please someone help me.

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Everyone feels like you at some point in their life. I did and I won't go into details but it lasted until one day I thought why am I suffering like this when she wasn't bothering at all and getting on with her life. When I started to go out again she wasnt pleased for me but I can look back and be glad I moved on.
You feel terrible and can't eat sleep, see her in crowds although it isn't her of course, you dream about her and when you talk to people you call them by her name by accident or habit.
You will survive, trust me.
Good luck with the rest of your life and think positive and be happy, she wasn't your soulmate someone out there is and doesn't know it yet but you will meet her.

again.. I want to stress to the Op that deep emotional pain due to a break up, can be very hard to get over, and very crippling in an emotional and spiritual way..

If you do have faith in God, try to ask for help in healing, and for fortitude in carrying on despite the pain.

I don't think this girl wanted to hurt you, she made a decision about her life, and tried not to hurt you by explaining why..she has the right to make those choices concerning herself.

What I would like to stress is that it is very hard to just change your emotions and how they affect your outlook, when you are very sad ..but if you just take each day as it comes.. and keep going.. it will eventually get better, though it may not feel like that at the moment...there is a light at the end of the tunnel...and it isn't a train heading straight for you.

I am saying this to you, because it would be what I would want to say to my son if I saw him hurting like you are now. Its easy for people to say .. get into other relationships..but its obvious you are not ready for that..so please.. just keep on taking each day as it comes.. and slowly you may see your faith restored, and a reason and a purpose for your life.

reply to post by ErroneousDylanYou say she used to swear to you everyday? is that because your really insecure and asked everyday? chicks hate insecure guys take it from a father of an 18 year old girl.Chicks dig confidence.Are you emo?My daughter would say to me where are all the real guys at? guys nowadays are like whiney insecure girls! So dude the first one always hurts the worst.go to a concert rock out meet a smoking young hottie and you'll be fine. trust me.Sorry you feel so bad really, but you'll be fine go out and have fun with friends and don't talk about her.

Hi, I read your post and I couldn't just leave the page.

I know how it feels. It is the worst. And it feels even more awful people telling you "it's okay, it's going to be okay, there are other girls"

It doesn't get easier. It doesnt just disappear one day. You will always have that sharp sting everytime you think of their name... but the sting can get fainter and fainter... It may get harder though if you don't release the stress, let yourself feel it. I mean, REALLY feel, let the thoughts rush that you normally stop, let yourself mourn for however long it takes.. an hour, okay. Yell, scream, punch a pillow, punching bag, throw things, break something, just freak out, let the beast roar that is curled up inside feeding off of those emotions. Then after all of that spent energy, move on to the next step. Just keep walking. If it rises up, remind yourself you have already beaten yourself up over it... You have already felt bad, it happened, nothing you can do changes that fact. You have to live with it, you know this already. Nothing you can do will bring her back except her OWN free will. Move on, make today about creating tomorrow. Don't waste today wallowing about yesterdays... then you have thousands and thousands of yesterdays, and if you take something from each of those days, that is a LOT of emotional baggage... Just let it go. If you meet a person tomorrow, they have no idea any of that weight exists.... it only exists to you.

Find ONE reason to fall in love today. It doesn't have to be a person, by any means. Just one part of your day you say to yourself "This Is what I Love about Life." Recgonize it, big or small. If it is drinking a cup of tea in the early morning, let yourself love every minute of it. The key to getting out of a rut is to enjoy the small things.. When you add those up, that is a LOT of love, self love. Do every single thing you can to make your time enjoyable, you have 24 hours every day, 1440 minutes. No matter what you are doing, you should find one way, one part in it that you enjoy, and focus on that.

I hate to say you're 19 and young, but it is seriously true. I am only 21, but looking back at my 19 year old self I wish I could tell her that something is lost only when you lose it... So your girl left. She wasn't taken away, she walked away. Get on with your life, let others walk in the door... If you truly love her as a soulmate, she will come back eventually. You can't beg, that makes it worse. But when you accept it for what it is, when you no longer are knocking at her door, she will wonder where you went.

You may feel whatever way toward yourself, but you shouldn't. At the end of the day, you have yourself, and if you can't be alone, who can you be with? Please trust me on this, when you are finally content with yourself, accepting that you are a strong, awesome being, life will throw another lady at you... You can love her and give her the world, but remember you are your own world..

I hope some of that helped... I've been there, and I am there right now, trying to keep smiling while my insides are repeatedly sliced with the knife of yearning heartbreak.. It sucks, but I know that one day I will have someone who will not make me feel this way. I think of it as "Love Withdrawl Symptoms"... the stronger the "high" you get from love, that person, the worst it feels when they are away.

