Dear Americans: A lesson in proper English.

Let's not forget that the United States is a "melting pot." Meaning we have people who speak all sorts of languages here, so it was only a matter of time before a lot of the language mixed in creating a new and wonderful one.

I believe before long, as the world becomes more crowded, and people mix more and more that eventually our languages will become one.

Personally, I can see it happening already. When the time comes, it won't be this country or that country created it, because by then, countries won't be divided. As long as the people are divided, languages are divided, but just look at the world now. People from here. living over there. People from there, living here. It's amazing to me. Slowly the languages are mixing, only separation by our brainwashed minds/politics are keeping us all from being able to communicate easily with one language. Who knows, by then we might all be talking in math formulas; what many believe to be the universal language! I could even see it being as simple as by using facial expressions alone.

Originally posted by mr-lizard
Besides the odd moronic 'we saved your 'asses' in WWII' comments which is quite frankly crap, I think this thread is a good way of having banter.

Great fun-- I just looked back and saw I came in after the ugly stuff.

But about that WWII thing. Born and raised Texan-- 51 years. As a kid, the story (and movie) of your Battle of Britain was like our Alamo-- all heroism and valor. We thought the Brits were the best-- and it seems to me that we were right. On the rare occasion that I have heard that "we saved the Brits' tail in the war," the person has been corrected immediately.

That idea of "you could not have survived without us" is not in our literature, it is not in our movies, it is not part of our culture, and it is not in the history-- at all. I don't know where it comes from, but it is certainly not prevalent.

We are as fond of the Aussies and Kiwis, too; not to mention great neighbors to the north (Canada... not so much Oklahoma).

Hmm. looking through the posts I have to ask. why is it the brits can have a free for all but try to lay restraints on the comebacks? Is there some form of none comical British humour I'm not getting? Because it come across as "we Brits can have a joke on you but you're not to have one back".

It is funny that the land where the launguage comes from seems to destroy the language.

It is funny when they have a go at other aspects of other nations because correct pronunciation of the language isn't Englands stong point so they need to find something else to joke about with the other nations.

It is funny when those other nations repond in kind.

It isn't funny when the Brits get upset that the other nations have reponded in kind.

So I'm just wondering if I'm missing that humour or if hypocrisy is in itself humour in England or if it's only humour if it's dished out but not seen to be humour if it comes back.

Is there a cultural aspect to the out but not in humour?

Most interesting.

Does this mean that Benny Hill would have been offended if the little guy had of tapped him on the head or one of the girls had of touched his backside

Originally posted by Frira

Originally posted by mr-lizard
Besides the odd moronic 'we saved your 'asses' in WWII' comments which is quite frankly crap, I think this thread is a good way of having banter.

Great fun-- I just looked back and saw I came in after the ugly stuff.

But about that WWII thing. Born and raised Texan-- 51 years. As a kid, the story (and movie) of your Battle of Britain was like our Alamo-- all heroism and valor. We thought the Brits were the best-- and it seems to me that we were right. On the rare occasion that I have heard that "we saved the Brits' tail in the war," the person has been corrected immediately.

That idea of "you could not have survived without us" is not in our literature, it is not in our movies, it is not part of our culture, and it is not in the history-- at all. I don't know where it comes from, but it is certainly not prevalent.

We are as fond of the Aussies and Kiwis, too; not to mention great neighbors to the north (Canada... not so much Oklahoma).

Thankyou - This is why it offends us, as it's simply not true. Genuinely refreshing to hear an American say this - you've made my day

Originally posted by steveknows
Hmm. looking through the posts I have to ask. why is it the brits can have a free for all but try to lay restraints on the comebacks? Is there some form of none comical British humour I'm not getting? Because it come across as "we Brits can have a joke on you but you're not to have one back".

It is funny that the land where the launguage comes from seems to destroy the language.

It is funny when they have a go at other aspects of other nations because correct pronunciation of the language isn't Englands stong point so they need to find something else to joke about with the other nations.

It is funny when those other nations repond in kind.

It isn't funny when the Brits get upset that the other nations have reponded in kind.

So I'm just wondering if I'm missing that humour or if hypocrisy is in itself humour in England or if it's only humour if it's dished out but not seen to be humour if it comes back.

Is there a cultural aspect to the out but not in humour?

Most interesting.

