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Panic/Anxiety ..What is wrong with me? (Venting out here im sorry!)

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posted on Dec, 1 2011 @ 07:47 AM
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It's been nearly 2 years i have been carrying this "thing" around with me, it's been to long and i really don't like it.. started off really weird actually, when i was getting my passport photo taken, a sudden urge of terror, fear and dread struck me, the feeling is unexplainable, very dreadful and horrible.

After that day i started to worry about it and think it might happen again, which lead to minor depression ( i was 20 at the time) so i kept telling myself it doesn't exist, it's all in your head! after a couple of months of trying to forget about it, the feeling comes back but with a huge rush.. i have no idea what triggered it.. just happened out of no where and this was at night too. This led me to not going out at nights, just the thought of it happening again wasn't great, so i avoided everything to do with "night time" like going out with mates an stuff when ever it gets dark the panic/anxiety feeling will come slowly.

suffering from that for 3 months and closing myself up indoors, i finally told my self i had enough, not going to let this take over my life.. So i started drinking with mates an slowly gained confidence on going out at nights.. which worked out a bit.. all was fine for a time, getting less panic/anxiety and i wasn't really thinking about it to much, but i knew it was still there deep down in me, i just couldn't let it go for some reason!

So a month after that i was out with friends, my mates mate which i know but not so great decided to go clubbing, so we all went an drank an stuff and he pulls out a pill (mdma) .. and started handing it out to the group i was with, i hesitated ( im not a drug user at all) they told me you know it will be fun and all that just try it, so me being so stupid i decided to take one, so i did and the pills kicking in hard, im enjoying myself talking to people i wouldn't talk usually because of my condition basically it gave me a high super confidence boost which was great and stupid at the same time, were in the club an they tell me how do you feel, i told them i was fine but i feel normal, they gave me a 2nd one, i asked why? he replied, " trust me it will hit you twice as hard" me being drunk at the time an just recently taken a pill, took this one! now this is the really scary part..

With all the loud music and people all over the place, my mind started to drift into a state of emptiness, it was a really weird feeling, i started to think so deep, trying to figure out what this feeling was, i was trying to capture it because i was curious.. by doing so this led me to a feeling i have never had in my entire life i really cant find the word for it but if you put terror with dread and combine that with the devil looking at you an the trembling feeling, this one was hell of a feeling i had, i started looking around it felt like everyone was looking at me, it was so scary, i felt really uncomfortable i just had to get out of there.. Now i know how a panic attack feels, this was beyond that, my brain started tingling and i couldn't see straight, everything was going far away and then close, i can feel something in my brain, it felt like it was going to pop or something.

After that day i had chronic depression, it was so bad.. after waiting 1 month with all these feelings including the panic still being there, i ended up going to the doctors, i was having a panic attack while waiting.. aswell, so the the Dr calls me in i explain to him what i am feeling.. it just took 2 minutes an he told me i needed Lexapro (worst $#^#$@ thing ever) so i took that for 3 days, and stopped it juts made things so much worse!

I went to a Psychologist, did 2 sessions and he made it worse for me to.. i don't know why, just the things he was saying ( panic can come at this time, when you doing this, and when you feel like that) made matters worse so i never went back. I went to the Doctors again and they prescribed me Prozac, i only took this pill 2 times and stop, because it was just making it worse like Lexapro.. till then and now i am on nothing and feel what i felt when i was in the club, i posted this just to vent out a bit and get some ideas off you guys.. What is wrong with me in your opinion? and what can i do to fix this?

It is ruining my life, i hate it so much! what do i need to do?

Thank you for reading.




posted on Dec, 1 2011 @ 07:55 AM
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[color=mediumorchid]I suffer from anxiety as well. I always notice that it gets worse when I am stressed out.

You might ask your doc for Buspar. Its taken twice a day as needed and it calms you down without making you feel weird. I haven't taken it in quite a while but when I was having a really rough time several months ago, it really helped. It's also only 4 bucks a month.

edit on 1-12-2011 by daryllyn because: (no reason given)



posted on Dec, 1 2011 @ 08:00 AM
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Originally posted by daryllyn
[color=mediumorchid]I suffer from anxiety as well. I always notice that it gets worse when I am stressed out.