Stay strong. Make some art, read a book, play some guitar, exercise, fix a broken object, make your brain happy. You have so, so many people here who care enough to help, which is amazing for all of you reading this, too! Namaste, sending positive vibes, and have a wonderful Monday

Originally posted by ErroneousDylan

Originally posted by mamabeth
reply to post by ErroneousDylan

 

You are 19 years old,learn to love yourself first,
then you can love someone else.

Loving myself would mean accepting my current situation. And yes, while it is very stubborn of me, I just can't do it nor do I want to.

It feels like this now today and in this moment but you have to know it will PASS.

And relatively quickly.


One foot in front of the other. The same way people get through heartbreak when the soul mate they shared existence with for 30 years DIES. They cannot bear it or face it either but you do because you have to.


Thinking of people who have it much worse in this life makes me appreciate the simple fact at least I am not being oppressed or held captive and I am free to love who I choose. Makes lack of love problems sound petty.

I would suggest, keeping youre mind focused as much as possible on work or a hobby. I know you may not think you can, but believe me, most of us who are older have experienced this. And the more time you spend thinking on it, will only cause you pain. Please try to stay busy and focused and work youre way through it. peace and best wishes ... rogertom.

Again, thank you all for your kind replies, they truly are helping me. I have made a little piece with her, as I realize that I am the "bigger man". I realize that, while I probably do not either, she does not understand what real love is like, at least the way I do (somewhat). So, I'll move on. But again, it just makes me hate life more. Everyone says these things are learning experiences and make you a better, stronger person, but I just don't see what that has to be done. Why couldn't we have just been on this world in as an already perfect individual? If life's lessons are only learned through suffering than I don't want to be a part of it. I just wish everyone (I included) could already be happy. Of course, people will say "if everyone was happy we'd never learn anything, may even get bored." but if everyone really was happy, I don't think it would matter much what we learned. Any ways, I thank each and every one of you for supplying me with your stories and advice. With a bit of ego, I used to think what I had was different and that my situation was different than everyone else's and that "they couldn't possibly have had the same pain as me" but, I see now that I'm just like everyone else.

My young friend I want you to do something that may sound slightly odd, & a bit hippy. If there is a river, or a lake, or you live near the sea or even a small stream nearby take a walk to it, but as you set off pick up a smallish stone/pebble and keep clenched in your fist until you get there. The surface of the stone in your hand will start to feel warm. When you get to the water visualise this warm stone as the physical manifestation of the pain you are feeling. Then cast the warm rock/pebble/stone into that cool body of water without anger, you will not feel anything right away but this simple sybolic act will begin a process that you can begin to build on. There is no new age hocus pocus in this proceedure it is purely a mind conditioning act that will give you a chance to begin to live again. I know how this sounds but what have you got lose by trying it other than the pain you are feeling right now.

My very best wishes to you.

reply to post by hotel1


Thank you. I will try this practice.

reply to post by ErroneousDylan

i dont even know what to say, i just want to die so bad. im sorry for being such a downer but i feel you all are the only ones that will listen to me. my soul-mate (i still believe her to be) left me a couple of days ago. we went from being madly in love where she would swear to me everyday that she was happy with me and loved me and always would for eternity to a couple days ago she flat out left me, via cellphone text.

Sorry bro, but really move on says it all....Everything ends eventually, especially such things as that something you thought was love.

i tried talking to her and she wont even respond when we exchanged our items back she talked to me as if i was a stranger, like she didnt even know me or care. im so traumatized that im shaking and my body feels weird and i really just want to die so bad.

Your overreacting, way overreacting....People change dude, especially at your age, that is the primal age of change for most humans....She changed no doubt, and so to will you eventually. Trust me you will forget about it eventually and it will recede into the back of your mind only to think on it once in a while and go "WTF was I thinking then" So don't take it to heart, because eventually your heart will change as well.

i used to be a spiritual person and i thought that all of life's strifes were a "learning experience" atleast that is what people say. but if that is how God or the universe works than i dont want to be a part of it.

Actually when they hear of life's little tests and lessons...They think it will be easy. They however are wrong, you would want no part of god's tests or of the universes truths. It is not for the weak or the weak at heart, it really really really really sucks. I can not put down enough "really's" to express how much it sucks but you get the picture somewhat nodoubt....Anyways in you own capacity you will have them either way. We all will it's part of life.

i just want my happiness back and my love back. i know i should look for someone else fo rlove and happiness but i do and that is me. i dont want to be a part of "god's plan" or whatever the hell he has in store with his "mysterious ways" i dont care if I never evolve spiritually and am stuck on this plane for eternity.

