Well, I started going with a new guy and he wants me off of ATS

Hi there..I don't know if you will be back to read this or not, But I have a question before you go.

Is it really about ATS or is it about the time you spend hangin out here? Does he resent or is he jealous of you having someplace to spend your time other than with him?

Please take some time to really analyze your relationship with him, you are entitled to have your own space and your time with friends..you are not a child..you are not married to him..you pay your own bills right?

Does he have some insecurity issues? Does he allow you to hang out with your family and/or friends in real life?
I know you want to compromise with his wishes, I can respect that..I'm just curious how many other demands or compromises he requires. Take your time..I know real life relationships are more important than virtual ones..just take your time and evaluate him..try and be honest with yourself..maybe see what your mom thinks of him.

We will miss you Cheers Coco

reply to post by Partygirl
Yes...I was just going to say that I also thought it was creepy that you posted so much thought-provoking content...

I hope it works out! I'd just like to add, you be you, and don't let anyone limit you - either here on ATS or there on your end. Do what makes you what is best in yourself, and be blessed.

I had a boyfriend that was like that, it started with my second life account. Second life is a massive online virtual world where you can do just about anything... there's some sketchy areas but all I did on there was combat roleplay, sort of like any other role playing game you would get on the playstation.. anyway he started picking apart my profile "why does your avatar look so trashy" "why do you have this guy friend on there" etc etc it moved on to "i don't want you on there anymore" so I quit..

Then it turned into "why do YOU look so trashy" and "why do you wear this it makes men attracted to you" "why do you hang out with so-and-so i see the way he looks at you"

constant jealousy and attempts to control me, accusations of infidelity. I stayed in this relationship for a year and it was starting to get dangerous, arguments over his jealousy turning into loud fights and physical altercations. I had battered woman syndrome and was almost completely estranged from everyone I knew in the end.

Do be careful partygirl I'm used to seeing you post and hope to see you back someday.

ETA: BTW I thought your previous avatar was not inappropriate or offensive in any way

Originally posted by AllUrChips

Dont worry, we will see her soon. Even if it works out this site has a hold on its user far stronger than any drug, she will be back

That's very true. I can't wait to see what crazy theories there are each time I log on here!

Ahhh skunkworks forum....

If he found her avatar inappropriate, he's gotta be hardcore christian. Or the jealous type.
If it's the avatar I remember, there was absolutely nothing inappropriate about it.

Again, I hope it works out ok.

So your breaking up with us?
We'll dont expect us to give you flag-jobs anymore when you return cause it didnt work out. If you leave, then thats it....

Originally posted by BoneMosaic
If he found her avatar inappropriate, he's gotta be hardcore christian.

I'm guessing this. She is a bit of a religious nut herself and I rememeber she wrote something once about growing up on some kind of Christian commune.

Thanks again, religion, for taking a great mind and warping it. :down: She was an excellent writer and I'll miss her contributions.

run while you can..
if he is already starting to make 'demands' on what you can / cannot do its a bad start to a relationship that will only get worse as he will demand more and more till your not allowed to do anything.

In a relationship both are equal and do not make demands or try to control ..

good luck in your decision.. tbh think you can find a much better guy dont settle on someone who doesnt see or treat you as an equal.

reply to post by Partygirl


i understand the importance of a relationship. just to note i am a guy . so here is the thing you shouldn't have to change anything about who you are. you should be the same person all the time. you are being changed and your ME time/hobby is getting taken....

the only change you should do is stop flirting and trying to land a new person when in a relationship... cause a relationship is about a respect and understanding between 2 people.....

yeah real creepy people here LOL..... creepy is not being brain washed lol

reply to post by Partygirl


Ouch, that stings. In essence, he is calling you creepy. That doesn't sound like a great start to me. And to change your avatar for him too? Sounds like trouble to me, just saying. Be careful, have fun, but know we are still here, you know, being creepy and real.....

Aw that sucks to hear , put knowledge down for a little temporary lust . Perhaps he just wants you to become down to his lower primitive level of intelligence

Tell him his ignorance and stopping you from learning is the creepy part , then call him a dis info agent
Its all good . I give it a month or less lol . See you when you come back ! Have fun !


