your sheep, give them a wide pasture."

The "control" you get from respect and trust is far more rewarding than
that gotten through jealous domination and violent paranoia.

My missus is always complaining about how much time I spend on here.. "your like an addict"..... "your always on that website" blah blah blah...

I just tell her to do one...

Besides I don't criticise her when she is on facebook checking how many times her friends had a crap today...

The replies and responses to the OP are all extremely predictable, and I'm sure she knew when she made the thread that these are exactly the types of reactions she would get. It was extremely disrespectful in the first place for the OP to make all of this public; it's a matter to be discussed and/or handled in her private life. She is obviously very immature.

If the OP's new love interest is observing this thread for reactions, then take some good advice, pal: RUN. Run far; run fast; run like the wind; run as if your very crotch is on fire and the only way to douse the flames is to dissolve whatever it is that you're developing with the OP. Even a blind man could see the chaos and drama in store for you.

Definitely agreeing with the members shouting "possessive!" If he makes you happy then there's no way you'll be convinced but it starts with something minuscule, then grows. I dare say it won't stop here.

reply to post by Partygirl


bro's ....no....ATS'ers before hoes....

he's just a bf no ATs for You...no creepy porn for him

reply to post by Partygirl


No, sweetheart, a compromise is that you spend less time on here (which is reasonable), not get off of here completely. Regardless, do yourself a favor: if he acts like this on any more issues, dump him. Having a man is not worth giving up yourself.

I think your new guy isn't being totally honest with you. I have a feeling it has nothing to do with this website. I think he just wants more attention from you. One test would be to still spend the same amount of time reading on some other website.

You will probably find out quickly that what he is really asking you to do is spend more time doing what he wants to do. This can be considered controlling but if kept to a minimum it is probably pretty normal. When people begin a new relationship they want to spend time with each other. It is a sign that he does in fact really like you too. It all depends on the degree a person will allow themselves to compromise.

It can be a warning sign though. If you do not seek the same attention from him that he is seeking from you. He might start asking you to stop hanging out with your friends from other places. He might ask you to stop spending so much time on other hobbies. Is he willing to compromise also? Will he give up doing something he enjoys for you because you think it's "creepy"?

I don't recommend testing him in secret but I would recommend you be honest with him and ask him if it is really about ATS or is it more about the time you spend online away from him. Find out if he has hobbies that he thinks are more important than spending time with you. Does he watch sports and ignore you? Does he want to out with his friends without you there?

That's how you can determine just how controlling he is. If he is willing to compromise and sacrifice his time with friends and postpone hobbies he enjoys to be with you then all is well as long as neither of you become too needy or obsessed with each other. Talk to him about the issues and make sure he's not a hypocrite. If he won't give up his "creepy" habits then why should you?