Does this mean that Benny Hill would have been offended if the little guy had of tapped him on the head or one of the girls had of touched his backside

edit on 26-11-2011 by steveknows because: Typo

Humour in England that outrageous sense of humor works only if full-scale censorship is in place with the knowing that they are better than you. That is what I am being led to believe apparently. That's how it worked in the days of America's revolution, and liked Yanks as long as we were censored (no freedom of the press, couldn't write bad things about them). Cowardice replaces the Chivalry of old times. Maybe Chivalry there that never really existed.

Savage (Michael Wiener) has been banned in England. I am not a huge fan, but when a so-called developed First world nation puts up a list of banned people and these people don't include their own King and Queen, who are the the largest trolls the world has ever known. There's a big problem over there, bigger than obesity and bad smelling teeth.

Their empire is a few feet off the end of the starving bucket. So the A pronounciation of Language topic, now. "British Comedians," "makes fun of our own people too." What own people exactly, you don't have a people, big brother has destroyed your identity. The biggest joke is their degraded hygiene lack of charisma (so they have the racist jokes) and whiny pretender attitude and outdated political system. They need to find something, anything besides humour. Something like an industry that the world would be proud of them for (that doesn't use stone age tools). English language was proper in Beowulf days spoken by the Geats hunting Grendel. IT went downhill after that.

Originally posted by Sherlock Holmes
I'm not so bothered about spelling differences, but these Americanisms ( which have insidously crept in to proper English ) really get my goat:

US English: I'm going to go get my car.
Correct English: I'm going to go and get my car.

US English: I had a couple beers.
Correct English: I had a couple of beers.

US English: I'm going to write my grandfather.
Correct English: I'm going to write to my grandfather.

US English: The Prime Minister said in London Friday.
Correct English: The Prime Minister said in London on Friday.

Also, if any Americans come to my fair city of Nottingham ( oh, sorry, ''Nottingham, England''

), can you please be aware that it's pronounced, quite simply, Nott-ing-(h)im. It is most certainly not pronounced Nar-ding-HAM. Even Japanese and Korean tourists, some of whom barely speak a word of English, are far closer to the correct pronunciation than the yankees are.

edit on 25-11-2011 by Sherlock Holmes because: (no reason given)

I'd hardly call those Americanisms. Regional English dialects have been dropping words since before America was America. If there's one thing that grates me more than Americanisms it's being accused of using them when I'm not.

I'm reminded of Southerners who think my use "innit" is some sort of Yardie gangster talk, despite it being typically Yorkshire. I'd contend that your examples of US English aren't really American at all. No more than a hamburger or apple pie is American. However, I'll concede it's "incorrect" use of language

reply to post by eightfold


LOL That was pretty funny. Especially "I could care less." I correct my girl everytime she says that and she calls me crazy every time like Im saying it wrong. It just doesnt make sense!

Originally posted by NadaCambia

Originally posted by Sherlock Holmes
I'm not so bothered about spelling differences, but these Americanisms ( which have insidously crept in to proper English ) really get my goat:

US English: I'm going to go get my car.
Correct English: I'm going to go and get my car.

US English: I had a couple beers.
Correct English: I had a couple of beers.

US English: I'm going to write my grandfather.
Correct English: I'm going to write to my grandfather.

US English: The Prime Minister said in London Friday.
Correct English: The Prime Minister said in London on Friday.

Also, if any Americans come to my fair city of Nottingham ( oh, sorry, ''Nottingham, England''

), can you please be aware that it's pronounced, quite simply, Nott-ing-(h)im. It is most certainly not pronounced Nar-ding-HAM. Even Japanese and Korean tourists, some of whom barely speak a word of English, are far closer to the correct pronunciation than the yankees are.

edit on 25-11-2011 by Sherlock Holmes because: (no reason given)

I'd hardly call those Americanisms. Regional English dialects have been dropping words since before America was America. If there's one thing that grates me more than Americanisms it's being accused of using them when I'm not.

I'm reminded of Southerners who think my use "innit" is some sort of Yardie gangster talk, despite it being typically Yorkshire. I'd contend that your examples of US English aren't really American at all. No more than a hamburger or apple pie is American. However, I'll concede it's "incorrect" use of language

Ang on ang on gov. Don't forget that Brits say things like " I'm off to doctor" not I'm off to the doctor. And "It's in kitchen" not it's in the kitchen" So the so called Americanism you've been accused of seems very much like Englishism.