Again your overacting, all that has happened is your relationship did not work....Really it either works or it does not, and everybody has there idiosyncrasies about such things....But really the best answer is you will find another, and in time forget about your former. And quit doubting god, its pissing me off. In fact quit bringing god into it. This seems to be more about you and her.

I am 19 years old and I can't even tell anyone my situation without them automatically assuming (atleast in my mind) that I am just some "naive teenager who doesn't understand love, and set him self up to get hurt." I was ready to spend my life with this person, it was all i wanted. i just want to die.

Listen bro your 19 yr's old, I know because supposedly I to was 19 once as well...I think, not sure though. But anyways! I outgrew my childishness when way younger then that....And you to will outgrow your 19 yr old fancies as well... Really sorry to say but "naive teenager" really does come to mind when I read your post.

Expectations in love are a bitch no doubt no matter what your age, that will never change. But really why would you expect to spend your whole life with that person at 19? especially since the feeling was definitely not returned nor the expectations the same. Like I said! people change, and that will be a constant thing for the rest of you life.

Sorry bro but maybe you should think that the shoe does not fit, no matter how much you want it to fit, or try to bash it into fitting....Time will tell, and at 19 yr's old, you have much more to tell of it then this....If sorrow was an ocean, your's would not even be a drop of it....You don't have to grow up, but in one way or another you will move on.

I could tell you why I think she left....But you would not want to hear it. Besides bro lots of it is overrated, and besides-- besides, she was not right for you, or you for her.

End of Story.

I feel for you, thats the way women are,men get crushed every day the same way,its all bad

reply to post by hotel1


Thank you for making this post - I went through the sort of heartbreak the OP is suffering some years ago and I've been reading this thread with great interest.

I considered doing what you suggested and was rather shocked to find that I didn't want to do it. Imagine that - after all this time, after I had myself pretty much convinced that I was over it all, I didn't want to just let go.

Why, I'm asking myself, do I want to keep hold of it all?

Thanks again. I'm grateful that you made your suggestion, it's given me a lot to think about.

...

OP - you've had some amazing replies and I'm glad you say that they are helping you. I haven't much more to add, except don't be stubborn about it. Learn to accept things as they are, and don't cry for how you think they should be. Also, admit to yourself how much you are suffering due to injured pride rather than just a broken heart.

What you're going through will test all your beliefs - it'll be interesting to see how many of them survive the test

reply to post by berenike
You are very welcome friend, Iam also grateful to you for wanting to help the op, your post does indeed show the wisdom, and insight of writer.

It is tough.You have to remember that women only want men for their money or as a status symbol or for some other purpose.Women always have underlying agendas.Being a man, you loved her for her and nothing else.Every man has been through this.It takes most of us a few times until we realize what is going on.You will survive this.Good luck my freind.

Originally posted by brindle
It is tough.You have to remember that women only want men for their money or as a status symbol or for some other purpose.Women always have underlying agendas.Being a man, you loved her for her and nothing else.Every man has been through this.It takes most of us a few times until we realize what is going on.You will survive this.Good luck my freind.

Its really sad to me if you actually believe this to be true. Some women yes.. not all. Men choose and love women for many reasons...just as women choose men for many reasons..

Not all men and women can be considered of the same character.

Originally posted by ErroneousDylan
i hate god.

If being without this person makes you hate god and life that should tell you how unhealthy your relationship was. She was no better than a drug.

It is a learning experience. Learn to love yourself and care about your own happiness, not to suck it out of another to live.

reply to post by mamabeth


True words. You can't love anyone else if you can't love yourself.

Start with realizing there is no such things about soulmates. You are two people with two lives who spend time together, not halves, You expect someone to complete you then that is automatically setting both of you up for failure.

Look, it sucks, you will probably lose weight, be miserable for a bit.

But billions of people have made it, so will you.

I have been through more times then I care to admit.

BTW, when your 27 you will look back and go: what the hell was I thinking?

reply to post by ErroneousDylan

i tried talking to her and she wont even respond when we exchanged our items back she talked to me as if i was a stranger, like she didnt even know me or care. im so traumatized that im shaking and my body feels weird and i really just want to die so bad.

Yep.. this is what it feels like to be young and breaking up with someone.
All you think about is that person for weeks or even months.

Completely normal, believe it or not!

Do yourself a favor right now, and get on Plenty of Fish and just start chatting with new people.
You will feel better, I can practically guarantee it!