You might ask your doc for Buspar. Its taken twice a day as needed and it calms you down without making you feel weird. I haven't taken it in quite a while but when I was having a really rough time several months ago, it really helped. It's also only 4 bucks a month.

edit on 1-12-2011 by daryllyn because: (no reason given)


I'll look into that, thanks for the reply.



posted on Dec, 1 2011 @ 08:02 AM
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I'm so sorry you are going through this as I've been there myself and it is a terrible thing.
I really don't know how I overcame it to be perfectly honest.
I just wanted to let you know that you are stronger than this and you can come out the other side and be happy, I promise.
It won't feel like that right now but there is a light at the end of the tunnel. To keep it at bay I ignore the beginnings of a panic attack, get busy or go for a walk where there are lots of people. Being around people helped me alot during that time.
Personally, I'd stay away from any medication and try to fight this with your heart and your soul. Saying that, don't put off asking for help if you feel you need it as it may escalate. It's a tricky one.
I hope that helps a little.

Good luck.



posted on Dec, 1 2011 @ 08:04 AM
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reply to post by Bex33
 


Thank you so much for that, it helps knowing that there is something at the end of the tunnel, just need to reach it!



posted on Dec, 1 2011 @ 08:13 AM
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OH how I know anxiety, I know how you feel, I suffer from it too, just know you will be ok, its all your mind, mine is a wee bit different, I have had OCD all my life, the counting one, the one where if I don't do something 4 times in a row I cant function, it was worse as a kid and now has turned into different forms, I was raised with a loving family but dysfunctional parents who fought all the time, so Im assuming I created this OCD as a coping mechanism, but went thru a lot in my life that has manifested my anxiety to all different things, I get scared Im dying, going blind, I always think I have different ailments, I drive my husband insane asking if Im ok, its terrible, and they put me on lexepro once, and like you with in a few days i stopped it, I was a zombie, no emotion, feelings, no sadness, depression neither happiness or ANYTHING, I FELT NOTHING, so I quit that junk. Zoloft worked well though.

Your anxiety is very similar to my brother's, he suffered for an entire month straight with the same thing you are saying, though he didnt take anything like pills you did that night with your friends, I think your underlying anxiety was triggered when you took the pill and being already scared of another attack the pill and the fear brought the attack on at that club with your friends.

this runs in my family as well my father was diagnosed with anxiety disorder and I think childhood and underlying causes such as problems at home can cause anxiety.

Also I wanted to add, fear helps bring it on more, if you try to realize that its only that, fear and tell yourself that it will stop, its hard to explain, like mind over matter, you will eventually feel this come on and think WTF go away and you will see that it does, it will fade like you just defeated it lol, Im sorry I am a better talker then typer so it may come out odd.

Just know that help is out there, and you will be ok, its something that can be helped.
edit on 1-12-2011 by hapablab because: (no reason given)



posted on Dec, 1 2011 @ 08:15 AM
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Don't take prescription meds they will * you up.

Smoke Tijuana tobacco instead.

If you know what I means.



posted on Dec, 1 2011 @ 08:17 AM
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reply to post by Zatox
 


I think fearing the next panic attack probably brings it on so it's a bit of a vicious circle.
Don't let it control you, you control it. Have confidence, be strong, face it head on!

Honestly, I thought I would be like that for the rest of my life. Every time I had one I'd be at the hospital demanding heart scans and the like! I was sure I was dying.

Tell it where to go. Your young, life is fun. Get out there!
Easy to say, I know. It's hard to see anything outside of yourself because everyday is a battle and takes all of your energy to get through.

Bit by bit you will get there, you deserve to :-)



posted on Dec, 1 2011 @ 08:19 AM
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Originally posted by metaldemon2000
Don't take prescription meds they will * you up.

Smoke Tijuana tobacco instead.

If you know what I means.