Originally posted by steveknows
Ang on ang on gov. Don't forget that Brits say things like " I'm off to doctor" not I'm off to the doctor. And "It's in kitchen" not it's in the kitchen" So the so called Americanism you've been accused of seems very much like Englishism.

Indeed. Although McIntyre is a little off in this sketch. Even in Yorkshire it would be "The Lion, Witch and the Wardrobe", or at worst "Lion, Witch and Wardrobe"... Still, glottal stops are pretty big here

Apart from the fact we don't know where your from so we can critisize your country (I'm not American), the Americans do not need 'proper' english. In fact the english don't speak proper english either if you have actually visited there which I sorely doubt. There ar parts of england where the pronunciation is so bad you'd think it was swahili.

Originally posted by daggyz
Apart from the fact we don't know where your from so we can critisize your country (I'm not American), the Americans do not need 'proper' english. In fact the english don't speak proper english either if you have actually visited there which I sorely doubt. There ar parts of england where the pronunciation is so bad you'd think it was swahili.

It's probably more to do with your own illiteracy. Most people in the English speaking world have no issue understanding language, whether Scottish, English, Welsh, Canadian, Australian, South African etc.

The only people who seem to have trouble with accents outside of their own are Americans.

Even people who speak English as a second, third or fourth language seem to have a better handle on English comprehension than Americans.

And while Americans can certainly speak English, the language of humour still appears to be lost on most of you.

reply to post by eightfold


Guess you didnt get the memo but we dont speak english over here anymore, we speak spanglish.
There is no way that one could walk into a mexican restraunte or a Taco Bell and order anything in english besides a drink and even then its sometimes in spanish. Multi-culturalism can succeed but only if there is good food involved. But its good that you have ppl that can point out our flaws at a distance and make jokes under a false pretence of wanting to "improve" us here. So maybe we should thank you instead of insult and we can send you a nice large supply of dental supplies in return

Every surviving language on this planet is a butchered form of an older language, including "english". English in America has evolved into "American". The melting pot has worked and dialect rules the tongue in many parts of this country. Even spellings and definitions change over time (for all countries).
Take the word "meat" for example. If you hear or read the word meat, your mind will likely jump to beef or pork, fish or poultry, but the original meaning had nothing to do with flesh. When the word first appeared it was in regards to "the largest portion of a meal", which during that day was usually bread, stew, or some sort of vegetation. Centuries passed before what we would define as "meat" came into being.
Pronouncing the "a" in tomato as ā or an ă isn't a crime, neither is dropping the "u" from color or using while instead of whilst, or theater instead of theatre, or center and centre, and so on and so on.
America, two hundred year later, has built itself up into a country of its own; it is only natural that language would be one of the things to change too.

~FugitiveSoul


eta: if this thread were in regards to the removal of "text-speak" from all forms of communication by penalty of death, then you'd have my full support

''John Cleese Letter to USA''

To the citizens of the United States of America, in the light of your failure to elect a competent President of the USA and thus to govern yourselves, we hereby give notice of the revocation of your independence, effective today.

Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II will resume monarchical duties over all states, commonwealths and other territories. Except Utah, which she does not fancy. Your new prime minister (The Right Honourable Tony Blair, MP for the 97.85% of you who have until now been unaware that there is a world outside your borders) will appoint a minister for America without the need for further elections. Congress and the Senate will be disbanded. A questionnaire will be circulated next year to determine whether any of you noticed. To aid in the transition to a British Crown Dependency, the following rules are introduced with immediate effect:

1. You should look up revocation in the Oxford English Dictionary. Then look up aluminium. Check the pronunciation guide. You will be amazed at just how wrongly you have been pronouncing it. The letter 'U' will be reinstated in words such as 'favour' and 'neighbour', skipping the letter 'U' is nothing more than laziness on your part. Likewise, you will learn to spell 'doughnut' without skipping half the letters. You will end your love affair with the letter 'Z' (pronounced 'zed' not 'zee') and the suffix ize will be replaced by the suffix ise. You will learn that the suffix 'burgh' is pronounced 'burra' e.g. Edinburgh. You are welcome to respell Pittsburgh as 'Pittsberg' if you can't cope with correct pronunciation.

