reply to post by timidgal
You definitely should get professional advice! I am no longer in "the business", and this is just a website for sharing ideas. You have to figure
out a way to deal with it, certainly, before it gets any worse. You love your son, but let's face it, adult children living at home gets exhausting.
The fact that you can see how easily this could all be resolved, but your son refuses to see it and will argue until the end of time with you, has
got to create feelings of irritation and resentment. You're not bad parents for feeling this way. It is normal to get frustrated with Aspies who
dig their heels in and shut their minds to any possibilities they didn't think of.
People that have children who are mentally retarded understand that the chances are small that, when their child grows up, they will be able to live
independently with no help. That is the dark side of Asperger's and high-functioning autism: There are some that will never be able to live
independently. They certainly seem smart enough, so it is frustrating for families to see a child turn into an adult physically and mentally
(mostly), but not emotionally.
Assisted living is a good choice, but a smart Aspie would rebel against such a stigma. I knew one young man who's family abandoned him, and he was
living in Section 8 housing and going to school at the local university. However, he had a case worker through MHMR because he had trouble making
sure he had enough money each month, and he almost lost his housing because the inside of his little apartment was so filthy, bug-ridden and nasty
that they threatened to evict him.
He refused to let any strangers into his house to clean it, even though he knew on an intellectual level that he would be thrown into the street. His
caseworker, a definite angel, got him to let her into his place, and it took her two work days to scrub away a year of neglect and refusal to
Some Aspies cling to habits and fantasies even when reality is biting them on the backside.
If you can't afford to support your son while he lives somewhere other than home, you have to make him understand it. Every Aspie is different. How
you get him to understand it is something I can't tell you. Here is where a professional can help you, because, believe me, you are far from the
only family who is dealing with this issue.
Best of luck to you. I hope it all works out!