I agree with your first line, but the second, I'm not so sure! That damn stuff is what sparked my attacks off.



posted on Dec, 1 2011 @ 08:23 AM
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reply to post by Bex33
 


It has different effects for everyone. For me it calms the demon that resides within me. I can get intensely angry and adrenaline rushes. Its been a problem my whole life since childhood. For me it actually reverses the effect and makes me calm and manageable.



posted on Dec, 1 2011 @ 08:26 AM
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reply to post by Zatox
 


Hey, sorry to hear about your suffering through these panic attacks. I have been there. In the '80s when I was married to my ex with 2 young boys she started having them (brought on by fear of AIDS from the early TV ads back then) and thought she was going to die. I at first just kind of laughed it off, but after 2 weeks the same thing started happening to me. I was having such bad panic attacks that I couldn't go to work and function or spend any meaningful time with my kids. The fear of having another panic attack would bring another one on in increasing waves.

We went to the doctor and he laughed about the AIDS fear showing us pics of peoples gentitals who had it and saying stuff like "does yours look like this?" and made us feel somewhat better, but the only thing that really helped was him prescribing mild tranquilizers. They took the edge off the fear and made it possible to function day to day until the condition passed. And it does pass eventually. It's been 25 years for me and I haven't had a problem since. I think I only had to take the tranquilizers for a matter of months and then all was ok. It's funny also that the doctor said that panic attacks are contagious somehow in that people who are very intimate can pass it along. Mysterious really.

I'd also like to mention that that was not my first bout with panic in my life. The first was while partying with friends in the '70s and taking large doses of things that I can't really talk about here. Let's say I was hanging out with Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds a lot back then along with other various substances.

Well, one night in a split second, my life was forever altered and the greatest mind ripping terror overtook me and basically turned me inside out. I was 18 at the time and it actually did alter me in a permanent way. It is as if my mind was re-wired or something. It's been almost 35 years and it's still with me. I know because every time I have tried to partake in a certain herbal therapy the nightmare comes back in full force. I guess it's due to associative memory or something, I really don't know. I just know that when the thing happened to me that fateful night a voice in my head was telling me "doomed, your doomed" and stuff like that. Everything appeared to change from light to dark, like a photographic negative. Where before I was just floating through life with no cares I was suddenly existing only in this dark world where I no longer could experience the simple joy of just being. I've learned to cope, but still I am not like I was before, I just don't remember how that really was since I have spent far more than half my life in the present state.

Sorry to ramble on, just ranting myself I guess. It's easy to do when you're anonymous.



posted on Dec, 1 2011 @ 08:27 AM
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Having been through a similar experience you have my sympathy .

Thankfully I've not had any attacks for a number of years now .

Anti-depressants made me worse and I binned them after a week .

Hypnotherapy brought on an attack on my second appointment so I gave that up as well .

As other posters have said , I'm not sure how or when I got over it . I sort of got used to the attacks and they became less powerful and less frequent to the point that I woke up one day and realised I'd not had one for years .

For me , the embarassemnt of having one in company or in public served to make them worse .

I quickly learnt that you need not be embarased and that the sensation would eventually pass . This , I believe made for a full recovery .

I would suggest trying to remember that the attacks are only temporary and not life threatening . After all , its free , involves no medication and having spoken to others who have experienced them , it does work but needs a little practice .

Whatever method you choose , I wish you well .



posted on Dec, 1 2011 @ 08:28 AM
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reply to post by Zatox
 


You need a clinical psychologist, someone who specializes in anxiety and phobias, who is NOT going to hand out medication and gets to the root of the problem. It will take time, maybe 18-24 sessions depending on what the issues are.

Any doctor that just hands out medication is wrong on so many levels. They just want you hooked on the meds for his commission with big pharma. Tell them to go to hell.
edit on 1-12-2011 by bluemirage5 because: (no reason given)



posted on Dec, 1 2011 @ 08:32 AM
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Originally posted by Bex33
reply to post by Zatox
 


I think fearing the next panic attack probably brings it on so it's a bit of a vicious circle.
Don't let it control you, you control it. Have confidence, be strong, face it head on!

Honestly, I thought I would be like that for the rest of my life. Every time I had one I'd be at the hospital demanding heart scans and the like! I was sure I was dying.