Generally, you should raise your vocabulary to acceptable levels. Look up vocabulary. Using the same twenty seven words interspersed with filler noises such as "like" and "you know" is an unacceptable and inefficient form of communication. Look up interspersed. There will be no more 'bleeps' in the Jerry Springer show. If you're not old enough to cope with bad language then you shouldn't have chat shows. When you learn to develop your vocabulary then you won't have to use bad language as often.

2. There is no such thing as "US English". We will let Microsoft know on your behalf. The Microsoft spell-checker will be adjusted to take account of the reinstated letter 'u' and the elimination of -ize.

3. You should learn to distinguish the English and Australian accents. It really isn't that hard. English accents are not limited to cockney,upper-class twit or Mancunian (Daphne in Frasier). You will also have to learn how to understand regional accents - Scottish dramas such as Taggart will no longer be broadcast with subtitles. While we're talking about regions, you must learn that there is no such place as Devonshire in England. The name of the county is Devon. If you persist in calling it Devonshire, all American States will become shires e.g. Texasshire, Floridashire, Louisianashire.

4. Hollywood will be required occasionally to cast English actors as the good guys. Hollywood will be required to cast English actors to play English characters. British sit-coms such as Men Behaving Badly or Red Dwarf will not be re-cast and watered down for a wishy-washy American audience who can't cope with the humour of occasional political incorrectness.

5. You should relearn your original national anthem, God Save The Queen but only after fully carrying out task 1. We would not want you to get confused and give up half way through.

6. You should stop playing American football. There is only one kind of football. What you refer to as American football is not a very good game. The 2.15% of you who are aware that there is a world outside your borders may have noticed that no one else plays American football. You will no longer be allowed to play it, and should instead play proper football. Initially, it would be best if you played with the girls. It is a difficult game. Those of you brave enough will, in time, be allowed to play rugby (which is similar to American "football", but does not involve stopping for a rest every twenty seconds or wearing full kevlar body armour like nancies). We are hoping to get together at least a US Rugby sevens side by 2005. You should stop playing baseball. It is not reasonable to host an event called the 'World Series' for a game which is not played outside of America. Since only 2.15% of you are aware that there is a world beyond your borders,your error is understandable. Instead of baseball, you will be allowed to play a girls' game called rounders, which is baseball without fancy team strip, oversized gloves, collector cards or hotdogs.

7. You will no longer be allowed to own or carry guns. You will no longer be allowed to own or carry anything more dangerous in public than a vegetable peeler. Because we don't believe you are sensible enough to handle potentially dangerous items, you will require a permit if you wish to carry a vegetable peeler in public.

8. July 4th is no longer a public holiday. November 2nd will be a new national holiday, but only in England. It will be called Indecisive Day.

9. All American cars are hereby banned. They are crap and it is for your own good. When we show you German cars, you will understand what we mean. All road intersections will be replaced with roundabouts. You will start driving on the left with immediate effect. At the same time,you will go metric with immediate effect and conversion tables. Roundabouts and metrication will help you understand the British sense of humour.

10. You will learn to make real chips. Those things you call French fries are not real chips. Fries aren't even French, they are Belgian though 97.85% of you (including the guy who discovered fries while in Europe) are not aware of a country called Belgium. Those things you insist on calling potato chips are properly called crisps. Real chips are thick cut and fried in animal fat. The traditional accompaniment to chips is beer which should be served warm and flat. Waitresses will be trained to be more aggressive with customers.

11. As a sign of penance 5 grams of sea salt per cup will be added to all tea made within the Commonwealth of Massachusetts, this quantity to be doubled for tea made within the city of Boston itself.

12. The cold tasteless stuff you insist on calling beer is not actually beer at all, it is lager. From November 1st only proper British Bitter will be referred to as beer,and European brews of known and accepted provenance will be referred to as Lager. The substances formerly known as American Beer will henceforth be referred to as Near-Frozen Knat's Urine,with the exception of the product of the American Budweiser company whose product will be referred to as Weak Near-Frozen Knat's Urine. This will allow true Budweiser (as manufactured for the last 1000 years in Pilsen,Czech Republic) to be sold without risk of confusion.

13. From November 10th the UK will harmonise petrol (or Gasoline, as you will be permitted to keep calling it until April 1st 2005) prices with the former USA. The UK will harmonise its prices to those of the former USA and the Former USA will, in return, adopt UK petrol prices (roughly $6/US gallon- get used to it).

