Some excerpts from the Quarterly Review of Doublespeak
A reader reports that when the patient died, the attending doctor recorded the following on the patient's chart: "Patient failed to fulfill his
Another doctor reports that in a recent issue of the American Journal of Family Practice
fleas were called "hematophagous arthropod
A reader reports that the U.S. Army calls them "vertically deployed anti-personnel devices." You probably call them bombs.
At McClellan Air Force base in Sacramento, California, civilian mechanics were placed on "non-duty, non-pay status." That is, they were fired.
A personal ad from an unidentified newspaper announces that a "formerly single man" seeks a single or married woman.
The description on the package of Stouffer's Veal Tortellini with Tomato Sauce says it contains "exquisite egg pasta." The list of ingredients,
however, includes "cooked noodle product."
In St. Louis, Missouri, there is an oriental rug store that advertizes "semi-antique" rugs.
The Minnesota Board of Education voted to consider requiring all students to do some "volunteer work" as a prerequisite to high school
Senator Orrin Hatch (R, Utah) said that "capital punishment is our society's recognition of the sanctity of human life."
Scott L. Pickard, spokesperson for the Massachusetts Department of Public Works, calls them "ground-mounted confirmatory route markers." You
probably call them road signs, but then you don't work in a government agency.
It's not "elderly" or "senior citizens" anymore. Now it's "chronologically experienced citizens."
According to the FAA, the propeller blade didn't break off, it was just a case of "uncontained blade liberation."
The U.S. Department of Agriculture describes junk food as "low nutrient-per-calorie-density foods."
One of the window-cleaning companies located in a suburb in South Africa advertises itself as "Transparent-Wall Maintenance Engineers."
Rolls-Royce never admits that its cars break down. They simply "fail to proceed."
At a meeting of a local school board, someone questioned a treasurer's-report expenditure for "reinforcers for behavior modification." A simple
explanation was provided: "Lollipops."