It should be like this !!! lol

Your new boy toy sounds like a tool.

2nd line.

Doesn't sound good to me. If you really like him but he's already making demands on how you behave, then he's just playing you. Later, he'll be telling you what places you're allowed to go and who you're allowed to hang out with. Then will come the accusations of cheating when he'll be the one that is cheating on you. All designed to keep you off balance and defensive.

I'm saying this because I've been through it more than once.

Tell him to pack his bags and hit the road. You'll thank yourself for it in the long run.

How come cavemen who tell girls what they can and can't read like the freaking Taliban end up with beautiful and smart young women, while nice guys like me never ever catch a break? Don't tell me, I don't want to know...but either way its depressing as hell.

Originally posted by Never Despise
How come cavemen who tell girls what they can and can't read like the freaking Taliban end up with beautiful and smart young women, while nice guys like me never ever catch a break? Don't tell me, I don't want to know...but either way its depressing as hell.

Oh I can answer that.. it's like a trap, these abusive guys will start out like the nicest guys in the world. The boyfriend I mentioned in my previous post treated me like gold for the first month or two we were together, it was the most loving, understanding relationship I had been in.. and when the verbal abuse started I thought it was just acting in anger over one fight.. people say things they don't mean, right?

So many women like myself have fallen victim to that kind of crap. It's sad and makes nice guys look bad. Nowadays it's hard for me to trust anyone no matter how nice they are.

whoa!

Not much in to the control thing. More like, just let things flow.
To each their own.

reply to post by Partygirl


boooo...

I'd tell him to step off...

If he can't deal with what you enjoy... he can't deal with you

Hate to lose your input Partygirl, but I wish you the best. I hope this is the guy you've been looking for your whole life, though I kinda doubt it. I understand compromise. But was this a compromise? Or a one-sided request.

Take care.

Doesn't "like the kind of people who hang out on those places...because we are creepy?

I take offense at his prejudice against creepy people. And some of us can hardly be classified as creepy, I would go so far as to say some here are only a tiny bit weird.

Besides you hang out here, so if he doesn't like people that hang out here, by his own logic he doesn't like you.

PG, I hope I'm wrong but this guy doesn't sound like he's for you. One thing I'm sure of is that you are one smart cookie, and if this guy was a total loser, you wouldn't be interested in him. I'm sure he has all kinds of good qualities, good genes, and good looks; but his insistence that you not post on a favorite internet board is juuuuust a bit too controlling. Usually those kind of demands don't begin until later.

My concern is that demanding someone change starts small like this, but before you know it everything you do in life is to please him and you've lost all sense of who you are. Plus, why should he even care what you do when you aren't with him; and what gives him the right to tell you what to do with that time? You yourself said you just started seeing each other.

My wife and I have been together for 24 years sweetie. One of the things I love the most about her is that she lets me do what I want to do, and never gives me any grief over it. If I want to go fishing, I fish; If I want to hunt, I hunt; if go over to a friend's house and get too hammered to drive (extremely rare, but it has happened) I call her so she won't worry and then I'm couch-bound for the rest of the night. With as little as 15 minutes notice, I have grabbed my gear and gone out the door with my friends for a weekend camping trip, with a "Have fun and bring some hamburger home OK?" as the only response.

The point is, she loves me because I am who I am. She has never tried to change me, make demands of me, or give me grief if I want to go out and do my own thing. In exchange, I have returned the favor; and more. Even though she never asked, I have changed in some ways because I knew it would please her. I think that is the key to a long-lasting relationship; doing things that will please your partner, even if it is something you might not like to do, or stopping something you would like to continue doing. You make this change not because your partner asks, or demands it, but because you know that it will make them happy. That, my dear, is love.

Getting back to you though, as I said I think you have a pretty good head on your shoulders. I hope you use it now, and don't let your infatuation with this guy change your life in ways far more drastic than leaving ATS. We, I, will miss you, and I hope you come back soon. You add a lot to our discussions, and that input will be sorely missed.

i would just like to be the first person here to say...i am not weird.