14. You will learn to resolve personal issues without using guns, lawyers or therapists. The fact that you need so many lawyers and therapists shows that you're not adult enough to be independent. Guns should only be handled by adults. If you're not adult enough to sort things out without suing someone or speaking to a therapist then you're not grown up enough to handle a gun.

15. Please tell us who killed JFK. It's been driving us crazy.

16. Tax collectors from Her Majesty's Government will be with you shortly to ensure the acquisition of all revenues due (backdated to 1776).

Thank you for your co-operation and have a great day.

John Cleese

Hehe, in the interest of balance/fair play I'll post the response to the above quotes......not sure who wrote the response though.


TO THE CITIZENS OF THE UNITED KINGDOM OF GREAT BRITAIN AND NORTHERN IRELAND:

We welcome your concern about our electoral process. It must be exciting for you to see a real Republic in action, even if from a distance. As always we're amused by your quaint belief that you're actually a world power. The sun never sets on the British Empire! Right-o chum!

However, we regretfully have to decline your offer for intervention. On the other hand, it would be amusing to see you try to enforce your new policy (for the 96.3% of you that seem to have forgotten that you have little to no real power). After much deliberation, we have decided to continue our tradition as the longest running democratic republic. It seems that switching to a monarchy is in fact considered a "backwards step" by the majority of the world.

To help you rise from your current anachronistic status, we have compiled a series of helpful suggestions that we hope you adopt:

1. Realize that language is an organic structure, and that you aren't always correct in your pronunciation or spelling. Let's use your "aluminium" example. Sir Humphrey Davy (an Englishman) invented the name "aluminum" (note spelling) for the metal. However, in common usage the name evolved into "aluminium" to match the naming convention of other elements. In 1925 the United States decided to switch back to the original spelling and pronunciation of the word, at which point we dominated the aluminum industry. We'd also like to point out that the process of actually producing aluminum was developed by an American and a Frenchman (not an Englishman). However, we'd like to thank you for the Oxford English Dictionary. It's an interesting collection, considering that over 10,000 of the words in the original edition were submitted by a crazy American civil-war veteran called Dr. William Charles Minor.

2. Learn to distinguish the American and Canadian accents, and then we'll talk about the English and Australian accent issue.

3. Review your basic arithmetic. (Hint 100 - 98.85 = 1.15 and 100 - 97.85 = 2.15)

4. If you want English actors as good guys, then make your own movies. Don't rely on us for your modern popular culture. We liked "Lock, Stock, and Two Smoking Barrels", "Trainspotting", and "The Full Monty". We've also heard good things about this "Billy Elliot". But one good movie a year doesn't exactly make a cultural powerhouse. However, you're doing pretty well with music, so keep up the good work on that front.

5. It's inefficient to have a national anthem that changes its title whenever your monarch dies. Let's not forget that your national anthem has an extremely boring tune. We suggest switching to that Rule Brittania ditty, it's toetapping. Or maybe Elton John could adapt "Candle In The Wind" again for you guys.

6. Improve at your national sport. Football? Soccer? This just in: United States gets fourth place in men's soccer at the 2000 Summer Olympics. United Kingdom? Not even close. By the way, impressive showing at Euro 2000. You almost managed to get through the tournament without having your fans start an international incident.

7. Learn how to cook. England has some top notch candy. Salt 'n' Vinegar chips are quite yummy. However, there's a reason why the best food in your country is Indian or Chinese. Your contributions to the culinary arts are soggy beans, warm beer, and spotted dick. Perhaps when you finally realize the French aren't the spawn of Satan they'll teach you how to cook.

8. You're doing a terrible job at understanding cars. The obvious error is that you drive on the wrong side of the road. A second problem is pricing, it's cheaper to buy a car in Belgium and ship it to England than to buy a car in England. On the other hand, we like Jaguars and Aston Martins. That's why we bought the companies.

9. We'll tell you who killed JFK when you apologize for "Teletubbies".

Thank you for your time. You can now return to watching bad Australian soap operas.

PS: regarding WW2: You're Welcome.

[snip]

yeah and carrying their fanny packs around.

Double post.

Anglo-Saxon, French, Latin, Gaelic, and Ancient Greek. This is the source of the English language. I'm quite sure any of the original speakers of these languages would cringe at the sound of our "english" whether you be from England or not.

~FugitiveSoul