Tell it where to go. Your young, life is fun. Get out there!
Easy to say, I know. It's hard to see anything outside of yourself because everyday is a battle and takes all of your energy to get through.

Bit by bit you will get there, you deserve to :-)


exactly, I couldn't of said this any better.

Also wanted to add that my brother when suffering with that anxiety was in the er twice that month and went to a psychiatrist too because it scared him, he dropped about 15 pounds and was a nervous wreck, he was prescribed pills too but refused to take them, he was determined to beat it on his own, and he did, he overcame it, it still is lingering around but the initial overwhelming feelings are gone, and he did it just by what Bex here is saying, thats exactly how he beat it and when it comes back he does the same thing. so again, it will be ok.

and no more drugs, unless giving by a doctor if you have to take them.



posted on Dec, 1 2011 @ 08:35 AM
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Ive had heavy depresion, and was stuck in a very negative downwards spiral and have mild anxeity which also usually creeps over me during the night.

Then i had a close to simillar experience to you, i Tried weed.
However weed has helped me beyond words, it forced my mind into a positive mindset, which i have extended naturally (i had forgotten what it felt like to be genuenly happy) into my sober life.

I still smoke a Joint or 2 a day after work, helpes me relax without a million and one worries racing throught my head, while it also helps me get some sleep (i have had back surgery, so sleeping is an issue for me).

I would try and self medicate with some weed, start out small though, and test it, see how your body reacts.



posted on Dec, 1 2011 @ 08:36 AM
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Like you, years ago I started becoming really anxious and even had panic attacks. In had non idea what it was. Now I know it was a pornography addiction. I don't know that this is the case with you. But it's something to look at. If you look at pornography regularly, see how long you can go without it. If you can go a few weeks or month without a problem, then that's probably not the source of your anxiety.



posted on Dec, 1 2011 @ 09:38 AM
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The trick is to find the right medicine at the right dose. Everyone is different. It is all trial and error, but worth it in the end. Don't give up!



posted on Dec, 1 2011 @ 03:26 PM
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Oh your poor thing!
You sound like me over 20 years ago.
I too stupidly popped pills aged 14. Also,same they weren't working, so doubled the dose.....
Had the worst trip of my life,(lasted 3 days), & started me on a lifelong battle of anxiety/panic attacks.
I would have small periods of well-being, but the pisser always seemed to come back!
I know too well the mental/physical exhaustion this disorder brings, those bloody attacks (was having them 4-5 times a day,I had no safe haven at that time having run out of things/places to avoid!), left me weak from the attacks & in a state of high tension from anticipating the next.
I felt like an empty shell, my personality totally shattered.

Thats NOT to say you will suffer that too.
You are in a much better position, you have insight into your disorder (Hell, I thought I was possessed,lol!) Crappy doctors in my day didn't even diagnosis me-just sent me away with Valium. By that time I was phobic to take anything that looked like a pill!

A very friggin long story short, the best advice I can give you is to find books written by Dr Claire Weekes.
Link
She spent her life working with people with anxiety disorders & who had suffered breakdowns.
I suffered 15 years before I found her material (Tried everything in that time).
Reading her books was to me, like an angel walking me through recovery, understanding when no-one else did,
all while showing a kindness ,compassion & reassurance which I desperately needed at the time.
I can't recommend it enough.
Heres some on I found on ebay-

Claire weekes books ebay

With the right help you can definitely beat this thing. I only wish I had the right help at the beginning. By the time I found it, it was a deeply entrenched habit that took much work & persistence to dismantle.

If you ever need to talk or get reassurance, I'm only an inbox away.
Stay strong.
Peace & love to you.




posted on Dec, 1 2011 @ 03:30 PM
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reply to post by Zatox
 


meditation can cure anxiety...

Learn it, practice it...

All answers lie within your own being...

Be love




posted on Dec, 1 2011 @ 05:48 PM
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reply to post by jewells
 


Your post made me feel much better, knowing there is a cure, i need to get it done myself, it's really tough but it's a mission i must take! Thank you.



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