reply to post by ErroneousDylan
I am 31. Not old but wise enough to know how you feel, and how eventually this will be a rarely recalled phase of your life.
I don't even have to read your story. It's just static/noise really, the advice is the same.
When you are 19 and experiencing early love, your universe is utter tunnel vision (you have no idea how great, satisfying, joyful your life could be
five years out if you stay positive and strong -- a life that you WILL NOT want to trade for the one you're lamenting tonight).
Getting hurt can leave your heart a little hardened, but that doesn't mean it's not a normal part of life/something that won't help you grow.
You will be infatuated with countless other beautiful, wildly-varying women. You will probably love more than once.
First love is less about true love than it is about loving with your guard completely down.
You will get to a point where you realize that if someone isn't 100% into you, then you don't want the relationship either -- you'd be selling
You will also learn that once a relationship goes south between a man and a women in a particular way, there's little chance for it to be again (so
sitting around for a long time after the normal coping period is again only you hurting yourself -- the other person will have moved on). It's
possible that someone can "come around" as they say, but it's not anytime soon, and it should be after you've had a number of experiences, moved on,
and be independent/happy (they rarely come back, and when they do, you have to be careful that they aren't just using you (whether subconsciously or
not) to lift themselves up) so that you can accurately gauge things.
The "love yourself" phrase sounds so cheesy. It's like... if you have your own healthy life, if someone decides they've lost interest, if you've done
nothing but been a good boyfriend, you should have no regrets. Be thankful for the moments and the experience. Love them enough to want them to be
happy or at least learn their own lessons (very hard to do, I know, not easily done anytime soon). If you have a healthy happy life, then heaven
forbid, if the current love of your life drops out, you will not be left with nothing. Because you had something before.
I think of attraction like radio stations, and we've all got a tuner locked into a specific (but not unique, that would be the opposite of what I am
trying to say) frequency range. You are compatible with what is essentially infinite women on this planet. Like I used to tell myself when I was your
age... if I needed a confidence boost... if I screwed up with EVERY GIRL in my state, there are still 49 other states full of girls! Haha. Then I
would have to leave the country... lol.
I had a similar painful breakup around your age. Seemed like my world caved in. However, I'm here now with the sweetest woman ever as a wife, and a
beautiful new baby boy. Obviously I would not wish for anything to be different.
Stay strong, heal, rise and thrive again friend.
Oh, and one more suggestion. Any kind of suffocating or controlling actions (when you're really just trying to maintain the relationship) will ONLY
and ALWAYS push the person away. As you tighten their grip, they slip through further as they say. You have to have self-respect (do not let them walk
on you or treat you badly -- they treat you bad, you leave, and await an apology) and confidence with women, don't seem needy, don't act like you will
just die without them (what a responsibility on the other person)! If a relationship is going to go bad, if someone is going to cheat on you, whatever
the case may be, you just have to try and be a good partner -- if something is going to happen it's going to happen. After the fact, all of that
energy you wasted trying to save the unsaveable is simply lost. And man, it can be a lot of energy/effort/worry, which is all negative.
11/20/2011 by AkumaStreak because: (no reason given)
edit on 11/20/2011 by AkumaStreak because: (no reason given)